


Chasing the High

by Rearviewdreamer



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drug Use, Harry is a stubborn shit, Louis is a therapist, Louis is too, M/M, Rehab, mentions of drug abuse, patient/therapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-04 06:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 90,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2955053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rearviewdreamer/pseuds/Rearviewdreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis never thought a week away from his job could change things so much.</p><p> </p><p>or</p><p>Louis is a therapist in a rehab facility and Harry has been court ordered to stay there for six weeks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The welcome sign speeds by in a near blur as Louis drives past it, back to his far-too familiar surroundings. Everything looks exactly the same. It’s not like he’s particularly shocked by this revelation, but he thought things would have shifted even just a bit by his absence.

He thought for sure being away for nearly a week and a half would have some sort of effect on him, but even now as he’s rapidly approaching his neighborhood he feels the same. It’s just another day and this is just another drive to his house. Nothing special.

He grabs up all his belongings when he finds himself parked outside his house a lot quicker than he had expected. The lock only gives him a bit of trouble as he lets himself in, flicking on the lights to see everything in the exact order he left it in nine days ago. His work uniform is still draped over the sofa, blue and wrinkled and in need of a wash. The glass Liam used the day he left is still sitting right next to the glass that Bridgett used just hours before. He hasn’t walked any further than his sitting area, but Louis is pretty sure the rest of the house is just as unchanged.

He throws all his clothes and uniforms into the wash, and after he can’t figure out anything else to do he flops down on his sofa. He only has to lie there for a few minutes before his phone is vibrating and Liam’s face is popping up from the screen. He doesn’t even wait for Louis to say hello before he’s talking.

“Made it back alright?”

“Yeah about half an hour ago…Just sitting here now.”  Louis answers him. He can hear Liam hum softly, the sound is almost lost to the background sounds of wherever he is. He must be driving.

“So how was it? Did you train all week?”

He appreciates Liam, really he does, but right now he really just wants to lie on his sofa and listen to the spin cycle of his washer as it lulls him to sleep and not talk about work. “Yeah…worked the whole week. Therapy…training. It was fun.”

Liam scoffs into the phone. “Fun? Louis, you went to a professional development training.” He can still hear background noise but it’s now coupled with Liam’s sigh. “Seen Bridgett yet?”

Now it’s Louis who sighs. “Nope. Just got back remember?” Liam hums again and then it’s quiet between the two of them, “I’ll text her in a bit though.” Louis adds on only because Liam’s silence made him feel like he should add _something_.

“Yeah, she’d like that. I’m sure she missed you.”

“Yeah...” He says offhandedly, “I’m sure she did.” It’s quiet again for a few beats. He’s sure Bridgett missed him a lot actually; it’d be rude to not at least let her know that he’s home. His conscience gets the better of him the more he thinks about it. “I’ll uh, just get up with her now actually, if that’s alright?”

He can hear Liam use his turn signal in the background of the call, then another hum. “Yeah that’s cool. Tell her hello from me.”

“Will do. Tell Sofia the same from me.”

“Okay I will. See you at work.”

“Okay.” He says then remembers he had something else to say before Liam disconnects them. “Hey Li,  text me when you’re home…and stop dialing me when you’re driving. It’s dangerous.” Louis tells him for the hundredth time.

Liam chuckles to himself. “All this time you were gone and I forgot you were my mother.” Liam still sounds amused when he hangs up.

Louis opens up his messages tapping on Bridgett’s name. He starts typing asking if she’s busy when she beats him to it and a new message from her pops up before he can even hit send.

_‘Are you back?’_

He deletes what he was typing before to answer her. _‘Yep. I was just about to let you know actually.’_

She sends him back a smiley face and then another message. _‘I’m just leaving my parents’ so I’ll be there in about ten?’_

Louis lets out a sigh, though he isn’t exactly sure why. ‘ _Ok, love._ ’

She says something else to him. Probably another smiley face, but Louis sits his phone down on the screen, hiding whatever it is. He scans his house really quickly and there isn’t anything too out of sorts. He puts the old used glasses in the kitchen then comes back to sit on the sofa. By the time he’s really sinking into it and getting comfortable there’s a short burst of knocks on his door forcing him up to open it.

He feels her lips against his the moment the door is open wide enough for her to step through. He lightly holds her waist to keep her balanced as she continues to walk inside yet refuses to separate from his mouth. Even with all her weight thrown onto him she barely even causes him to stumble. Only when the door shuts does the sound break her away from him.

Her eyes are an excited and shimmering blue when she finally looks at him, taking him in for the first time in over a week. “How are you?! Are you glad to be back?” she fusses, messing with his fringe and fixing the collar of his shirt from where she set it askew just moments ago.

She grabs onto his wrist when he doesn’t say anything, blonde hair swishing when she pulls Louis with her to the sofa. He trails behind her, smiling at the bounce and energy she always exudes after not seeing him for a while.

She sits right next to him, her body angled so she can see him, her fingers soft and massaging on his wrist and hands. “Tell me all about it!” She demands, waiting very impatiently for Louis to begin.

He recounts his week for her, day by day because he knows she likes lots details and not just an overview. She listens intently as he tells her the new things he learned and how glad he was for a week long break from the facility. Her lips form a small smile when he finishes and he leans back against the sofa, exhausted just from explaining and elaborating. She watches him for a few moments and he thinks they’re done talking for a while, but then she asks in a softer voice than she usually uses, “But …you are happy to be home, aren’t you?”

Her eyes are a little unsure when she asks, so Louis does his best to make it all go away. He sits up and lightly thumbs across her chin as he speaks. “I am _very_ glad to be back.” He moves very slowly as he leans into her just like he always does. He brings their lips together, the gentle press making her sigh and smile against him. They move that way together, smoothly, _softly,_ until he breaks away watching her eyes trail his lips as he goes. “I missed you.” He tells her when her smile seems to be fading again. It’s a bold statement to make, especially for Louis, so bold that Bridgett perches herself right on his lap. Louis gasps at the sudden movement and freezes.

“I missed you too.” She whispers to his lips. Her hands find their way wrapped around Louis’ shoulders while she kisses him, and it feels nice, her hair falling down to caress his cheek every now and then, her touches feather-like against his shoulders. It’s not overbearing, never too much, it’s just…nice. And Louis would be content with just this, but Bridgett clearly as other plans when her fingers ghost down to his chest and fist into his shirt.

She pulls back to meet his eyes, and Louis knows what she wants before she even says anything.

“Do you want to?” she asks, eyes wide and expressive as she waits. _It’s too quiet in here_ , he thinks listening for his washing machine which has stopped.

Louis takes Bridgett’s question into consideration for a few moments. He’s not particularly hard right now, though that could always be fixed. He hasn’t slept with his girlfriend in weeks. He should be more than ready to have sex with her, but truth is, he could wait a while longer if he had to. He doesn’t have to wait; He never has to really, but that doesn’t mean he and Bridgett don’t have some lengthy dry spells sometimes.

Bridgett starts shifting away from him when he still hasn’t answered her, but he lightly guides her back to press against him. “It’s fine…” she starts, “I know you’re probably tired so-”

“No, Bridge, I want to.” He kisses her lightly so she will melt back into him. So she will believe him. It works just like he knew it would.

The chasteness only lasts for a few minutes before she’s sliding back off of him. She tugs him with her to his bedroom where Louis guides her to lie back near the pillows. Like always, he takes his time undressing her, rolling off her jeans, carefully removing her shirt so that it doesn’t ruin her hair. When she’s bare he places all of her clothes in a neat little pile next to the bed and begins working on his own. She sits up to kiss trails down his shoulder blades as he strips himself down, the light touches helping to get him a bit more aroused.

Louis guides her back down and starts tracing her body with soft kisses all the way down to her navel. He spends a few seconds kissing around her hips and thighs which lie there in wait for him to open them before coming back up to her lips, running a hand through the soft blonde hair framing her face. He asks her with his eyes if he can go further and she nods, kissing him quickly before he trails down her body again, this time lying between her thighs. He begins gently; his tongue barely touching her, her hands always nice and massaging in his hair. He’s only working her up for a few moments before she’s breathing hard and asking for him in soft breaths. He always appreciates how quickly she gets turned on by his mouth, because although this doesn’t really do it for him, the thought of being inside of her does.

When he finally pushes into her, they both gasp into the quiet. He sets the pace at a slow thrust, just the way she likes it, and it has her legs trembling within a matter of minutes. Louis makes sure to get her off first, and then he comes with a quiet gasp in the crook of her neck, his heartbeat a steady thumping in his chest.

They lie there together; her leg draped over him and her head resting on his chest. He feels good post orgasm, kissing down Bridgett’s neck as she comes down. She hums into his feather light touches, her fingers lightly combing his hair.

They stay there until she starts to hint that she’s cold, so Louis gets them cleaned up and hands her clothing to her on the bed so she can get dressed.

Conversation picks back up again almost immediately. She stays a while longer to help Louis change his sheets and even volunteers to finish the rest of the laundry that Louis forgot he was even washing. She always remembers the things that he forgets. He knows he’s lucky to have someone like her.

When she leaves she hugs him and plants another kiss on his lips. “Are you still coming to mine for dinner tomorrow?”

“Of course.” He answers and kisses her again when her face lights up. “I’ll be there right after work.”

When Louis closes his door and makes his way to his room he strips down again and gets into his freshly made bed sheets. He plugs his phone into the charger and sets his work alarm for seven. He checks his messages and sees two from Liam. ‘ _How’s Bridge?_ ’ then _‘Did you tell her hello from me?’_   Louis sighs. He forgot to, so he tells Liam just that.

 _‘Sorry mate. Forgot.’_ He types back.

_‘Got a bit distracted eh? ;) It’s either that or you’re just getting old.’_

Louis rolls his eyes at the message and tries to come up with something witty to say. He can’t come up with anything so he sends _‘No one likes you’_ instead.

\------------------------  

 

He drives into Oakfield with an odd feeling of something not quite being right. He’s not sure why exactly. It’s not like anything has changed, he notes looking around at the grounds. The grass has recently been trimmed and the pot of mums by the front entrance are drooping even lower than when he left…guess it’s safe to say the staff has officially given up on trying to revive them. 

He walks into the entrance hall and breathes the same air he’s been inhaling for the last two years. It’s cool and stale like a dark room even though there’s tons of light pouring in through the windows on either side.  It smells familiar. It smells like work.

He makes his way through the double doors and the welcome center springs into view with two other orderlies sitting behind the desk. Their uniforms look a lot more presentable that the wrinkled version that Louis is currently sporting, but he’s allowed to look a bit disheveled. He just got back from a mini-holiday…at least that’s what he keeps telling himself anyway.

All the other staff members greet him as he walks by, each person taking time to ask how he enjoyed his time away. Louis smiles politely and tells them it was great. It’s not really a lie, just a slight exaggeration.

“Hey Lou!” Liam calls him from down the corridor leading to the community area. Louis waves at him as he heads to the break room to drop off his stuff.

He picks up his clipboard on the way back and goes over his list of responsibilities for the day. He has to facilitate a group session at noon. He’s on patient rounds and room checks later in the evening, but this morning he just has regular duty rounds around the building. Easy enough.

When he makes it back to the main corridor Louis heads toward the community area. He sees various patients around the room, some reading, others watching the game on television. Mr. Johnson is actually asleep over by the windows, his mouth hanging wide open. Louis strolls over to him, gently tapping his shoulder to wake him. The man is about forty years old if Louis remembers correctly. His wife and mother dropped him off about two months ago when they got fed up with his continued drug abuse after he promised he’d get help. He signed himself in with all intentions of recovering, but now he mostly just whines about getting out of here and how much he hates the food. Louis can only imagine the strop he’s about to go on for being woken up.

“Mr. Johnson…” Louis says as softly as he can, tapping his shoulder once again. “Mr. Johnson. You know you can’t sleep in here, right?”

He finally opens his eyes and rolls them when he sees it’s Louis. “I’m not sleeping. I’m just resting my eyes.” The man snaps at him in a voice much louder that the one Louis is using.

“Okay, well how about I get you something to read or we can find something for you to watch?” He smiles down at the man and he’s met with annoyance that is completely obvious in Mr. Johnson’s features and the hard set of his jaw.

“I just said I was resting my eyes. I don’t want to read! That’s the complete _opposite_ of resting. I’m fine where I am.” He argues turning his head away from Louis so he can no longer see him. He settles back down into his seat and lets his eyes drift closed again.

Louis huffs a sigh. Johnson isn’t in a very cooperative mood this morning. Louis leans down to his level. “Alright, Ted. You know you can’t sleep in here nor can you rest your eyes, so either find something to keep you busy or go back to your room. The choice is yours, but I won’t stand here arguing with you about it for much longer.”

He cracks his eyes open to glare at Louis grumbling the whole time he’s getting up and heading down the resident corridor towards his room. Louis isn’t sure, but he thinks he hears him mumbling something about fucking kids telling a grown man how to live as he leaves.

The sunlight is blinding from this side of the room where it cuts through the slits in the blinds and illuminates everything it touches. It’s so bright that it leaves a huge glare on the television screen. He sees a few people squinting  so he heads to close off the blinds so they can see better, but when he makes his way over to the window a person he’s never seen before catches his eye.

There’s this boy sitting on the back of the sofa like he owns it, his hands are waving around animatedly as he tells a story to two patients sitting next to him and hanging on his every word.

Louis approaches the group, clearing his throat to get their attention. The boy was mid-laugh when he notices Louis standing there and his smile is even more blinding than the sunshine when he raises his eyebrows at him.

“Sorry to interrupt…we’re glad you’ve chosen to visit with us today, but is it at all possible to not sit that way on the furniture? I hate to be a bother, really.” Louis smiles kindly at the boy. He can’t be more than eighteen or nineteen years old with his ripped black jeans and shirt opened so wide the world has a clear view of his torso. Louis’ eyes search him and even though it’s policy, he can’t seem to find a visitor’s badge on him. He doesn’t even know this kid’s name.

“Did someone at the welcome desk not hand you a visitor’s badge?” Louis asks now annoyed that this visitor is not only treating the facility’s couch like it’s his own personal property, but now he has the nerve to walk around unidentified inside of a drug rehab facility.

He’s not answering Louis. He’s more sizing him up like he’s wagering just how stubborn he can be before Louis loses it. Louis decides to nip that right in the bud.

“Which patient are you visiting??” he addresses the boy for the third time, this time with a little more authority in his voice, but still nothing.

The boy’s eyes rake over him momentarily, his lips smirking at him, and now and Louis is getting more and more irritated. “Sir, if you can’t follow Oakfield’s visiting policy then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Louis waits. He waits for the smug bastard to get mad, to get angry, to get _something_ other than blatantly rude. When he does finally speak it isn’t even to Louis. He turns to the patients he was just entertaining still grinning from ear to ear. “Well, it seems I’ve gotten into trouble, mates. I guess I’ll head back to my room to stay out of…” the boy scans Louis’ chest for his name tag, “ _Louis’_ hair.”

“ _Your_ room?!” Louis splutters out. “Your- You’re a patient?” he asks. There’s no way. Why hadn’t someone mentioned a new patient? Why hadn’t _Liam_ mentioned him? Why is this asshole not in dress code like everyone else? Why is he such a bloody headache already and he hasn’t even known him for ten whole minutes? Louis eyes fall on his ripped jeans as he’s walking away and Louis is quickly going over all the things that are completely wrong here, his brain rushing so quickly that he sort of just yells the first thing that pops into his head.

“You can’t wear that, you know!”

The boy turns around then shrugs with another grin. “You completely sure about that, Louis?” The other two patients laugh when the boy strolls out. The look Louis shoots them has them quiet within seconds.

He can’t believe he just  watched some stupid kid and his mess of a rat’s nest he calls hair slink out of the community room and down the hall towards the resident living area, his stupid street clothes standing out in the midst of all the Oakfield blue that everyone else is dutifully wearing.

When the boy is barely out of sight Louis turns on his heel to go find out what the hell is going on.

He finds Liam first who is just coming out of a group session. He quickly pulls him to the side. “Who’s the prick with the bandana?” Louis says a lot louder than he anticipated. Liam gives him a puzzled look at first like Louis just asked him to eat dirt.

“Bandana? What bandana?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Really tall, curly mess on his head, has a bandana tied ‘round it, his shirt apparently only has one functioning button! Who is he?”

Realization dawns on Liam face. “Oh! You mean Harry! Oh yeah, he’s great. He’s a good laugh, good lad.”

 _Good lad?_ Louis’ face scrunches up into disbelief. “I’m more concerned as to why I didn’t know he existed! Where the hell did he come from?”

“I guess everyone just forgot since everything’s been so busy. Name is Harry Styles. He got here right after you left. Six weeks court ordered…he’s only been here about a week so far.”

 _Okay_ , Louis thinks. New patient…whatever. Now the question is why does new patient think he runs this place. “Why isn’t he in dress code? He’s strutting around in jeans tighter than the skin on a drum and he looked at me like _I_ was insane when I approached him thinking he was a guest.”

“Well most people know who he is right away so he’s probably not used to people telling him what to do, Lou.”

“And just _who_ is he exactly?”

Liam gives him a tired look. “Come on Louis. His father is the famous music producer…Harry’s always in the media for getting into trouble and all that. His dad got Oakfield to loosen the reigns a bit so he can wear his own clothes…Actually I’ve never seen anyone get Oakfield to do anything before, let alone waive rules. I guess that’s proof of how important his dad is.”

“His dad’s rich so he gets to do whatever the hell he wants in rehab?” Louis scoffs and crosses his arms across his chest. “Not while I’m here he won’t.”

“He’s actually really nice, Lou. I’ve talked to him a bit. He’s just a kid who got into some trouble.”

Liam is always so quick to forgive. He always sees the very best in people. That’s why Louis refrains from punching him in the shoulder when he notices the clock and sees it’s time for his own group session to start. Liam would think Lord Voldemort was a good lad if he laughed at one of his jokes, Louis thinks bitterly.

Louis is just on time when his regular group of patients files in to the circle of chairs around the room. He hasn’t seen them in over a week and until today Ingrid had been conducting his sessions for him. He’s glad to be back with them, to try out all the new things he learned away at training, to see if he can help people become better.

By the time their session ends Julia is smiling because she’s been sober for thirty seven days, Mr. Johnson shakes Louis’ hand to show that there’s no hard feelings from earlier when Louis woke him up, and he even gets a couple of handshakes from a few others who missed him.

They all file out just like they came in, a jumble of noise and talking, but when Louis turns to watch them he catches sight of Mr. High and Mighty himself leaned against the wall pretending to be very interested in something near the door. He can’t tell if Harry can see him or not, but Louis gets the feeling he’s been standing there a while.

Louis makes his way over behind the last of his group members but by the time he gets to the door the hallway is empty and Harry is long.  He stares down the hall wondering where he ran off to so quickly when he had clearly spent the last half hour eavesdropping on his session.

\---

Evening rounds are as uneventful as any other time except now there’s one extra room on his list that he has to stop by.

Harry’s room used to belong to a woman called Mary but she exited the program about a month ago. She used to be the true highlight of Louis’ day with her positivity and eagerness for getting her life together for her children and husband. She was sober for over five months when she left, and there was no fear in her eyes like most patients when faced with the reality of leaving the shield of protection from temptation and relapse that Oakfield provides. She was excited and that made everyone else excited for her, even if they all hated to see her go.

Now as he knocks he’s not sure what this room will now signify for him, but based on their interactions today Louis thinks it’s safe to say Harry won’t be taking over as the bright light of the facility. More like the ultimate nuisance if anything.

It’s a rare occasion that someone renders Louis speechless, but that’s what happens when Harry swings open his door and his body is almost completely bare standing in the doorframe. He’s naked except for a pair of very tiny boxer briefs creased and gathered at the waist like he just threw them on as an afterthought. His eyes and cheeks are a bit puffy from sleep and his hair falls in chocolate ringlets almost down to his shoulders. He stretches in the doorframe when Louis stays completely silent, the boy not even attempting to cover himself while he does so.

Louis means to look like a person capable of speech. Louis means to go in and do a quick inspection, but instead he finds his eyes glued to the necklaces dangling from Harry’s neck and the bit of hair he can see peeking out of his waistband a few inches from his navel. Why is it that Harry is always wearing a lot less clothing than he’s supposed to??

Harry clears his throat and Louis can feel his eyes on him. “Yes?”  Harry asks, his voice low and gravelly like he’s been asleep for hours.

“I need to uh,” Louis gathers himself from shock enough to point into the room. “Sorry to wake you. I’ll be really quick,” Louis says walking into the room but he doesn’t get very far because Harry has yet to move. Louis shoots him a polite smile, “Pardon me. Sorry again.”

He expects the boy to move over but he’s still watching him, his eyes a bit more awake now that he’s wearing a small grin. They have a stare off before Harry speaks again, still standing in the way. “Well…aren’t you coming in?” he asks, his tone innocent like he isn’t a million feet tall and blocking the entrance.

“Aren’t _you_ going to move so that I can?” Louis quips back while takes a bold step forward thinking that might set Harry into action or at least intimidate him into moving. It doesn’t work and Harry stays right there. He crosses his arms across his bare chest, a full smirk on his lips.

“If you’re not going to let me in I have to call the front desk to have you removed. My shift ends in less than ten minutes and I really don’t want to waste the energy.”

Harry stares blankly until an amused little laugh escapes him out of nowhere, but he quickly recovers his poker face. He steps aside to let Louis pass, but only a bit. He still has to squeeze in-between Harry and the doorframe, Louis being careful about rubbing against him.

He does a quick check of Harry’s bathroom and then his room. He asks if Harry has any illegal substances, drug paraphernalia, phones, or devices hidden like he asked every other patient tonight, but the other patients didn’t watch him as closely as Harry currently is. They also definitely answered him when Louis asked them something directly.

Every time Louis takes a few steps he glances behind him and Harry is right there reading over his shoulder. He starts to feel weirdly uncomfortable when Harry speaks and the gravelly sound is a lot closer than Louis expected.

“Liam and Ingrid never write anything down...”

Louis takes a few steps forward so Harry isn’t so close to him. “Well…I’m not Liam and I’m not Ingrid.” Louis replies walking back to the door, convinced that Harry’s silence means he’s not harboring banned items. He almost leaves, but then Harry rushes forward.

“Wait, don’t you have to check the wardrobe?”

“Not really. I’m sure it’s fine. I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Louis reaches for the handle and again Harry stops him, this time with, “What about under the bed? I could have tons of drug paraphernalia under there and you’d never even know.”

Louis rolls his eyes at him. _Seriously_? He goes over to the bed, kneeling down. “ _Are_ you hiding tons of drug paraphernalia under your bed?” He’s impatient now. He should’ve left five minutes ago but Harry is being difficult for no reason.

Harry smiles and it breaks out a pair of dimples on his cheeks. “No.” he shrugs watching Louis huff out a sigh and get up, “There could be monsters under there though.”

Louis cannot believe the nerve of this kid. He rushes up and towards the door, pushing right past the boy who looks even more amused with himself.

“Have a nice night.” Louis says rather curtly as he shuts Harry’s door behind him as loud as he can without actually slamming it and disturbing everyone else.

He thinks his ears are playing tricks on him when he hears the sound of the door reopening. He whips around to find Harry poking his head out and gesturing for Louis to come back. It takes everything in him to actually do so.

“What now?!” Louis snaps. “You want me to check your hair for nits? Look in the toilet for vampires? What?!”

“I was just going to give you this back…” Harry hands him his clipboard, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Oh.” Louis says feeling a bit sheepish.

“You left so quickly and it seemed important.” The smile fades from Harry’s lips and Louis has nothing witty or sassy to say so he just accepts it.

“Thanks.” He says though he hates thanking this annoying asshole for anything at all.

“Enjoy your evening, Louis.” Harry’s eyes are genuine when he says it, the green becoming more and more convincing with each second that passes. Louis nods and begins to walk away again, this time with his clipboard securely under his arm.

He’s almost home free then Harry clearing his throat makes him turn around again.

“Make sure to check your toilet for those vampires tonight, Louis. I hear they can be rather sneaky this time of year.” Harry barely even gets the words out before he’s cracking up hanging half out of his door. Louis feels his face heating up, turning on his heel to leave. He can still hear Harry cackling when he turns the corner. He’s probably imagining it but he’s pretty sure he can still hear him even when he’s collecting his things ten minutes later in the staff room.

He calls Liam immediately who has already gone for the day and rants about the annoying idiot he just had to encounter _again_.

“He said to check your toilet for _what?_ That’s hilarious!” Liam is laughing on the other end of the phone and it’s making Louis even more irate.

“It’s not funny, Liam! It’s a stupid joke. Really it’s not even- He’s just- He’s ridiculous!”

Liam gets himself under control. “I don’t know Lou. It sounds pretty funny to me.” Louis’ frustration gets huffed into the phone. “Louis, I don’t know why he’s testing you so much, but he really is a good guy. He’s just having a bit of fun with you I guess.”

“You say it like I’m some kind of toy, which I am not!” Louis throws all of his stuff in his bag, still huffing into the phone. “I’m just glad he’s not in my session group. Ingrid should win the Nobel Peace Prize for dealing with-”

All of his things end up in a bag slung around his shoulder as he walks around in the welcome area, and he almost makes it to the hallway. Almost, except there’s a row of laptops waiting for him on his right and the one closest to him practically calls his name.

“Uh, hey Li, I’m just getting into my car. I’ll call you later.” He lies. Liam knows how he feels about driving on the phone so he doesn’t even question Louis’ abruptness.

“Ok. Tell Bridge hello from me.”

Louis hums something not even close to actual words into the phone, not really even listening before he hangs up.

He contemplates for few moments whether or not he should even bother since technically his shift has ended. He could always do this in the morning, but he just can’t leave this place without knowing what he’s dealing with, or more specifically _whom._

Louis slides his bag off and immediately begins his snooping. He doesn’t even have to type Harry’s full name before it pops up. His finger greedily scrolls down the patient info page when it opens. He doesn’t have to read very far to see that Liam was indeed correct about the boy staying in trouble.

He got caught into a few binds in his younger years, but the first time he was caught in possession of drugs he was seventeen and just had a bit of marijuana. The charge wasn’t too bad since it was shared possession with someone else; there wasn’t even a court appearance for it, just a fine. 

He reads about him being arrested while under the influence a few months later at eighteen. He had to go to court for this one, but still it was only marijuana and a bit of alcohol so he was asked to pay another fine, of which Louis is almost certain his father must have taken care of for him.

Now as he reads about his more recent actions, Louis sees how a rich and naïve seventeen year old kid ends up twenty and in a rehabilitation center for the first time.

He got fined a year ago for possession of marijuana again after being kicked out of a nightclub. He and two other people were arrested but this time his fine was a lot higher. That charge was more serious since he was carrying so much on him. That incident was more serious than the others, but it’s his last offence that got him stuck in here.

Three weeks ago a policeman found him in possession of marijuana, heroin, and coke when he was asked to pull over from the road. Other people were also in the vehicle, but apparently had no knowledge of the drugs so they walked free. When Harry had to appear in court this time he was ordered to enroll in an eight week rehabilitation program. His lawyer argued it down to six weeks as well as an immense fine almost triple the sum his father paid the last time.

When he’s done reading Louis sits back staring at the screen. His head is swimming with all the information he gathered, yet his finger still itches to find out more. He hesitates before exiting out of the facility’s filing program and opens a browser instead. Again, he doesn’t even have to type Harry’s whole name before Google fills it in for him.

He gets tons of results about Harry’s life; a blur of nights out, clubs, drinking, and sneaking out of the homes of runway models  at the first hint of sunrise. He’s reading about all the different places Harry and his entourage have been kicked out of or banned from when his eyes catch his father’s name and he ends up searching him instead.

Des Styles has been a prominent influence in the music industry for over fifteen years with various artists and established record labels attached to his name. His career is impressive and he can see how the man can pull strings and twist Oakfield’s rules to his whim.

He digs a bit further and starts learning things he never needed to know about the man, including his messy divorce from Harry’s mother over six years ago. It’s when he gets into who was granted custody of their children that Louis nearly jumps out of his skin at a noise behind him.

“What are you doing?” Ingrid asks from right over his shoulder. He rushes to close out the ten billion tabs he has open when she stops him with her hand over his. “What the- is this Harry Styles’ court appearance from two years ago?” Ingrid is teasing and intrigued all at once. Louis can tell because she starts scanning through the different tabs with a look of wonder. “Is this is sister?? Louis, what the hell?”

Louis lets his forehead hit the table. “I knoooow! I was just looking into our records and next thing I know I’m registered for two different celebrity gossip sites about him!” He has no idea how he let himself get this far. He sighs with his head still on the countertop. “My head hurts.”

“I guess it does. You’ve been reading this garbage for over an hour. Your shift ended ages ago.” She says still clicking around on the screen in amusement.

“Yeah I know I was- shit.” His head flies up from where it was. “Shit.”

Ingrid gives him a weird look. “Something wrong?”

Louis starts collecting his things again, slapping at Ingrid’s wrist so he can close out all his searches. “I forgot I was supposed to be at Bridgett’s after work.” He pulls out his phone seeing a missed call and two texts from her. “I always end up doing this.” He moans to one really, just stating a fact.

Ingrid is sympathetic and lays a hand on his shoulder. “You two have been together for over a year. I’m sure she’s not with you for your punctuality, Louis.”

He’s not sure why she with him at all, but he doesn’t say that. He just nods and gives Ingrid a quick wave before heading out.

\-----

The realization that he has essentially stood his girlfriend up _again_ doesn’t exactly motivate him to get to her flat any quicker. He holds his phone in one hand and wonders if he should even bother responding at this point. He’s only a couple minutes away so he decides to just let the missed calls and texts go because it’s not like she’ll get upset with him or something like that. And that’s the problem really…she never holds Louis accountable for anything.

When she opens the door Louis greets her with an apology. She merely smiles at him, kissing him quickly on the cheek and leading him in. “It’s fine,” she reassures him, “At least you’re here now.”

She takes him to her room, Bridgett’s roommate eyeing him suspiciously as they walk by. Louis gives her a little wave and just like always he gets nothing in return. For some reason the girl just never warmed up to him, and true it used to get on his nerves but now he’s come to accept the fact that Ana hates him.

“You didn’t eat already did you?” Bridgett asks him while he’s having a seat on her bed. He removes his coat, shaking his head.

“No, I got caught up at work.”

Bridgett doesn’t wait for any other explanation before turning back out of the room. When she returns it’s with pasta and salad that Louis’ conscience feels horrible for accepting. “Bridge you didn’t have to do this. I was late getting here and I never-”

She kisses his cheek gently then hands him his food. “I want to.”

Over the next hour they sit and chat about their days, her tiny fingers curled into Louis’ while she does most of the talking. She asks him if his first day back was hard since he stayed there so late. Louis shrugs it off and says he was just playing catch up with paperwork. He doesn’t tell her that he was busy digging into the life and times of one of the country’s most handsome, notorious, eligible, and fashionable bachelors; at least that’s what Sugarscape calls him anyway.

“I’m glad you had a good day.” Bridgett leans forward and lightly kisses his jaw. When she backs up her bright eyes ask him if it’s alright. Louis nods and she leans back in, this time kissing him a little longer.

He lets her lips run over his for as long she wants. He figures it’s the least he can do for showing up as late as he did and eating all of her food.  He’s resolved to stay there all night like this, letting her kiss him, his mind still running a mile a minute over the hard drugs Harry Styles got busted for a few weeks ago; that is until he feels her fingers trailing down his chest.

He lightly grasps her wrists to stop her going any further. Her lips hesitate for a moment then she’s pulling back to look at him.

“Is something the matter?” she asks, her big blue eyes waiting for Louis to give her the green light and continue.

He sighs and her eagerness fades a bit. “I’m just a bit tired... Today took a lot out of me, I guess.”  She doesn’t quite look disappointed, but he can tell she wanted this.

It’s always excuses from him. Louis waits for her to respond, hating himself because it’s not really a lie what he just told his girlfriend, but it’s not really the truth either. She nods, kissing his jaw again then inching away to give him some space. “No, Lou. Of course you are. You’ve been gone for days and then headed straight back to work. I get it. It’s alright.” She kisses his cheek again before moving away.

The fact that she’s so understanding is what drives Louis insane. She never gets mad at him. She’s never disappointed in him though she’s had plenty of reasons to be over the last year. He can’t imagine how she’s stayed with him this long. The fact that he’s a second-rate boyfriend is probably why both her roommate and father both dislike him so fucking much.

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” he asks though it’s not like she wouldn’t tell him if she did.

“Mhmm…Just cuddle with me a while?” she slinks down into the pillows and waits for Louis to come wrap her up. He crawls over, pulling her into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her back. Her cheek snuggles into his chest as she settles into him to get comfortable, knees tucked up against him.

It’s not like Louis is timing it intentionally, but his mind is still at work, still at his laptop, still doing an inspection in Harry’s room. He’s restless being so still like this beside her.

“I can’t stay long Bridge…” he warns when she looks half asleep after a while. She hums, nodding into his shirt. She sighs as she rolls onto her back to let Louis up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He presses his lips to her forehead like a promise, but it’ll be hard to keep considering neither of them are making any concrete plans about their next meeting. “I’ll uh, I’ll call you tonight.” Another promise he isn’t sure he can live up to, but he makes it anyway.

She just nods and kisses him again before walking him out. Her roommate Ana looks up from her laptop when they enter the room. “You’re leaving quite soon.” She remarks under her breath.

“Just heading home to get some sleep. I’ll probably stop by tomorrow.” Now he’s even making empty promises to Bridgett’s roommate of all people.

“We’ll have to see, won’t we?” Ana gives Bridgett a strained closed-off grin ignoring Louis completely and then focuses back on her laptop. Louis aims a smile at her and then at Bridgett as he leaves.

He doesn’t even realize how tense his shoulders are when they practically melt into his seat as he drives away. He feels lighter now that he isn’t being scrutinized by Ana or coddled by Bridgett, but he decides it’s mostly due to him needing some alone time. That’s why as soon as he’s inside he goes straight to his shower and gets changed into his softest pair of joggers, settling into his bed for the night to analyze the life of Harry Styles.

He gets tired trying to make sense of the media’s version of Harry and Liam’s, so tired that his thoughts start drifting off after a while.

It’s time for bed when he can barely hold his eyes open so he reaches out to turn off his lamp. As soon as his arm is back inside the warmth of his blankets his phone vibrates on his bed side table, making him groan. He plunges his arm out into the cold and reads Liam’s message. _‘How was Bridgett’s?’_ he asks.

‘Good. Got there late, left early.’ Louis cringes reading over the truth he just typed out, and again he wonders why that girl even puts up with him.

‘ _Sounds nice._ _Check that toilet yet? :)’_

Louis eyebrows crinkle at that. _Check my..?_ When realization hits him he bolts upright. ‘ _No_ I have not! You’re just as bad as him!’

‘Goodnight, Lou! See you bright and early!’ Liam responds with five hearts all in a row. He’s a terrible friend. Louis tells him just that when he replies a few seconds later.

Now he’s cold, sitting up in bed and he will never admit that his eyes do in fact drift a little towards his bathroom door a few times. He refuses to check his toilet for anything. He’s not getting up. He’s not.

He tries to trick his body into drifting back off to sleep but now he’s genuinely thinking about whether or not his toilet seat is up or down. And Louis knows absolutely nothing is hiding in there, but now that it’s in his head it’s all he can think about.

He’s not getting up to check his toilet for vampires, he’s merely going to pee; at least that’s what he tells himself when he peeks into his bathroom. He feels incredibly stupid when he looks down into the empty bowl knowing in his heart that he doesn’t have to pee at all. He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of it all, stomping back to his bed now that he’s one hundred percent certain that nothing is hiding in his toilet. He sends a quick, ‘I hate you’ to Liam then finally starts to relax enough to feel sleepy again. He barely even cracks his heavy lids to read Liam’s reply.

‘ _Knew you’d look._ ’


	2. Chapter 2

Louis is already dead on his feet when he returns to the main building of the facility, but then again having to work detox has always drained the life right out of him. Looking after patients in detox is one of the most worrying and stressful situations Louis has been forced to work in, but it’s part of his job and he’s expected to do it and do it well. The other staff members at Oakfield agree whole heartedly that the job is terrible, and that’s exactly why they distribute the responsibility between everyone.

He’s seen some really fucked up things working detox, including one patient who almost died from withdrawals, but luckily today wasn’t that bad. He and Ingrid tended to the facility’s newest patient who got signed in late last night, hours after Louis’ shift had already ended. Her name is Emily, twenty-seven, brought in by her parents and best friend at the ungodly hour of two in the morning. Her family had cut her off from using heroin for about ten hours but then the symptoms started and they quickly realized they were in over their heads. Louis has been here half the day already and she’s still vomiting her guts up and shivering like she’s in the middle of a blizzard.

He slinks down into the super comfortable armchair in the staff break room, hoping his stomach will soon settle, but he keeps thinking about how scared and miserable Emily looks in that white room all by herself and he feels awful all over again.

There’s always this painful twisting in his gut whenever a patient is literally pleading with their life for him to make the pain stop, but he can’t. The only way to make it stop is to either give Emily more drugs or help her bear it until the drugs are all out of her system. The fact that he feels guilty for inevitably causing her pain is very minor in the grand scheme of getting her sober.

He tells himself that while he rests in the break room, and he keeps telling himself that even when he’s up and heading to his group session. Seeing his regular patients is like a breath of fresh air when they all come trickling in. He’s much more apt at therapy sessions where he gets to help people talk through their metaphorical pain than watching patients screaming and doubled over in physical agony.

When the group of six leaves Louis is still a little hazy and overwhelmed, but it’s nothing like earlier. He’s still in the room after his last patient leaves, just sitting and collecting himself, his elbows resting on his knees and holding his head.

He nearly falls face first into the floor when he hears a throat clear near the door. He lets out a long and weary sigh when he sees Harry leaned up against the doorframe. Louis doesn’t have the fight in him right now to deal with the constant frustration he has come to associate with Harry.

“Harr- I mean, Mr. Styles. I’m really tired. I- I need a minute...just-”

Harry takes a few steps into the room, his hair tied up in a scarf today instead of a bandana. It still grates on Louis’ nerves to see him strolling around out of dress code, but he says nothing. “Call me Harry.” He gives Louis a silent glance over. “I haven’t seen you around today.” He states, now only a few feet from Louis.

“I had to work detox. New patient.” Louis mumbles into his hands. He really needs to eat something. That would probably help settle his stomach.

He hums, nodding. “I heard the staff talking about a new girl... How bad is she?” Harry sounds genuinely concerned as he takes the seat across from Louis in the circle. “Is she going to be alright?”

Louis takes his hands away from his face to look at him, and even though he still dresses like a prick Harry doesn’t seem to be insincere. Louis sits back to really look at him. For someone who probably just left detox himself less than a week ago Harry looks pretty good. His skin looks relatively healthy, his eyes are clear, very clear now that Louis is looking. He looks good; sober.

“It’s rough right now, but she’ll be okay in a couple of days. She’ll be alright.” Louis tells him.

Harry nods like he’s thinking it over. “I’ve seen some really bad withdrawals before. It can get really scary.”

“Yeah, it can be. I’m sure she’d like to hear that from someone like you though. Someone who’s been there.” Harry crinkles his eyes at Louis like he’s thinking.

“I haven’t- I’ve never gone through that. I didn’t mean me.” Louis sits up a little straighter when Harry seems almost offended. “I’m not a drug addict regardless of what some people might think.”

Louis doesn’t know where this sudden change in tone came from, but he immediately tries to fix it. “I didn’t mean it that way. I –I just meant you two might have some things in common. I mean, you both _are_ here in rehab and you’re both relatively younger than all the other patients here. I didn’t mean to call you an addict.”

“It’s cool.” He says standing up suddenly like the chair is too warm. “I should go- should leave you alone...”

“I really am sorry if I offended you Mr. St- I mean Harry.”

Harry gives him a bit of an upturn of his lips in the corners. “Really. It’s fine. It’s no worse than what the media calls me. I know you meant well.”

All Louis really knows about Harry’s relationship with the media is that whatever they call him is usually very sexual and very inappropriate. He feels his cheeks pinken just remembering some of the things he read. He flushes again when Harry stops at the door.

“Good therapy session today by the way. I liked it.”

Louis’ head whips over toward him. “You were listening?” he asks, but the question gets swallowed by silence because Harry is already long gone.

\---

It’s been almost two days and neither Louis nor Bridgett has made any attempt at contacting the other. The realization that he sometimes goes long periods of times without seeing his girlfriend used to surprise him, but Louis is used to their little silent time-outs by now. One of them will cave eventually, and sadly Louis already knows who it’ll be.

She calls him later that night after he’s stuffed full of pizza and lying face down on his sofa. He doesn’t answer her. He’s still really drained from earlier and he just can’t fake interest in whatever small talk Bridgett wants to have.

She texts him a few minutes later asking if she can come over. He waits almost a whole half hour before he responds, only to ask her to wait till tomorrow when he feels better. She agrees without any problem. She should be livid.

\------

“What’s up, Lou?” Liam comes around the corner scrunching up his eyebrows at the pinched expression on Louis’ face. “What, do you have detox again?”

He comes to stand next to him to read too. “What’s wrong? Everything looks f- Oh.”

“You see his name too, then? I’m not hallucinating? Good.  I’ve been standing here thinking I’d finally lost it.”

“Well uh…you won’t get bored.” Liam laughs after a few moments. Louis slowly turns his head to gawk at him.

“You mean I’ll need anger management after dealing with him for that long.” Louis reads Harry’s name under his group session roster again. “Why would Ingrid switch him to my sessions? Is he so difficult to work with that _she_ couldn’t even handle him? If she can’t do it, then I definitely can’t.”

“Go ask her. See what happened.” Liam suggests.

Louis looks at the clock above their heads. “No time. I’m already late, shit.”

He rushes in to find his patients already seated in their normal order. Louis quickly scans the room to find Harry in the seat directly across from his own. He smiles up at Louis when he sits down. Everyone’s eyes are on him since he stumbled in late today, but he feels Harry’s gaze the most.

As soon as he opens his mouth he starts stuttering out something that sounds like an apology mixed with a greeting but it’s hard to tell. “I- I’m sorry I’m late. I- Hi. Hello. Sorry.” He chances a look at the boy in front of him and he immediately wishes he hadn’t. “We have someone uh…new joining us today.” He gestures to Harry, still watching him. “Would like to introduce yourself?”

Harry momentarily breaks their gaze to wave at everyone. “I’m Harry. Hello. I think I know everyone here.”

He meets Louis’ eyes again as soon as he’s done, focused on only him. The staring is unsettling to be honest, but at least for right now he isn’t being difficult, Louis thinks, so he'll count his blessings.

He tries to ignore it as best he can, but towards the middle of the session Louis’ skin starts to feel too warm. He can sense that pair of eyes on him even when someone else has the floor to speak and literally no one else is looking at him but Harry. He makes the mistake of looking up once and instantly regrets it when his cheeks burn red from so much of Harry’s attention.

He has no idea why he’s acting this way just because Harry’s here. He’s losing it and not paying a bit of attention to his patients all because of a boy in a flowery button-up.

He _has_ to regain control of the situation, so when Thomas finally finishes speaking Louis turns to prompt Harry to talk. “Would you like to share about your feelings being here or what you wish to accomplish during your stay?” Louis is proud of himself for even getting the words out of his mouth in the right order considering the way his pulse is beating.

Harry shakes his head and politely declines with a smile. Louis is certain that Harry is anything but shy, yet he shows up, refuses to participate, and has now given up the chance to be the center of everyone’s attention. It makes very little sense.

Louis eyes the clock now and time seems to drag just like Julia’s soliloquy about accepting the part of herself that will always be an addict. Normally he would be ecstatic at such growth from a patient, but today he can’t focus on anything but the boy across from him and the fact that his eyes never seem to blink away.

“Louis?” Julia asks.  “That’s good, right? Admitting all that?”

He gets snatched out of his staring contest with the clock above Harry’s head to face the multiple pairs of eyes now looking at him.

“Yes Julia…that’s uh, that’s amazing! I can see you’ve been doing a lot of healthy reflection. That’s – that’s great.” Louis’ reply is positive enough to pass for genuine, but vague enough to hide the fact that he stopped listening ages ago. He peeks over at Harry across from him and he’s wearing a thin smirk like he knows Louis heard about zero percent of what Julia actually said.

When the clock is close enough to their end time Louis lets them all go. “If no one else has anything I think we can go ahead and dismiss. I’ll see everyone tomorrow?”

No one protests. They all come give a quick thank you or wave him goodbye as they shuffle out; all of them except Harry of course. He’s still slinked back in his seat, eyes still glued to him like he’s waiting for something. He has no clue what the boy could want. He already tormented him for the better part of an hour by practically staring into his soul. 

Usually Louis would confront the issue head on. Puff up his chest a bit or use a forceful tone to show that he means business, but seeing as how that never works when it comes to Harry he decides to try a different approach.

He sits back down in his seat, Harry’s gaze following his every move. Louis leans back to get comfy too, staring right back at him.

They stay that way for a few moments, silent and weird, and he thinks Harry might be getting just as uncomfortable as he is when his lips start trembling, but then the bastard laughs like Louis is the funniest thing he’s ever seen, completely destroying any illusion of authority Louis had.

He’s upset that his brilliant reverse psychology plan had no effect on Harry, and now he’s also upset at being laughed at. It must show on his face because Harry gives him an almost sympathetic smile as his laughter dies down.

He sits up a bit and leans in towards Louis like he’s about to say something, but then thinks better of it and leans back again. He fiddles with one of the necklaces dangling from his neck and Louis watches him, the whole time wishing he’d just grow up, or disappear, or _something_.

“Do I make you nervous, Louis?” He asks out of nowhere, his voice even and low. Louis’ mouth turns down into a grimace.

“ _You?_ Of course not.” Louis rolls his eyes. “What’s there to be nervous about? It’s not like you’re a _real_ celebrity or whatever.”

“Never said I was,” Harry shrugs, smiling.

“Then why ask me-” Louis gears up for what he knows will be a pointless debate then changes his mind. “ _I_ should be the one asking questions here, like why everyone else in this building has nothing but great things to say about you yet when you’re with me it’s the complete opposite.”

“How do you know what other people say about me?”

“Because I asked them.”

The green of Harry’s eyes flash and he sits a little straighter. “So you went around asking about me?”

“Well yes of course I…” Harry smirks at the admission and Louis is mortified, “No! No! I – I didn’t go about asking after you. Believe it or not I have things to do around here and none of which involve worrying about you.” Louis turns his head away at the lie, hoping to God that Harry can’t see through it.

Harry hums across from him, slinked back in his seat again and grinning from ear to ear. His long stupid skinny jeaned legs stretched out to where his toes nearly touch Louis’. It makes Louis want to punch him in his smug face.

“Why are you even here, Harry? I’m sure Ingrid misses you. You should go find her…preferably in the _very_ near future.”

“I like your sessions better,” Harry shrugs. “Even though today I think you were a bit nervous so you didn’t say much, but usually I like listening to you.”

“That’s funny considering I’m pretty sure you _never_ listen to a thing I say.” Louis stands to make his way out of the room. He should’ve left nearly fifteen minutes ago but instead he’s been here letting Harry Styles annoy and fluster him…which reminds him. “And for the last time, you do not make me nervous. I don’t know why you think that.”

“Mhhm. I don’t make you nervous just like you never went around asking everyone about me. I don’t believe any of it,” Harry states simply with his arms crossed over his chest.

Louis scoffs. “Well luckily I don’t care what you believe. As I’ve said, I have much better things to do with my time.” Louis only makes it a few steps before he’s stopped again.

“Like what?”

“Like,” Louis can’t even believe he’s even answering him. “Like my _job_. Normal people have to actually work, Harry.” Louis gives him an indignant tilt of his chin like he didn’t spend his first day back at work hunched over a laptop, pouring over all the details of Harry’s life. “Why am I even defending myself to you? I have duty rounds to get to.” This time Louis’ is nearly out of the door before he stops.

“See you same time tomorrow, Louis.”

Louis doesn’t know what he meant to say, but all that comes out is, “Absolutely not,” in the most disdainful tone he could muster. He can still hear Harry laughing when he leaves.

 ----

“So maybe he likes you?  If I were a patient I’d want to have my sessions with you too.”

Liam is not helping. Louis came here to rant not to hear his best friend make perfectly sound sense. He turns over on Liam’s couch to face him since he can’t properly argue his side of this with his face smushed into the cushions.

“Liam, I’m quite certain he hates me even more so than Ted Johnson… and that’s saying a lot. You should see the way he smirks at me like he’s smarter or, I don’t know, better or something.”

Liam shakes his head, “I don’t know Lou, maybe he’s just messing with you. I’ve never seen him like that. I even asked Ingrid and she says he’s lovely, but he just thought he’d get on better talking things out with you rather than her.”

Now it’s Louis shaking his head. He doesn’t know what spell Harry has over everyone else but it’s damn sure not working on him. “I don’t trust him. Something’s up with him, Li, I’m telling you. He didn’t even participate with the group. He just stared… at _me_.”

Louis’ phone starts vibrating under the table where Louis threw it the moment he walked into Liam’s flat. Maybe it’ll stop if he ignores it long enough.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?”

Louis takes the deepest of sighs. “Wasn’t planning on it.” He mumbles.

“Louis. Are you doing this to her again?” Liam crawls over to pick up the phone and scrolls through all his missed alerts. Louis knows it’s bad, that’s why he refuses to make eye contact and flips back over on the couch so he can’t.

“It’s better if you don’t count them all, Liam, really…”

“This is terrible! Louis!” Liam whips around and Louis is sure he’s staring an angry hole into the back of his head. “Call her back right now!”

He makes a muffled groan into the couch. “Can’t you do it for me?” he whines. There’s an immediate thump to the back of his neck when Liam throws the phone at him.

“It’s been over a year. If you’re still needing this much time away from her you need to end it. What does she even say when you disappear on her like this?”

Louis answers after a few beats of silence. “She never says anything…” He knows Liam is trying to guilt trip him for the millionth time, and sadly it’s working.

“Just because she won’t get mad at you doesn’t give you the right to just ignore her. She’s your girlfriend, Lou.”

As much as Louis loves to use the ‘ _I need some space and me time’_ line, he can admit that five days without any contact at all is pushing it; especially since he just got back to town a week ago.

“I knoooooow. I’ll call her as soon as I’m home.”

“Good. Now get out.” Liam holds the door open for him as Louis slowly collects his things and trudges toward him. “Sofia would _murder_ me if I did this. I’d have to change my name and move to Switzerland if I did half the shit you do to Bridgett.”

“I know.” He sighs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you. Call Bridge.”

“I know, I know, and I know.” Louis gives him a smirk and dodges the slap Liam goes to give him on his way out.

He does call Bridgett, and just like always he says he’s tired and not feeling himself lately. He assures her that the few days he took left him rested and feeling much better and she’s coming over to see him not even fifteen minutes after their conversation. They talk and she smothers him with all the affection she’s had to keep bottled up for all the time Louis ignored her, and when they’re done Louis feels so guilty he lets her stay over even though he has to work the next morning.

Had he known it was a going to be a detox day Louis would have let Bridgett stay over some other time other than last night, but as karma would have it, he has to be there for three hours straight starting as soon as he walks in.

It’s not quite as bad as last time, seeing as how there are no new patients and Emily is doing much better than the night she was signed in. The drugs have worked themselves almost completely out of her system so she looks almost human again. She even smiled at him when his shift in detox ended. It was a nice change considering the last time he saw her she was doubled over on the floor next to the toilet as he rubbed her back and held her hair.

He passes Ingrid on his way to his group session. She waves at him almost apologetically as he heads to what is sure to be a forty-five minute session in hell.

Harry is there along with all his other patients wearing his out of code jeans and open shirt. Harry’s trade mark cocky smirk is there as well, just waiting to irritate him. Louis doesn’t have the energy to waste on him, so he takes his seat and begins his group therapy, completely disregarding the way Harry’s face falls when Louis begins without so much as a stutter.

It’s relatively uneventful, as it usually is when Louis has to come here right after detox. He thinks his patients can tell that it takes a lot out of him. Even Harry has decided to chill, Louis notices as he fumbles with the charms of his necklaces, eyes focused on them rather than boring holes into the front of Louis’ face. Maybe the kid has a soul after all.

Harry leaves him alone during the entire session, so when it ends Louis expects him to get up and leave like everyone else, but he stays seated. “You alright?” he asks in a voice so tender that Louis has to look up to make sure it was him who said it. Harry is watching him closely again, but this time it’s out of concern.

“Yeah I’m fine. Just a bit tired,” Louis says. He even gives Harry a bit of a grin to show that he’s okay.

Harry stops playing with his necklace. “Did you work in detox again today?” Louis nods his answer. “Why do they make you do it if you hate it so much?”

“I don’t _hate_ it. It’s just a lot sometimes. It’s hard but it’s one of my favorite parts about working here. People come into detox at rock bottom. When they leave it’s like step one of their journey. Like the first day of a second chance…” Harry is staring again, probably at his very long-winded response. He starts to feel self-conscious when Harry still says nothing and doesn’t look away. “Or whatever… I don’t know.” Louis adds at the last minute.

“That’s a great way of looking at it,” Harry offers.

He looks so sincere about it, which, it’s strange to even describe Harry as sincere given his and Louis’ track record thus far. “You’re being oddly agreeable today.” Louis squints at him from across the small space between them like he’s trying to read him.

“You look like you could use a break.” Harry grins as he’s getting up. “Don’t worry. We’ll resume our cat and mouse banter tomorrow.”

Louis scoffs. “Banter? Yeah right. If that’s what you call being a deliberate little shit.”

Harry laughs at Louis’ eye roll. “See,” Harry gestures between the two of them with his long ringed fingers, “Banter.”

He’s so used to leaving Harry’s presence in a foul mood that he’s stunned to find himself actually grinning when Harry leaves. Maybe Harry isn't  _horrible_. He’s still a complete menace, but maybe not quite as bad as he thought.

\----

Louis has to do a double take the next morning when he’s strolling through the resident community area and spots Harry talking with a girl Louis is sure he has seen somewhere before. He can only see half of her face from the way they’re sitting together, but Louis is sure he knows her somehow.

He edges up past a few patients talking over by the door, quietly greeting them as he moves a bit closer to Harry and his guest. No one really notices him pretend to straighten out the blinds in the window as he leans forward straining to get a better look at her. He doesn’t have to pretend very long before Harry notices him over the girl’s shoulder and waves him over.

It’s like looking in the face of a ghost when Harry’s sister turns to greet him, mostly because Louis knows exactly who she is before Harry even introduces her. He saw her picture crop up just as much as the rest of Harry’s family and suddenly he feels really guilty about knowing all the details of their lives without permission.

“This is my sister, Gemma. My very first visitor!” Harry beams laying a gentle hand on her knee. She smiles up at Louis reaching out to shake his hand.

He feels flushed all over when Harry starts telling him things all about her. He tells Louis she’s the top of her class in law school and how she’s living with her friends in the city, all of which Louis already knows, but he shakes his head and smiles like he doesn’t.

“I’m just sorry it took this long to get here and see him.” She tells Louis when Harry finally stops bragging about her. “I’m glad to see he’s doing well. I hadn’t known what to expect coming here.”

They both look at him waiting for him to contribute something, but Louis doesn’t know how to small talk with someone he already knows virtually everything about. 

“That’s… great!”

Harry’s eyebrows pull together at Louis’ lackluster reply. “He’s being a little shy today, Gems. Usually he’s more talkative…and much more bossy.” Harry grins up at him. “He’s really good at what he does though. He helps a lot of people here.”

Louis was about go into this whole ‘bossy’ business when the rest of Harry’s words register in his brain. “Harry is too kind, really. I’m not-”

“No Lou, I mean it. You must know you’re everyone’s favorite. Even Ted kind of likes you, and he hates everything about Oakfield.” Harry grins.

Louis’ mouth is open. He doesn’t know what to do with all of these easy compliments. He doesn’t know what to do with any compliments coming from Harry. Gemma is looking between the two of them like she’s trying to figure out something and all Louis can focus on is Harry calling him Lou. And why is he focused on that exactly?

Gemma saves him from having to make a fool of himself by filling up the pause in conversation. “Well, it sounds like you’re a great therapist. I’m glad my brother is here with you.” He makes the mistake of looking at Harry and his face is suddenly hotter than the sun.

When Harry offers to take Gemma on a tour of the facility Louis takes the opportunity to excuse himself and get his shit together.  He practically runs to get away from them.

He’s not really doing much of anything as he circles the living area again and again, going over the last few minutes in his head. He stills feels guilt tugging him down for snooping into people’s lives when he had no right to do so. He shouldn’t know things like Gemma taking a few months off from school when their grandfather passed away two years ago. He shouldn’t know that she lives with her friends in the city because she and her boyfriend recently broke up after he cheated on her. Harry left those bits out, but Louis knows them anyway.

He’s thinking so much and so quickly that he hardly notices his name being called when Thomas walks up to him.

“Bridgett’s up front for you.” He says in passing, probably going to his group session. He briefly wonders why Harry didn’t ask to be moved to Thomas’ sessions or even Liam’s for that matter, but then he actually hears what Thomas said.

“Wait. Bridgett’s _here_?”

“Yep! Waiting up front!” he yells back over his shoulder.

Bridgett never shows up at his job. Even when he disappears off the face of the earth she never comes to seek him out even though she knows he’s here at work with Liam every day.

He hears her giggling with Ingrid as he approaches. She turns around when Ingrid meets his eyes over her head. She kisses his cheek, fussing with the collar of his uniform with her tiny fingers.

“This is… new.” Louis says as kindly as he possibly can, smiling down at her. It’s not that he minds her being at his job, it’s just that it’s never happened before. Like ever.

“I know!” she beams. “I found your phone when I was leaving your house so I thought I’d drop it off. Figured you were missing it.” She pulls the phone out her bag and presses it into his hand. She lets her fingers linger there before drawing them away.

“Thanks, Bridge. You didn’t have to do that.” Really, she didn’t. Louis hadn’t even noticed he’d left the thing at home. 

She shrugs, waving away his thanks and moving her curtain of blonde hair over her shoulder. “Well… while I’m here I’d love to see where you work.” She raises her eyebrows in expectation, making it hard for Louis to tell her no.

“Uh, yeah… Sure. I guess that’s alright, right?” He turns to face Ingrid who is typing away behind the welcome desk. She frowns at him with a ‘ _hell if I know, do what you want’_ kind of face. He takes it as a yes.

“Ummm I guess we’ll start here, then?” Louis waves a hand around the place where they’re standing and Bridgett’s smile explodes.

They go down the different hallways and corridors, Louis pointing out everything and answering any questions she throws at him and it’s kind of nice having her there to see where he spends most of his time.

They’re just leaving the resident hallway when Harry and his sister come into focus, laughing and trying to trip one another. Harry stops dead when he sees him, this time nearly tripping Gemma for real.

“Hi Lou.” He says when the four of them are stopped right in front of each other. Louis follows the trail of his eyes to Bridgett standing next to him and gives what he hopes is a friendly grin. It feels tight though.

“I’m Harry, this is my sister Gemma,” He tells Bridgett, watching her curiously at Louis’ side.

“This is Bridgett.” Louis watches Harry grasp her hand in the gap between them, curiosity shading his features even more. “This is my girlfriend. I was just showing her around.”

For a split second Harry’s eyes cut over to him like he’s waiting for the punch line to a joke, but when Louis says nothing else he saves face quickly and smiles down at Bridgett.

“Very nice to meet you.” Harry tells her, making her face light up. Her cheeks are a dusty pink when she meets Harry’s eyes, but Harry doesn’t seem as impressed with her.

Louis doesn’t know why but something is definitely off here. It feels awkward and not the normal kind of awkward Louis usually experiences with Harry. He chances a look at Gemma and guesses she feels it too because her eyes are downcast, with a small smile while she plays with her bracelet.

“Well, we were just heading back so…” Louis guides Bridgett around Harry and his sister, “Have a good rest of your tour, Gemma.” Gemma smiles at him when they leave, but Harry just watches them blankly as they go.

Bridgett waits till they’re out of earshot when she suddenly turns to him. “Why didn’t you tell me Harry Styles was here?! Everyone knows he went off to rehab, but they don’t know where. I can’t believe he’s been here this whole time!”

“I didn’t really think about it? I don’t know…I mean technically I’m not supposed to tell anybody who’s here. I could get into trouble with confidentiality.”

“No Louis, I’m not upset,” she smiles shaking her head. Louis knows she isn’t upset. He’s pretty sure she doesn’t even know how to be slightly disappointed. “I’m just surprised is all. I didn’t think I’d be seeing actual Harry and Gemma Styles today. I’ve never met a celebrity before!”

Louis rolls his eyes. He wants to go into a rant on how Harry’s not even a _real_ celebrity, but Bridgett looks happy and impressed with him, which is something that happens so rarely that Louis lets it go.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s Friday when Emily is allowed to join the rest of the facility and finally leave detox. Louis and Liam help get her moved into her room just a few doors down from Harry, not that Louis pays special attention to Harry’s door or anything. He’s just making observations.

She gets settled in and soon enough she’s blending in just like every other patient at Oakfield, well, every other patient minus one stubborn idiot walking around in a plaid button-up which just so happens to never be buttoned. Harry pokes his head out of his door just as he and Liam are heading back to the front. He spots Louis and gives a short nod before retreating back inside.

“You two getting along these days?” Liam asks as they head back to the front of the building.

Louis thinks back on the last week. “I think so? Neither of us has murdered the other so I would say that’s progress.”

Liam chuckles at his joke. “I saw Bridge here yesterday,” his eyes turn a bit more serious when he looks at Louis, “That was nice,” he says very carefully.

“Well she kind of just showed up, but yeah I guess it was okay. She knew Harry and his sister right away. It was weird.”

“I’m not surprised. You’re probably the only person who didn’t know who he was. People like him a lot.”

Louis scoffs and rolls his eyes. “So I’ve seen. He didn’t seem to like Bridge all that much though.”

“What did he do?” Liam frowns looking scandalized at the thought of Harry being less than a gentlemen.

“He was polite enough, but something was, I don’t know… off? It was probably nothing.” Louis doesn’t even know why he’s sharing any of this. It’s not like it matters and Bridgett didn’t notice anything anyway.

“Bridgett’s lovely. I’m sure it was nothing. Maybe he was just having a bad day,” Liam suggests.

Louis nods even though he knows Harry was having a great day. He was absolutely thrilled to have his sister there.

“Yeah maybe.”

\-----

Louis’ weekend of relaxation was a complete waste by the time he got to work on Monday. He had slept in on Saturday and Sunday. He played football with Liam and talked to his mother on the phone as he cleaned his house. He even willingly went to see Bridgett and helped her cook dinner, and even made her breakfast one of the mornings like a good boyfriend. All of that normality and calm went straight out the window as soon as he saw the huge chunks of time carved out of his usual weekly schedule for one-on-one sessions with Harry staring up at him from his clipboard.

He hadn’t really thought it through before he was stomping through the halls to find somebody, _anybody_ to explain how Harry Styles is so damned privileged that he gets five hours of one-on-one a week. He didn’t mean to find Harry before Ingrid but that’s exactly who Louis rounds on when he turns the corner waving the clipboard around in his face.

“The next time you go around requesting one-on-one therapy could you maybe first discuss it with, oh I don’t know, the therapist?”

Louis is livid and Harry is slumped into the wall failing to contain his amusement. “You haven’t yelled at me in a while, Louis. I was starting to think we had lost our spark for a few days there.”

“This isn’t _banter_ you… you…” Louis is at a loss for what to call Harry. He can think of a few choice words but he’s already walking a thin line when it comes to professionalism with him. “You fool!” he settles on.

Harry’s face screws up then he’s cackling into his hand, his stupid ringlet curls shaking as he laughs, falling down into his eyes. Louis wants to reach out and touch them. He wants to move each individual curl out of the way to punch him square in his too-big nose.

“This,” Louis vaguely points to the one-on-one's typed out on his schedule, “is _not_ going to happen.”

“I really think it is, love.” Harry smiles at him, still clearly amused that Louis is losing this battle.

“The world doesn’t exist to cater to you, _Harry_! Do you just expect to get everything you want?!”

“I usually do.”

“There are no grounds for you to have one-on-ones!” Louis shouts.

Harry shrugs still smiling. “But I want them.”

Louis glares at him with as much animosity as he can before stomping away. “I’m going to find Ingrid!” he yells over his shoulder.

“Be a dear and tell her hello from me!” Harry shouts back.

Louis did in fact find Ingrid. He marched right up to her as she held up one silencing finger in his face, deflating him before Louis could even get a word out. Apparently Harry felt _‘uncomfortable’_ talking in a group setting so he wanted one-on-ones to better serve his time in rehab. Louis' eyes rolled so far back into his head he could almost see Liam’s disapproving gaze behind him rather than feel it.

So one very short and very unproductive diva strop found Louis here in the one-on-one session room sitting face to face with the most spoiled, unapologetic, half-dressed, non-celebrity Louis has even had the displeasure of knowing.

Harry is sitting back in his armchair, one ankle balancing on his knee while he watches Louis with the same smug grin as always. Louis tries to keep his face neutral but it’s a struggle when all Harry’s face does is make him want to slap it.

“Alright, Mr. Styles,” Louis looks around the room and even goes so far as to lean over and peer under his own armchair to add to the ridiculousness of the situation. “We are alone. It seems you have the floor _completely_ to yourself. You have my _undivided_ attention, so by all means, tell me a little about yourself and your addiction.” Louis makes sure sarcasm trickles out along with his words but somehow it only makes Harry grin harder.

“You first,” Harry says.

Louis gives him a humorless laugh. “It seems you don’t understand how this works. You’re in _rehab_ to be _rehabilitated_. I am employed to listen to you, guide you, and give you sound advice so that when you leave this place you are equipped with the tools necessary to live a clean, sober, addiction-free life.” Louis gives him a tight smile. “So, Mr. Styles, would you please humor me and do what I ask?”

Harry looks like he’s contemplating it for a few seconds. “You first.”

Louis feels like he’s talking to a child so he starts yelling like one. “What was the point of requesting these sessions if you’re just going to waste them? How can I help you if you act like a five year old?!”

Harry looks completely unfazed by Louis’ outburst. Instead he adopts a kind voice and leans in a bit causing Louis to stare down his shirt right down to his navel. “I think things like therapy should be based off of trust, don’t you?

Louis drags his eyes back to Harry’s face and stares at him. “Your point?”

“Well maybe I’d feel more comfortable telling you all my deepest thoughts if I knew I weren’t being judged. You answer my questions and I’ll answer yours. We develop trust in a fair, nonjudgmental way. You get what you want and I get what I want.”

Louis wages an internal war with himself trying to decide if making a deal with a patient is wise or even professional really. It’s probably not, but Harry is somehow under the impression that he makes all the rules so Louis can either choose to waste time sitting here with him for the next four weeks or he can do what Harry wants and actually get somewhere with his therapy.

“Fine.” Louis agrees and Harry’s smile is brighter than ever. “But there has to be rules in place. Like, honesty. You have to speak truthfully.” Harry nods like that’s a reasonable request. “ _And_ you have to be cooperative and stop trying to get under my skin all the time.”

“Okay. Those are good rules. Anything else?” Harry asks.

Louis thinks for a while but nothing else comes to mind. “Not that I can think of at the moment…”

 “Okay then. Deal.” Harry reaches out a hand toward him and there’s a moment where Louis almost takes back everything he said, but then he finds his hand reaching forward to meet Harry’s.

They sit back from each other, Louis not sure how to proceed from here. He goes to ask Harry to talk about his drug addiction again but Harry starts talking before he can.

“Let’s start slow,” he says. “How did you end up working here?”

Louis groans at the question but a look of reprimand from Harry makes him answer. Louis still rolls his eyes before talking. “I thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist but they mostly give people drugs. I wanted to do the opposite so I now help people who have become dependent on them.”

Louis doesn’t wait for Harry to comment before he’s asking his own question. “How’d _you_ end up in here?”

Harry grins then sighs. Louis waits for his reply even though he knows full well how Harry got sent here. “Got caught with some things. Court ordered me here.”

“What kinds of _things_ were you caught with?” Louis raises an eyebrow.

“A few spliffs.  A bit of coke…bit of heroin. Not that big of a deal.”

“You think being caught in possession of three illegal substances isn’t that big of a deal? Harry, you’re in rehab because of this. That sounds like a pretty big deal to me. What do your friends and family have to say on the matter?”

Harry is looking right at him and he thinks Harry will give him answers, but of course he doesn’t. “I get to ask another now,” he announces.

Louis is a bit thrown off by the sudden drop of topic. Silence takes them over while Harry looks him over with a calm interest which started out innocent enough, but now he feels scrutinized; examined. Harry always stares at him like this, like he wants something. He stares like there’s something he knows. The intensity of it makes Louis flush against his will.

“So you have a girlfriend…” Harry says like a question, even though he clearly met Bridgett himself.

“Yes.”

Harry squints a bit at him. “That’s very interesting to me,” Harry says slinked back in his chair, “How long have you two been together?”

Louis is sure this conversation has absolutely nothing to do with anything drug related but he answers anyway. “A year…give or take a couple of months...” Harry looks him up and down while he’s talking making him feel warm all over. The out-of-place sensation reminds Louis that he needs to get this session back on track. “O-Okay back to the conversation. So we were just-”

“But why?” Harry asks out of nowhere making Louis splutter.

“Why, what?” Louis snaps at him for being interrupted.

“Why her? Why are you two together? I mean, you _can’t_ be happy. When I first met you I thought for sure…” Harry tapers off and doesn’t finish his sentence. Harry looks so concerned about this, too concerned for it to be considered polite small talk or banter. Louis makes the executive decision to end this now before it gets any more weird.

“Alright, deal is off. We can’t do therapy this way if you’re going to ask invasive things about my life.”

“But you’re going to be asking invasive things about _my_ life.” Harry argues, lifting his shoulders. “Just answer the question.”

Louis scoffs. “Which one?! You asked about a million.”

“Are you happy with her?” Louis huffs again, outraged that Harry would even ask him this. “You have to answer truthfully. It’s part of the deal.” Harry reminds him when Louis looks like he’s about to tell him to fuck off.

Louis defiantly crosses his arms over his chest.  “This is ridiculous. She’s my _girlfriend_. Of course I’m happy with her… I mean, I’d be a prick if I weren’t, right? There. I answered. Are you happy now?”

“Yes.” Harry raises his eyebrows just the tiniest bit, “But I don’t think you and Bridgett are.”

“You don’t know anything about us. You have no right to sit there and judge my relationship.”

Now Harry is scoffing. “You’re upset because I’m telling you that you’re unhappy, but I don’t see you really disagreeing with me.”

Louis’ mouth is hanging open, much like it usually does when he’s arguing with the idiot in front of him. He’s happy with Bridge. He is. She’s lovely, Liam says so all the time and so does everyone else. She’s beautiful, kind, thoughtful, and everything a girlfriend is supposed to be. She’s great and Louis is happy with her, even with all of their issues, most of which just so happen to be _his_ issues, but still. He’s happy isn’t he? Isn’t he??

Harry leans in to him so there’s less space between them. “What I don’t understand is why you’re wasting your time with her.” The green of Harry’s eyes is beautiful this close up. It’s all Louis can focus on while his mouth is still hanging wide open and not even attempting to defend himself. His gaze is too intense, too questioning for Louis’ taste; too knowing.

Louis stands and Harry stands with him, grabbing onto his wrist like an apology but Louis immediately snatches his hand away like he’s been burned.

“I don’t want you to be upset, Louis. I just wanted-”

“No, you wanted me to question my entire relationship, which congratulations, Harry, you’ve succeeded. Thank you for that. Cheers.” Louis flushes then turns to leave, but then he’s facing Harry again. “If you’re so good at pointing out people’s flaws why don’t you work on figuring out how you got yourself stuck in a rehab facility at the age of twenty. Believe it or not, _that’s_ something that actually concerns you.” Harry looks a hurt for the first time since he barged into Louis’ life two weeks ago. It’s a low blow considering Harry is here to receive help, but it makes Louis feel a bit better as he leaves him alone in the room.

He’s in the staff area, his head resting in his hands when he feels his phone vibrate against his thigh. He already knows it’s Bridgett, his stomach doing a nasty turn when he confirms everything Harry just said by downright refusing to answer. He’s heard it from Liam over a hundred times, but it’s different coming from an outside party. It’s different when _Harry Styles_ is telling you your relationship is a right mess. He reaches into his pocket and turns the phone off placing it in his bag; out of sight, out of mind.

He realizes too late that having evening rounds means having to see Harry alone for the second time that day. Had he paid more attention he would’ve switched duty with Liam so he could avoid the weirdness he’s sure is about to take place.

He knocks on the door with more force than necessary, overcompensating for something, though he’s not sure what.

He hears some soft shuffling and then the door is swinging open, a remarkably fully dressed Harry coming into view. Louis takes in his curls framing his face, loose and chocolaty with a beanie holding them away from his eyes. His eyes…. He could almost forget that he’s mad at Harry if he stared at them long enough… That’s why Louis doesn’t focus on them for too long.

“Glad to see you’re clothed,” Louis says bitterly. “I need to do an inspection,” Louis announces taking in the leather-bound journal at Harry’s side. He wonders what someone so annoying could be journaling at this hour. “Could you please step aside?” he asks, and it’s a shock when Harry actually moves.

Harry only has his bedside lamp on, creating a dimness just bright enough to read or write. Louis reaches to turn on the overhead lights. Harry lightly grasps his wrist to stop him. “Leave them off? My head isn’t feeling too great.”

Louis doesn’t snatch away even though he should for the shit Harry pulled during their session today. He simply nods once and begins his inspection, Harry staying by the door this time, but watching, just like always.

“Are you hiding any drug paraphernalia, illegal substances, phones, or devices?”

Louis expects a smart ass reply like last time, but Harry just smiles and shakes his head. Louis looks around once more, eyes falling on the guitar resting against the bedside table. He didn’t even know Harry could play.

He makes his way to the door squeezing past Harry who is still acting weird. Louis should just go, but of course he can’t. “Why are you being so strange? And by strange I mean _normal_ … You haven’t made me regret anything the entire time I’ve been in your room.”

Harry smiles a little moving his journal behind his back. “I figured you deserved another break for earlier during our session. Sorry for that by the way.”

“Well it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” Louis sighs at the truth of the statement. “But I’m your therapist so you can’t just start in on me and how fucked up my relationship looks to you. It really is none of your business.”

Harry nods. “I know. I’m sorry. Tomorrow will be better. Promise.”

Louis huffs.  Tomorrow. He almost forgot that the one-on-ones are an everyday thing. “Yeah. We’ll see.”

In the time it takes Louis to turn towards the door, Harry steps forward so closely and so suddenly that Louis sucks in a harsh breath. Harry’s got one hand still hiding his journal behind his back with the other outstretched past Louis’ waist, and Louis doesn’t realize he’s staring at Harry’s mouth until he sees it turn up into a grin.

“I was just opening the door for you... didn’t mean to startle you.” Louis watches his lips form each word as he hears the door latch clicking open behind him. Harry’s mouth is such a lovely color in this light.

When Harry’s eyes dart down to Louis’ lips it takes his brain a few moments to catch up to the situation, but when it does Louis immediately staggers back. “I should- I- I’m just leaving…” he says a mixture of words that probably make zero sense outside of his head, but Harry smiles down at him regardless. “Have a good night,” he finally settles on, now successfully in the hallway and not sharing air with Harry.

“Same to you,” Harry says warmly as he leans out from the doorframe still just as close to him as he was inside the room. Harry glances back down at Louis’ mouth again, a playful glint in his eye. “Tell Bridgett hi,” he smirks as he shuts the door, leaving Louis standing openmouthed yet again.

How dare he make Louis incapable of coherent thought and then throw the girlfriend he’s currently avoiding in his face. Louis pounds on the door before he has properly thought it through. “YOU CAN’T JUST-” Harry swings the door back open, bringing Louis’ would be rant to a premature end.

“Can’t just what? I wished you and your girlfriend a good night. Nothing’s wrong with that.” He states matter-of-factly.

“But-” Louis had a point to this, really he did, but now that Harry is chuckling at him he can’t seem to remember what it was.

“Good night, Lou. See you in the morning.” The door shuts slowly leaving a breathless Louis in the middle of the hall feeling like he’s missing something here.

\----

“I like your shirt today.”

“This is the same shirt I wear to work every day,” Louis says flatly as he writes across from Harry.

“Yeah, but it looks especially nice on you today.”

Louis sighs. He had to work detox this morning, plus Emily got moved to his group sessions since Harry is no longer in them, so getting her to open up has been a challenge. The last thing he needs right now is Harry being ridiculous.

“Alright, Harry cut the bullshit.” Harry’s eyebrows shoot up. “I think we’ve reached that level in our relationship now, don’t you? I’m tired, there’s a new person in detox, my shirt is wrinkled because I forgot to iron it, and I’m being forced to be social after work tonight when I really just want to go to sleep. Please cut me some slack?”

He waits for the mischief in Harry’s eyes to die out but it doesn’t. “Well I guess someone can’t take a compliment.”

“It’s not a compliment when you’re being a smug ass.”

“Well I’d more call it shameless flirting, but something tells me you wouldn’t be into that.”

“Well something is telling you right because I’m not.” Louis says still scribbling.

“Yeah, because of your _girlfriend,_ right?”

Louis looks up at Harry’s tone. “What is it about her you don’t like? I don’t get it. Everyone loves her except you.”

“And you,” Harry adds with a deliberate smirk.

“You’re crossing the line again,” Louis warns.

“You’re deflecting again,” Harry mocks.

Louis was about to go in on him once more but he knows it’ll be to no avail. He’s learning he can’t win when it comes to Harry, so he changes the subject instead. “Tell me about the night you were arrested.”

Harry isn’t reeling from the subject change like Louis usually is. “There’s nothing to tell. You can Google it and find out anything you want.”

Louis’ face burns bright red. Little does Harry know he already Googled that, as well as everything else to do with him. “I’d much rather hear from you if you don’t mind.”

“I was out with some mates. The night got a bit out of hand and when we were pulled over by a policeman, my car got checked and he found the drugs.” Harry tells the story like he’s bored. “Nothing more to tell.”

It’s like Harry is telling him about a night he didn’t even experience. It’s like he wasn’t even there.  “Who were you out with?”

“Zayn Malik, Niall Horan, and Ed Sheeran.”

“So you’re telling me four lads go out on the town and you’re the only one with drugs and everyone else was a saint and had no clue.” Harry nods. “And the court actually _believed_ that story?” Now Harry looks uncomfortable. He starts shifting, clearing his throat so he doesn’t have to meet Louis’ eyes. “I’ve been in this field for a few years now and I know a bullshit story when I hear one, Styles. Tell me what really happened.”

“That _is_ what happened,” He says looking over Louis shoulder at the clock hanging on the wall.

“I know for fact that Zayn Malik has been mixed up with drugs and alcohol within the last year and you’re saying he had no idea there was coke in that car? He let you take full responsibility?” Harry still won’t meet his eyes. “Tell me about the last time you used. Was it that night?”

Harry’s eyes flash up at him. “I’ve already told you before that I’m not an addict. I don’t use.”

“So you were caught in possession of drugs that neither you nor your friends had _any_ intention of taking…”

They have a stare off where neither of them says anything. “How many other girlfriends have you had?”

Louis blinks a few times in confusion. “What does that matter??”

“I answered all of your questions…” Harry sits with an expectant expression.

“Two. Beth and Eleanor.”

Harry hums. “How’d you meet Bridgett?”

“She’s friends with Liam’s girlfriend, Sofia. Why? Do you have an issue with Sofia now as well?” Louis asks sarcastically.

“No. I’m sure Liam is actually attracted to his girlfriend.”

Louis’ eyes snap up from where he was writing. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Harry shrugs with a small grin. Louis fixes him with a hard stare. “You do realize I’m straight, right?” he asks when Harry’s eyes rake over him in a not so subtle way.

“I know that’s what you’ve been telling yourself. I don’t get it though. I never deny myself what I want so I find you quite interesting.”

And yeah, Louis remembers reading about all the sorts of _things_ Harry allows himself to have, most of which includes singers and models, both females and males to the media’s delight. One of the most popular topics of the year other than him disappearing off to rehab was the end of Harry’s supposed relationship with model Cara Delevingne, that and the fact that he was spotted leaving the home of her equally attractive brother not even two weeks later sporting a love bite the size of a plum.

Louis stares blankly. “I don’t know what you’ve convinced yourself of, but I’m straight. I have a girlfriend. She’s lovely-”

“No one is ever entirely straight,” Harry interrupts.

“Well no one ends up in a drug rehab facility for not using.” Louis snaps at him.

Harry rolls his eyes. “I got tested when I signed in, you know. I was clean other than a bit of marijuana.” Harry waves at the papers in Louis’ hands. “You can check if you don’t believe me.”

Louis checked on his sobriety the moment he found out he had to do these one-on-one sessions. Harry was clean when he got here. He didn’t even have to stay in detox. “I already have. I know you were clean. I just don’t get why you’re being so weird about that night. It’s like you’re trying to protect someone or something. Is it your mates? Why are you covering for them? You can tell me the truth.”

Harry’s gaze is unwavering looking up at Louis like he almost wants to take him up on the offer and just come clean. “I am telling the truth,” he says and Louis shakes his head.

“You’re not. But whatever. You’ve still got to be here another four weeks.” Louis lifts one eyebrow at him in challenge.

Harry smirks at him. “Yeah. Maybe we’ll both stop lying by the end of it.”


	4. Chapter 4

Harry’s words echo in his mind when he hugs Liam goodbye as they both pull out of the car lot; Louis a little more stiff than usual when Liam pulled him in. He thinks about it again while he’s in the shower and also when he’s styling his hair for the date he most definitely does not want to go on.

Liam shows up to collect him around seven wearing the grey button down he always wears when he wants to impress someone. Louis looks down at the shirt he dug up from the back of his closet feeling like a shitty person already because he never tries to impress Bridgett.

“You look nice, Lou.”

Louis pinches him in the arm as he walks past. “Save your flattery, Payne. You already got me to agree to go.”

“The girls are thrilled,” Liam half pouts at the door, “We haven’t double dated in ages. Even I’m a little excited for all of us to hang out.”

Louis would like to say something about how all of them hanging out sounds a lot like shoving his face into a hot frying pan, but he refrains. “It’ll be great,” Louis says through a tight smile.

They sit through dinner with one couple on each side of their small table giving Louis an optimal view of the pair across from him beaming at each other like pure sunshine. Until this moment Louis had never paid more attention to how his and Liam’s relationships differ. Where Louis is rigid and prefers not to be touched unless Bridgett deems it absolutely necessary, Liam and Sofia practically meld into one another, sitting so closely and stealing so many kisses that Louis almost feels rude for paying so much attention to them. They gaze at each other all the time, even when one doesn’t think the other is watching. It’s incredibly cute but it makes Louis feel terrible considering he hardly ever steals glances at the beautiful girl by his side.

They go get more drinks from a pub near the restaurant; drinks that Louis so desperately needs after witnessing more than a few heated kisses from Liam and Sofia where he heard as well as saw tongues sliding. He downs his fourth mixed drink when he sees Sofia lean in to whisper something that makes Liam smile and blush like a twelve year old. He can’t see what her hands are doing from this side of the table but the way Liam’s breath catches tells Louis he doesn’t want to know. He orders another drink since he can’t pour bleach into his eye sockets.

After a while he chances a look at Bridgett and the way that their hands are loosely intertwined between them, just there. They haven’t really kissed at all except for the beginning of the night, and that was just in greeting. He hears Sofia giggle into Liam’s ear and more of Harry’s words bounce around his head. _I’m sure Liam is actually attracted to his girlfriend._

It’s a relief to see Liam hop up after another hour of watching him and Sofia not so secretly sext and grope each other under the table. Liam asks if they’re all ready to go as he practically sprints to the door with Sofia right at his heels.

They stop at Bridgett’s first and she gives Louis a hopeful look, silently asking him to stay over. He whispers that he has to get to work early and she takes that as a viable excuse. She kisses him quickly then slides out of the back seat. Sofia gets out too to walk her to the door when Louis doesn’t move to do it.

“Liar,” Liam mumbles under his breath. He must have overheard his work excuse.

“Oh shut up, Li. You’ll still have sex with Sofia you just have to take me home first.”  He can feel Liam glaring at him in the rearview mirror the entire drive.

Louis tells them both goodbye when they slow to a stop. He reaches for the door and is almost out when Sophia’s soft voice makes him pause.

“Hey, Louis…” she sounds hesitant her eyes moving to Liam every few seconds like he may have told her to not say anything. “I don’t know if you guys are doing any better and I know it’s not really my place, but she really loves you, you know.”

Louis’ immediate reaction is to smile politely and nod. He doesn’t know what to say really so he kisses her cheek and thanks her. Louis can’t be upset with her. She’s just looking out for her friend. He would do the same thing for Liam. “Thanks for dragging us out.” He tells Liam, slapping a wet kiss to his scruffy cheek as well before hopping out of the car.

He bids them goodnight and Liam watches him retreat up to his house with sad eyes, but Louis pretends not to notice.

He gets himself ready for bed, his chest tight with guilt, and now Harry’s words are mixed with Sofia’s worried expression in his mind. The combination of the two makes Louis eye his phone laying on the pillow next to him. He types out a couple of different things but then settles on something he knows will make Bridgett smile. She deserves it for how terrible of a date he was.

‘ _You looked so beautiful tonight Bridge and I had such a great time. I wish I could’ve stayed over. Maybe Friday? GoodnightXx.’_

She answers right back. _‘You’re too sweet. Are you alright? You seemed sad tonight.’_

He figured she had noticed him being extra quiet but of course she wouldn’t say anything until now. _‘Work was hard. I think I just need some sleep.’_

Louis turns off his lamp and slides down into his sheets waiting for her reply. _‘I’m sorry...I hope tomorrow is better. Sleep well!’_ then,  _‘Can’t wait to see you FridayXx’_

Louis reads it over and over again until the messages don’t even look like coherent words anymore. Bridgett is wonderful. She is absolutely amazing, that’s why Louis’ stomach sinks just thinking about the promise he’s sure to break at the end of the week. She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve him.

He lets his eyes slide shut, though with the way his stomach feels he doesn’t expect to sleep much. It takes far too long for him to even doze off because each time he tries Harry’s words crop back up to the forefront of his consciousness, pulling his eyes back open into alertness.   _No one is ever entirely straight._

\---

“Walk me through that night. Starting from the time you all arrived at the club.”

Harry sighs letting his head fall back into the cushion of his armchair. They’ve been at it for nearly half an hour now and Louis is no closer to knowing why Harry had enough drugs to take down a baby elephant than he was yesterday.

Louis shifts in his armchair. “I’m waiting…”

It stays silent for a long time with both of them just watching the other. Louis notices the way Harry is stretched out, one leg draped lazily over the arm of his chair, his shirt almost completely undone today. He wishes Harry would unbutton the rest of it so he could see the rest of the tattoo he’s been eyeing.

“If you answer a few things for me then I’ll tell you what you what to know.”

Louis sits up. Now they're getting somewhere. “Alright… but it can’t be something inappropriate.”

Harry grins. “Okay.”

Louis waits wondering what else Harry could possibly want to know about him. He’s already told Louis he’s a shit boyfriend, what else could there be?

“How many men have you dated?” he asks innocently.

Louis’ face screws up. “I said nothing inappropriate.”

“It’s not! I asked you about your girlfriends the other day and you answered. How’s this any different?”

Louis is at a loss. It’s not any different, not really. “None.” Louis answers, watching Harry adopt a small frown. “I don’t know why this is shocking news for you. We’ve already established that I am straight.”

“You mean we’ve already established that that’s not true,” Harry scoffs at him. “Have you ever kissed a guy, then?”

Louis’ eyes deceive him and immediately flash down to Harry’s amused lips. “Uh…No.”

He watches Harry’s tongue peek out and lick over the fullness of his mouth, his dimples exposed on either side. “Ever think about it?” Louis takes a deep breath and entirely too long to answer. “I think you may be thinking about it right now,” Harry says in a voice much lower than usual.

“No, I’m not.” Louis insists, though he does wonder if Harry’s lips are as soft as they always look. He never really developed a liking for making out with Bridgett but he wonders if he would like having Harry’s tongue run alongside his own. If Harry would grip into his hair or bite down on him a bit if he asked...

“You’ve been staring at me and my mouth for over two weeks and you’ve _never_ thought about it?”

Louis takes one last lingering glance at the contour of Harry’s bottom lip before dragging his eyes back to the rest of his face. “You’re my patient,” Louis states simply.

Harry doesn’t say anything else so Louis guesses he’s finished with the interrogation for now. “Alright. Now it’s your turn. Tell me what happened.”

They ran out of time for Harry to tell him the whole story, but so far nothing seems out of place. So far he just knows they all went out. Louis asked how the drugs got involved but Harry had been watching the clock and ended the session himself before he could answer. Louis didn’t say anything because at least they're making some kind of progress.

When he sees Harry again it’s just after dinner. He’s sitting on the couch with Emily again, much like he always is this time of day; so kind and gentle.

Ingrid finds him watching them smiling with a hand on Louis’ arm. “How are sessions with him going?”

Louis could tell her that their sessions are some of the most pointless, unprofessional encounters of his life, but he sees Harry hugging Emily tight when she cries about letting down her family. He sees Harry swapping stories with the other patients at Oakfield, making people laugh, making them feel better about being stuck here, and he just can’t say anything damaging.

“He’s challenging. Spoiled and manipulative as hell,” Louis laughs to himself. “But we’re alright.”

Ingrid breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank God! I thought I was going to have to handcuff you two together to work out your differences. I’m glad you’re getting along.”

Louis is still there when she leaves him watching Harry find Julia and give her a warm hug before heading off to his room for the night. Louis leaves after that, finding himself not dreading his evening rounds for the first time in a while.

Harry answers the knock on his door with a sleepy smile. “Hey Lou.” He says stepping aside before Louis even asks him to. He’s wearing dark joggers and a soft grey shirt that looks so comfortable that Louis wants to touch it. Louis scans the room taking in the array of hats and head scarves hanging on the wall. He’s looking for things out of inspection code but he’s also paying attention to the things that are just Harry.

“I didn’t know you play guitar,” Louis says rounding the bed and heading towards Harry’s bathroom. Harry is sitting on his bed when Louis comes back out.

“I could play for you some time.” Harry glances over at it leaning against his bedside table then back to Louis who isn’t leaving yet.

“That would be nice,” Louis says walking over to Harry’s wardrobe. He notes the stack of black skinny jeans and the never-ending row of colorful shirts hanging up inside. Louis grabs a black brimmed hat and tries it on briefly. It looks awful on him. It should look terrible on anybody really, but somehow Harry makes it look good.

“Try this one.” Harry digs through a drawer and comes up with a blue beanie. Louis expects him to just hand it over but then Harry’s fingers are in his hair and he’s moving his fringe around till he’s satisfied then places it on his head. “Looks good. It matches your eyes.”

Louis gets a little lost staring up at Harry this close to him again, but he can at least make full sentences this time. “I feel like a smurf.”

Harry laughs loudly. “You are wearing quite a lot of blue…” Harry digs in the drawer again and comes out with a grey one instead. He pushes into Louis' space again to place it on his head but Louis doesn’t really mind. “Much better,”  Harry smiles.

Louis takes in his reflection at Harry’s command before moving onto a large jewelry box sitting on a shelf on the wall. It’s old and made of black wood, intricately painted flowers engraved down the sides with a golden latch at the opening.

“My grandfather gave me that before he died. It belonged to my grandmother.” Louis sets it down gently and opens it. He takes out a large silver ring with designs all over it. Louis slides it onto each of his fingers only for it to hang there loosely around him. Harry digs in the box and finds another silver ring, this one encrusted with deep purple and black gems and a cursive ‘ _H_ ’ engraved on the side. He takes Louis' hand in his and the touch makes his stomach warm.

Harry slides it onto his ring finger and smiles when it fits. “Gemma gave me this when we were younger.” Harry’s eyes shine fondly looking at it against Louis’ skin. “It’s too small for me now.”

Louis gets caught up looking at it glittering on his finger. “I’ve never played dress up in a patient’s room before. Everyone else adheres to the dress code,” Louis teases. He takes off the ring and gently places it back in the box. He picks up several more pieces and looks at the multiple necklaces but doesn’t touch them. “I should go.” He announces when he realizes how long he’s been here.

He heads for the door and Harry is right behind him. “Wait,” he says then rushes back over to the box. He comes back and reaches for Louis’ hand again, sliding Gemma’s ring back onto his small finger. “You keep it. I can’t even wear it anymore so someone should...”

“I can’t keep this, Harry. This is from your sister and it looks really expensive-”

Harry lightly squeezes the hand he has yet to let go of. “Please,” he says, cutting Louis off. “Consider it compensation for having to deal with my sorry arse every day.” Harry smiles watching Louis think it over. Harry lets him go and Louis wiggles his finger watching the gems glint off the dim lights in the room. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Louis sighs like it’s some big chore to accept beautiful jewelry. “I’ll take it, but only because purple looks really nice with my skin.” Louis steps out into the hallway. “Have a good night. And thank you.”

Harry grins again just before closing the door.  Louis stands there for a lot longer than he’d like to admit just staring down at his hand. His stomach still felt bubbly and light, and though he’s good at lying to himself he’s man enough to admit that the feeling has nothing to do with the jewelry around his finger nor the beanie that’s still on his head.

\----

“Where the hell did you get that thing?” Liam asks flopping down next to Louis on the sofa. He grabs Louis’ hand in his to gawk at the ring on his finger. Louis' stomach doesn’t even flutter. He has started to admit to himself that he’s not very attracted to Bridgett nor has he ever been, but he’s very glad to know he isn’t attracted to Liam in the slightest. Louis slaps his hand away but continues staring down at his hand. “Are those real?!” Liam asks incredulously.

Louis runs the pad of his thumb over the deep purple stones. “I think so,” he says absently. He’s still staring at his own finger when he realizes Liam is still staring at him.

“I’ve never known you to buy jewelry...”

“Didn’t buy it. It was a gift.”

Liam’s eyebrows shoot up. “No offense Lou, but there’s no way Bridgett could afford that. You have to give it back.”

“It’s from Harry.”

Liam’s mouth drops open into a large ‘o’ shape. He takes several breaths likes he’s about to say something but he can’t seem to find the right words. “He gave you a diamond ring? As a gift??”

Louis shrugs at him. “Yeah.”

Liam shoots up from where he was seated. “You have to give it back! Now!”

Louis’ face scrunches up in defense, shielding his hand away from Liam’s judgmental eyes. “What? Why?! He wanted me to have it.”

“Louis, he’s your patient! You can’t accept that!”

“Well…” Louis doesn’t know what else to really say on the matter. “I already did so...”

They stare at each other for a long time until Liam’s eyes soften a bit and he sits back down. “I don’t know what the hell is going on between you two, but I’ve been doing this as long as you have and no patient has _ever_ given me a diamond ring.”

Louis knows it’s unusual. The fact that the ring is even sitting on his finger is probably in violation of at least ten codes of ethics, but even all that’s not enough to make him take it off or give a damn.

\----

Louis walks into his and Harry’s session not really sure what to expect since their last exchange ended in Louis sporting a ring that probably costs more than his car.

When he gets there Harry is already waiting like usual, but he doesn’t seem as spirited. “What’s the matter?” Louis asks, taking his seat across from him.

“I’m fine. Just a little nervous.”

Louis has half a mind to laugh. “You? Nervous? I find that hard to believe.” He jokes but Harry isn’t smiling with him. Louis clears his throat then and tries to change the subject. “Well uh…shall we pick up where we left off? You were telling me about the night you were arrested.”

Harry takes a deep breath nodding to himself. “I’m going to tell you everything, but you have to promise not say anything to anyone. Like, I want you to know but my friends- they could get into trouble. I don’t want that.”

“I couldn’t say anything even if I wanted to, Harry. Whatever you tell me is completely confidential. I could lose my job if I said anything at all.”

“I know all that,” Harry rolls his eyes,  “I want you to respect my wishes because you’re my friend not just because you could lose your job.”

Louis is almost taken aback because he had no clue Harry thought of him that way. Louis nods meeting his eyes. “Alright. You have my word not to say anything. Nothing you tell me will leave this room.”

Harry nods, taking another deep breath before beginning. “My dad had just told Niall that his tour had been approved for his album that’s coming out soon. He wanted to go out to celebrate, so he called me up but I didn’t really feel like going out so he called Zayn. I was going to stay home, but then Niall called Ed and I knew all three of them together was going to be a bad idea because it always is.” Harry pauses looking like he’d rather eat nails than continue.

“I-I love my friends. I’m not saying they’re bad people but…well you already know Zayn’s reputation with drugs and alcohol and Ed is just as bad sometimes…”

Louis nods. “I don’t doubt that you love them. They’re important to you.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking, but I figured I could keep things under control if I went with them. Like, be the voice of reason or whatever. We went to this party and everyone started drinking of course. We lit up because Niall wanted to get high. I smoked with them, which, looking back was probably my first mistake.” Harry laughs humorlessly at himself. “We stayed there for a while then Niall and Ed started to get restless. Some people were talking about a club and the boys wanted to go so I drove us. Other people from the party followed but we all stayed together in my car.”

“So you were driving under the influence of marijuana and alcohol.” Louis interrupts to summarize.

“I wasn’t really drunk or that high…I didn’t think it mattered.” Louis gestures for him to continue. “We got to the club and everyone was really chill. I don’t know how long we were there, but Niall was still trying to get high even though we had just smoked. I figured Zayn, Ed, and him were out back somewhere smoking again so I didn’t worry when I didn’t see them. They were gone for a long time, then Zayn texted me that I needed to get outside so I went looking for them."

“I didn’t get why Zayn was so upset when I first found them but then he told me Ed called one of his mates and got some powder and heroin because Niall had been complaining about not being high enough. I don’t know what Ed was thinking. Niall’s never done anything but smoke a few spliffs and he called his dealer and got all this shit brought to the club…”

“What happened when you found out?” Louis asks trying hard to keep judgment out of his voice.

“Zayn was angry because he’s been trying to clean himself up and I was freaking out. I got into this huge row with Ed and Niall was so drunk he didn’t even realize what the big deal was. I knew we needed to get out of there before we were photographed or someone heard us, so Zayn helped me get everyone to the car in one piece.” Harry pauses messing with one of his necklaces. “I begged Niall to leave the drugs, but he- he wouldn’t listen.”

“We got on the road and Ed started yelling about how I was a fucking hypocrite and that I was no better than him or Zayn. I should’ve just stopped the car but I kept driving, kept arguing back and forth with him. I was swerving all over the road like a crazy person.”

“That’s when you were pulled over by the police.”

“Yeah.”

“How did you get blamed for everything?”

“When we got stopped Niall was losing his shit. Zayn and Ed were trying to calm him down but they couldn’t so I took the drugs off him and hid them in the glove box. I told them not to say anything. The officer was suspicious of how I was driving, and the way Niall was acting…everyone else still looked so high.” Louis watches Harry fold in on himself.

“He checked the car when he couldn’t find any drugs on you…that’s when you all got arrested.” Louis says mostly to himself, but Harry nods, his eyes looking glassy. “Why didn’t the others say anything?”

Harry shakes his head. “I- I told them not to. I mean, Zayn’s new album is out and he’s trying to get clean.” Louis fixes him with a look of disbelief. “I know he’s been in trouble a lot in the past but he _is_ trying. And Niall…he just got that record deal from my father. Something like this could end his career before he even really has one. And Ed…I don’t know what the hell he was thinking. He has this huge world tour he’s leaving for in a couple of weeks and I know he uses all the time, but I just couldn’t do that to him. I was the one with the least to lose.”

“Harry. You are all adults who make their own choices. You can’t just go around saving people just because you don’t have an album coming out and your father’s money can keep you out of prison. You’re sitting here in place of three people who should’ve spoken up and instead they let you take the fall for them!”

“I’ve known them since I was fifteen, Louis! Niall and I have both gotten in trouble for weed before but this was totally different! People do _time_ for cocaine and heroin and none of them deserves that!”

“It’s not up to you to decide things for the law. If it was their first offence they wouldn’t have gotten prison time, they’d be sitting in a rehab facility just like you!”

“It wouldn’t have been Ed or Zayn’s first offence.” Harry crosses his arms, no longer meeting Louis’ eyes. “It was my choice. You might not agree with it but they’re my friends and it’s my life. The world thinks I’m a drug addict anyways. I might as well play the part.”

Louis scoffs at him. He needs to get a hold on his emotions but he’s getting angrier and angrier the more he listens. “Your ‘ _friends_ ’ sure seem to care a lot about you, Harry. They haven’t even come to visit you and you’re going to sit there and defend them?” Louis can tell that stung by the hurt look on Harry’s face but he doesn’t care. “Your life is just as important as theirs. Just because the media paints you how they want doesn’t mean a thing. You’ve been here for weeks and I can tell you for a fact that the media is wrong.”

Harry’s voice is rough when he finally speaks. “Can we end early today?”

Louis can see the tears forming more quickly. He wants to continue this but if Harry doesn’t want to cry in front of him then he’s not going to make him. “Sure, Harry. We’ll pick this back up-”

Harry is up and out of the room before Louis even finishes his sentence. For the first time ever Louis is the last man standing rather than the one fleeing as soon as their time ends. It hits him while he’s gathering all of his stuff that Harry didn’t ask him a single invasive thing today. Louis finds himself kind of missing it.

*

Their conversation is on constant replay in his mind the rest of the day. He wants to make sure Harry’s alright but he hasn’t seen him at all. He asked other patients had they seen him, but they said he didn’t even come out of his room for dinner.

Louis isn’t on evening duty tonight so he waits in the staff room pretending to type up a report until Liam comes back from doing room inspections. Louis tries to subtly get up and leave but of course Liam notices. “Where are you sneaking off to?” he asks collecting his things to go home.

“I uh, forgot something. It’s all the way over in detox so you can go ahead and leave without me.”

Liam turns to face him. “Oh? What did you leave?”

Louis waves his hand around. “Oh. My phone. You know how I’m always leaving it lying around.”

Liam smiles fondly at his forgetfulness. “Ah. That’s weird considering you texted me fifteen minutes ago to ask if I was almost finished with inspections, and also because you didn’t even work detox today.” Louis doesn’t even try to look sorry. “Louis…You know you’re not supposed to be in a patient’s room unless you’re doing an inspection.”

“Right, well…I have no clue what you’re on about, Li. I’m going to look for my phone.” Louis smiles and waves goodbye when Liam goes to say more. He sets off down the hall, only stopping to walk through the kitchen to grab a couple of bananas.

When Louis arrives, he knocks softly on the door, his heart beat just a little louder than normal as he waits. He hears the familiar shuffling then the door is opening.

A look of confusion and amusement paints Harry’s features. “What are you doing here?”

Louis was pretty confident before he actually saw Harry, but now that he’s standing here he isn’t certain he has the right to just show up at his door like this. “I heard you didn’t come out for dinner so...” Louis practically shoves the fruit into Harry’s face. “I brought you these.”

Harry grins down at the bananas and takes them. “Um….” Harry looks up and down the hallway finding it empty. Louis doesn’t know what else to say. He didn’t think much past the fruit plan.  

Harry looks a little out of his depth standing there holding fruit and not really sure what to do with the stray orderly at his door. “Do you want to come in?” Harry asks, stepping aside.

Louis knows it’s a bad idea as soon as he crosses the threshold, but he steps inside anyway. He stands there awkwardly fiddling with his hands. He usually has his clipboard to mess with but he’s not doing an inspection right now so there’s nothing to distract him from Harry watching him so closely.

“Please, have a seat…” Harry points at his bed and takes a seat waiting for Louis to sit down beside him. Louis makes sure to leave a bit of space between them, but then Harry slides over so they are aligned. He looks down at Louis, expectant and patient.

Louis gets a little distracted looking at their bodies touching this way, but it only takes him a few seconds to realize Harry is waiting for him. “So, I wanted to come see you. I wanted to make sure you were okay…I know you were kind of upset earlier. I’m sorry. I was out of line with some of the things I said, especially the things I said about your friends. I shouldn’t make judgments about the people in your life.”

“So you didn’t come just to give me random fruit?” Harry jokes.

“I’m afraid not.” Louis grins back at him. “I just wanted to apologize, really. I hope you accept it.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. You were right about everything you said. I made a dumb choice. Lots of them actually, so you shouldn’t need to apologize. I judge you and the people in your life all the time, so today was just payback.”

“No, Harry, you were right about Bridge. I’m not looking for you to apologize about the things you said. I had no right to say your friends don’t care about you.”

Harry goes to protest then rolls his eyes. “Am I going to have to give you more jewelry to make you shut up and stop apologizing to me?” Harry smiles looking down at the ring still circling Louis’ finger.

He grabs Louis’ hand in his to better look at it, Louis’ chest tightening at the touch. Harry runs his finger over it then down the center of Louis’ palm.

“Shouldn’t you be home by now?” Harry asks. “I’m sure you have better things to do than sit in my boring room. I’m sure Liam or your girlfriend are probably missing you.”

All of a sudden Louis is very aware of the phone is his pocket where several missed alerts from his girlfriend are sat waiting for a response. “I’d rather sit with you.”

Harry grins but looks a skeptical. “You’re not even supposed to be in here.”

“Well, you’re not supposed to give me gifts,” Louis argues.

Harry laughs and shakes his head. “We’re both terrible at following rules. I’m going to get kicked out of rehab and you’re going to lose your job. The media will _love_ that story.” He laughs again, but it’s bitter this time.

“Why do you always do that? Why do you base everything off of what the media says?”

Harry gives him a sad upturn of his lips. “Because that’s all anyone cares about.”

Louis places a bold hand on Harry’s forearm, his fingers resting against the tattoos etched into his skin. “Not me,” Louis tells him. “No one here thinks those things about you and I’m sure your family and friends don’t either.”

Harry slowly drags his eyes from Louis’ hand all the way up to his eyes. Louis is a lot less brave now that he notices how close they are and removes his hand. Harry immediately pulls it back down to his skin. “I think… I think you’re amazing,” Louis breathes.

The words leave his mouth in a soft whisper. Harry’s eyes dart down to watch Louis’ lips. “I thought you hated me.”

At first, Louis can only shake his head in answer. “It’s just banter, remember?”

Harry’s eyes are still transfixed by Louis’ mouth. He’s leaning in closer and closer by the second, and there are a million red flags going off in Louis’ mind but he refuses to pay them any attention. His breathing picks up so much that Louis can hear each shaky breath leave him in short bursts. Through all the nerves, he somehow manages to whisper Harry’s name.

Harry stops for a moment, his green eyes big and imploring. “What’s wrong?” he says mostly to Louis’ mouth because he’s still fixated on it, still hovering so close.

“I’ve- I’ve never done this before.”

Harry slinks back just a bit to really look at Louis now. He drags his fingers along the outline of his jaw and around to his chin. He stops just before touching his lips. The movement makes Louis’ stomach swoop. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Harry whispers. “I’ll stop.” Harry drops his hand away and Louis catches it mid-air.

“I don’t want you to. I just- I need you to walk me through this…”

Harry nods like he’s figuring out how to do just that, zeroing in on Louis once more like a target. “What’s it like when she kisses you?” he asks crowding up into Louis’ space again, one hand slowly wrapping around Louis’ waist while he thumbs at Louis’ bottom lip.

His mind is already on overload and Harry expects him to think about Bridgett at a time like this? Louis shakes his head violently. “I-I don’t know,” he stutters out.

Harry places a hand against his chest. “Does she make your heart race like this?”

Louis shakes his head and Harry smirks, sliding Louis’ uniform down from his neck to lightly brush his lips where his pulse is pounding; that alone causes Louis’ heart to smack against his chest.

Harry mouths his way up until he’s right against Louis’ lips, suspended and barely even there. Louis is barely breathing as it is, so when Harry finally connects them the last bit of air in his lungs is snatched away.

Harry is gentle with him at first, taking time to feel him out, to get Louis to relax into him. His lips move in slow and deliberate motions that make Louis’ eyes flutter shut. He’s floating, then Harry gets a little more hurried and his teeth graze Louis’ bottom lip while his fingers lightly tangle in his hair. Louis gasps into his open mouth, Harry’s tongue sliding inside to create a sensation Louis’ never felt before.  

Where Bridgett is mild and restrained, Harry moves on instinct, fisting in Louis’ hair and chasing the taste of him. It’s too much at one time and Louis can’t seem to catch his breath no matter how hard he tries. The situation only worsens when Harry bites down into the supple skin of his lips, causing him to moan straight into Harry’s mouth.

He pulls away startled by his own reaction and he can feel Harry smirking against him. Harry’s eyes are shining, but he can’t be concerned with Harry's smugness when Louis is sure his chest is about to explode.

He’s finally breathing regularly again when Harry starts twirling pieces of his hair between his fingertips and watching Louis like he wants to start round two. Louis needs to go before this truly gets out of hand, so he gathers what’s left of his will. “I should go.”

He stands up and Harry is right behind him. “You don’t have to.”

Louis shakes his head smiling. “No, I _really_ really do.” His words fall short when Harry leaves a light kiss on his lips, still tingly from the first time Harry kissed him.

“You’re sure?” he smirks when Louis looks even more dazed. Louis can feel his resolve breaking the longer he stands there. He gets to the door as fast as his legs will get him there without running. Harry still has that smug look on his face when Louis turns to look at him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow…have a good night.”

Harry crowds into his space again to whisper into his ear. “I think I’d have an even better night if you stayed here.”

It’s intoxicating being around Harry when he’s trying to get his way. Louis can see why he’s as spoiled as he is. No one ever tells him no. Even Louis is finding it hard to remember the hundreds of reasons why he absolutely cannot stay there.

Louis shakes his head to rid himself of Harry’s insistence. “I’m leaving. I have to go.” He says a lot less forcefully than he meant to.

“Yet you’re still standing here…” Harry bites down on his earlobe, “Just stay a little longer.” Harry’s large hands wrap around his waist. “Just ten more minutes.”

Louis pushes himself away though his entire being screams at him for doing so. He’s got the door open now and Harry has enough presence of mind to remove his hands from him.

“That was rude of you,” Harry pouts leaning in his door frame, a wicked grin still slapped over his mouth.

“I just saved us both. You’ll thank me later,” Louis says. His eyes fall on Harry’s lips, just wishing he could feel them again. He’s shocked when Harry seems to read his mind and steps into the hall, his mouth immediately on his. Louis sinks into him then starts spluttering to get away.

“You can’t just do that! What if someone had been walking by?!” Louis sounds panicked even to his own ears.

“There’s no one here.” Harry looks very pleased with himself, smiling as he kisses Louis again, and it’s not like Louis is doing much to stop him at this point. “But if it makes you uncomfortable…” He leans in for a second time connecting them, “Then I’ll stop.” Harry kisses him one last time to punctuate his words, using his tongue to make Louis melt into him.

He steps back to lean against his door frame. Louis halfheartedly glares at him from where he’s standing. “I hate you.”

“You’re not doing a very good job of it,” Harry laughs, his stupid dimples popping out.

Louis starts walking down the hall. “Go to bed, Harold.”

“Why don’t you come join me _, Lewis_?”

“In your dreams.” He scoffs as he’s walking away.

Harry hums from his room. “Hopefully.”

He can hear the smirk in Harry’s voice as he closes the door, but he can’t be annoyed when his cheeks hurt so much from smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

Louis wakes up Friday morning with a very conflicted outlook on life. He’s completely wired as soon as his toes hit the floor even though he hardly rested all night. He had a hard time falling asleep and then he tossed and turned well into the morning just anticipating seeing Harry again.

He knows it’s probably stupid to place so much expectation on something that can’t possibly work, but he can’t help the fact that butterflies create a storm in his stomach whenever he thinks about him.

He finally texted Bridgett last night to confirm that he would be coming over after work, the whole time wishing someone would just throw him from the top of a skyscraper for how guilty he feels. It twists in his stomach whenever he thinks about her, because Louis didn’t intend for things to go the way that they did with Harry. He really had gone there to apologize; he never expected to end up mouth to mouth with him on his bed. He decided as soon as he left Harry’s room that he has to end things with her, because even after all the other shit he has put their relationship through, she doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. He has come to terms with what he has to do tonight, but that doesn’t mean he’s particularly looking forward to it.

His eyes are peeled for Harry as soon as he’s through the door, which isn’t really that much different from any other day, but at least now Louis can admit that he is blatantly looking for him. He goes through his entire shift in detox without so much as a glimpse of him, so as soon as he’s allowed a break, he goes on the search. He isn’t in any of his usual places so Louis sneaks down the resident corridor. He passes Ingrid on his way there, but she hardly bats an eye at the fact that he should technically be on his way to his group session. She waves absently as she walks.

By the time he’s knocking on Harry’s door he has grown quite impatient, barely letting the door open before he’s squeezing himself inside.

“Where have you been hiding all morn-” Louis stops as soon as he sees two other bodies perched on Harry’s bed, their faces confused but poised in polite smiles.

Harry grins and bites at his lips, turning a nice pink shade to match Louis. “This is Louis,” he says turning to the two women. He faces Louis now, amusement clear in his eyes, “You met Gemma last time she was here, but you haven’t met my mum.”

Louis gives a feeble wave. He becomes incredibly aware of the weight of Harry’s ring tugging on his finger, so he hides his hand behind his back to shield it. Louis feels the sudden urge to sprint out of the nearest exit, but he’s determined to not let his face show it. “Hello Mrs….uh? I know you’re not Styles anymore…forgive me.” Louis’ mind runs through all the information he read about her divorce from Harry’s father, but he can’t seem to remember her new last name.

She shakes her head smiling at him. “Just call me Anne, dear.” She gets up to shake his hand. “You must be Harry’s therapist, right?” She asks him nicely enough, but something in her expression shows her intrigue at him bursting into her son’s room unannounced in the middle of the day.

Louis glances at Harry for cues but gets none. “I am…” he confirms. He chances a look at Gemma sporting a smirk very similar to the one Harry often wears. He flounders, clearly getting no help from her either. “I was uh, just...”

“I usually take a nap around this time, mum. Louis was just making sure I was awake and I’d be at our therapy session on time.” Harry’s face is pure innocence beaming down at his mother.

Anne seems to buy the lie, smiling hesitantly at both of them. “How are his sessions going by the way?” She leans in closer to Louis, “How is my baby doing?”

Harry’s face turns bright red. “ _Mum_. Stop.”

“He’s doing very well in therapy! He uh- he has already made some great strides. His future is looking better with each passing day.” Louis gives her a winning smile to go along with his lies. Little does she or anyone else know that his and Harry’s sessions are a shit-show every single day;  shit-shows interrupted by random bouts of sexual tension and shouting.

Anne turns to Harry, squeezing his hand in hers. “I’m so glad to hear it! What time does your session start, Louis? I’d love to sit in and listen.”

Louis can see Harry’s eyes about to pop out of his skull beside him. It’s nice to see Harry being the nervous one for once. “I would love that and I’m sure Harry would as well,” Harry tries again to communicate his extreme discomfort, and only because Louis is a nice person does he put an end to his suffering. “But one-on-one sessions are private, unfortunately… I think it would be great to have you sit in, but I’m afraid it’s Oakfield policy.”

She looks only a little put out by the news. “You’re sure there’s nothing we could do? Someone we could talk to or..?”

“I can call our director, Ingrid. She has forms and things you can fill out if you want access, with Harry’s permission of course. I can go track her down if you want. I’m sure she can print up some agreements for you. Get the process started…”

She shakes her head. “No, no, Louis, that’s too much trouble for you. I’ll just have to take your word for how my baby is doing.”

Louis breathes a quiet sigh of relief. He figured rambling about nonexistent forms would change her mind. Harry looks just as relived when he peeks over at him. “Well, I guess I’ll just be going now.” Louis shakes her hand and gives a small wave to Gemma who is still smirking from the bed. “It was lovely to meet you, Anne.” He turns to Harry next, “I’ll see you at our session. Enjoy your time with your family.”

Harry nods seriously, like he can’t wait to get into that room and get down to business. Like he just can’t wait to talk about his feelings and drug use. Louis knows better.

It only takes a moment for paranoia to set in once Louis is walking towards his group session which he is now a grand total of six minutes late for. If Harry’s mother suspects something odd going on, one word from her could have both of them in serious shit. Anne seemed none the wiser, but Gemma sure seemed to know more than she should.

His group session creeps by sluggishly, the whole time spent with Louis eyeing the clock. As soon as it lets out, he's up and headed to the community area. He pretends to be doing duty rounds as he walks around tending to patients but he’s really just spying. His efforts are finally rewarded when he sees Harry escorting his guests to the front of the building, his large smile visible from where Louis is situating the pillows of the sofa.

He doesn’t have to wait long for Harry to join him in the one-on-one room. When he looks up and Harry is walking in. He looks up and down the corridor before closing the door, he frowns when he notices there is no lock but shrugs it off.

“Thank you SO much for getting rid of my mother.” He gushes as soon as he turns around. “For a second I thought you were actually going to let her sit in with us.”

Louis watches him travel from the door to hover right in front of him, chest exposed, his large hands resting on either side of Louis’ armchair.

“Thank you,” Harry takes Louis’ chin and tilts it up towards his mouth. The butterflies are back, swarming around in Louis’ stomach again, and he wants this, really he does, but there’s a lot of guilt mixed up in there as well. He turns his head giving Harry his cheek at the last minute.

Harry blinks backward in confusion trying to read him. “What’s wrong? Am I not allowed to- I thought since last night…”

Louis shakes his head. “No, no. It’s not that. I want to, I just don’t feel right about it. I’m seeing Bridgett tonight and -” Harry’s frustrated groan interrupts him mid-sentence.

“You cannot be serious! We’re back to this? I hate to break it to you, Lou, but claiming to be straight is pretty much no longer an option for you.”

Louis glares at him, offended Harry would even suggest such a thing. “You are the most impatient person on the entire planet,” Harry looks skeptical, but shuts up. “If you wouldn’t rudely interrupt and let me _finish…_ I am seeing Bridgett tonight because I’m breaking up with her. I’m not trying to run away. I’m not denying what I feel for you, I’m simply trying to do the right thing for once when it comes to her.”

Sheepish does not begin to cover the look on Harry’s face. “Oh.”

“Yeah _. Oh_.” Louis mocks. Harry glances down at his Louis’ hand.

“You’re still wearing the ring?” Harry seems almost surprised by this fact considering he thought Louis was about to go running back to his life with his girlfriend.

Louis rolls his eyes. “Yes, Harry, I’m still wearing the ring.” Harry’s eyes lighten up as he smiles softly. “If you’re done being a prat I’d like to get started.” Louis tells him.

“So nothing has changed? After you see her we can,” Harry gestures between the two of them, “You know, whatever this is?”

“I still don’t feel right about it. This,” he copies Harry’s hand movements, “Shouldn’t have even happened to begin with, but, I still want it regardless.”

Harry smiles, his face completely brightening then turning very serious. “People fall in love in mysterious ways.”

It takes Louis a moment to place the words then a light goes off in his head. “Are you seriously quoting your friend’s album right now?”

Harry laughs. “Well he said it, not me.”

“And we are not ‘ _falling in love’_ ,” Louis puts air quotes around the words trying to seep as much denial into them as possible. Like the mere mention of falling in love with Harry is preposterous.

Harry steals a kiss from Louis’ cheek again then takes his seat across from him. “That’s one of Ed’s bestselling songs. He’s an ace songwriter. I think he may know a thing or two more about the ways of the heart than you.”

Ed should be the one here in rehab instead of you, Louis thinks, but says nothing. “Let’s talk about the very first time you ever tried an illegal substance. That’s a good place to start.” Louis says in response, completely ignoring him.

Harry slinks back into the cushions of his seat as he thinks back, taking a deep breath with a smirk like he’s about to recount a great tale of bravery. “Well it all started when I was fifteen and my best mate Niall introduced me to this lovely bloke called Zayn…”

\---

He nervously twists at Harry’s ring staring up at Bridgett’s window from his car. He told Bridgett he was walking up nearly ten minutes ago, but he’s finding it more and more difficult to move.

This is a pivotal moment in Louis’ life. Whatever happens when he walks up those stairs is going to be forever etched into his memory as the day he came out to his girlfriend and essentially broke her heart. She’s going to be just as affected by this, and Louis feels paralyzed from fear of this going badly.

He decides to take the ring off when he finally works up enough courage to get out of his car. It just doesn’t seem fair to flaunt his newly accepted sexuality in the form of expensive jewelry when he’s already about to hurt her.

Her lips find him as soon as she opens the door. Louis tries to kiss her back like nothing is wrong, but he’s finding it hard to do with Ana, her roommate watching them from her usual seat on the sofa. She’s always hated him, and now Louis wonders if it’s because she always suspected.

Bridgett slowly breaks away then takes in Louis’ appearance. She smiles running her fingers through his hair a bit. “You aren’t staying?” she asks noting the absence of an overnight bag. Ana’s head whips around to watch the scene unfold.

“Uh…can we go to your room?”

Bridgett doesn’t question his odd request, but instead leads the way. She sits down, pulling Louis to sit with her on the bed, but his nerves won’t let him stay planted. He stands up pacing the floor right in front of her. He watches her face grow concerned as time passes. “Louis, what’s the matter? Why won’t you look at me?”

“I uh- I,” his chest is heaving so much that Bridgett hops up and grabs his hands in hers.

“Lou, what’s wrong?” her blue eyes are alarmed and pleading but Louis can’t stand to look at them too long. He feels his own eyes welling up just at the thought of what’s about to happen.

A few tears leak down his cheeks when finally decides that it’s now or never. “I need us to break up.” Bridgett regards him with a careful look, her grip loosens substantially around him. “There are things I have to tell you…I don’t want this to hurt you.” The tears keep falling when Bridgett lets go of him completely.

He’s never seen Bridgett get mad before, but he wishes she would for once. He wishes she would slap him or do something worthy of the complete bullshit she’s had to deal with from being with him.

“What sort of things?” she asks, her voice a lot stronger than Louis’ at the moment.

He tells her how amazing she is before he lets anything else come out of his mouth. He praises her for always being there, for taking care of him, for dealing with him when he was awful to her. He tells how anyone she loves should consider themselves lucky, and she just shakes her head. “Then why?” she pleads, her eyes now filling up with tears too.

“The person you love should be able to love you back the way you deserve…and I can’t do that, Bridge. I- I should’ve realized it a hell of a lot sooner, really, but I didn’t want to see it until someone forced me to.” Bridgett still looks confused but she’s hanging on each word. “I’m not really attracted to women as much as I thought, or, at all,” He turns away from her as the tears start to fall from his eyes again. “I know we’ve been together long enough for me to have realized this, but I’m only just accepting it. I- I can’t keep lying to you.”

Louis’ face is buried in his hands and he can feel Bridgett staring. No one says anything for so long that Louis starts to cry harder knowing that Bridgett hates him for wasting a year of her life.

He doesn’t expect her touch when she starts rubbing at his back. She pulls him so that he’s resting over her lap, his tears falling all over her jeans. She shushes him, rubbing through his hair as well to calm him down. “Tell me how you realized,” she whispers. “Tell me about it.” She says it just like she does when Louis has had a rough day at work. Louis shifts to look at her from his spot on her lap and her face is as kind and patient as ever. She wipes away the wetness on both of their cheeks and smiles down at him in wait.

By the time he’s leaving Louis feels like the weight on his chest has been lifted, even if by just a fraction. He told Bridgett about his other relationships before her and how no matter what, something always felt off. No one had put up with Louis as long as she had, but even with Bridgett something was wrong. He gets around to Harry, blushing and leaving out all the parts that might hurt her, but he lets her know that without Harry pestering him he’d still be lying to himself and to her. When she hugs him Louis clings to her, trying to make a memory out of her beauty, her smell, and the way she softly falls into him, because he knows this is probably the last chance he’ll never have to hold her this way.

Louis isn’t sure when his drive home turned into driving to Liam’s, but that is exactly where he finds himself, standing at his door, banging on it loud enough to wake him.

“Do you know what bloody time it is?”

Liam’s eyes are still puffy and half closed. He isn’t even wearing a shirt which is a testament to how out of it he is.

“I broke up with Bridgett,” Louis says pushing past Liam and into his living room.

Liam’s eyes fly open. “You _what_? Why? W-when? _What_?!”

“I have to tell you some things, and I don’t know how you’ll react…” he warns.

“There’s more to tell than you breaking up with your girlfriend of over a year? Lou, what the hell?”

Louis takes a deep breath. He doesn’t think Liam will care that he’s gay at all, but there’s always the small chance that he might. “I’m gay,” he says very carefully, watching Liam’s facial expression morph into confusion.

“Since when?” Liam asks doubtfully.

“Since always…I just never wanted to admit it, that is until now. I told Bridge and I was going to wait to tell you but I got in the car and I figured, you know, why not now?” Liam blinks at him in complete and utter silence for a long time.

“What made you come to your senses all of a sudden? What-” Liam’s eyes fall on the ring Louis is currently twisting around his finger, realization hitting him full in the face. He meets Louis’ eyes and he just shrugs with a sheepish smile. Liam looks like his head is going to explode.

“He is your patient _,_ you do realize?! This can never work out between you, like, are you even thinking about the consequences of this at all? If this gets out you’re going to be stripped of your license! You’re going to lose your job! If this goes badly Harry could technically sue for sexual harassment!”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Louis says defensively, “And even if he did, I could sue him right back because he’s the one who technically started this. I’m not asking you to approve of me and Harry doing whatever it is we’re doing, but I do ask that you accept me while I figure my shit out. You’re my best friend, Li.”

“I’m trying to talk some sense into you as your best friend! I accept you. You like men, so what? Fine. Fancy whoever you like, just don’t fancy the one person you’re not allowed to!”

They have a stare off, neither of them budging. Louis thought for sure the Harry side of this would be the least of Liam’s concern, but that’s the only part of the whole reveal that Liam seems bothered by.  “I’ll let you get back to sleep... I should leave.”

Liam deflates at the hurt in Louis’ voice. “Lou, don’t go, just- I’m happy for you, really I am…”

“You just don’t want me to get hurt. I know.” Louis hugs him without hesitation then lets himself out. “I’ll call you later, okay?” he tells him right before he lets the door shut.

*

The Oakfield sign is large and inviting as Louis sits in his car contemplating whether or not he should even go in. It’s after midnight, meaning there are only three staff members inside at most. It’s technically the weekend and Louis has no business being there at all considering he doesn’t have weekend shifts, but he could easily pretend like he left something here.

He goes with that plan as he enters the facility. He doesn’t run into anyone other than Matthew who doesn’t even blink an eye at Louis showing up this late. He sneaks down the resident corridor, taking extra care to be quiet.

There’s a brief moment when Louis thinks better of what he’s about to do. Waiting to see Harry until Monday is out of the question, but he could probably wait at least until tomorrow when it’s daylight and it isn’t as odd for him to be seen here. He thinks about it, but he disregards all of that logic and knocks on Harry’s door anyway.

The sleepy boy takes longer than usual to answer, greeting Louis with his eyebrows furrowed and his hair bushy from his pillow. He looks equal parts confused and happy to see Louis standing there.

“Can I come in for a bit?”

He doesn’t say a word, just opens the door wider so Louis can slip past.

“I didn’t think I’d see you till Monday.” Harry’s voice is low and gravelly like honey trickling over jagged stones and Louis’ fingers itch to touch him.

Louis sits down on the bed. “I saw Bridge. I told her everything...We’re uh, we're not together anymore.” Harry clears his throat and sits down next to him.

“I’m sorry, Lou. How’d she take it?” Harry asks, tentative.  

Louis smiles thinking about how lovely she is. How good she was to him. “She’s good. She’ll be alright, but Liam…” Louis' voice drops off at the end. “I just left his flat. He’s not at all thrilled about me and you.”

Harry’s brow furrows again. “What did he say about us?”

“The same things that I already know... but I don’t want to think about that.” Louis grabs Harry’s hand and squeezes. “After all the confessing I did tonight I didn’t want to be by myself, so.”

Harry pulls him into a hug and lets Louis lean into his side. Harry smiles sleepily at him. “Are you tired?”

Louis sighs. “Exhausted.”

“Me too. Come on,” Harry stands and glances down at Louis’ feet. “Shoes off, up on the bed, let’s go.” Harry slips into his sheets then pulls the other side down enough for Louis to climb in, waiting with his arms open wide.

Louis only thinks about it for a moment before he’s moving to do exactly what Harry said. He’s just about to climb in when he goes to the door to make sure it’s locked. He checks it twice then falls into Harry’s waiting arms.

It’s strange to curl into someone so much bigger than him when he’s used to cuddling Bridgett who was a whole head shorter, but Louis adjusts himself so that his head rests on Harry’s chest, Harry's long arms wrapped around Louis’ shoulders to hold him close. He can hear Harry’s heart beating through his shirt, and soon he’s more relaxed than he’s ever been lying beside someone else.

He feels himself drifting off when he hears Harry’s breaths deepen. “I won’t be here when you wake up,” Louis whispers.

Harry kisses the top of his head. He brings Louis’ hand up to his mouth and kisses that as well and then rests it on top of his chest. “I know,” he breathes into Louis’ hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting the rest soon! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Louis knows he’s fucked as soon as he wakes up face down in chocolate hair. It was pitch black when Louis fell asleep, a complete contrast to the bright sunlight currently streaming in from Harry’s small window.

He sits up, bending his tight jeaned knees and adjusting his shirt. Harry stirs beside him and reaches out to pull Louis right back down.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be here?” Harry smirks into his neck.

Louis sighs into the touch trying to relax, but he can’t. “I didn’t mean to be.”

Harry pouts at his words. “It’s not _that_ bad waking up next to me is it?” he teases, his voice rumbling right into Louis’ ear. And no, it’s not that bad at all, but that doesn’t change the fact that Louis shouldn’t be here.

Louis pulls himself away, “I-”

“Let me guess…” Harry interrupts, “You should go? Aren’t you tired of saying that, Louis? It’s already daylight. We fucked up. You might as well lie here with me for a while.”

Louis finds himself sinking back down into the mattress and then into Harry when he kisses him lazily, his lips soft and hazy in the morning light.

He does finally get away nearly half an hour later, tiny bruises from Harry forming on his neck from each time Louis tried to leave him. He makes Harry leave the room first, sending him to get breakfast and be a distraction if needed. He waits until he’s sure no one else in the hallway then makes his exit.

He thinks he’s gotten away with it until he’s approaching his car and Liam’s is parked right next to it. Louis slows his pace when Liam steps out.

“How’d you find me?”

“Well you left my place pretty quickly and I didn’t see your car at yours so, I figured you’d be here.” He shrugs. “Turns out I was right.”

Louis looks at him sadly, wanting to say more, but not knowing what. He’s never been in a fight with Liam before. He isn’t sure how to fix it.

“Are you hungry?” Liam asks with a smile. “I’m sure you didn’t exactly get to stay for breakfast in there.” Louis nods, glad to see Liam is trying. “Follow me.” Liam tells him hopping in his car.

Louis gets behind the wheel of his own vehicle and pulls out behind him.

They talk about it over greasy scrambled eggs and coffee. Liam apologizes for how he reacted, but Louis apologizes for springing so much information on him without warning in the middle of the night. Liam still isn’t too keen on the whole Harry situation, but at least now they can talk about it without his eyeballs looking like they’re about to implode.

“So what happens now? He’s still your patient and I assume you’re still seeing him.” Liam’s eyes drift to the three bruises on Louis’ neck and he flushes.

“I don’t really have a plan, Li. It feels good for now so I’m going with it.”

Liam takes a deep breath. “Okay, Okay. I was just curious where all this is headed. I mean, you two are quite an odd pairing after all.”

Louis’ ring clanks against the ceramic mug in his hand. “Yeah, we are. I’m sensible and he’s an idiot.”

Liam raises his eyebrows at that. “Louis, if you’re the sensible one in the relationship then it’s already doomed.” He says flatly. Louis just grins and sips his coffee.

\----

It’s hard, but Louis actually makes it to Monday without coming up with some scheme plausible enough to get him to Oakfield even though he’s off duty.

His and Harry’s one-on-one turns out to be well worth the wait when Harry is tongue deep into Louis’ mouth within the first three minutes of it. He’s straddling Louis in his armchair, Harry’s large hands holding him to keep Louis locked in place as he pants down his throat.

Louis is only vaguely concerned about the fact that there is no lock on the door, mostly due to the fact that one-on-ones never get interrupted unless it’s a dire emergency. He does get a little alarmed though when Harry gets so lost in him that he starts grinding his hips down into his lap causing both of them to shudder and break away.

The look Louis fixes him with is both parts interested arousal and anxiety, because he’s been thinking about Harry getting him off since before he can remember, but he never dreamed of them getting to that point, let alone in an unlocked, very public room of the facility.

“We should uh, probably stop,” Harry says sliding off of Louis’ lap and back to his own armchair. “This is new for you and I don’t want to go too fast. Anyone could walk in.”

Louis hates to admit it, but Harry is actually making sense. He nods, unwrinkling the papers that Harry’s knees squished into the cushions. “We should at least do some kind of therapy today, anyway.” Louis says, clearing his throat and adjusting himself in his pants. Harry’s eyes follow the motion, but he stays seated across from him.

Therapy is a lot different now that Louis knows the hype and mystery surrounding the infamous Harry Styles is in fact, just rumor and gossip; a product of magazines and websites that make money based on speculation rather than fact.

In the beginning Louis kept trying to get him to spill about his drug abuse that Louis was sure he was in denial of. After talking with him these last few weeks though Louis can say with almost complete certainty that Harry isn’t an addict, not even close.

The boy loves a spliff every now and then, that’s for sure (that’s how he’s gotten into trouble during most of his adult life), but he’s never done any hard drugs. He never became dependent on anything. Louis still insists on doing his job and giving him therapy, but it’s just a different kind than he’s used to at Oakfield.

“What does your father have to say about the rumors and the arrests?”

Harry draws his attention from the bulge in Louis’ lap and up to Louis’ eyes. He looks at him like Louis was just speaking Latin.

“What?”

Louis places the papers in his hands down over his lap so Harry will focus, if only for a few minutes. “Tell me about your father…your relationship with him.”

Harry’s face scrunches up. “Oh.” He plays with one of the many necklaces hanging from his neck. “There’s not much to tell, really. What do you want to know?”

“Do you two get along? I’ve noticed he isn’t on your approved guests list…Does he plan to come visit you?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Probably not…hopefully not.”

Louis finds this apathetic answer kind of strange. “Why do you say that? He helps you out when you need it. He gets you out of trouble with the court.”

“Yeah because he’d look like a tosser if he didn’t and my mother would have him murdered if he let me get sent to jail or worse.” Harry sighs heavily. “I’m not in school like Gemma. I’m not even talented like Niall, Zayn, or Ed. I’m just me and he likes to remind me of that whenever he can.” Harry looks away from him. “I think he sometimes prefers my friends. At least they earn him money. I’m just good at spending it.”

Louis notes several things wrong with Harry’s words and they all have to do with the way Harry sees himself. “You’ve been around gifted musicians your whole life. You play guitar, which I’ve yet to hear by the way, and several of the patients have heard you singing in your shower. I’m certain you’re very talented, but even if you weren’t, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with being just you, nothing else.”

Harry doesn’t look like he believes him. “You have to say that. You’re my lover,” he grins.

Louis’ face contorts into a grimace. “I am not your _lover,”_ he blanches, “I am your therapist and I’m telling you the truth. You don’t have to try to chase your father’s approval just because he doesn’t know how wonderful you are. And as your therapist I’m also telling you to drop the word ‘lover’ from your vocabulary because it’s weird.”

Harry laughs with his head thrown back then huffs out impatiently. “Are we done pretending to have therapy now?" he whines already moving away from his chair.

Louis sighs but gives in. “Yeah, Yeah. Get over here.” He smiles into Harry’s kiss as soon as he feels it.

\---

Louis’ entire body is being rocked on Harry’s mattress, creating one of the most overwhelming, delicious sensations to ever sizzle through his veins. Harry’s mouth is all over his, those beautiful curls he’s been wanting to pull finally falling into his face.

Harry grinds his hips so hard into him that Louis actually moans out loud because it feels so good. Louis can’t wrap his head around how something so simple as being touched through his clothing can have him feeling this way, but Harry looks just as gone when he meets his eyes.

He shushes Louis right in his ear, reaching down to feel Louis between them. His uniform bottoms are thin and just this small touch has Louis’ eyelids fluttering. “Not so loud, love,” Harry whispers.

Louis didn’t mean to be. Unexpected noises never erupted from his mouth when he was with Bridgett, but that is obviously not the case anymore. Harry’s thumb circles around the tip of Louis’ cock, his lips mouthing all along Louis’ jaw. It feels like heaven.

“What do you want to happen?” Harry asks, “I’ll do whatever you want, just tell me.”

Louis throws a quick look to the lock on the door. He has no idea what he wants. He never in a million years thought he’d want someone to dry hump him into oblivion, yet here he is reveling in it.

Harry pulls the neck of his uniform down and begins a new bruise under his collarbone as he waits for instruction. Louis is at a loss. There are a million things he wants and he doesn’t know how to begin to ask for them.

“You’re the one who knows what he’s doing here so…do whatever you want.”

Harry looks at him a minute. Those green eyes always so knowing and imploring. He can probably see the nerves Louis is trying to hide. “I’ll go slow…show you what to do?” Louis nods his head. He doesn’t know what they’ll be going slow _at_ , but he’s anxious to find out.

Harry kisses him again, this time a lot less hurried. He grips into Louis’ hair, one hand placed over Louis’ heartbeat to keep himself paced.

He breaks away and starts kissing down Louis’ neck. He gets impatient with his uniform and pulls the top up and over his head. Harry’s lips connect with his skin again, this time moving lower than he’s ever dared. He scrapes his teeth down Louis’ stomach, sucking very lightly below his navel, Louis can feel the muscles there twitch under so much attention.  Harry dips a couple of fingers into his waistband, pulling a few hairs along the trail that leads further down, then pauses.

Louis is focusing on just breathing when Harry looks up at him smirking. “Lou, pay attention.” Harry tugs on a couple of hairs. “You’ve got to listen to me.” Louis nods, still trying to keep himself together.

“When you start, you can’t just jump right in…” Harry says placing a palm over him, he moves his face downward until his cheek is lying right against his cock. He starts moving his face all around Louis, taking in the shape of him, letting his jaw bone trace his outline. Louis takes in a deep breath at the sight of Harry rubbing his beautiful face somewhere it should be a crime to. Just the visual sends a tremor up his spine.

Harry lets his jaw drop to mouth over him with Louis watching the front of his uniform get absolutely soaked. His lips move over his head and it feels like some of the air is snatched from his lungs. Harry smirks up at Louis’ loss of breath.

“When you get to this point…” Harry starts rolling his pants down and Louis eagerly lifts up to help him. Harry looks a little breathless seeing Louis so hard and unrestrained, but he keeps himself in check with a deep breath. “When you get here, you just stroke, just like you would if you were by yourself.”

Harry says as he grips Louis loosely. His fist moves up and down in languid motions, his grip a little tighter when he gets to the tip. Louis’ chest is heaving. It’s wonderful, but it’s not enough. “You have to tease them,” Harry says right against Louis’ tip, the air from his words harsh and delicious all at once. “You have to make them want it.” He darts his tongue out to slip over him and Louis puts a hand over his own mouth to stop the sound coming out. He wasn’t quick enough and Harry’s eyes glint at the small noise that leaves him.

He continues to lightly taste the tip, Louis watching each bead of moisture fall onto is waiting tongue like drops of dew. And he knows he looks desperate. He knows because he feels like he could burst without Harry’s entire mouth and he hasn’t even felt it yet.

“Harry, please,” Louis whispers, and Harry laughs softly.

“That’s it. When they’re begging for you. When they can’t take it anymore, that’s when it’s almost time,” Harry says as he wraps his mouth around the head of him just getting him more wet. Louis is shaking his head back and forth because it feels so good, really it does, but Harry is still teasing him, and he’s barely hanging on as it is.

“ _Harry…_ ” he says more harshly than before. The boy does nothing but move his slack mouth down the shaft of Louis’ cock then tongues at his tip again.

Harry smiles when Louis is panting out incoherently.

Louis goes to touch himself but Harry immediately pins his wrists down beside him. Louis looks wild like an animal being restrained. “Fuck, Harry. Please!” Louis struggles to get out of his grip and that’s when Harry finally takes pity on him and sinks his mouth down over him. He slides back up with suction so tight that the motion pulls a deep moan from Louis’ throat.

The pressure feels good around him, so good that each time Harry bobs up and down he has to hold his breath to keep himself quiet. He’s so fucking close already mostly due to the way Harry teased him before, but also because it’s Harry laying between his thighs right now. He’s had girls suck him off before, but it’s never felt as good as this; it’s never felt as good as Harry.

Harry gets lost in his efforts to unravel Louis and lets go of his wrists at some point. Now his hands are braced on either side of Louis’ hips, hanging on while he takes him down again and again.

He’s losing it, and Louis thinks this is as good as it gets, so he lets himself get to the edge. He feels his stomach warming over so he places his hands lightly in Harry’s hair to brace himself for when it hits him. He whispers that he’s close so Harry can pull away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he’s plunging down so far that Louis can feel himself hit the back of his throat.

The sound that leaves him is entirely too loud, but Louis doesn’t give one fuck because Harry is slightly gagging around him, and the tip of his cock never felt so good. Louis is done for by the time it takes for Harry to swallow that deep again and he’s coming, his spine seeming to leave his body with everything Harry gulps down.

Harry lets him slide out of his mouth, clearing his throat as he kisses Louis up to his chin. Harry hesitates at his lips until Louis pulls him down onto his mouth, an overwhelming need to lick inside, to taste.

Louis lies there angry with himself for walking around the earth for twenty-three years without being sucked off by a man; without ever being touched by the one currently lying on top of him. It’s sickening to even think about, really.

There are a few moments of panic when Harry slides down beside him, his dick hard and poking into Louis’ skin. He has never in his life touched another man’s penis, let alone do what Harry just did. Louis rolls onto his side and reaches out to touch him with a shaky hand.

Harry sighs into his touch even though Louis isn’t doing much, just feeling him. Harry’s eyes are trained on his face though, watching every bit of insecurity Louis is displaying with his tentativeness.

There is no mocking is his gaze when he grips his hand around Louis’, guiding his strokes until they’re long, fluid, and sure. It’s not that different from when Louis touches himself, so he soon grows a bit more confident. He thumbs over Harry’s tip in a moment of bold instinct which seems to be the right move by the way Harry praises him.

“Just like that,” he breathes, letting his hand fall away from Louis’. His head sinks back into the pillow as his breaths heighten.  Louis does it again just to see the way Harry’s chest jumps from his gasp.

He strokes him that way for a while, watching and adjusting his pace to what he thinks Harry needs. Louis is doing well, if he says so himself. He was doing fine…that is until Harry sticks two fingers into his mouth and drags them out slick and dripping with his own spit.

Louis freezes watching Harry’s legs fall open and his hand disappear somewhere below. Harry meets his eyes, “Keep going,” he whispers, dipping his fingers somewhere Louis can’t quite see. Louis does as he’s told, resuming with bated breath.

He knows the exact moment when Harry stops teasing and enters himself because his jaw falls slack as his face turns into Louis’ arm. He is trying to pace his strokes with the rhythm Harry has going inside of himself, but Louis is far too distracted by the soft whining at the back of Harry’s throat. He’s flushed from his neck down now, and the way he’s writhing on the bed makes it hard for Louis to keep up with his hand.

Harry tells him to speed up when he twists his fingers inside causing himself to moan. Louis works his hand as quickly as he can to match him until it looks like Harry is about to lose it.

“I’m close Lou,” Harry’s voice is a high whine. “Kiss me,” he pleads into Louis’ arm, “Please, Lou!” he begs along with another moan.

Louis leans down to capture his mouth, his tongue slipping inside even though Harry is so far gone he’s simply gasping into Louis’ mouth. Louis bites down on his bottom lip and that’s when Harry’s whole body jerks upward.

Louis kisses him through it until his back is lying flat in the sheets again, his hand slowing down to a stop when he feels Harry pulling away. He takes his fingers out of himself and Louis in entranced. Harry’s wearing a lazy smile, his long body stretched out and relaxed beside him.

Louis reaches down and swipes an experimental finger through the mess on Harry’s stomach, hyper aware of the pair of green eyes watching him. He knows what his gut tells him to do, but he isn’t brave enough to follow through. He gets up to find something to clean him off.

Harry turns to him later when they’re curled up together, smiling wickedly into Louis’ neck, “Think you learned a few things?” he nips at Louis’ earlobe dragging his teeth along his skin.

Louis rolls his eyes at him. “I think I’ve learned that you like the sound of your own voice.”

“Heeey.” he whines. Harry sets his lips in a pout and Louis can’t fathom why, but he just wants to kiss him. Harry smiles into Louis’ lips when he brings them together.

They spend a few minutes that way, kissing lazily, not as much intent behind it now that they’ve gotten most of their sexual tension out of the way. Harry pulls away after a while, a few fingers lingering just on Louis’ jaw.

“Seriously though, was it okay?” Louis smiles down at his unsure expression, green eyes wide and seeking approval. “I wanted to make sure you felt like you knew what you were doing...I just- I wanted us to be on the same page.”

Of course it was okay, fuck, it was a million times better than anything he’s ever done. Louis’ head is still reeling, but he and Harry both know that they will never be on the same page when it comes to this. Harry is far more experienced, which is a fact he had already guessed from his reputation in the media but just didn’t voice.

“I think I have a lot of catching up to for us to be on same page,” Louis jokes.

Harry grins back, but then his eyebrows meet in slight confusion. “Well not _that_ much catching up.”

The image of Harry twisting his fingers inside of himself plays again in Louis’ mind. Harry may claim that he and Louis are similar when it comes to experience, but the way Harry’s practiced fingers worked says otherwise. Louis is still in awe at the mere thought of it.

Louis smiles and then kisses the look of confusion from his face. It’s easy for Louis to forget how young Harry is until moments like these when he needs to be reassured. “Luckily I have this really annoying, gorgeous patient to help get me sorted.” Louis jokes. “I’ll be all caught up in no time.”

Harry smirks. “You better not let Ted hear you talking about him that way.”

Louis internally and externally cringes at the thought of Ted Johnson helping him sort out anything at all having to do with sex. He pinches Harry in the side as retaliation for even putting the image into his head. “But Lou, honestly, you were amazing…please don’t focus on the things you’ve heard or read… I know I’m a smug arse at times, but I haven’t been with half the people that the media says I have. You just have to trust me, okay?” Harry looks at him with these huge eyes, as he’s asking Louis not to judge him.

Harry has infiltrated so many different parts of Louis’ life from his relationship to his job that it would be ridiculous if he didn’t trust Harry. He’s given Harry enough to destroy him should this not work out, and what’s even more, is Louis feels himself giving Harry parts of his heart now as well, piece by piece.

“So you didn’t really sleep with the President when you were over in the states?” Louis sighs with a grave shake of his head. “I’ve got to say I’m disappointed, Styles. Just when you think you know a guy…”

Harry launches himself at him to tickle his sides. He clamps a hand down over Louis’ mouth to stifle his laughter, but immediately jerks his hand back when Louis darts his tongue out for a lick.

“That’s so gross!” he blanches but the amusement clear on his face. Louis gives him a flat look.

“Says the man who just had my penis in his mouth.” He watches Harry’s face screw up in laughter. Louis is just glad to get him smiling again and not over-thinking.

After much convincing, Harry eventually lets Louis sneak out of Oakfield and go home, but it’s not until he’s dripping wet and alone in his shower that Louis crooks two experimental fingers inside of himself. He recalls the look of pure bliss on Harry’s face when he was doing this very thing, and Louis knows he can’t be doing it correctly. It just feels weird for him. He makes a mental note to try it again sometime when he’s less tired and more determined.

\---

He’s at a traffic light when his phone vibrates in the seat next to him. Usually he would just ignore it but then it vibrates twice more, insistent and demanding.

Louis reads over Liam’s messages. _‘Where are you?_ ’  A question that isn’t too out of place for this time of morning, Louis thinks. It gets more interesting as he reads the other two messages. ‘ _Holy shit, Lou, it’s insanity out here!_ ’ and then, _‘I’ve never seen this many people here!! Where the hell are you?!”_

Something odd settles at the pit of Louis’ stomach trying to figure out what Liam is on about. ‘ _Almost there. What’s going on?_ ’ Louis replies, as his light turns green.

Insanity was an understatement he finds as he drives into the mess before him. He slows down to a near crawl trying to navigate around the vehicles and hundreds of paparazzi blocking his way. It’s no use trying to get any further than the entrance so Louis parks his car where he is.

He’s never seen this many people gathered on the property before. There are paparazzi sitting in their cars with camera’s and equipment ready, but then there are even bolder ones spread out on the lawn closer to the building trying to get closer photos.

As soon as he gets out of his car, the sound of the door closing makes them all converge on him at once like a drop of blood in a shark tank. People are shouting questions that range from trying to find out who Louis is to questions about Harry’s so-called diva demands and how he’s killing himself with drugs _._ Louis pushes through them as best he can until he’s on Oakfield’s steps. He’s almost inside when one paparazzi’s question catches his ear over the others being screamed at him.

_“Will Ed Sheeran will be joining in the visit as well?”_

Louis pauses with his hand on the door. “What?” he asks somewhere to the right where he heard the question.

“He was involved in the night of the arrests. Will he join Horan and Malik in their visit??” The man shouts frustratedly at Louis who is still just staring. He walks into Oakfield without replying.

It’s much quieter when Louis walks in, but not by much he finds as staff and patients alike mill around excitedly. He finds Liam at the welcome desk and immediately starts trying to get answers.

“What the hell is going on? Who’s visiting?? Is it his father? Who let the media know Harry was even here? Why didn’t someone warn Ingrid? Why-”

Liam holds up both hands, “Jesus ,Lou, you’re worse than the people outside. Slow down.” He laughs guiding Louis to the staff room when more than one person looks over at them. He lets the door shut making sure no one is within earshot. “You have to calm down, Louis. People are going to notice you being so weird and concerned about him,” he starts. Louis takes a couple of deep breaths, knowing that he’s right. He needs to chill. “Harry is _fine_. He’s safe and sound in his room. Niall Horan and Zayn Malik are with him. They apologized for the circus outside. They seemed really sorry about it.”

Louis shoots up from where he was seated. “I have to go see him.”

“Lou, his friends are here. You can’t just _go see him._ You’re technically not even supposed to be in his room at all.” Liam argues in a shady undertone, but Louis is too impatient for all that.

“Some mates they are!” Louis scoffs. “They’re the ones who should’ve been forced here in the first place, not Harry. And he’s been here for _weeks_ , Li! They’ve got some nerve to just show up unannounced like this! Have you seen Harry? What did he do?”

“Yeah, he looked really happy to see them.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Of course he did. He thinks they hung the bloody moon, yet they let him take responsibility for their bullshit.” Louis sits back down still steaming. “And where the hell is Mighty Ed Sheeran?! He’s the most at fault here and he has the audacity to not show up?”

Liam frowns at him. “Louis. You were just upset that Niall and Zayn came at all and now you’re mad because Ed Sheeran didn’t?”

Louis hates Liam when he uses actual logic, something Louis clearly never does. “He should be here if the other two are. It’s only right.” he argues.

Liam and Louis both got chastised when Ingrid found them gossiping in the staff room. Louis has duty rounds first thing so uses the time he gets to walk around talking to patients to his advantage. He eavesdrops on what people are saying trying to glean all the information he can, but mostly everyone is just excited to have so many famous people in the facility at once.

He walks down the resident corridor more times than he’d like to admit, just waiting to catch a glimpse of Harry and see that he’s okay, but he isn’t alone because other people are also trailing by Harry’s room every so often hoping to see something exciting.

It’s almost time for their one-one-one session when Louis starts to get anxious. He keeps telling himself that he’ll remember, but maybe Harry will be so caught up in his mates that he forgets to come.

Louis heads that way when it’s five minutes till and none of the boys has been seen since early morning. He’s about five steps away from Harry’s door when it swings out unexpectedly, Harry laughing and pink cheeked as he walks out with his friends at his side.

“Oh, Lou! There you are.” Harry says like he’s been searching for him for days. Louis wants to slap him. He’s been worried and anxious all morning and Harry greets him like a shoe he found in the back of a closet. “I want to introduce you to my mates! This is Niall Horan and Zayn Malik. They surprised me this morning!”

Louis shakes each of their hands trying to keep judgment out of his eyes. “I’m Louis.” He says nicely enough, but there must be something in his expression because both Niall and Zayn shrink back a bit.

Zayn looks between him and Harry with quiet observation. “Uh…so you’re Harry’s therapist then?” Zayn asks when no one else says anything. Louis’ eyes flash to Harry’s and he feels his face pinken. He and Harry are way past the standard patient/therapist relationship, but he can’t say that, not here in front of them.

“I am.”

Niall must feel a bit more confident after Zayn’s small talk because he tries his luck next. “So you two sit ‘round talking about drugs and feelings and stuff? That’s pretty cool.” He smiles.

It’s with much patience that Louis doesn’t start yelling at Niall for not leaving the drugs at the damn club that night like Zayn and Harry fucking asked him to. “Yeah. We talk about drugs and feelings and _stuff_ ,” he says rather coldly.

Harry fixes him with a ‘ _be nice’_ look that Louis completely ignores. “I’ll see you in a few minutes for one-on-one?” he asks Harry, overlooking the sad look on Niall’s face.

Harry looks amused for a moment and then nods. “Of course, Lou. I wouldn’t miss it.” He doesn’t miss the weird glance Harry gets from both Zayn and Niall at the tenderness of Harry's tone while he is addressing him. Louis wonders if Harry even realizes that he speaks so affectionately towards him. “I’ll be right there after I say goodbye.”

Harry squeezes Louis’ wrist when he guides his friends past him. Louis thinks the touch goes unnoticed until Zayn gives him a look, now regarding Louis with a lot more interest than before.

“It was nice to meet you,” Zayn says shaking Louis’ hand again. His eyes lock on the ring on Louis’ finger. “Take good care of him, yeah?”

For someone going in and out of withdrawals as much as Harry says, Zayn sure is a perceptive bastard. “Oh, I will.” Louis gives them both a tight smile as he waves them goodbye.

*

“You know, you’re kind of sexy when you’re being all jealous and protective like that.” Harry says as he’s shutting the door. He sinks down onto Louis’ lap so that they’re torsos are aligned. “I’m pretty sure Niall is scared of you.” He huffs a laugh into Louis’ ear then noses along Louis’ jaw.

Louis can’t relax into his touches. He’s too lost in his own thoughts. “I think Zayn might know something’s up.”

Harry kisses him softly, “Mhmmm…He just asked me about it. I told him. And Niall.”

“You what?!” Louis pulls away from him.

“They won’t say anything, Lou.”

Louis scoffs with his face set in a permanent frown. “How do you know that?”

“The same way you know that Liam won’t say anything. You trust him.”

Louis sighs because he gets it. Liam loves him regardless of whether he agrees with his choices or not. He guesses it’s the same way with Harry and his friends, even though Louis isn’t at all impressed with them.

Harry thumbs at Louis’ bottom lip when he looks more relaxed. “Now, can you stop worrying so much and kiss me??” Harry juts his bottom lip out in a ridiculous pout. “I haven’t seen you since last night.”

Harry’s lips find him, his mouth soft and massaging. Louis still feels tense even with Harry pouring himself into him. He interrupts Harry’s attempt to pull up his shirt and he pouts again. “Louuuu!”

“Why didn’t Ed come with them?”

“He’s on tour in Australia. I didn’t expect him to show up, Lou. He’s busy.”

Louis works to keep his voice level at Harry’s passive answer. “Everyone else who has come here is busy as well but they made time to see you. It’s the least he could do since it _is_ his fault you’re in here to begin with.”

Harry sighs long and hard. He stands and sits in his own armchair. “It’s no one’s fault that I’m in here but mine. We’ve been through this. What I did was my choice and I’m glad it happened the way it did, otherwise I would never have met you.”

Louis’ stomach is alive and fluttering at Harry’s words. Without Harry being forced here, he’d still probably be lying to Bridgett every night instead of falling for the boy sitting across from him. In the grand scheme of things, Louis guesses Harry taking responsibility for the drugs wasn’t _all_ bad. “Alright, point made. I’ll guess I’ll lay off of your friends.”

Harry leans over to kiss Louis quickly then sits back down. “Thank you, love.”

Louis fiddles with his hands before starting their session. He thinks talking about Harry’s father is probably a poor move after the little tiff they just had about his friends, so he chooses another topic.

“So everyone now knows where you‘ve been hiding…tell me what it’s like having the world watch you. Tell me what it’s like having everyone form opinions about you.”

Harry shrugs like it’s not a big deal but his eyes say the opposite as he begins. “People are going to say whatever they want. People forming opinions about me is all I’ve ever known…”

\---

“Next time you meet them will be better,” Harry whispers into Louis’ ear where he’s curled into Harry’s side. “I’ll be leaving here soon, and then you can come to London for a while.”

Louis was almost asleep, but he’s wide awake now that his brain has processed Harry’s words.

Louis pulls back to look at him. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about what would happen when Harry left, it’s just that Harry never brought it up so neither did he. “You want me to come see you in London?”

“Of course.” He mummers right into the crook of Louis’ neck making his pulse pick up.

They kiss, sleepy and lazy in the dim light. Harry gasps into his mouth when Louis throws a leg over his hips and takes a seat on top of him. Louis isn’t sure where the burst of confidence came from, but it’s worth the look of want in Harry’s eyes.

He leans down to connect them once again, keeping himself firmly planted on Harry’s lap. He moves his hips around until a pair of large hands wrap around to squeeze his ass through his uniform. It drives Louis to really grind down into him.

He bites onto Harry’s lip, scraping his teeth along the plushness. He swallows down the noise of surprise Harry lets out. Louis doesn’t let up even when Harry’s breaths start coming out in short bursts. He waits until Harry is rutting up against him before he asks for what he wants.

“Touch me.” Harry nods and shoves his hand down the front of Louis’ bottoms before he even properly has the words out. Louis stops him by grabbing onto his wrist and shaking his head. “No, the way you touched yourself last time…I want- I want you to do it to me. Touch me like that.”

Harry sobers when he realizes what he wants. He takes a second to make sure Louis is certain and then he’s kissing him again. “Of course, Lou. I’ll do it. I’ve got you.” He says kissing him again, but now it’s not as rushed. Louis expects him to get right to it, but then Harry pulls back. “I’ve got to go to the wardrobe. I need the lube… I don’t want to hurt you.”

He leaves Louis there while he digs around his mountain of shoes and hats. He searches for so long that Louis starts to get impatient on the bed. His heart is pounding and Harry hasn’t even touched him yet. He sighs with relief when Harry announces that he found it and hurries back to the bed, gathering Louis’ lips in a long kiss.

Harry starts slow by untying the draw string of his bottoms. He only teases him through the fabric for a few moments before he’s removing everything from the waist down. Louis feels his own face flush in a small panic, so he isn’t surprised when Harry places a hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat with a small grin. “Relax, love. Just relax.” Louis nods, mostly to reassure himself, but also so Harry isn’t worried.

Harry is stroking his cock in no time at all, making Louis sink down into the mattress. This part is familiar even when it comes to his past experience with girls, but especially now with Harry.

He gets so absorbed in the sensation of Harry’s hand that his eyes startle open when the movements suddenly stop. Harry pops the cap of the lube and squeezes a bit onto his middle finger. He coats it thoroughly then moves to sit right between Louis’ legs. He strokes Louis a few more times, then he takes a deep breath.

“Stop me if you don’t like it, alright? Not everyone likes it.”

Louis knows his heart is beating much too quickly for him to be lying so still, but he can’t help the nerves surging through his body. He already tried this on his own and he didn’t like it. What happens if it feels just as weird with Harry?

The first touch against him feels foreign and very, very odd. If it weren’t for the way Harry keeps an anchoring hand on his stomach to calm him, Louis might even say the touch feels wrong. Harry circles his finger around him for a few minutes, but Louis is still just as rigid as before, and now he’s breathing even faster, panicking that this won’t end well.

Harry frowns then moves to lie down on his stomach. “I’m going to try something, okay? I can’t do what you asked if you won’t relax. I-I can’t hurt you…” Harry says softly like it pains him to even think about hurting Louis.

“I’m going to use my mouth.” Louis’ breath hitches. “If you still don’t like it just tell me.” He waits until Louis locks eyes with him like some silent promise that he’ll do what Harry said.

This time the first touch isn’t as surprising, but it _is_ much more gentle. Harry’s tongue is soft where his fingers were hard and stiff. His tongue moves around in small circles that gradually grow in pressure until he breaks the surface with the very tip. Louis jerks at the new feeling, but then relaxes as Harry keeps massaging him open.

It doesn’t take long for him to grow used to the sensation, his legs lax and bent on either side of Harry’s head. He’s so much more relaxed that he barely notices when Harry slips his middle finger in alongside his tongue, shallow and barely even there.

Harry sits up wiping his mouth off with his other hand and starts working his finger into an opening that is much more accepting than before.

“Are you alright?” he asks with dark eyes that make Louis shudder.

“It’s better now,” Louis confirms. Harry reaches for the lube and drizzles it somewhere Louis can’t see. He feels it when Harry slides in another finger, but it doesn’t hurt. Louis breathes deep to keep himself calm. “It still feels kind of weird.” He admits, now stroking his own cock to distract himself. He’s mid-sentence when Harry’s fingers twist inside him. “Maybe I’m one of the people who doesn’t- fuck!”

Louis clamps a hand down too late. “Ah... There we go.” Harry smiles, looking very pleased with himself. “You were saying?” Harry asks as he twists his fingers again to rub against Louis’ prostate, clearly enjoying the fact that Louis can’t breathe properly, let alone coherently answer.

He picks up a steady rhythm with his fingers, Louis’ rhythm around his cock long forgotten as Harry makes him shudder again and again. Harry bends down to suck a bruise into the inside of Louis’ thigh, and it’s enough to get Louis whining in the back of his throat.

It’s almost too much for him when Harry uses his other hand to jerk him in time with his fingers. It’s a complete shock when Louis feels his orgasm erupting out of him from nowhere. He doesn’t even get to warn Harry before his cock is spilling all over his fist.

It’s like a bomb has exploded when Louis opens his eyes and his ears are faintly ringing. He’s vaguely aware of Harry slowly easing his fingers out of his body, but he feels flushed all over so the sensation pretty much goes unnoticed. He can feel Harry moving around him on the bed, and then he’s in his line of vision, hovering directly over him. He tastes himself, milky and smooth on Harry’s tongue and he realizes Harry must’ve licked through the come on his stomach and his fist. The thought sends a small spark to his brain.

“So what did you think?” Harry asks after the five minute time-out Louis needed to come back to Earth. His cock is poking in Louis’ side in wait.

Louis reaches down and thumbs over the head to wipe the smirk right off of Harry’s face. “You know what I thought. I want to know what you _want._ ” He whispers against Harry’s neck. Louis starts moving his hand in the same way that Harry just stroked him. “Go on, tell me. What do you want me to do?”

Louis smirks at the way Harry’s eyes roll back from his words. He starts having a bit more fun with him when he notices their effect. “Where do you want my mouth? Do you want it here?” Louis darts his tongue out to lick over Harry’s bottom lip. He lightly rolls Harry’s tip between his fingers. “What about there?” says directly into Harry’s ear.

Harry starts nodding furiously. “ _Please._ ”

Louis grins wickedly with his hand still moving over him. “Which one, babe? You have to be specific.”

‘On my cock, Louis! Just- _please?_ ”

Louis takes pity on him and slides down so he’s between his legs. He situates himself so he can easily take Harry into his mouth, mirroring the way Harry sat last time when the positions were reversed. A few errant nerves run through him when the realization of what he’s about to do washes over him. He looks at Harry, hard and straining in his fist. Louis guides him right into his waiting mouth, just wanting to taste.

Harry sighs somewhere above him, finally feeling Louis warm on his skin. Louis maps out the strangeness of having something so large in his mouth. He minds his teeth and works on creating suction just the way he likes to feel on his own dick, and soon Harry’s hips are leaving the bed to chase the feeling. He picks up speed when Harry’s large fists come down to clench into the sheets of his bed. He works himself down, consciously dropping his jaw further to accommodate Harry’s size.

Harry whispers that he’s close and Louis can’t decide whether or not he’s going to fully commit, so he starts to pull off. “I’m so close.” Harry whines again, this time a lot more strained than before, and Louis guesses that’s what makes the decision for him, because before he fully knows what he’s doing he’s plunging down until the back of his throat prevents him from going any further.

Harry’s body tenses when he comes hard, every drop flowing warm and smoothly down Louis’ throat. He waits until Harry is sinking back into the mattress before he pulls away. Harry’s cock is wet and glistening in his fist when he makes himself swallow to get rid of the rest of what’s in his mouth. Harry grins at the sight and holds his arms open for Louis to crawl in.

“I have definitely created a monster.” He laughs into Louis’ hair.

“It was alright?” Louis asks, doubt starting to creep in now that they’re finished. He’s pretty sure Harry enjoyed it, but there’s always a chance that Louis did something wrong.

Harry kisses him long and expressive. “I’ve never come that hard from someone sucking me off. I didn’t even touch myself and I saw stars.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t _that_ amazing. That was my first time doing it.”

“Everything is amazing with you.” He mumbles against Louis’ lips.

Louis’ heart starts beating a bit faster when he gets pulled in. Louis doesn’t even bother trying to leave him that night, he just pulls the covers up over them and sighs into Harry’s kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

“Could you at least pretend to listen to me for like, I don’t know five minutes?”

He fixes Harry with his most chastising glare, but Harry’s eyes are still locked on his lips. This is an improvement from earlier when he caught Harry unashamedly staring at Louis’ crotch like he wanted to come run his hands over it.

“I am listening. You said something about pushing the chairs against the door so nobody can walk in on us when you get a little loud.”

Louis’ mind definitely entertains the idea of that even though he should really only be focused on this session, but still…the thought of being pushed up against the wall with Harry pressed right behind him is something to be desired…but later.

“I said nothing like that, and you know it.”

Louis stomps over to Harry grabbing his face in his hands to force him to focus. The move should’ve been at least a little intimidating, but Harry is just giggling like it’s a game.

“You are leaving here in a little over a week. You’ve been sober since before the day you walked in here, so you have no addiction issues whatsoever to battle. You need a plan. You need goals. You need _something_ to keep you out of trouble when you go back to London so that your time in rehab wasn’t a complete waste,” he sighs, watching Harry trail every shape of his lips, “…and you’re _still_ not paying me a bit of attention.” Louis lets him go and slouches down onto Harry’s lap, weary.

“I am!” Harry laughs. He pulls Louis’ hands away from where they were cradling his head. “Lou, look at me.” He pleads in a more serious tone. When Louis does look up he’s still grinning from ear to ear, but at least now he’s focused. “I’m sorry, okay? I know you’re only looking out for me, but I’ll be fine once I’m out of here. I promise. I won’t need a plan to keep me sorted. I don’t need any of that because I’ll have you.”

Harry leans in for the kiss he’s certain his sentimental words have earned him, but Louis dodges his lips.

“That’s very sweet of you to say, Harry…” Harry smiles, leaning in again, and Louis pushes him away, _again_. “But that’s not enough!”

Now they both groan like zombies, both of them fed up with each other’s unwillingness to budge on the matter.

“Louuu!” Harry starts in a whine, but Louis interrupts him. One-on-one sessions were created for tough love, and Louis has no problem utilizing it if it’ll make Harry listen.

“You have said yourself, several times I might point out, that your future has less meaning because you don’t have any commitments. You’ve told me your father values your friends more than his own son because of some of the choices you’ve made. You hate the way the media sees you, and at times, I think you hate the way you see yourself. Harry, you need _direction_. Something to give you drive, and as sweet as it is for you to feel that way about me, I can’t be that for you. No one can.”

He can tell by the softness of his gaze that Harry has actually heard him. Harry slinks back into the chair and sighs, long and hard. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to go back to school and I have zero interest in any kind of charity from my dad.” Harry tries to convey indifference, but Louis can tell he really has no clue of how to go about something as simple as making a plan.

Louis has no idea of what Harry’s goals may end up being. He’s wonderful. He could literally do anything he wants, he just lacks the courage and confidence to actually choose something and pursue it.

“Harry, you can do anything. You don’t have to go to school like Gemma and you don’t have to go on a bloody world tour, but something has to give. You’re running around the city in tight jeans and an unbuttoned shirt with loads of money and nothing to do.” Harry rolls his eyes. “I mean, you’re practically a Kardashian at this point.” Louis mumbles.

Harry’s face is priceless as he tries to look offended but cackles instead. Louis is glad to lighten the mood if only by a fraction.

“Don’t think I quite have the ass for that.” Harry laments, his eyes still sparkling with amusement.

“I disagree entirely.” Louis laughs.

He allows it this time when Harry leans in to connect their lips. “I hate it when you actually do your job.” Harry grins into his neck, leaving a small kiss there. “You’re so smart and pushy…it’s almost like you’re some kind of therapist or something.”

“Imagine that.” Louis grins at his joke but then meets his eyes. He runs a finger under Harry’s chin, watching him smile into the touch. “Just promise me you’ll think about it, yeah? Like, _really_ think about it. I’m worried about you. I’m scared you’ll end up somewhere a lot worse than this place if you don’t take this seriously.”

Harry nods, letting their heads rest together between them. “I swear to think about my future…” Louis sighs with relief. “But only half as much as I think about you.”

Louis gives him a flat look. “So not very much then, I reckon.”

Harry pinches him on the arm and then shuts him up with his mouth. Louis doesn’t protest either action.

\----

Louis had already been planning to sneak off from his morning duty rounds to go see Harry when he crept out of Oakfield the night before. He’s already smiling to himself when he gets to the staff desk so he’s more than a little thrown when he sees his name sitting big and bold under detox.

Ingrid must see his expression from where she’s sitting at her laptop because she clears her throat with sympathetic eyes. “Sorry Louis, but the patient just checked in and you’re the only one who hasn’t been in there this week. I’ll have Liam help too if it’ll make it easier for you.”

He shakes his head at the offer. Six weeks ago Louis would have rejoiced at the thought of having extra help in the form of Liam, but Ingrid doesn’t understand that his look of disappointment isn’t because he has to work detox. He’s disappointed because now he’ll have to wait a lot longer to see Harry.

“There’s no need. I’ll be fine.” Louis says in the most assuring voice he can manage.

He catches sight of Liam as he’s rushing through the common living area, already running late.

“Hey, Lou. Where are you going?” Liam asks when Louis doesn’t slow down.

“Detox.” He sighs with a shrug. “Schedule change.”

Liam gives him a mirror image of Ingrid’s sympathetic look. “Oh. Sorry about that. Well, need anything?”

Louis’ gaze flashes in the direction of the resident corridor. “No, but thanks though. I’ll see you later.” He squeezes Liam’s shoulder as he turns to leave.

“I-I could tell him, you know. Like, if you wanted me to… I don’t mind.”

Louis is a bit surprised at Liam offering to help him and Harry at all considering the way he feels about them. The look on Liam’s face alone shows his slight discomfort. Louis smiles at his friend. “I couldn’t ask you to do that, Li. Besides, it’s only a few hours. He’ll live.”

Liam forces a grin, “Okay.” It’s not much, but at least Liam is trying to be okay with everything, Louis supposes.

It’s past noon when he’s allowed to swap out duty with Thomas. He’s more than ready for a break by the time he drags himself out of the land of the suffering. The staff area is too far away for Louis to even try to collapse there, so he heads straight to the one-on-one room, creating a loud thud when he crashes down into the armchair.

He doesn’t even realize Harry has entered the room until he feels fingers carding through his hair.

Louis’ head rolls back into Harry’s touch. It feels heavenly. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up this morning… I didn’t know I’d have detox, otherwise-”

“Liam let me know first thing this morning. He said you didn’t have time to come tell me yourself.”

Louis cracks open his eyes. “H-He did?” he asks, astonished.

Harry crouches down to his level, grinning and running his finger over the ‘H’ engraved into Louis’ ring. “Yeah. He didn’t come in or anything,” Harry laughs a little, “He said it was against policy.”

Louis chuckles. “He _would_ say that. He won’t step foot in your room unless it’s for an inspection, but he’ll help his mate out with his forbidden romance. Typical.”

“Tired?” Harry asks after a while of them being quiet. Louis nods. “Here,” Harry lightly pulls him up so he can sit in the chair instead. He guides Louis down onto his lap so his head can rest against his shoulder. “Rest for a while.”

Louis melts into the kiss on his forehead and the arms wrapping around him, but he can’t just sleep here in Harry’s arms all afternoon, no matter how tempting it sounds. He moves to get up but Harry doesn’t let him go too far. “Harry, I can’t just take a nap because I had detox all morning...”

“If you don’t want to fall asleep then just talk. I’ll be the good listener this time.”

Louis’ chest aches at the thoughtfulness in Harry’s words and the warmth in his eyes. Bridgett used to push him to talk all the time, but he never appreciated it coming from her. Harry sits patiently though, his face expectant as Louis closes his eyes.

“A man called Adam checked himself in this morning before I even got here…He’s still got some coke in his system. He’s _really_ dependent. He said he had to take some this morning just to sign himself in…said he couldn’t do it sober.”

Harry nods listening to him. “Sounds like someone I know.” Louis’ eyebrows pull together. “Sounds like Ed.” Harry clarifies with a sad upturn of his lips in apology, “Sorry for interrupting. I’m listening.”

Louis’ heart pulls in several different directions trying to decide if all his hatred toward Ed is necessary. He’s an addict, and the professional side of his heart knows that he needs help, but the Harry side absolutely loathes him.

Louis tries to get Harry to open up about it. “How do you feel about-”

“Nope.” Harry says out of nowhere. “We talk about me all the time. Today is about you.”

It makes Louis fight back a smile, but it doesn’t feel right using this time for himself; he’s not the patient here. “Your father is paying _a lot_ of money for these sessions…”

“And he’ll keep paying for them rather we talk about me or not.” He adjusts them in the armchair so they sit more comfortably. “Now, stop trying to distract me and tell me about your morning.”

Louis smiles, a bit surprised at Harry’s persistence in the matter, but he does start again. “I always feel worse for the patients who sign themselves in. It’s so much harder for them when they don’t really have any support…” Louis continues.

Harry whispers into his skin. “They have you.”

*

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Harry says out of nowhere later that night.

Louis turns over so they’re face to face. “I say lots of things. You’ll have to be more specific.” He traces Harry’s lips with his finger. It’s already been too long since he last kissed him.

“In our session the other day... about when I leave.”

Harry’s eyes and voice are very soft like he’s trying to be serious so Louis sits up; it’s not every day they discuss therapy related things outside of actual therapy. “Okay, then. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Harry pushes himself up as well, his legs neatly folded under him. He takes a deep breath before he begins. “If I could choose anything in the world I think I’d choose music. I don’t want to do the record and touring thing. That’s what everyone expects me to do just because of my father…I don’t want that though. I never have.”

“There’s nothing wrong with choosing what you want to do. You don’t have to consider anyone when it comes to this.” Louis tells him earnestly, hoping Harry won’t let his father or the media sway him. “So what is it you want to do if not sing and tour?”

He stops meeting Louis’ eyes for a few moments. “I write a little…I’ve watched people who work with my dad do it, and of course my mates…Ed writes virtually all of his songs himself, even.”

Louis wants to tell him that this isn’t about Ed, but he keeps his mouth shut because this is neither the time nor the place. Harry gets up to dig in his bedside table, coming back to him with the leather journal that Louis hasn’t seen in weeks.

“I didn’t write everything that’s in here, but I did most of them or at least helped...” Harry hands it over with a look of reluctance. “Tell me what you think?”

Louis gears up to tell Harry that it doesn’t matter what he thinks, but Harry cuts him off before he even opens his mouth. “I want your opinion. Yours is really the only one I can trust.” He smiles. “You have to tell me if they’re horrible…it’s part of our rules.”

“I already know they aren’t horrible.” Louis rolls his eyes and begins on a random page.

The room is silent as Louis reads through song after song, each one as good as the last if not better. He has pages about losing things you have no control over, he writes about love and even a few about moving on when the love doesn’t last. There are several that are unfinished, some just a few lines long probably from where Harry got distracted and decided to write something new, but overall he has a book of really strong lyrics.

Harry had been watching him closely the whole time, barely even breathing. “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?” Louis asks.

Harry’s eyebrows scrunch together. “Bad?” He answers but then looks unsure as if he should choose differently. Louis hurries on before he can change his mind.

“The bad news is your handwriting is complete shit, mate.” The smile on Harry’s face is worth the small amount of panic Louis knows he just put him through. “Like, I cannot believe they let you out of primary school with this scribble. There was one point I could’ve sworn you were writing in Japanese-”

“Louis!” Harry’s dimples stand out on his cheeks as he laughs. “Give me the good news!”

Louis starts flipping through the pages of the book again, “The _good_ news is your songs are great. Crafting words is hard enough as it is, let alone in the form of a four minute song. Some of these lyrics are amazing.”

Louis flips till he finds the page he needs. “I think this one has my favorite line… Oh, here it is, ‘ _developing a photo in a room bathed in light is how it feels trying to get you to love me…”_ Louis hands the book back to him. “Did you write that yourself?” he asks incredulously.

The blush on Harry’s cheeks when he nods makes Louis smile even harder. “That was one of the first ones I did on my own.”

 “Well it’s amazing.” Louis finally kisses him, finally pulling him in.

Harry is all breathless laughter when he  leans back with a hand on Louis’ chest. “So, you think I could do this? This is something, you know, attainable?”

“Of course, Harry. You have hundreds of connections through your father and you’re very talented.”

Harry’s smile is still there, but definitely a little less bright. “I don’t really want to use his connections. If I’m going to do this I want to do it on my own.”

Louis sighs. He had a feeling Harry would have fault with something like help, especially from his dad. “You don’t have to work with your father, but it’ll be a lot harder getting your songs out there without him.”

Harry leans in for one more light kiss, although not quite as joyful as the last one. “Yeah, I know.”

\---

Before Louis knows it, another weekend has arrived, and that would never have even been significant had it not been for the fact this weekend is Harry’s very last one.

Preventing reality from seeping into his mind is a skill Louis prides himself on, hell he lied to himself for most of his life about his own sexuality, but this…this isn’t so easy to ignore. Harry isn’t so easy to ignore.

Liam convinced him to come over after work on Friday by guilt tripping the hell out of him. He pulled the best mate card, complaining that they haven’t had a proper conversation in ages. He was right of course, but Louis still had to pry himself away from Oakfield to keep from locking himself in Harry’s room.

“Which movie do you want to watch?” Liam asks, scrolling through Netflix with incredible focus, focus that Louis wishes his brain could have on something other Oakfield.

“I’m not picky. You choose.”

“Okaaay…that’s a complete lie.” Liam mumbles. He searches a few more seconds then picks Cars even though they’ve watched it together a million times. “Don’t you dare complain.” Liam points a finger at Louis sprawled out on the sofa glaring up at him.

Louis refrains from grumbling about having to watch vehicles have struggles as they drive around a desert. He does however accidentally sigh a few minutes after it begins. Liam doesn’t say anything just turns to face him, his eyes on Louis’ face then travelling down to the piece of jewelry Louis is anxiously twisting around his finger.

He catches sight of Liam staring. “Sorry. I’m trying to pay attention, really.” Louis blushes, thankful for the shitty lighting in the room. He forces his hands to stop their jittery movements, and it’s sad because he doesn’t even realize when he’s doing it anymore. “Sorry.” He apologizes again when Liam is still staring.

“What are you going to do on Tuesday, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Louis shrugs with his eyes downcast to his side, his heart more than a little hurt. The fact that Tuesday will actually come is still something he refuses to acknowledge.

Liam watches him with worried eyes. “Have you talked about it?”

“Sort of…H- He wants me to come visit him in London.” Liam looks happy for him until Louis shakes his head. “It sounds really nice when you say it out loud, but then what happens, you know? I’ve only known him a short amount of time when you look at the big picture here… it’s not like we’re serious enough to just pick up and move to be near each other. He has a whole entire _life_ away from Oakfield that I’m not even a part of. He could go home and forget all about me. He could start sleeping around with models again, he could get mixed up in drug shit again, he could-he…”

Louis stops to breathe when he realizes he is unloading all of his fears onto his best friend. He doesn’t know when he became the person who’s scared of the other person leaving, but he feels a slight pang of guilt realizing this is how Bridgett must have felt all the time.

“It’s okay to be scared. We tell patients that all the time.” Liam tries to console him using the same therapy techniques that Louis himself uses with patients. Louis’ stomach is so knotted that he can’t even laugh at the irony.

Louis drops his forehead into his palms. “I’m not making any sense.” he apologizes, “I don’t know if I’m more scared of him leaving or of me staying… Is that crazy? Is it weird that I’m this afraid of something that hasn’t even happened yet?”

“I think everything you said makes perfect sense when you love someone.” Louis’ head jerks up to meet his eyes, the protests already forming on his tongue, yet somehow, the words won’t come out. Liam just grins and then turns back to the movie. “You’ll both figure it out, Lou.”

Liam says it with so much sureness that Louis almost believes him.

*

He waits until Saturday night to head back to the facility after Liam pointed out that he and Harry have been practically inseparable. Louis turned his nose up at him, but knew in his heart that a tiny break from Harry would probably be wise. He hops into his car, happily jogging up the stairs of the facility. He swings open the door to the main corridor and stops mid-stride, coming face to face with Ingrid.

“Louis? What are you doing here? You do realize it’s Saturday, right?” she laughs as she types away, seemingly completely unaware of the way Louis’ heart is pounding.

“I uh- I forgot my phone…in detox. You know how I’m always uh, losing it…”

Ingrid smirks, “I know how you’re always _ignoring_ it.”

Louis nods taking a few steps past her, “Well, I’ll just head over and-”

“Oh, don’t walk all the way over there. I’ll call Matthew. He’s due for a break out of detox anyway.” Louis fumbles around with the toes of his shoes, absently twisting his ring as she dials and tells Matthew to look around. He’s still twisting when she hangs up.

“Ohh! Let me see!” she exclaims in enjoyment. She gestures for him to come over, her eyes locked right on his hand.

It feels as though he’s wearing iron chains as he walks toward her, his hand outstretched.  She turns his hand over, eyes bright and excited. “Where’d you find that? It’s beautiful!” She gushes and then squints at it. “What’s the ‘ _H’_ for?”

He’s saved from stumbling through a bold faced lie when the phone rings. She frowns talking to Matthew, asking him to check again, sending him on a fruitless search for the mobile currently sitting in Louis’ back pocket. He slips his hand away before she even ends the conversation. “I’ll just pop on over to get it!” he yells so far down the hall already that she doesn’t call him back.

The acting Louis pulls off in detox should win him all kinds of awards as he plants his phone under a stack of papers and then ‘finds’ it again just in case Ingrid gets curious and asks if Louis came by.

He avoids seeing anyone else for the most part as he nears Harry’s door. His blood is rushing through his veins when he yanks him over the threshold, his mouth warm and waiting as soon as Louis is inside.

The way Harry lies him back onto the bed is already all too familiar, but that doesn’t make Louis any less excited to be touched by him. He’s already short of breath when Harry pulls away to grin down at him.

“Hi.” He breathes. There’s so much softness in his eyes after such an intense greeting. “Missed you.” He says recapturing Louis’ lips.

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” Louis yelps at the pinch Harry delivers to his side, but he’s still grinning ear to ear. “Liam made me watch three films about inanimate objects talking… of course I missed you, idiot.”

Harry takes his usual spot right next to Louis, already asking what Louis has been up to by the time his curls hit the pillow. Louis starts talking, telling him everything from the time he left on Friday until dinner a few hours ago where Liam cooked pasta. Harry’s eyes turn nostalgic at the mention of food.

“I would do so many illegal things for a plate of good angel hair pasta right now.” He hums.

“You do illegal things just for the hell of it all the time.” Louis mumbles under his breath with a grin. He stops Harry from pinching him this time and holds his big hands in his. “Oakfield serves pasta. It’s not like you haven’t eaten any.”

Harry’s jaw drops like he’s been slapped. “Louis. We both know that Ted Johnson complains about a lot of shit, but saying the food here is shit is an understatement. Those noodles are impostors _pretending_ to be pasta, and I’m pretty sure that ‘creamy’ alfredo sauce started off as powder in a bag.”

Louis has a smart ass remark about powder in bags that he’s just itching to throw out but he holds it in, mostly due to the death glare Harry gives when he reads mischief all over him. “Alright, alright.” He groans, “I won’t make any drug puns.” Louis rolls his eyes and stands up from the bed.

Harry sits straight up. “Where are you going?”

“I have to leave before Ingrid or she’ll wonder why my car is still here.” Harry nods then visibly relaxes. “I’ll be right back.” He dashes over leaving a quick kiss on Harry’s jaw before creeping out into the hall.

It comes to Louis’ mind as he’s killing time driving around in circles that he and Harry have never eaten anything together, let alone pasta. The car is speeding toward The Roma before he even realizes it.

He sneaks back down the resident corridor with paper bags ruffling in his hands. He maneuvers them around waiting for Harry to answer the pitiful knock at his door. Harry’s eyes are lit up as soon as he inhales. “Lou…is that alfredo made from _actual_ dairy products that I smell?”

Louis pushes past him. “It might be.” He shrugs handing it over to him.

Harry gasps when he opens it. “You brought me garlic knots.”

Louis hums, sliding closer to Harry’s side and pulling him down for a kiss. “I might have.”

After Harry has practically weeped over the taste of olive oil on his tongue he sprawls out half on top of Louis. He starts talking and brings up music on his own, similar to the night he brought up his songwriting, and just like that Louis is being serenaded with some of Harry’s best lyrics.

Louis waits for him to finish his current song, his voice strong and clear and unlike anyone else’s. “And you’re sure you don’t want to do the singing thing? Harry you’re so good! Like, good to where it’s almost unfair for you to be so amazing at both.” He shakes his head in disbelief, “London isn’t ready for you, Styles.”

Harry’s ears are tinged slightly pink at the tips, his dimples on full display when he pulls Louis into him. Louis moves with him, breathless as they fall into the sheets, the whole time trying to quiet the voice in his head screaming that he isn’t quite ready for Harry to leave.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis smiles down at Harry as he curls into himself trying to keep warm. He places a palm against his bare skin and pulls the blanket up over his back and shoulders. He had told Harry to put on some clothes, but of course he drifted off as soon as his head hit the pillow.

There’s this invisible clock ticking each time he sneaks a look at the curly mess of hair splayed out beside him. Harry fell asleep hours ago, and even though he wanted to, Louis couldn’t just curl up next to him the way he usually would. Lately, he’s finding it difficult to be with him at all, mostly due to the fact that he can’t turn off his brain nor can he stop time.

It’s late, staff members will be leaving soon, and Harry is expecting a visitor, so Louis forces himself to start moving. He only stays for a few moments longer trying to memorize the dip of Harry’s spine and trying not to calculate how much longer they have left before he’s getting dressed and sneaking out.

Sleep doesn’t come for him even when he’s at home, though he wishes it would just so he can stop thinking so much. He’s finally granted some peace, the sunshine waking him when half the morning is already gone, and Louis still can’t focus for shit.

He calls up Liam to keep him company when his eyes drift longingly toward his laptop on more than one occasion. He leaves Sofia’s to come over without asking any questions, so he must know that Louis is about one Sun article away from losing it.

“When is she getting here?” Liam turns to him with a hand shoved into a bag of pretzels. He didn’t ask, he kind of just starting eating everything within reach. Louis won’t complain though since he asked Liam to come over.

Louis jiggles his legs under his kitchen table, running a hand through his dirty hair as he tries to remember. “I don’t know. She should be here now I guess… It’s past noon.” Harry said Gemma would be coming to see him sometime in the morning. “She’s probably still there.” Louis figures out loud.

“Do you want to go out for a bit? I need to get some things. I was going to go with Sofia, but I’m here now so we might as well...” Liam suggests, and it’s a lovely suggestion, but Louis can’t agree to much of anything when Harry’s sister is currently helping him plan his departure from Louis’ life.

There’s a very long pause where Louis has to backtrack to what Liam even said. “Uh…Yeah. Sure, Li.” Louis meets his eyes in apology. “I’m sorry for dragging you away from Sophia like this. I’m sure she’s well on her way to hating me by now.”

Liam looks almost offended. “Of course she doesn’t hate you. Sofia loves you.” he insists dropping Louis’ empty bag of pretzels on the counter. “You may have dated, lied to, and broken up with her best mate,” Liam smiles a bit at the horror on Louis’ face, “But she loves you all the same… and so does Bridge.”

Louis lets his forehead hit the table. “I knooow. She texted me a few days ago to check on me and I felt awful all over again. I was terrible as her boyfriend and she’s still amazing even after I’ve broken up with her out of nowhere.”

“You were together for a long time, Lou. You can’t expect her to disappear and not give a fuck what happens to you…” Liam sits down across from him with caution. It makes Louis meet his gaze. “As for Harry, you’ve known Tuesday was coming this whole time. If you don’t want to go completely mad once he’s left then you two need to sit down and talk about whatever it is you’re doing,” Louis squeezes his eyes shut like it’ll be less true if he can’t see, but Liam is right of course, and he can still hear him. “Because whether or not you want to accept it, he _is_ leaving.”

*

It’s nighttime when a showered and slightly more sane Louis arrives at Harry’s door. Liam spent the day dividing his time between giving Louis loving reassurance that everything will work out to gently chastising him for not properly communicating his fears with Harry. He had to listen to forty minutes of _you’re a bloody therapist who talks all day long but you can’t talk to your fucking boyfriend,_ and he’s still no more prepared to do so.

Harry’s touch is like sunshine when he pulls Louis in. “Hey, love.” He noses behind his ear then finds his way to Louis’ mouth. Louis tries to fall into it but it feels forced on his end .

He pulls away when he can’t remember how to just be there with him. Harry only looks a bit intrigued at Louis’ reaction. Louis doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing, so he starts going through the collection of scarves and bandanas splayed out in Harry’s wardrobe. He ignores the curious look Harry gives him and starts talking instead. “So uh, how was Gemma’s visit?” he asks clearing his throat. “I bet it was uh, nice to spend time with her? Did you get Tuesday all uh…sorted?”

Harry maneuvers himself in front of Louis, wrapping his strong arms around him. He closes the gap between them and Louis’ pulse relaxes at the touch.

“What’s wrong?” Harry whispers. Louis shakes his head, already about to deny, but Harry won’t let him. “Louis, you’ve been acting really strange lately. I know you’re not telling me something…what is it?”

“I am not acting strange.” Louis scoffs and breaks out of Harry’s embrace. He can’t think straight when he’s being interrogated like this, even though he’s really just politely asking.

Harry is smiling as he strolls over to where he is, gently guiding Louis’ back onto his bed with a long playful sigh. He seats himself right onto Louis’ lap, his palms flat on his chest. “You are being _so_ weird.” He lets a tiny laugh escape him. “You look about ready to throw a punch at me right now, and you’re saying that’s normal?”

“You’re _sitting_ on me,” Louis rolls his eyes. “I think it’s perfectly reasonable for me to want to punch you when I can’t breathe.”

“You’ve never complained before.” Harry pokes him in the side with a pout. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Louis takes a deep breath to tell the idiot that nothing is wrong for the millionth time, but then he actually acknowledges the concern on his face and Louis finds that he can’t do it.

He buys himself a way out by pulling Harry in. He mumbles it while their lips are still connected so it doesn’t even sound like real words. Harry pulls away.

“Wait, what?” he asks in confusion.

Louis covers his face with his forearms and groans into his own skin. “I said you’re leaving in two days and I’m scared.” He places his arms back down by his side, certain his face is the epitome of annoyance. “There. You happy?”

Harry’s quiet for a few beats then Louis sees the relief washing over him. “No… not _happy_ , but I still don’t understand.” He gives an unsure smile, “Why are you scared of me leaving? I thought you were coming to London and then we-”

“And then what, Harry?” He hates that they have to have this conversation. He loathes the fact that Harry’s smile fades into nothing at the bite in his tone. He wishes time would just stop moving for a while.

Harry is shaking his head. “What do you mean, and then what? And then I’ll come see you. We’ve already talked about this...” He slides off of Louis’ lap, sensing that this isn’t something that’s going to just go away. “Do you not want to come and see me?” Now Harry is the insecure one, his eyes uncertain as he waits. Louis’ lips itch to make him feel better so he pulls Harry in before he says a word.

“Harry, I cannot wait to come visit you. And maybe you’ll come back here to see me,” Louis holds his face in his hands so neither of them can look away. “But we can’t keep doing that. At some point either we’re going to do this or…you know, or we’re not.”

He often forgets how different he and Harry really are until moments like this when the reality of who Harry is hits him. It’s not like he can blame Harry for being naïve about them. In Harry’s world, well the one where he’s rich and famous for doing nothing, everything falls into his lap, and Louis was no exception to that. He’s not used to hard work, and them being together would take a lot of it.

“Jesus,” Harry pulls back even further. “I can’t promise you that we’ll be together ten years from now, Lou.”

“I know that.” he snaps at him. “You can’t even promise me we’ll be together ten _days_ from now!” Louis’ voice is a lot louder than he meant it to be, but he can’t help it. Harry doesn’t get it. “I mean, you could walk out that door in two days and I could never hear from you again.”

“You think I would do that to you?”

Louis flops back onto the bed. “No,” he groans, “I don’t think you would but you _could_ …. this is insane. I hate this conversation! It’s like bad therapy that won’t end! Can we please just pretend it never happened? I’m sorry.” Louis starts apologizing. He sees Harry’s smile return.

“It’s not going to go away if we don’t talk about it.” Harry takes his place beside him, pulling Louis into his arms. Louis rests his head on his chest with Harry’s lips lightly brushing his forehead as he talks. “The first thing you need to know is that I would _never_ do something like that to you. I couldn’t just walk away from you, not now.”

Louis’ ears hang on the now part more than he should. “So you were planning on disappearing before?” he asks with a scoff.

He can hear the smile in Harry’s voice. He laughs shaking his head. “I’m saying that before you were just this nervous, ridiculously attractive therapist I liked to torment from time to time, but now…I mean, you have _no idea_ the way I feel about you. I would never do that to you.”

Louis thought all the butterflies had left him, but more erupt in his stomach when Harry kisses him. It’s a feeling he never had with Bridgett, and one he’ll never tire of with the boy currently holding him. He can feel the light thud of his pulse in every touch.

Louis thumbs at his bottom lip when they drift apart. “So you admit that you were torturing me on purpose?”

“I was flirting.”

“You were a prick,” He grins at Harry’s frown, “But I liked you anyway.”

“Oh I knew you did,” Harry smirks. “I just had to convince _you_ that you liked me.”

Louis goes willingly, sinking into the kiss again but then he’s snatching his lips away. “You didn’t know anything. Everyone isn’t in love with you, you know? As I’ve said before you’re not even a _real_ celebrity.”

Harry’s jaw drops open. “I have a Wikipedia and everything. My fans keep it updated.”

 “You do not have _fans_.” Louis blanches.

“I’ve got you...”

It’s silent for a few seconds and then they’re cackling. “I cannot believe you just said that with a straight face!” Louis laughs with his hand over Harry’s mouth to muffle the sound. He feels so light in this moment, so much better than he had been feeling for days, but he knows it’s fleeting even as he leans into Harry’s lips.

\----- 

Everything becomes more real when Ingrid drops Harry’s discharge papers into his hands Monday morning. Louis flips through them, wondering what it’ll be like to watch Harry walk out tomorrow morning. He already knows it won’t feel good, but he’s hoping for the best.

He wanders around the living area of the facility trying to focus on all the other patients milling around, but his attention keeps getting stolen by the boy perched on the back of the sofa with a flowery bandana tied up in his curls.

He approaches Emily and her companion with a fond smile on his lips. “Excuse me,” He taps him on the shoulder and Harry turns to greet him with a playful smile. “I know it’s your last day and all, but rules are rules.”

“Is something wrong, _Louis_?” He drawls. Louis doesn’t miss the way his eyes rake up his body

Louis would pin him down on this very couch if he could. He settles for something a little more professional instead. “Harry, get your bum on the cushions where it’s supposed to go.” He asserts, watching Harry drop down and plant his feet on the floor.

Emily laughs into her hand, her eyes so much brighter than when she first got there. Louis suspects Harry has a lot to do with that. “I told him to get down, but he insisted on staying put.”

Louis shakes his head at her. “Causing trouble on his last day of rehab...I’d expect no less.”

Harry squeezes his shoulder as Louis leaves them. The touch looks innocent enough, so much so that Emily doesn’t even notice, but Louis could swear his heart starts beating double time the moment he feels it.

When he had first imagined this day he thought their last one-on-one would feature himself jumping for joy at finally getting rid of Harry, and Harry just as thrilled at getting to leave. Now that they’re here though, he’s surprised to find the two of them all business sitting across from each other.

They go through Harry’s post-rehab plans, writing down only what needs to be documented for the sake of facility records, the rest is just the two of them chatting like they would during any other session.

They get to his stack of discharge papers and Louis is shocked to see Harry looking a bit nervous when he glances up.

“You’re being quiet.” He comments casually, even though the look on Harry’s face is anything but. “You alright?” he asks when Harry’s expression still looks slightly uneasy.

He frowns playing with the necklace dangling from his neck. “Can’t believe I’m already leaving. I feel like I just got here…it’s weird to going back when this has been home for so long, you know? I’m trying to remember how I used to spend my days in London, but it all seems kind of pointless after being here…” Louis had thought Harry was doing a pretty good job with not being sentimental, but reality must be sinking in for him today too. He won’t let Harry stress over returning back to his life.

“Well, I’m no expert Harry, but I hear you’re pretty good at wreaking havoc on nightclubs. If I’m not mistaken, you also enjoy a vintage clothing shop or a thousand. According to sources closest to you you’re sleeping with four models who all work for the same designer,” Louis raises an eyebrow at him. “Quite scandalous if you ask me…” he grins when Harry does.  “Other than all that, I think you spend most of your time in recording studios with your best mates, drinking _only_ organic tea while posting everything that moves to Instagram with far too many hashtags... Sound about right?” Louis grins.

Harry is smirking at him. “You Googled me.”

“I might have.” Louis shrugs, putting the papers to the side and making his way over to him. He sits down, his knees on either side of him.

Harry hums at Louis’ weight draped over him. “When?” Harry asks.

“Immediately after I realized I was in way over my head with you…” Louis grins, “The first day we met.” Harry smiles up at him, the worry completely erased from his expression. Paparazzi started gathering outside the facility days ago in anticipation of his release, so Louis can understand his apprehension to returning home to even more madness.

“The media couldn’t have been more wrong about you, love.” He brings their lips together to help Harry forget for just a moment that he has to go back to all the rumors and speculation. “ _I_ couldn’t have been more wrong about you.” He whispers.

*

He starts trying to imagine what it’ll be like to walk down this corridor after tonight, and then he stops those thoughts as soon as he has them because the world is not ending just because Harry Styles is going home. It’s not.

He slips into the room as soon as Harry opens the door, their mouths connected before it even shuts. The air gets stolen from his chest when Harry pushes and braces them against it, his hands fisting in the thin uniform fabric between his fingers before either of them even says a word. He lets Harry’s lips trace over his skin until he gets his fill.

“Ingrid still here?” he mumbles into his skin.

Louis shakes his head, already drunk on the feeling of Harry’s words so close to his ear. He takes Louis’ hands in his, walking them back to the bed, his eyes roaming all over the places he can’t wait to touch. Harry scoots up to the pillows with Louis straddled across his hips, his large hands already mapping the contours of his legs and waist.

Louis would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about their last night together possibly being more special than the others, but now that they’re here, asking for that seems a bit extreme given the circumstances. In a few hours he’ll be gone. He can’t read Harry’s eyes. He doesn’t even know if Harry wants the same thing or not, but Louis’ heart is pounding all the same just thinking of bringing it up.

Harry sits up on his elbows when it’s silent for too long and no one is moving. “You seem nervous... What’s up?”

Louis slides off of his lap and onto the bed. He _is_ nervous is the thing, but he wishes he weren’t. He wishes his every thought wasn’t so clearly written all over his face for Harry to read. “I’m fine.” He lies running his fingers through Harry’s hair. “Just uh- trying to decide what we should do tonight.”

Harry smirks, his head rolling into Louis’ touch. “Mmmm…whatever you want is fine.” His eyes flutter shut when Louis tugs on a few strands, “Your mouth would feel amazing…” he hums and smiles to himself like the image is already playing in his head.

Louis isn’t sure if he has fully formed the words in mind when he blurts out his thoughts before he even considers them. “I was thinking…maybe we do something a little different? Something we haven’t done...what if we, you know…” his voice falters by the end of the sentence and Harry’s eyes fly open.

He sits up to look at him, and Louis has never felt a more compressing silence fill the space between them. Harry is watching him now; watching him play with his fingers, watching him fiddle with his ring, the sheets, anything other than making eye contact and actually saying the words.

“Is-Is that what you want, Lou?” he asks after a while.

He can tell by Harry’s tone that he’s unconvinced. Louis isn’t even sure if this is what he really wants, but he can’t stand the thought of potentially not having sex with him and then never getting another chance to. “I don’t know,” he sighs. “Do you?”

Louis watches the apples of Harry’s cheeks warm into a soft pink as he fights a smile. Harry links their hands and the touch does nothing to calm his nerves. “I want whatever you want. If you think you’re ready for that then of course I want to have sex with you.” He pulls Louis’ chin up to look at him, “But, this is all still really new for you…and I don’t want you to sleep with me because you think this is the last time you’ll see me, because it’s not.”

Harry rubs his thumb along the ring around Louis’ finger. There is a lot going on inside Louis’ head but he can’t really make sense of it with his pulse beating so loud in his in ears. Harry is talking with him like this goes beyond Oakfield, like they go beyond this moment, but there’s still that nagging, doubtful voice in his head that says they might not…

No planning goes into the way he pushes Harry down and licks into his mouth. His hands start working to get Harry’s clothes off. The response from Harry is immediate, but it’s not quite the one he was looking for.

“Lou,” he mumbles around his lips, “We -don’t have to go so fast…” he gasps. Louis bites down on his lip to shut him up, but it’s clearly too hard when Harry snatches away.

Louis sighs with his head slumped forward. “What’s wrong?” he asks impatiently. He fidgets under the way Harry's eyes observe him, quietly assessing every tense movement he makes. Louis hates it when he does that.

It’s like he knows Louis hates it when he gives Louis a small upturn of his lips and then leans in to lightly kiss his jaw. He pulls Louis into him and guides them down into the sheets together. The longest minute of Louis’ life ticks by before Harry says anything.

“Lou...” he says carefully, “It’s not happening tonight.”

Louis shoots back up. “You said we could do whatever I wanted. _This_ is what I want.” He gestures between them like it should be obvious what he wants to happen here. Harry isn’t moving though.

He laughs to himself and tries to pull Louis back down to his side. Of course Louis doesn’t budge. “Louis, you’re trying to rush through it so you don’t have to think about it. We’ve never even talked about this, so it’s kind of odd that you want us to have sex all of a sudden, don’t you think? It doesn’t have to be now. It doesn’t have to be here.”

Louis scoffs and puts a bit more space between them. “You have no clue what I want. Don’t talk to me like you’re the therapist.”

Harry rolls his eyes at him and takes his hand back even when Louis tries to pull it away. “I’m pretty sure you think you’ll never see me again after tomorrow morning, which isn’t true at all.” Louis huffs at his words, trying to pull his hand away again, but Harry holds onto it. “Me leaving here shouldn’t decide when we have sex. It shouldn’t be some big blur that neither of us is even able to remember.”

It takes a whole five minutes of Louis warring with himself over Harry actually being right about something, but he finally accepts defeat and stops arguing. Harry smiles when he sees the fight in his eyes die out. This time he succeeds in pulling Louis down to lie beside him.

Even after a few minutes of being curled into Harry’s side he’s still annoyed at his plans being derailed. He may even be pouting, but Louis would never admit it. “So if we’re not having sex, then what are we doing? Nothing?” he makes sure his discontent rolls into his words, but Harry just grins like always when Louis is being the difficult one.

“Mmmm…” Harry settles further down into the mattress, moving Louis so that his head rests on his chest. “Let’s just lie here together. Cuddle with me a while?” he whispers into Louis’ hair. It’s a simple request, yet his words make Louis lax and pliant like warm honey.

“Fine.” Louis connects their hands. “We’ll just lie here like old people, me with a huge erection and you pointedly ignoring it.”

Harry laughs under him. “Sounds about right… good practice for when we’re seventy.”

As annoyed as he is, even Louis grins at that.

It’s just after midnight when Louis forces himself to leave the warmth of Harry’s bed. Harry watches him get dressed, a lazy smile still on his lips as his eyes trace Louis’ figure, his curls a mess from Louis clinging to them before. “Stay a little while longer.”

Louis grins back at him as he slips his shirt back on. “I’ll just end up falling asleep. Then we’ll be in a right mess when Niall comes banging on your door in the morning and finds me in here with you.”

“He won’t be here for hours.” Harry pouts coming around the bed to pull him in. The delicate slide of Harry’s tongue making him float. Harry starts walking them back towards the bed when Louis hums into him.

He almost forgets why he was trying to leave in the first place when Harry’s hands rest on his hips and he starts taking off his uniform for a second time, Harry’s fingers already trailing along his thighs again. Louis gently slides off his lap. “I have to go, and you need some sleep.”

“I think I’d sleep a lot better after sucking you off again.” He innocently grabs at Louis’ waist to pull him back in. It’s times like these when Louis realizes the full potential of his non-celebrity manipulation and how bad he is at giving in to it.

Louis slips out of his grip and fixes him with the most serious look he can muster with a beautiful curly headed idiot clinging to him. “Harry. I am going home. You’re going to go to sleep so you can finish packing in the morning.” He drops a kiss onto Harry’s forehead. He only grumbles a little bit.

He must accept that Louis can’t be swayed because then he’s putting on some joggers and helping Louis slide into his shoes.

It’s grows unnervingly quiet as they finish dressing, both of them realizing that their time hidden away in this room has run out. Louis looks around at the scattered suitcases and things half thrown into them. These four walls have seen so much happen between them that it’s almost a shame to allow another patient to move in.  He smiles when he feels Harry slip his hand into his.

“It’s going to be weird walking out of here tomorrow without you.” Harry tells him.

Louis nods; glad he didn’t have to break the silence. He has no clue what either of them is supposed to say to make walking out of this room any easier.

“I- I guess I should go. I’ll talk to you soon I guess? Or, I hope-” He starts stumbling over everything he wants to say so he opens the door instead of trying to find something appropriate to say. He finds it’s easier to just walk out.

He’s standing in the hallway, but Harry doesn’t seem to care, following him out to kiss him one last time. Any other night Louis would push him away. He’d probably yell at him too for being careless and getting them caught, but in this moment it feels so right that Louis doesn’t care. Harry calms him with his touch, whispering all the same promises in his ear that he’s been saying for weeks. Louis wants to believe every single word of it.

Ten thousand people could’ve walked by, by the time Harry lets him go, but neither of them gives a damn.

It takes another a minute or two, but he does finally make it out of the building and into his car, the few paparazzi paying the sad looking orderly no attention as he drives away. When he gets home he ends up tossing and turning, the whole time wishing he was at work instead of his own bed.

The morning sun rises like it always does, except today Louis is awake to see it. He takes his time in the shower and even cooks himself some breakfast, procrastinating all in the name of living in denial.

When he pulls onto the grounds spotting Harry’s very expensive looking Range Rover in the lot, he knows without a doubt that Niall is somewhere inside. There are a lot more paparazzi clamoring to get answers this morning, but Louis ignores them all as he enters the building.

He immediately starts his duty rounds, surprised to find it so quiet considering such a well-liked patient is leaving. He deliberately avoids looking in the direction of the resident corridor the whole time he aimlessly wanders around.

The peace and quiet only lasts about half an hour when Ingrid comes to collect everyone to see Harry off. For a moment, Louis entertains the thought of hiding out in detox until the whole ordeal is done, but he makes it to the entrance hall just like everyone else.

Louis takes his place at the end of the line nearest the door away from everyone who has lined up to tell Harry goodbye. A small amount of comfort washes over him when Liam falls in line next to him wearing a sad smile matching his own. “You okay?” he whispers. Louis nods a little too quickly, Liam’s eyes turning sympathetic. “It’ll be over in a few minutes.” He says squeezing Louis’ wrist but it doesn’t make him feel any better; the fact that it’s almost over is what he’s afraid of.

Applause and cheers from everyone lets him know that Harry has entered the hallway. Louis sneaks a peek to see him with his bags in his hands and his guitar slung over his shoulder. He’s dressed like the Harry Styles the world knows and loves, his chest on full display, complete with an awful black hat perched right on top of his long chocolate curls. He goes down the line hugging and thanking each person, staff and patient alike, a splash of vibrant color in a sea of pale Oakfield blue.

Patient discharge used to be one of Louis’ favorite things about working here, but today he thinks it’s almost as painful as detox. Louis counts the seconds in his head as Harry moves slowly down the line, Niall by his side helping him carry his things as he moves and before he knows it, Harry is letting go of Liam and then he’s standing right there facing him.

Louis consciously tries to make their hug just as short and sweet as everyone else’s, but Harry holds onto Louis longer, their embrace just a bit tighter and warmer than any other before it. Harry whispers that he’ll text from the car and call when he’s home. Louis just nods and says ‘you’re welcome and good luck’ like every other staff member when Harry whispered thanks to them for their help and support, his phone already a constant weight in his pocket now that Harry’s number is there.

Harry finally lets go when Niall discreetly nudges him, though no one there really thinks it’s strange for Harry to hold onto his therapist more firmly than anyone else.

Niall hands him his keys when they finally reach the door. Harry gives one more blinding smile and a wave before they’re both out and pushing through the sea of paparazzi and camera flashes. The door snaps shut, and just as quickly as Harry barged his way into Louis’ life, he’s gone.

The spell of losing a patient only lasts a few minutes before life resumes as normal. Patients go back to what they were doing, Liam heads back to detox, and Louis….he’s not sure where to go exactly but he starts moving in the direction of the staff area like he has someplace to be.

He’s just about to offer to help Liam in detox when his pocket vibrates nearly causing him to jump out of his own skin. His heart is in his throat as he pulls it out like it’s some kind of ticking bomb about to explode.

He reads Harry’s name flashing up from the screen for the first time and swipes to open the messages. ‘ _You’d think the paparazzi would value their own lives over a shitty picture of me and Niall playing air guitar, but nope_.’ Louis can’t stop smiling and it only gets worse when he gets Harry’s second message. ‘ _I think I left my toothbrush on the sink! :O’_

Louis doesn’t know if he’d rather kiss him for being an idiot or slap him for texting and driving at the same time. ‘ _Your car cost more than England. I think you can afford to buy another toothbrush_.’ He replies.

‘ _Heeey. It didn’t!_ ’ Harry types back with a string of frowning emoji faces. Louis shakes his head slipping the phone back into his pocket, but then it vibrates again not even three minutes later.

‘ _Soooo… I guess you haven’t seen your clipboard yet. Let me know when you_ do!’

Louis stares at the message for a long time, his eyebrows crinkled trying to figure out what the hell Harry is on about. He soon realizes how unlike him it is having not actually laid eyes on his clipboard for such a long amount of time, so he heads off in search of it.

It’s in the corner hidden away behind a stack of papers. Louis wasn’t even behind the desk this morning so he can’t figure out how the hell it got way over here, and what’s even more concerning is the white envelope securely attached to it with all his other papers and documents.

There’s nothing on the front, but the back has Harry’s scrawly serial killer handwriting: _For Louis W. Tomlinson._ He opens it pulling out a page from Harry’s journal. 

_I miss you already and I haven’t even left yet. Hurry and come see me? (You can always change the date if it’s too soon, but you know me, I couldn’t wait!) – HarryXx_

He widens the envelope to look inside, and sure enough there’s a train ticket resting at the bottom of it.

His fingers immediately fumble for his phone, _‘Found the clipboard. Thief.’_

 _‘Aaaand?’_ Harry asks.

‘… _Next Wednesday?? You’re sure?’_

_‘I’m positive! I wish it could’ve been for sooner but I had to put Niall in charge of getting it here on time so that’s the earliest he could get... I’m excited already!’_

Louis sits down in one of the chairs as he reads over the ticket again. _‘It’s one way.’_ He types out.

‘ _I figure we can decide when you go back once you get here. You deserve a holiday, Lou. Go back when you want to.’_ Louis rolls his eyes at his phone. If Harry leaves it up to him he may never come back. _‘What do you think???_ ’ Harry sends almost immediately after Louis reads the first message.

_‘I think you better pick me up from the station on time. And bring the Range Rover. I’ve never driven one.’_

_‘Oh, so now you’re driving the car that cost more than the country? I don’t quite remember agreeing to that…’_ Harry replies.

 _‘I don’t quite remember giving you a choice ;)_ ’

Louis tucks his note and his ticket back inside the envelope and hides it under the other papers clipped to the board. He digs through the drawer nearest him until he finds the time away request sheets and immediately begins filing one out. He drops it in front of Ingrid who is busy typing away at her laptop on his way to his group session. He glances back and smiles when he sees her already signing her signature for approval before he even turns the corner.


	9. Chapter 9

The whole week leading up to Louis leaving felt like being trapped inside some elaborate practical joke that he was forced to watch unfold. Every time he thought about Harry he felt his chest balloon with so much excitement that he couldn’t stop smiling, but somewhere behind all that was the nagging feeling that it could all fall through at any moment and he’d be left there to free fall with nothing to hold on to.

Liam reassured him almost every day that everything was going to be fine, yet Louis still maintained that something could always go wrong. Harry could change his mind, and then where would he be?

Even now as Liam is driving him to the station he’s texting wearing a smile as bright as sunshine itself, jiggling his knees on the balls of his feet, almost sick with how terrified he is of this not working out, yet so damn happy that they’re even attempting it in the first place.

“Ingrid’s still trying to figure out where you’re going off to at such short notice,” Liam raises an eyebrow at the way Louis’ thumbs seem to fly across his screen. “She asked me again just now before I left. She’s not buying your whole rest and relaxation bullshit.”

“If you just stick to the bullshit story she won’t be suspicious.” The giggle Louis covers with the back of his hand has nothing to do with anything Liam said and everything to do with Harry explaining all the things he can’t wait to do to him when he gets there, all in very intricate detail. He isn’t even mad at the long train ride ahead of him so long as Harry keeps him entertained. He’s quite looking forward to it. Liam tries to look sternly at him but then fondly rolls his eyes as he turns into their destination.

“She’s going to figure it out sooner or later...” Liam tells him. He looks worried just talking about it. Louis is still not concerned enough to actually listen.

“Sure she won’t,” he snorts a laugh at Harry’s latest message. He’s being obnoxious, he knows he is, but Liam and Sophia are just as awful sometimes so he doesn’t feel too bad about it. “You’ve been telling me things will be fine for days now,” he says when Liam gives him a look that says he knows they’re texting each other gross shit. Louis finally pockets his phone as the car rolls to a stop. “Liam, I’m nervous enough for the both of us. If you start losing it, then who’s going to keep _me_ from losing it?? Don’t tell anyone anything. I went to see some friends. That’s all you have to say. It’s vague and it’s not even a complete lie.” Louis assures him trying to put Liam’s concerns at ease.

Louis does feel a bit guilty asking this of him, but it’s not like he planned for Liam to have to lie for him or anything… Liam sighs nodding his head in silent agreement. He’s been doing that a lot these past couple of months. His friendship with Louis is probably going to end with him sporting a head full of grey hair before he’s thirty.

“Be safe. If something happens and you need to leave you know I’ll come get you. Please don’t get into a fist fight with Zayn Malik and Niall Horan.” Liam pleads. “He’s their friend too, so be nice.”

Louis has never been more offended as he reaches for his stuff in the back seat. “A fist fight?? Really, Li? I don’t hate them,” Liam gives him a knowing look, “Okay okay, I don’t particularly _like_ them, but I’d never hit one of them…” Louis winks at the small amount of relief on his face, “Probably.” He adds just to see Liam’s jaw drop. He makes his way around to Liam’s door.

“Have fun. But not too much fun,” Liam warns. Louis frowns at him. What the hell does Liam think he’s going to do in London anyway?  Liam’s eyes flash to Louis' hand gripped around the handle of one of his bags. “I know there’s a ring on your finger and all, but it’s too soon for eloping and shit like that.” He mumbles with a shady look at his finger. Louis resists the urge to raise his middle one at him while giving him the flattest face he can manage.

“Are you done lecturing me, mother?” Louis scoffs.

“It depends. Are you actually listening to me?”

“Of course not.” Louis smiles. He smacks a loud kiss to Liam’s forehead and heads toward the entrance of the station. He gets a text from Harry, throwing a wave to Liam as he drives off back to work.

‘ _On the way yet??!?’_

Louis sends him a string of smiley faces, Oakfield and everything to do with it already long forgotten.

\---

True to his word, Harry brings the Range Rover, stepping out as soon as he puts it in park to knock Louis’ bags out of his hands and bring their lips together for the first time in days. It’s like an ocean breaking through a dam when Louis finally gets to taste him again, their mouths rushing to make up for all the time they lost. There’s so much expectation in that one kiss that Louis’ heart quickens with each slide of their lips.

The expression Harry wears when he pulls back is so warm and soft when their eyes meet. “I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Harry shouts causing more than a few people to look their way. His smile is so bright that his eyes are sparkling. It’s like watching a kid open a gift the way Harry brings his chin up to kiss his lips again and again.

Another couple of trains board and depart before Louis snaps back to Earth and pulls himself out of Harry’s orbit. Louis clears his throat, the palm of his hand displayed and waiting. “I believe I have a ridiculously expensive yacht on wheels to maneuver around the city.”

Harry digs them out of his back pocket and rolls his eyes dropping the keys into his hand. “The Jaguar cost more than this one.” He mumbles.

Louis gives him an unimpressed look. “It’s so tiny it’s a wonder you even _fit_ inside the Jaguar.” Louis mutters under his breath. Harry’s fingers tickle his side as he’s hopping up into the driver’s seat.

\----

The trip takes about half an hour with all the traffic, but Louis can’t complain when Harry leans over to steal a kiss at every red light. He dutifully listens as Harry navigates him to his house. They go the back way to avoid the paparazzi that have taken to hanging out outside his neighborhood now that he has returned. Louis’ eyes are big and round when they pull through the gate. He can’t believe the sheer size of his home considering only Harry lives in it, but Louis wouldn’t dare let him in on the fact that he’s impressed. “Looks smaller in person.” Louis shrugs getting out and walking up to the door like he’s been there a thousand times.

Harry smirks “First time I’ve ever heard that.”

“You mean the first time someone’s said it loud enough for you to hear.” Louis smirks back.

Once inside Harry gives him the grand tour. His kitchen is three times the size of the his own and the appliances are so nice that they look brand new even though Harry claims he cooks all the time. They go by the two guest rooms, Harry watching him as he admires the décor. Louis asks about all the unusual pieces of furniture and random things hanging on the walls while Harry leans against the door frame with a small smile on his lips just like the one he would wear when Louis searched through his things at Oakfield.

Things change when they get to the master bedroom, this time Harry following right behind him as he looks around.

Louis plays coy with him, commenting on everything from Harry’s guitars to the art hanging over his bed, all the while feeling a pair of green eyes shamelessly roam over him. He gathers Louis up from behind when Louis won't shut up, his large hands splayed at his hips to pull him closer. “I missed you.” His deep voice makes Louis’ stomach practically jump up to his throat, his fingers already toying with the hem of Louis’ shirt like he can’t wait to take it off. The slow kisses Harry leaves along the back of his neck burn sweetly into his skin.

He turns around in Harry’s arms, much more affected by the intensity of his eyes than he wants to admit. “I uh- I thought we were taking a tour of the house?” Harry shakes his head, already leaning in.

“Tour ends here…” His words are a whisper against his lips. “And like I said before, I missed you.”

He almost smiles with how right it feels when Harry pulls him in for real and guides them toward his bed. Louis’ body is between the silkiness of the sheets that were never made and the warmth of the boy spread out over him, and already he’s overwhelmed. He had thought a week away might dampen the fire he feels even at Harry’s slightest touch, but now that he’s being rocked into the mattress it’s obvious that the flame has only gotten stronger.

It’s been far too long for Harry to be any good at teasing, so he immediately sucks Louis down as soon as he’s naked, a harsh moan clawing its way out of Louis’ slack mouth. He doesn’t try to muffle it. There’s no staff or any patients around to hear, so he lets every trapped sound escape him. Harry pulls off of him with a small grin. “I guess you were really holding back before, love.”

Louis’ feels his face heat up, a bit shocked himself at the sounds Harry can draw from him. “Don’t be such an- oh god.” He can’t even finish whatever sass he had planned to shut Harry up before a slick finger briefly dips inside of him. He chances a look at the smugness in Harry’s eyes and he knows without a doubt that this isn’t going to last much longer.

*

They’re camped out on Harry’s sofa in front of a television that takes up a good portion of the wall after they both have recovered. Louis never paid attention to exactly how long he and Bridgett went without sex, but with Harry he had kept track of every single day. There’s a slight rawness at back of Louis’ tongue, but the way he had Harry whining beneath him was well worth it. They smirk at each other every time he clears his throat, and Louis is so distracted reacquainting himself with the shape of Harry’s lips that he almost misses the part in the conversation about Zayn Malik. Almost.

“What?” he asks when he notices Harry skipping right over it and moving on to something else entirely.

“What?” Harry raises an innocent eyebrow. “Something wrong? You don’t like sushi?”

He loves sushi. What he doesn’t love is Harry hanging around his famous singer friend who gets as much press for his drug use as he does his music, but he would never say that, at least not to Harry. “No, sushi is fine…It’s just, I didn’t realize Zayn would be coming along.” He gives him a tight smile which is probably about as unconvincing as it feels.

Harry watches him for a few seconds though he can probably hear the discomfort in Louis’ voice. “You still hate Zayn.” He concludes when Louis’ expression doesn’t change. Louis cringes at their awkward silence.

“I think hate is a bit much…I’m just, uh, concerned is all…” Louis knows through the media that he and Zayn have already seen each other a few times since Harry has been back home, and even though Harry claims that he’s clean Louis can’t help feeling like Zayn is a threat to everything Harry has decided to pursue. One wrong decision Harry could be right back where he was six weeks ago.

“Lou, you met him and Niall once and all of you were doing that weird overly protective _thing_ that you all do... Zayn is great, I promise. He has a few issues to deal with, but who doesn’t, you know?” Harry’s eyes are so wide and so pleading without him even meaning them to be with innocent hope written all over his face. He just wants them to get on well, but Louis just doesn’t know if that can happen. He doesn’t really want Harry around people who could drag him down, but it’s none of his business and Harry is an adult who makes his own choices.

He has to make himself, but he forces a genuine smile when he answers. “I can’t wait to see him again. Maybe this time we’ll really get along.” He says so optimistically that he almost convinces himself.

Harry’s dimples pop out on his beautiful face, then he’s pulling Louis in like he’s the world’s best person when in reality Louis feels like the world’s shittiest.

\-----

He’s already wired by the time they arrive at the restaurant due to the fact that Harry sent him in first so the paparazzi wouldn’t hound them. Louis sat at their private table anxiously twisting his ring during the ten minutes in which he waited for Harry to follow. He began twisting it again when Harry found him and they had to wait for Zayn. Harry gives his thigh a reassuring squeeze when he peeks over to see Louis looking a bit frazzled. He has no idea how Harry deals with this on a daily basis.

The sounds of people shouting makes Louis’ head whip towards the entrance as the door opens and Zayn walks in. Harry is completely unfazed by the insanity outside and instantly skips over to wrap Zayn in a hug, his smile joyful like everything is right with the world, and for Harry, Louis guesses it is.

Zayn gives him a short nod when he takes his seat and Louis mirrors it. He immediately throws himself into therapist mode as he checks him over for signs of sobriety. He checks off hydration and clearness of the skin, as well as his eyes and lips. He pays close attention to his teeth and hair, knowing that a person’s self-grooming usually falls off while abusing. He seems to be at a healthy weight even though photos in a magazine had suggested he was nothing but skin and bones a few weeks ago, and overall he looks focused and relaxed; two very hard things to pull off for someone just itching to get their next fix. He searches and searches but Louis can’t find any signs of addiction anywhere. Even Zayn’s hands are steady and sure as he talks with Harry about some music thing Louis doesn’t understand.

They order, and Zayn must notice the near stranger watching him across the table but he doesn’t say anything. He instead shifts the conversation to include him. “So how’s your visit so far? I bet it’s nice to be away from work.” He places his napkin in his lap and kindly waits for Louis to reply. It’s a nice enough conversation starter Louis guesses.

“Yeah, I’m having a great time. I’ve only just gotten here, but it’s been really nice so far.”

Harry looks so pleased to see them interacting, Louis can feel the happiness radiating off him as he watches them talk.

Zayn smirks at him before returning his attention to Louis. “I’m just glad you’re here so Harry can’t stop complaining about how long it’s been since he’s seen you. No offense mate but I’m not really interested in the color of your eyes no matter how many shades of blue he claims they are.”

One look in Harry’s direction and Louis’ laughing into his hand. Luckily for Harry his curls shield most of his cheeks, but Louis can still see him turning red and glaring daggers at his friend across the table. Zayn is even laughing at Harry’s look of betrayal. It’s nice seeing him smile, Louis thinks. Maybe he isn’t quite so awful.

He’s still laughing as he pulls on Harry’s shirtsleeve.  “So exactly how many different shades are my eyes??” Harry grins at him even though he tries not to. For a moment Louis thinks he’s about to receive a kiss but then Harry gives the room a once over and slides back into his seat. He keeps the same smile on his face but his eyes look sad.

There’s a disappointed drop in Louis’ smile when he glances around and sees more than a few customers indiscreetly watching the three of them like some form of free entertainment. It’s so odd being on display for people he’s never ever spoken to.

They leave one by one just as they arrived, but they use the kitchen exit to avoid the circus in the front of the restaurant.

 As soon as Harry shuts the door of the car he traces the shape of Louis’ jaw and gently pulls him in across the console, his mouth giving off a slow burn that sparks off the tip of Louis’ tongue. It’s another one of those firsts where Harry does something so new that Louis’ chest and heart seem to implode inside his ribcage. Even as much as Bridgett loved him she never kissed him as tenderly as Harry just did. She never even came close.

“What was that for?” Louis breathes, feeling more than a little dazed. He doesn’t know if paparazzi followed them to Harry car or not, but he couldn’t care less in this moment.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for the last hour.” He says still tracing his fingers along Louis’ lips.

“I know why you didn’t,” Louis shrugs. “Zayn was there and plus other people were watching…I get it.” This time Louis leans in, but he only gets Harry’s cheek. Louis’ face is fixed with confusion when he pulls back.

“If- if it’s ever too much you can tell me, Lou. I’ll understand.”  Harry says softly.

He can tell this is an honest concern for Harry so he tries to make himself as clear as possible when he speaks. Even though they’re hours away from Oakfield’s one-on-one room, he can still help Harry see how wonderful he is either with or without the fame.

“Your life is very different from anyone else I’ve ever known. You have people following you everywhere you go and literally everyone wants a piece of you,” Harry sighs like he could see this coming, like this has already played out in his head. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do this. I knew you came with camera flashes and old men following you the moment I Googled you, Styles. Get over yourself.”

Finally he gets a real smile out of him and Harry lets him give him a real kiss. “Trying to get rid of me already,” Louis scoffs as Harry puts the car in drive. “I haven’t even been here a full day yet. Wanker.”

Harry’s hand is warm in his the whole way back to his house.

\----

When Louis fell asleep he was warm and tucked into Harry’s side with his cheek resting against him. He opens his eyes to the brightness of the morning and now the only thing his cheek is pressed into are the sheets on Harry’s bed. He’s a little out of sorts when his brain finally wakes up, stumbling to the restroom. He takes note of the damp shower mat and towel realizing that Harry must already be up and about.

It’s only after he does a lap around the whole house that Louis comes back to bed and finds a post-it note stuck to the underside of his phone.

‘ _Out doing top secret things with Niall. Be back soon! Make yourself at home!  – Harry Xx’_

He smiles at the fact that he had to read it twice just because it’s so sloppy and places it on the bedside table. When he was home Louis had received a few texts claiming he and Niall were doing something secret. He briefly wonders what the hell he could be doing that’s so bloody mysterious, but he doesn’t dwell on it for too long. He reminds himself that Harry had a life before Louis got here and he’ll have one once Louis leaves.

He gives up on falling asleep again and decides to venture to Harry’s massive kitchen for some tea and a few grapes he stole from Harry’s fridge. Later he takes advantage of the huge shower letting the spray from the storm showerhead sprinkle over him like rain. By the time he’s dressed and cleaning his mess in the kitchen Harry is walking through the door and wrapping his arms around his waist while Louis rinses out his mug at the sink.

“Miss me?” Harry asks. His lips leave trace over the skin of his neck and he flushes at chill that runs over him.

“Maybe just a little… I think my shower could’ve been a lot more exciting with you there.” Harry hums into his neck like his words have painted the very scene Louis had imagined. “So…” Louis begins, turning around in his arms to look at him, “Top secret, eh?”

Harry raises an eyebrow at him. “Oh, very. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” He smirks. “I hope you’re hungry. I want to take you to lunch.” He kisses Louis quickly then heads toward his bedroom.  Louis is left standing there with that all too familiar feeling of missing something.

“I have ways of finding out, you know!”

Harry turns to laugh. “You’d ruin the surprise, and plus, Google can only get you so far with something only Niall and I know.” Harry tips his stupid hat at him before skipping out of the kitchen leaving Louis more than a bit curious to know what the hell the boy is up to…

They don’t get followed right away, but as soon as Harry suggested a little shopping after lunch they start to draw attention. A couple of fans came up within the span of about ten minutes in which Louis kindly stepped aside until they were finished taking their picture. Harry obliged with a smile and no one really paid Louis any attention. It was odd to see Harry being stopped by random people, but he seemed fine with it. It’s a little later when they’re walking out of a clothing shop that the whole atmosphere around them shifts.

It starts with three paparazzi who are taking pictures from across the street as they leave the shop, with Harry giving them a small wave in passing. He calmly tells Louis to just look ahead and ignore them, so Louis tries his best to follow along and do as he’s told, trying to blend in, but then the photographers move with them down the street, and when Louis looks over there are four of five more of them.

As they walk, more and more gather and a few break off from the group to get closer, crossing the street and trailing directly behind them.

“How are you enjoying your day, Harry?”

Harry nods but doesn’t answer the man. He keeps walking throwing a quick glance back at Louis to make sure he’s still there. The man tries again. “What are you up to today?” Harry still says nothing so the man goes for another approach. “We haven’t seen you out much since rehab. Are your partying days over?” Harry turns to the man like he’s maybe going to answer this one, and the others must sense it because more persistent voices start coming from right behind them. “Is it true your father is cutting you off unless you get clean? Is Zayn struggling with sobriety again? Does your drug use put your father’s labels at risk?”

One man is so set on getting answers that he roughly knocks into Louis, stepping all over his heels trying to get closer to Harry. Louis stumbles a bit, immediately turning on the man when he recovers. “Can you watch where you’re going?” Louis spits. When Louis takes in the horde of cameras and people all buzzing around them like bees he suddenly feels the fire die out from his voice.

At that moment, Harry turns to make sure he’s still there and reaches out to guide Louis through the people steadily closing in on them. Until that moment, no one had really paid much attention to Louis. He was just background noise, some nobody that happened to be walking in the same direction as Harry, but that one touch sends the paparazzi into hysterics.

They all converge and start shouting at once demanding to know who he is, how he knows Harry, and if he’s Harry’s newest fling. He grips onto Harry’s hand until they’re walking side by side, quickly making their way to the parking deck.

They all make such a scene that even the distant passersby on other streets start walking over to see what all the fuss is about. The shouting gets so aggressive and loud that Louis covers his ear with his free hand, but it doesn’t do any good. He and Harry are so close to the car now that they’re jogging to get to it.

Inside, Harry’s face is so serious. His knuckles are white on the steering wheel as the vehicle roars to life and he begins maneuvering through the sea of cameras pointed at them. It takes about ten minutes, but finally they get to the street. Louis doesn’t know if anyone is following them but Harry’s grip doesn’t loosen on the wheel so he assumes they are.

They go the same back way to his house, taking a few extra loops around, and it’s only when they get through the gate that Harry takes a deep breath, his fingers a blotchy pink now that blood is able to flow through them again.

Louis lightly places a palm on his leg to get his attention. “You alright?”

“Are you? I am _so_ sorry they started hounding you like that. It’s – it’s not usually that bad but I haven’t been seen much since I got home and I said no to all the interviews...” His eyes are guilty when he looks at Louis like he’s the one to blame in this. “They want answers and they tried to get them all just now. I didn’t mean to get you mixed up in my shit.”

“I’m fine, Harry.” Louis tells him assuredly. “I admit it was scary, but it’s not your fault people stalk you with cameras. I mean, you _are_ famous after all…This is just part of it.” Louis squeezes his thigh so he will believe him.

Harry grins at him. “You said I wasn’t even a celebrity.”

“I think it’s safe to say that the last thirty minutes just proved me wrong.” Louis grins back at him.

It’s an interesting feeling when the feel of Harry’s lips calms his pulse instead of causing it to race like any other time. He would never tell Harry how much he had truly panicked while they were being harassed. The paparazzi finding Harry at Oakfield was overwhelming enough, and just now out on the street was insane, but the gentle ease of Harry’s mouth on his makes him forget all about it.

Harry leads them inside the house and takes off to the restroom to pee. Louis toes off his shoes in the doorway, a sharp pain on the back of his ankle making him bend down to further inspect it. He pulls off his sock and there’s an angry red scrape from one of the paparazzi’s boots who stumbled into him on the street. Louis touches it gently, the pad of his finger now stained a light red from the bit of blood drying there.

He’s about to go clean himself up when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He uses his clean hand to dig it out and wishes he hadn’t as soon as he sees Liam’s name flashing up at him. He knows what it’ll say before he even opens it, and something heavy settles in his stomach the moment he does.

Harry finds him still there in the doorway. He notices the red spot on Louis’ discarded sock and the completely blank expression on his face.  “Lou?” He comes to kneel beside him frowning at his ankle. “I’ll get something for that.” He moves to stand back up, but then he’s watching Louis, his expression still just as blank as when Harry found him. “What’s wrong?”

He gives Harry some weak semblance of a grin. He had hoped to look reassuring but he thinks it just came off as stunned. “Just heard from Liam. Those websites…they uh, they move pretty fast…”

Harry squints his eyes at him. He reaches for the phone and his face is now just as blank as Louis’.

“She knows you’re with me.”

Louis nods reading over the message again like it’s going to change.  ‘ _Do you realize you’re all over the fucking internet! Ingrid started screaming the moment your face popped up on her screen. I’m freaking out! She’s going to kill us!’_

“Shit.” Harry says sinking down beside him.

Louis is still sitting in blank astonishment at the sheer speed at which celebrity gossip travels when his phone vibrates twice more. ‘ _Louis!’_ and then a very demanding _, ‘ANSWER ME!!!_ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update coming soon and thanks much for your comments and feedback! :)


	10. Chapter 10

It feels like he’s been doing damage control for months when really it’s only been a few hours. After deliberate and pure avoidance ending with Harry shoving the ringing phone into his hand, the conversation he eventually had with Liam turned out to be not as bad as he had thought. Liam kept panic-yelling and his voice kept steadily rising to scarily high octaves that only dogs can hear, but by the time they hung up Louis had calmed everything down by a considerable amount, including himself for that matter.

He had to answer calls and texts from his friends, mother, and three of his sisters. What was even more unexpected than random people he rarely speaks to suddenly demanding to know why he’s a trending topic on Twitter, was the lone text from Bridgett wishing him and Harry the best in their relationship now that they’ve gone public, and all though sweet and completely innocent, that one had made all kinds of weird crawly things turn inside his stomach. Louis didn’t think about it long enough to decide why.

He rests his back on the pillows, thankful when Harry pries the phone out of his hand. He hears it land somewhere over by the bathroom after Harry flings it away along with his own phone which has also been ringing nonstop.

“That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.” He chuckles. It’s barely even seven and Louis is already exhausted. He could sleep here for the next twelve hours if he put his mind to it.

Harry slinks down next to him. Louis isn’t sure if he is carding through his hair more as a comfort or to buy himself time, but the apprehensive look Harry’s wearing says he’s thinking way too much.

“So… what’s the verdict? What’s uh....what did Liam say? Your family?”

Louis turns to gently take Harry’s face in his hands. “My mother says she never wants to see me again and Ingrid feels the exact same way. Told Liam to fuck off as well.”

The hand in Louis’ hair stops in an instant when Harry’s face turns a pale, sickly shade. Louis doesn’t even try to hold his composure and starts cackling at how wide Harry’s eyes grew.

“Oh my God!” Harry lets out the breath he had been holding and falls back onto the bed and away from Louis, the color already returning to his cheeks. “I thought you were serious, Louis, Jesus!” Louis is still laughing as he climbs up to straddle his hips. He leans in for a kiss and Harry swats him away. “That wasn’t funny. I thought I had ruined your life.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic at times.” Harry gives him a look like those words should be aimed at himself. This time when Louis leans down Harry allows their lips to touch but only for a little while before he gets impatient and breaks them apart.

“Ok, so what _really_ happened?”

“My oldest sisters think I am the coolest big brother in the _entire_ world. My smaller siblings don’t know who you are so they don’t actually care…”

Now Harry is the one rolling his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Go on.” He pushes.

“My mum…she’s got to adjust to quite a lot. I mean, first I’m with Bridge, then I’m in London, then I’m seen out with Harry Styles, now I’m allegedly _sleeping_ with Harry Styles…”

Harry smirks and brings his hands around Louis’ hips. “Allegedly?”

“Yes, as far as my mum is concerned.” Louis pinches him in the side to get rid of the cocky expression on his face. Louis sighs just a bit, “As for the rest, apparently Ingrid flipped. She wasn’t very fond of Liam for a bit but I think that’s just because I wasn’t there for her to yell at so she took it out on him. He says she’s better now and apologized.  I uh…I didn’t answer her calls. She texted me…she wants to talk to me as soon as I’m back. I pretended not to get the message so I didn’t have to reply.” Harry looks anxious so he rushes to pacify him. “Harry, if she was going to sack me she would’ve said so, and so would Liam. Everything will be fine.”

It takes a few very long moments, but finally Louis sees his words sink into him.

“And you’re sure you’re not upset?”

“Why would I be upset?” Louis asks.

Harry looks away like he doesn’t want to say it out loud so Louis guides his chin so he’s looking at him. “I’m causing you so much trouble. You didn’t ask for any of this. If it weren’t for me being so damned stubborn you probably wouldn’t even be here right now.”

He’s right is the thing. Without Harry opening his eyes, Louis would probably be sitting on his sofa at home with his phone hidden under the cushions so he doesn’t have to see Bridgett’s name flashing across it. True, at this very moment his phone is currently hidden in a mountain of clothing somewhere on the floor, but that’s all beside the point when he gets to have Harry lying beneath him.

“Are you going to do this every time something big happens?” he pokes one long finger into the middle of Harry’s chest. “The media found out I’m here. So what? We knew that would eventually happen…not quite this soon of course, but it is what it is.”

Harry sits up on his elbows looking defensive. “Louis. You might not have a _job_. I think that’s more than enough reason to be a little concerned, don’t you?”

“No, not really.”

Harry’s eyes are as large as dinner plates. “How can you not care about potentially being unemployed?! My life is a mess all the time and now it’s like I’m dragging you down with me. You’re always telling me to think about _my_ future and it’s like you’ve completely abandoned yours!”

“I also tell you that your decisions are your own to make, don’t I?” Louis pokes him in the chest again. “First of all, I _have_ a job, and even if I don’t it’s not the end of the world. There are more jobs out there, I promise.” Louis raises an eyebrow when Harry looks like he’s going to protest. “Second, I think about the future all the fucking time and I know it’s crazy and _way_ too soon but when I do, it’s…” Louis pauses as he takes a deep breath. He lightly links their hands, his eyes on Harry’s ring glittering up from his finger. “I think about _us_. I think about _our_ future, not just mine.”

Something shifts around them when the words are out in the open. Louis isn’t looking Harry in the eye and he can feel his cheeks heating up, but he won’t take it back. He’s trying to be honest here and what he said is the absolute truth.

Harry doesn’t say anything. There’s not really anything he could say at this point to make Louis regret them ending up here in this moment.

His heart speeds up as soon as feels himself being tugged down by a strong hand. Louis falls into him when Harry pulls him to his lips, light, but with so much sentiment that Louis feels a little short of breath when he gets to sit back up.

Louis thumbs at his bottom lip, while Harry watches him in awe. “Are you done having your crisis, now? Have you quite finished?” he smiles.  There’s a shy half grin on Harry’s lips that Louis has never seen before, but he doesn’t say a word. “Are you going to say anything?” Louis laughs.

Harry shakes his head and pulls him closer when Louis slides off his lap to curl into his side. His words are soft against Louis’ hair. “You said it all. I’ll only ruin it.”

*

Louis’ stomach ended up breaking the spell later when it rumbled so loudly that Harry could feel it through his shirt. They figured they had caused enough commotion on the streets of London when they went out for lunch so they had a pizza delivered to the house.

They’re stuffed and watching some stupid show when Harry turns to him with a small grin. “So, what are we doing in our future?”

Louis looks down at their fingers already entangled and smiles. “Pretty much what we’re doing right now.”

“Mmmm.” Harry hums. “And in the future, how old are we?”

“Ancient.”

Harry laughs at him. “Do you still have hair or has time taken it?”

Louis smirks at him. “Oh I still have my hair…you however…” Louis gives him a side eye glance. “Let’s just say your hats are a very good investment.” He’s already expecting the way Harry pounces on his lap to hold him down and tickle him until he can’t breathe.

They spend the rest of the night that way, each of them taking turns coming up with something more ridiculous than the other as they paint their lives together, and Louis knows it’s still really early for that kind of talk, but he also knows that it’s healthy to dream.

\----

Harry is gone again when Louis wakes up. He finds the note on the bedside table a lot sooner than last time. ‘ _Be back soon! I made blueberry muffins!_ – _Love Harry’_

He isn’t gone as long as this time, so Louis is happy to see him strolling into the bedroom before he’s even dressed. There’s still steam fogging up the mirror when Harry’s hands find him, his fingers sliding further down his lower back until he’s grabbing at Louis through his towel.

“We keep missing each other’s showers.” Louis tells him, inching just a bit closer so they’re touching. Louis palms him, glad to see Harry’s eyelids flutter closed at the touch. He huffs when Harry takes a reluctant step back.

“Niall’s in the kitchen.”

“Oh.” Louis says dropping his arms to his side. Harry’s eyes look as sorry as Louis’ cock feels. “So I guess we won’t be taking extra showers...”

 “I’m afraid not. At least not yet anyway.” Harry grins leaving a kiss on his jaw. “But I want to show you something. Come find us when you’re dressed?”

“Dressed? You mean I can’t see him like this?” Louis looks down at the towel loosely slung around his hips. One wrong move could send it hurtling to the ground at any moment. Louis kind of wishes that would happen just to see Harry’s reaction.

Harry tries to give him an unimpressed look but his eyes get stuck raking over him like sheer will alone could make the towel fall. “Clothes.” Harry says firmly then turns to leave.

Louis stumbles into the kitchen wearing jeans and a shirt. He throws Harry a look that says he’s not at all happy about it as he takes a seat at the table. Harry slides tea in front of him as compensation.

The last time he saw Niall was the day Harry left Oakfield and they never even said a word to each other. The time before that, Louis had every intention of gouging his eyes out for letting Harry make such dumb decisions in the past. Now he sits across from Louis fiddling with his hands, noticeably uncomfortable as he avoids eye contact. Louis knows a lot about Niall from Harry, and overall he’s pretty sure the boy is harmless…

“Hello. Nice to see you again.” Louis nods at him politely. Niall glances at Harry for cues like he hadn’t anticipated Louis being so pleasant.

“Uh, hey mate. Nice to see you too.” Niall gives a half smile like he’s testing Louis out. It grows when Louis grins back at him. Everyone takes a sip or two of their tea. Harry looks antsy as he taps his fingers on the side of his mug.  

“So,” Louis begins when no one else wants to break the weird silence. “What’s up? How are uh, top secret things? Still top secret I assume?”

“I’m glad you’re being nosey.” Harry smirks. “That’s actually what we want to show you.”

He can feel the energy radiating off of Harry’s words and it makes him smile too, just as excited. Harry gets up ruffling through Niall’s backpack until he’s holding two thin mock-up cd’s. He places them face down in front of Louis to the track listing.

Louis reads through the songs on the back of each one, immediately spotting Niall’s single that has been number one for the past few weeks on the radio. “This is your full album,” Louis turns to Niall who wears a proud expression. “It’s out  at the end of the month, right?” Louis continues reading, only noticing at the last minute that one of the cd’s has an extra track. “Why does this one have an extra song?”

“We were going to release the fourth track as my second single,” Niall points to it then slides his finger down to the extra track at the bottom. “But now I’m releasing this one.”

Louis reads the track titled _Height of the Fall_ , “Why this one? Why add a song and change your whole plan?”

Niall grins. “Because Harry wrote it and I’d be stupid not to.”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he beams in Harry’s direction. “You wrote this?” he asks, watching a slow smile creep up on Harry’s lips.

“Well, I had to do something until you got here.” He laughs, his cheeks a humble pink under the attention.

Louis discards the first version of the cd and reads over the one with Harry’s song on it, already itching to have a listen. “I want to hear it!”

Niall already has his phone in hand, swiping until he finds the song. He gives Louis a stern look. “Now, this is still _top secret_. Only like, I don’t know, ten people have heard this including me and Harry, so you can’t just go ‘round-”

“Yeah, yeah. Top secret, I know.” Louis tunes him out as soon as he starts talking. He reaches over to hit play himself when Niall still hasn’t done it yet.

The music starts, an upbeat acoustic guitar playing and a few riffs of a ukulele to accompany it. Niall’s voice starts in next and Louis can’t believe his ears because it’s perfect.

 _‘The color of your eyes, I’m trying hard to memorize, Gazing up from solid ground, blue skies only save me now._ ’

He listens to the first verse about finding love in unexpected places, and only once the soft drum starts and Niall’s voice begins the chorus does Louis realize Harry wrote this about him. He finds Harry has been watching him the whole time when he looks up. Louis’ eyes water from the chill he gets listening to all the things Harry feels but has never once spoken aloud, and suddenly imagining and thinking about their future together doesn’t seem quite so silly as it did before.

Louis can’t even wait for the last few bars of the song to end as he talks right over the last chords. “I cannot believe you wrote that! Fuck, Harry I- I’m, I don’t know what I am right now! Your lyrics… they’re amazing. I mean, Niall, your singing is great too, don’t get me wrong, but Harry…I- I don’t know what else to say. Everyone is going to fall in love with it! _I_ love it and I didn’t even get all the way to the end!” Harry and Niall both sport matching bashfulness all over their faces.

“My single release is in two days.” Niall tells him.

“That’s so soon.” Louis smirks at Harry, “Your phone is going to be ringing nonstop, I know it.”

“Uh, not quite yet...” Niall interjects. “We’re going to release it, but leave the author unknown.”

Louis replays that in his head a couple of times to make sure he heard it right. “But then your fans will think _you_ wrote it.” Louis says it calmly so he doesn’t offend Niall, but he was pretty sure the whole point of this was to give Harry recognition for his work. Niall quickly shakes his head sensing the change in Louis’ tone.

“No, no, no.” Harry rushes to say when Louis’ expression starts turning into something a lot less polite and a lot more protective. “The song sounds nothing like the single that Niall wrote, so assuming fans like it enough to ask about it, he’ll just say a close friend wrote this one.”

Niall jumps back in when Louis looks more reasonable and less like he’s about to slap him. “Of course everyone will assume Ed or Zayn since they write all the time, so we’ll deny that straight away. This way we can see if people truly like it or if they just want it because of whose name is attached to it. It’s a great song.”

Louis contemplates the ins and outs of this ‘top secret’ plan. He’s not sure how he feels about it quite yet. “So when does Harry get to claim ownership of the song?” he asks skeptically.

“When the full album is released,” Niall smiles. “ _Then_ Harry’s phone will be ringing nonstop.”

Louis turns that over in his mind. He can tell Harry is waiting for his opinion on the matter. “What did your father say? He’s letting you do whatever you want and change Niall’s album?”

“He doesn’t technically know.” Harry shrugs. “Niall just told him he wanted to record another song. He liked it when he heard it and didn’t ask any more questions. Niall threw out the idea of making it the second single since it sounds so different. He’ll find out I wrote it when everyone else does, I guess.” Harry nervously fiddles with his necklaces, pausing to give Louis time to process. “So… what do you think?”

Louis takes his hand across the table. “I think Niall’s fans are going to love it so much that they ditch him and become your fans once they find out.”

Niall whips his head around to gawk wildly at him. “What the hell?”

Louis laughs and Harry rushes to fix Niall’s bruised ego. “Niall, he’s just joking. Lou, tell him you’re joking.” He pleads through his own grin he’s trying to stifle.

Louis rolls his eyes, dead set on letting Niall pout but then Harry’s chastising look makes him feel guilty about it. “Fine…” he groans. “It was a joke, Niall. Your fans will still love you.” Louis reassures him. He wants to add a ‘probably’ to the end of that but he doesn’t think Niall’s sensitive soul could take it. “I want to hear it again.” Louis is buzzing and Niall hasn’t even hit play yet.

The song starts again, and this time Harry is staring directly into the pair of blue skies he wrote about as the music builds around his lyrics. The song is familiar now so Louis hums a bit as it plays, his chest so tight with how much pride he feels for the boy across from him.

\----  

The next few days pass by in a blur in anticipation of Niall’s second single being dropped. Louis tags along with Harry and Niall to all of the trips to the studio. He even gets to sit in on a sales projection meeting led by Harry’s father in which he predicted how well the song would sale due to its relatable and marketable sound. Louis fiddled with his phone in the corner of the room, and he didn’t say a single word to the man, but it still made him inwardly smile to know that Des Styles was unknowingly speaking so highly about a song his own son wrote.

Harry woke up so anxious the next morning that he tried to stay in bed rather than head to the radio station. Louis brought his tea to his bedside and even pulled out their joint-shower fantasy just to get him over his case of nerves.

They clean themselves off again after their shower sex got a little messier than they had anticipated, and end up dressed and on their way to meet Niall at Radio One.

The most Harry had said this morning was during a quick three minute panic in which he wanted to call Niall and cancel the whole thing, but Louis had held him close until it passed. He’s dead silent now as he drives through the traffic, one hand tangled with Louis’ on the console and the other vice-gripped onto the steering wheel. Louis doesn’t know if it’s healthy letting him sit quietly this way or if he should get him talking.

“Harry? You alright?”

He nods quickly then answers just as fast. “Yes.”

It’s worse than Louis thought. “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty certain that steering wheel can’t breathe.” Harry frowns looking down at his own tense, white knuckles.

“Shit. I hadn’t noticed.” He mutters, an apology already coming out. “Sorry. I’m still freaking out a little.”

Louis rubs circles into his hand. “It’s ok to be nervous. You’re doing something huge today. This could be the start of something really big for you. I’d be more worried if you weren’t anxious.” Louis smiles.

Harry still looks on edge. “Let’s talk about something else?” he suggests as he’s turning onto another street. “This is your first time at Radio One…you must be excited?”

Louis has been listening to Radio One for as long as he can remember and the prospect of meeting Nick Grimshaw and everyone else had always been a nice thought, that is until he starting dating Harry and developed an intense hatred and jealousy for all random people ever romantically associated with him in the media.

“Mhmm. Really excited.” Louis lies.

Even as out of it as Harry is, he must still hear something in the way Louis responded. “What’s wrong?” he asks looking away from the road to throw him a quick glance.

Louis frowns at him. “Nothing’s wrong. I just said I’m excited.” Louis laughs it off, but Harry isn’t letting it go.

“You did that thing, that weird high pitched hum thing you do when you’re being weird about something.” Louis scoffs at his words. Of course he doesn’t do a weird thing when he’s being weird about something. That would mean that he feels weird about something, which clearly is not the case here since he’s absolutely _ecstatic_ to be going to Radio One.

Louis sighs with his head against the seat. Harry can probably feel him being weird from where he’s sitting. “This is ridiculous.” He mumbles.

Harry stretches the words out like a song. “I’m waiting…” 

He looks out the window so Harry can’t see his face. It’s easier that way. “I’m not concerned about this _at all_ ,” Harry rolls his eyes, “But, if I were curious about you and someone who works at Radio One, I may or may not wonder if you actually dated that person or if it was just rumors and speculation… _If_ I was worried.”

“Only if you were concerned, of course.” Harry plays along.

“Because I’m not.” Louis says again just so they’re clear.

There’s a few moments of silence where neither of them says anything. Harry just grins to himself like something is just fucking hilarious inside his brain. “I _was_ seeing Nick for a while, but it was never serious. The media didn’t make that one up. That one was real. Never wrote a song about him though…in case you were curious.” Harry tacks on with a knowing smirk in his direction.

“I wasn’t…” he insists, “But thank you for clearing that up. I bet Nick Grimshaw is lovely.”

Harry laughs to himself. “He’s something alright.”

Louis gives him one more pep talk before they head up through the back entrance. There were already paparazzi waiting from when Niall arrived so they decided to avoid the cameras and the front entrance altogether.

People are swarming all over the studio and most of them stop dead in their tracks to welcome Harry back after his time in rehab. They ask him if he’s doing better now and how sobriety is going for him while Harry answers them all politely leaving out the part where he didn’t even need to be in rehab in the first place.

Niall lunges himself at the both of them when they get to the booth. He’s practically bouncing on his heels and talking way too loud from excitement. He asks Harry how he’s holding up in a whispered voice. Harry answers him taking a steadying breath, but the calm only lasts for a few seconds before an even wilder ball of energy comes bursting through the door.

“Harry Styles!!”

“Hey Nick,” he grunts when Nick pulls him into an embrace so tight that even Louis feels constricted.

“I haven’t seen you here at the studio in months! How’s everything? Glad to be back?”

Nick throws out the same questions everyone else has asked. Louis wonders what it’s like to have people constantly demanding to know things about your life. It must be tiresome.

“I’m good. Everything’s good. You know, just here supporting Niall.” He puts an arm around Louis’ waist, “I brought Louis along.”

Nick is tall, so when he smiles it’s tilted down at Louis. “I know you. The face that has flooded the nation’s inbox for the last few days.” Nick grins, seemingly not at all weirded out by Louis being there with his ex. “I’m Nick. Welcome.” He shakes Louis hand and there’s only kindness in his tone and expression.

Zayn shows up as it gets closer to air time. All three of them sit off to the side as Niall and Nick settle down at the mics. Louis’ leg is shaking from Harry jiggling his knees so he places a calming palm down on his thigh. He whispers a quick “Everything’s going to be fine,” right as Nick cues his intro music.

They watch as Nick fiddles with multiple controls while simultaneously interviewing Niall, and Louis would be fascinated by his ability to do both if it weren’t for the sick color still painting Harry’s skin.

Niall and Nick banter back and forth about how well his first single was received and how Nick is bloody sick of hearing it every time he turns around. He gets Zayn in on it too, joking by saying his own album sales are slacking due to Niall’s rising popularity. Everyone is laughing and having a good time on air and during breaks, then after about half an hour of talking, Nick gets to the song.

“So today we’re about to hear the second song from your album which is coming out very soon. I’m really excited and so is everyone else here at the studio. Your mate Harry is over there looking like he’s about to be sick from how happy he is to hear a new song from you,” Harry barely even looks up at his name being mentioned. “I’ve heard there’s an air of mystery around it? Tell us a little about it.”

“Well, that’s just the thing, Nick. I can’t tell you anything about it.”

“How come?!” Nick demands.

Niall laughs. “I can’t tell you much about a song I didn’t even write, but I will say that it’s now one my favorites from the album.”

“Alright, out with it, Niall. Who wrote this wonderful single?”

“A very close friend of mine.” Is all Niall says. Louis slides his hand into Harry’s and gives it a light squeeze.

“Niall Horan. You’re making me play guessing games before lunch.” Nick hums into the mic. “Zayn Mailk?” He tries, but Niall just shakes his head and says nope. “Hmmm…well then it must be Ed Sheeran.”

“Nope.” Niall smiles.

“No? Would you tell me even if I guessed it?”

“Yeah I would, but you won’t guess.”

Nick laughs, very amused with this mysterious side of Niall. “Alright. Well I’d hate to keep the people waiting so here it is, _Height of the Fall_ , the newest single from our young Niall Horan!”

The song plays and the whole time Louis’ stomach is in his throat. It’s not that he thinks the song won’t do well, but he’s still anxious to know what people will think. Nick is listening intently along with the rest of the world, a smile plastered on his face the whole time.

It ends and immediately the call board lights up. The lines are already congested with people calling in. “NIALL!” Nick shouts with far too much enthusiasm. “I demand to know who wrote this song! It was brilliant! We’re being flooded with calls and it’s only been played once!”

Niall is pink from laughing and smiling so much. “You like it, Grimmy? I’m so glad! Now you can finally escape my other song.”

“Zayn!” Nick turns to him. Harry nearly jumps out of his skin when the room’s attention gets directed their way. “You cannot be in on this. I know you know!”

Zayn shakes his head, “No, mate, I’m just as clueless as you are. It’s an ace song though, whoever it belongs to. Niall’s album is definitely going to beat mine now. Even I’m excited to hear the whole thing.” He laughs.

The calls keep coming in from Niall’s fans, every single one more positive than the last. Harry gets more and more relaxed with each happy caller. By the time they leave Niall is floating, Zayn is laughing, Harry is breathing again, and Louis is just relived that things are working out.

Zayn suggests they get some lunch when they all creep out the back door of the studio. They sit down in the back area of a café, Niall so happy with things that he eats two entrées by himself and then starts in on dessert. Harry must be feeling loads better because he’s laughing and shoving chips into his mouth like all is right with the world too. Zayn clears his throat when Niall is so stuffed he’s about to burst.

“We’re out of the studio and there’s no one around. Who wrote the song?”

Niall raises an eyebrow. “Nah. I don’t think we should tell you. Hey Lou, should we tell him?” he teases.

“I think he deserves to know…the rest of us do.” Louis doesn’t think it’s right to torment Zayn. For some reason it just feels wrong.

Niall rolls his eyes. “You’re weak, Tomlinson.” He makes Zayn lean way in then whispers it so low that not even Louis can hear what he says. Zayn’s eyes find Harry.

“Shit, Harry. That’s amazing!” He wraps Harry in a hug, Harry leaning into the touch and accepting Zayn’s support. “I’ve seen some of your songs before, but this one…I’m really impressed, mate.”

Louis watches that proud smile spread across Harry’s face for what seems like the millionth time today, and it's just as breath taking as the first.

*  
All day long Louis got the chance to witness Harry’s confidence grow into something very close to validation with each piece of praise given about his lyrics. The same smile plastered on his face at the studio is the same one he’s wearing right now as Louis’ weight pins him down to the mattress.

He’s been trying his hardest to lick into Harry’s mouth but every time he starts getting somewhere  with it Harry laughs like an idiot and then he’s grinning like a fool and it’s ruined.

Harry sighs happily when Louis gives up after his third attempt to make out with him. Harry just spreads his arms out to his side like he’s flying. “I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy! I’ve got my life under control right now, the single is doing amazing, my father and I can be in the same room without him being annoyed at the sight of me, I have you… I don’t want to wake up if this is all a dream.”

Louis rolls his eyes at him, something he now does more out of fondness rather than annoyance. “I’ve been trying to kiss you for the last twenty minutes and I’ve yet to succeed. I can assure you this isn’t a dream.” He mumbles under his breath. He hates to rain on Harry’s parade, but he would like to get in at least one good snog considering they were out all day and didn’t really get a chance to.

He moves to slide off of him but Harry’s hands keep him there. “No, wait. Come here.” Harry pulls him down until Louis is hovering right above him. Finally Harry kisses him like he means it and it sends that old familiar flame rolling down Louis’ spine.

His lips glide so smoothly over Louis’, gently feeling him out, his tongue always sliding, always tasting. Louis wants him to feel every bit of love that he does in this moment so he weaves both hands into his curls to anchor himself down. He feels Harry’s shaky sigh against his skin when he pulls back just far enough to see him.

Harry’s expression is so focused and heavy as he watches Louis’ eyes trail his lips. Louis kisses him once more just to be able to feel him, Harry’s taste settled on his tongue like morning dew.

The air feels thick even though Harry had been giggling just ten minutes prior. Louis is barely breathing, though he’s not entirely sure why.

“Do you remember that night before I left?” Harry asks him, “The night I said no?”

Something leaden falls to the pit of Louis’ stomach. Of course he remembers that night. He thinks about it a lot more than he probably should if he’s honest. Louis nods, taking a deep breath.

Harry’s eyebrows are creased in the center as he speaks. “What if we did it tonight? You know, now? If- If you still want to.” Louis knew that was coming and yet it still makes his breath catch on something.

“Yeah,” Louis breathes.  “If you want to?”

Harry’s lips make the beginnings of a smile. “Don’t say yes if you’re not ready. It still doesn’t have to happen yet if we want to wait.”

Louis takes everything into consideration, from the way he feels about Harry to the way his green eyes are currently observing him in the quiet, and there is no way Louis could ever feel more for him than he does right now. There’s no way he’d ever regret this moment, no matter where they end up in their future, even if they don’t have one at all.

He leans down to Harry’s ear, his lips right against his skin, Harry’s scent is so warm. “Tell me what to do. Show me.” He whispers, pressing his lips right where his words landed.

Harry nods, cradling his head and pulling Louis down for another long kiss. There’s very little restraint on Louis’ end as Harry licks into his mouth and Louis thrusts against him to feel some friction. Harry doesn’t stop him and somehow by the time Louis glances down he’s lying between Harry’s thighs, his legs wide and wrapped around Louis’ hips as he moves. His movements stutter to a halt when he realizes that their positions are usually reversed.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks him when Louis isn’t thrusting against him anymore.

“Is this how you want to do it?” Louis asks, unsure. He never really gave it much thought before now, but he just assumed Harry would be the one opening him up when the time came for them to have sex. Harry is the one with the most experience with this so he figured it would all just fall into place.

Harry now sounds as hesitant as Louis. “Is this okay with you?”  

Louis thinks about it, and even though it never felt exactly _right_ with Bridgett or any other girl, lying here draped between Harry’s legs feels perfect. This is the position they naturally fell into, so he doesn’t think they should change it. “I like this way.” Louis tells him. He resumes his movements once Harry’s mouth finds him again.

Louis doesn’t even have to give it much effort to get them both hard, so it doesn’t take long before Harry starts blindly fumbling in his bedside table. Louis’ pulse beats a little faster when Harry drops the bottle of lubricant onto the bed.

Harry starts taking off his clothes, so Louis moves to do the same, leaving on his boxer briefs just like Harry. He must look lost because Harry sits up, shaking up the bottle when Louis doesn’t move. “I can do it, or you can. It’s up to you.” Harry tells him opening the cap.

“No. I will. Just…you know. You have to kind of walk me through it. I don’t want to hurt you or fuck it up.”

Harry grins, kissing his jaw. “You won’t.”

Harry rolls off the rest of the little clothing he had on then reclaims his spot on the bed. Louis slides down onto his knees, slipping Harry’s legs over them and spreading them out.  

“You have to start slow. After a while you can go faster, but this part is mostly about stretching and not so much about other stuff…”  Louis nods taking the bottle and squirting some onto his index finger. “Do it just the way you like it when I do it to you.” Harry tells him.

He starts with one experimental swipe downward then circles around him a few times. He remembers to watch Harry’s breathing just like Harry always does for him before he tries to sink his finger inside. It dips in smoothly with Harry still calm and relaxed up on the pillows. Louis starts twisting it around when Harry gently reminds him that the goal is to stretch him. Louis slicks up his middle finger and seamlessly slips it in beside the other one.

Harry’s breaths start to get quicker the closer Louis gets to his prostate, but Louis’ focus is on getting a third finger inside. He’s three fingers deep when he gets a little distracted wondering how it must feel to get opened this way. He pushes inside so far that Harry’s body tenses inward when Louis just so happens to find the spot he needed. “S-stretching, remember.” Harry reminds him as Louis swipes over his prostate again and he moans.  

Louis only has to push in a few more times before Harry is claiming he’s ready. He digs in the same drawer of his table, tossing a condom somewhere in Louis’ direction after he tears it open, and now Louis’ heart is really pounding.

He slides the condom on over his cock, his grip a bit shaky and lax as he lines himself up. The angle is a little different than he’s used to, but that’s just because Harry is a guy and much taller than any girl he’s ever been with. He’s hesitating and he can feel a pair of green eyes on him as he repositions himself yet again. “What is it?” Harry asks him.

Louis knows his face is turning pink. He can feel it. “Just nervous.” He tries to shrug it off hoping his tone of voice will convince Harry that he’s fine.

Harry gives him a fond upturn of his lips. “I promise you won’t hurt me, Lou.” He nods mostly to himself.

“Ready?” Louis asks hoping he did a good enough job at opening him. Louis leans down over him and guides his cock inside in a long push. Harry’s breathing stops for a few seconds when he’s inside and Louis’ eyes immediately flash up to him. He seems to be fine though, just pacing his breaths as he adjusts.

Louis pushes in some more, the pressure all around him the best he’s ever felt in his life. He doesn’t even know if Harry is ready when he anchors a hand over his head, his hips seeming to move on their own accord as they bring him flush against Harry’s body. He’s at a standstill watching Harry’s cheeks turn a blotchy pink pattern.

“You alright?” Louis asks him.

Harry grins, “Oh yeah. It’s – it’s been a while. I’m fine. Great. Keep going.” He urges, taking slow and steady breaths.

There are a few tense moments where Louis is fully concentrated on not hurting him. He keeps his face hovering just above Harry’s to watch for any signs that he’s doing something wrong, but Harry seems just fine. He thrusts slowly at first, just to feel the drag of heat around him. Louis fits so tightly inside that every inch of him is surrounded by a tightness he’d never even dreamed of. He moans right into Harry’s ear at how sweet it feels just to push back in. Harry doesn’t say anything when Louis adopts a slow, rolling rhythm inside of him.

His movements become smoother, and as he gets more comfortable the small amount of self-control he’d been able to exercise starts to wither away until it’s nothing but instinct snapping his hips forward rather than conscious effort.

Harry’s response is immediate when he tightens his legs around Louis’ hips to force him closer. Louis was already pretty much skin to skin with him, and now Harry’s body is moving with his, staying close so he’s never without the tight heat Harry supplies.

He isn’t even pacing himself anymore as he chases the burning sensation at the pit of his stomach, burrowing in so deeply that a low moan gets pressed into Louis’ neck. “Just like that.”  Louis’ eyelids flutter from the grip Harry has around him to keep him there hitting the same spot over and over. His knees dig into the sheets with each thrust.

His stomach feels like it’s on fire and the words Harry mumbles into his skin burn like little flames. He already knows what Harry wants before he says it, yet the _kiss me_ he whispers still makes Louis shudder inside of him.  

He’s pretty sure he isn’t even thinking anymore when Harry turns his head to lick into his mouth. Harry always wants Louis’ mouth on his when he’s close, and usually Louis can manage, but right now he can hardly form thoughts let alone move his mouth to kiss him properly. Harry isn’t discouraged in the slightest and keeps his lips on him, small sounds escaping his mouth when he goes for Louis’ tongue.

A determined hand slithers down between them and Louis has to hang his head down into Harry’s curls to keep himself together. Harry thumbs at his own cock as Louis continues to rock up into him. “You close?” he chokes around his own words when Louis’ movements get a lot less controlled. Now he’s just pushing in whenever he can since he can’t maintain the long even stokes he started with.

He nods into the crook of Harry’s neck. He can still feel Harry tugging at himself between them. “Go ahead. Come if you’re r-ready. I’m about to.”

Louis is listening but the words don’t fully register until Harry’s fingers clutch at his back while his other hand roughly jerks between them in short bursts. His mouth drops open, but no sound comes out when Louis feels him spilling between them.

Louis can’t look, but the lining of his stomach is ignited the moment he pictures Harry dripping hot and wet all over them. He only has to snap his hips into Harry one more time, chasing the high as he freezes letting himself finally spill over into the heat.

It’s like the blood gets drained right from his face when he finishes, dropping down to his forearms when he feels shaky. His cheek is pillowed on Harry’s chest giving him a vertical tilt to the room. Fingers are moving through his hair and a pair lips keep moving against his scalp. He doesn’t know what Harry is talking about or if he’s even speaking at all, but his cool breaths feel nice against his skin.

Time moves sluggishly, and at some point the slight ringing in his ears dies down. He’s lying just as still as he was when he came, and yet Louis’ pulse still races overtime when he picks up on the only two words that matter.

“…Love you.”

Hearing it isn’t as scary as he had imagined it to be all those weeks ago when the very thought of Harry Styles made him want to swallow splinters. He laughs to himself just thinking about where they started. He can't believe where they are.

It’s been a few minutes and Louis is still spent. He’s at a loss as to how the hell Harry is managing to string together full sentences when Louis can’t even move, but he _is_ able to echo Harry’s words directly into the skin of his chest, a grin on his lips as soon as Harry’s find him.


	11. Chapter 11

Louis hasn’t visited his mother in quite some time, but there’s no mistaking the familiar pushing and pulling of his arm by one of his younger sisters. He opens his eyes to a face full of pillow and immediately reaches down to cover himself when he feels his bare skin on the sheets. The speed with which he shoots up from the mattress wakes up his sleepy brain now realizing that the annoying child tugging impatiently on his arm isn’t a child at all; it’s just Harry.

He flops over onto his side groaning the whole time. “How are you even awake?” The bed shifts under the ball of weight that just hopped onto it. Harry immediately starts tapping his shoulder again telling him to wake up. “What?! Why are you so energetic?" Louis complains cracking his eyes open to see Harry struggling to balance a laptop in front of him. “Ugh. Why are you- can’t even sleep in for one bloody morning if your life-”

“SHHH!” Harry shoves the screen into his face, his smile so big Louis is sure he can see every single tooth in his mouth. “Read!” Harry demands, pushing the laptop even closer to Louis’ nose.

It’s open to a news article of some kind. After one second of scanning the layout and not actually looking at the words Louis wants to shove forks into his eyeballs. It’s so fucking early. “Harry…” he’s already gearing up to complain again then he forces his eyes to read the tiny text before him.

_If you’re anything like the rest of the music world, Niall Horan’s debut single quickly fell into your most played list and found itself trapped there for weeks and weeks on end. For many, the anticipated release of his second single meant an escape from the new artist who has dominated radio and sales charts, however if you were waiting for his career to sizzle out you’re going to be quite disappointed. Although the singer’s second single ‘Height of the Fall’ was released just yesterday, fans and pop enthusiasts alike have already catapulted it to the top of the charts, coming in this morning at number three, making Niall the first artist this year to have two singles in the top ten. As a new artist, his first single ‘Postcards’ had a steady two week rise to the top, but his second has already surpassed it within the first few hours of it being available, making it one of the fastest growing songs we’ve seen in a while. Why so much fuss over another bouncy, acoustic love song? Mystery, of course._

_Niall revealed at Radio One with Nick Grimshaw that he did not write the song, though he didn’t share much else when it comes to its author either. Fans weren’t given much to go on, but the mystery writer was hinted to be one of his close friends. Everyone has been clamoring to find out just which of Horan’s super talented mates has created this new monster of a single, but no one has been able to guess. Zayn Malik flat out denied writing the tune and we even asked Ed Sheeran, the other obvious choice, but he has also denied any ownership. With our two best guesses leading to nowhere, we are just as stumped as the rest of the world, leaving us to wonder which talented songwriter will eventually stake a claim to what is sure to be one of the biggest songs of the year._

Louis sits up now fully awake, but Harry puts up a finger silently asking him to wait. When he turns the screen back toward him ITunes is open in a new tab with _Height of the Fall_ sitting right at number three.

“Holy shit.” Is all Louis can get out watching Harry’s smile carve huge dimples into his cheeks. Harry practically flings the laptop to the foot of the bed as he hops up to pace around his floor in a pair of joggers loosely slung around his hips. Louis is still pretty speechless. “Harry…this is...your song is number _three_ on _ITunes_.”  Harry’s energy is about to explode off of him any minute. “Jesus….how do you feel?!”

Harry stops pacing, his eyes darting back and forth like he can’t even focus for one second. Suddenly he’s free falling onto the bed landing half on top of Louis’ body.

“A song I wrote is number three on fucking ITunes!!” he shouts seemingly unbothered by the fact that Louis’ knee is pointed right into his back. Louis’ smile is just as big as his when Harry rolls over and sits up. “Number _three_.” He says breathlessly. “We had sex last night.” It comes out of nowhere as Harry flops back onto the mattress with his arms spread out like he’s in flight. “Fuck.” He laughs to himself with his hands tangled in his own curls. Louis has never seen someone so blissfully euphoric in all his life.

He had been so rudely woken up by Harry that he hadn’t even had time to think about what happened last night. The words Harry pressed into his skin seem to tingle as soon as Louis recalls the way he whispered them. Like he can feel Louis thinking, Harry crawls back up to the head of the bed.

The first touch of Harry’s lips is intoxicating, pulling him in like the tide and holding him there. Their mouths are a bit hurried from too much energy and Louis’ heart is pounding with Harry’s strong grip at his waist. Louis is already naked and Harry only threw on some joggers, so it’s not like having sex again would be some huge imposition for them. It could be so simple to slide into Harry just the way they are.

Louis is already letting himself get hard at the thought when Harry’s phone starts ringing next to them. In an instant they break apart, but Louis recaptures his mouth at once. He can ignore the ringing, hell, Louis could ignore the entire house burning down around them if he had to, but obviously Harry isn’t as skilled at overlooking obnoxious ringing in his ear.

Louis can already see Niall’s name on the screen when Harry answers, his face in a stupidly happy grin before he even swipes to accept the call. He puts Niall on speaker, not even attempting to remove himself from Louis’ lap, which Louis is all too grateful for.

“Did you read it?!”

Niall is so wired that his voice booms out into the room like a spring exploding. “YES! I can’t fucking believe it!” Harry shouts back in an attempt to talk to his friend and kiss Louis at the same time. Oddly enough it’s working.

“I’m on the way to see Des now. He wanted to see me hours ago but I was too excited to drive! I needed to call my parents. I needed to light up so I could calm the fuck down,” he laughs.

Louis frowns down at the phone like it has personally offended him. Harry snorts a giggle into his hand at his expression. “Niall, you’re on speaker.”

“So what??” Niall scoffs, and then his voice gets really serious. “Shit. Louis… I-I didn’t mean it. I didn’t light up. I mean, I _did_ but it was just a cigarette...”

Louis grins even though Niall can’t see him. “You know, it’s not like I’m the drug police.” Louis tells him.

“Pretty damn close.” Niall mutters probably thinking it was too low to be heard. It wasn’t.

Harry laughs again as Niall starts on about how jealous Zayn is, Louis’ mouth meeting him halfway. His hands reach around to pull Harry’s body closer in his lap while he sinks into Louis’ skin, Harry’s tongue slipping in, his fingers hooked into Louis’ hair to hold him in place. Harry is grinding down into him, making Louis work really hard to keep any sounds from escaping his throat, but a soft moan ends up leaking out when Harry snakes a hand down between them, his fingers soft and massaging on his tip.

The sound brings them both back to Earth where the room is completely silent around them. Their eyes immediately peek over to the phone seeing the call has ended and the screen is black. Louis hadn’t even noticed Niall stopped talking… Harry reads out the new text through a chuckle. ‘ _I could hear you fucking in the background. WHAT THE FUCK.’_

Harry shrugs and throws his phone back into the pile of clothes where Louis’ is still hidden. “He’ll call back later.” He insists, his lips already trailing across the stubble on Louis’ jaw.

Harry doesn’t have to do much more convincing than that to get Louis back to gasping down his throat.

*

Around noon they had gotten another call from Niall and Zayn ordering Harry to refresh his ITunes tab. Both Harry and Louis stared at the screen in dead silence, Harry’s palm over his own jaw to keep it from hitting the floor seeing his song at number two.

Niall would call in every few hours to scream into the phone sounding very much like Louis’ excitable little sisters each time he did so. For Louis and Harry it became an obsession. By late afternoon they end up sitting directly across from each other on Harry’s bed with all the devices in the house between them as they take turns refreshing, the air charged with something electric around them. They haven’t moved all day, neither of them has showered and the little food they ate all came in the form of fruit or granola bars Louis could easily transport into the room and dump on the bedside table.

The tablet Louis had been refreshing gets placed into the large pile of electronics when the screen updates and the song is still at number two. Harry’s face has featured a stupid grin the whole day, and now that he can almost taste the number one he seems ready to burst. Several times Louis has looked up from a phone or the laptop and caught him pacing around the floor in anticipation. Louis just fondly shakes his head in his direction because he feels just as restless, and it’s not even Louis’ song.

His phone starts ringing when Harry lunges for it from across the room. Louis is already reaching for the nearest Wi-Fi capable device in front of him.

Absolutely too much noise comes booming from Harry’s phone when he puts it on speaker. He isn’t sure of exactly where Niall is inside the studio, but there must be over fifty people in the background cheering as he tries to shout over it. Louis’ screen finally refreshes, a cool chill rolling down his arms when he sees Harry’s song in the number one spot. He’s barely aware of the noise blaring from the speaker when Harry drops down in front of him with glassy eyes and a watery smile.

Louis shows him the screen thinking he would want to stare at it until he’s memorized every detail, but he merely glances at it as he puts it on the bedside table. There’s random electronics taking up half the space on the bed, Niall is still shouting from somewhere on the floor, they’re disgusting and starving, and not one bit of it matters when Harry traces the contour of his lips, tentatively leaning in like one wrong breath could shatter it all. Louis lets himself fall into him without any hesitation, another wave of goosebumps rolling over him when Harry whispers a thank you into his open mouth.

Gradually the rest of the world starts filtering in between them again. Harry pulls back to retrieve his phone from where it landed when he dropped it. Niall is still screaming in ear-splitting joy. He must have walked into a more private area because now Louis can’t hear other people.

“We fucking did it, Haz! Like…” Niall all but squeals into the phone like he can’t believe he gets to say those words out loud. “We just pulled this off! You just wrote a number one song and I just broke my own fucking sales record!!”

Louis watches his cheeks ignite as he laughs. “Niall. I- I don’t even know what to say right now! Congratulations? You’re welcome? Thank you?!” Louis laughs at his bewildered eyes from where he’s sitting in bed. Harry _would_ fret about the social etiquette of what to say to your mate when you both succeed in something together.

It’s silent between them for a few seconds as Louis watches on in amusement. If they were face to face right now he’s pretty sure he and Niall would hug it out with a few tears they’d both try to deny. Harry sighs happily into the receiver when Niall’s voice comes back.

 “Shit. My family’s trying to FaceTime me, but listen,  everyone’s coming over later! I better see your arse there or I’m coming over to that house and dragging you and Louis to my party even if I have to kidnap you!” he warns and Harry folds over to laugh at him. “They’re calling again, I gotta go. You better be the first one there, Haz, I mean it! I love you!”

The line disconnects and Harry just hangs his head back to expose his neck like the millions of happy thoughts whizzing through his mind are just too heavy.

“You alright?” Louis giggles watching all of Harry’s pent up excitement manifest into a smile entirely too big for his face.

“I feel like I’ve had hundreds of shots of expresso,” He drops back onto the bed, his cheek landing on Louis’ knee in a silent request to have his curls played with.

His phone rings again, but he manages to stay put this time even though his smile is still just as wide. “Hi!” he shouts at Zayn. Louis massages his nails against his scalp and Harry hums into the phone. He places the call on speaker next to him.

Zayn issues him congratulations for a whole five minutes, each piece of praise lighting up Harry’s face even more. “Did you talk to Niall yet?” he asks.

“Yeah, just got off the phone with him actually. He’s like an insane person right now.” Harry chuckles.

“Yeah he is,” Zayn agrees echoing Harry’s fondness. “What time are you heading over tonight?”

Harry tilts his other cheek into Louis’ leg so he can reach the rest of his curls. “Mmmm, I don’t know. When are you? We can get there together?” Harry suggests.

There’s a slight pause before Zayn replies. “Yeah that’s probably a good idea. You know…then we can keep an eye on him. Make sure he’s not _too_ fucking excited like last time.” Louis’ fingers freeze at the caution in his tone. “You know how he gets when he’s buzzing like this…” Louis can tell Zayn doesn’t say it to be mean, but more as a reality check for everyone involved. Louis is appreciative.

“You’re right. We should probably get there kind of early.” Harry agrees sounding more serious than he has all day.

Zayn congratulates him again, making the serious part of their conversation almost completely forgotten as they laugh and joke like it never even happened. Harry is beaming again like he’s in flight when they hang up, except now he’s flying just a little bit closer to Earth. Louis resumes the carding through his hair.

“So,” Louis tugs on a few strands between his fingers. “What are you thinking, Mr. Number One on ITunes?” Louis kisses the part of his forehead that’s the closest to him. “Huge night…Huge party… Everyone celebrating something that you made possible, something you created…” Harry places both hands over his smile as he rolls his head off of Louis’ lap and onto the bed.

“I have no clue what I’m going to wear.” Harry’s voice is equal parts distressed and thrilled. Louis almost forgot Fashion Icon over here loves nothing more than to try on different combinations of brightly patterned shirts and scarves in the closet that’s bigger than Louis’ whole bedroom.

“Surely _one_ of your forty-seven black hats will do.” Louis mumbles with a roll of his eyes. Harry glares up at him.

“I only own twelve.” Harry insists with a light pinch to Louis’ thigh.

“Twelve too many...” Louis mutters under his breath, dodging the slap Harry aims at him for disrespecting his one true passion.

\-----

Stepping into Zayn’s house is almost as staggering as walking into Harry’s for the first time when he comes to the door looking like a fashion magazine spit him out to welcome them in. He’s got his hair styled and falling around his face in a way that must have taken forever to construct. He looks so polished in a fitted button-up that’s such a deep midnight that Louis wants to touch the fabric just to see what kind it is.

Harry looks Zayn up and down as he pushes through the door. “You brushed your hair.” He remarks, completely ignoring the fact that Zayn looks amazing.

“You didn’t.” Zayn smirks. “You look nice, Louis.” He walks away and when he comes back he’s slipping on a dark blazer to complete his look.

Harry watches him with dead eyes from the door. “ _And_ a jacket? Really, Zayn?”

“ _Another_ hat, really, Harry?” Zayn mocks as he grabs his keys and shoves his wallet into his back pocket.

Harry scoffs as Louis helps guide him out the door again. They don’t quite get there before Harry turns to Zayn again. “You ever open a magazine? People love my accessories.”

“Well, fans like it when I wear a nice jacket. You’re not the only one who ends up on best dressed lists, you know?”

Harry’s eyes take him in again from head to toe. “Who are you trying to impress?” He asks curiously.

Zayn finally succeeds in pushing him out his front door with a small grin. “No one.” Zayn locks the door behind him with one more jab at Harry’s outfit. “I hope you know I can see through that shirt.”

Harry’s eyebrows are scrunched up as he trails behind him. “That’s the whole point!” Louis has to fight to keep his laughter contained during the car ride over listening as Zayn and Harry have a serious debate over whether or not visible tattoos count as accessorizing.

It’s still pretty early when they get to Niall’s. Louis had expected there to be hordes of paparazzi swarming the place, but there are only ten or fifteen at most. They relatively keep their distance across the street, only politely calling Niall’s guests as they enter or leave.

The three of them wait until Ellie Goulding and some of her friends are arriving before they leave the privacy of Zayn’s tinted windows. The soft kiss Harry leaves on his jaw helps reassure him that this paparazzi experience probably won’t be as bad as the first. He takes Louis’ hand, lightly guiding him as camera flashes explode from behind them. Only a couple of photographers call out to get Harry’s attention, so he offers them a polite wave as they make it through the door. Zayn doesn’t even turn around so Louis follows his lead, not looking back.

It’s barely nine and already Niall’s house is absolutely full. There’s a mixture of faces Louis recognizes and also people he’s never seen before in his life, but there’s no mistaken the drunken cackle of the night’s  host, his arms draped around a model Louis is sure his sister follows on Twitter, his laugh loud and happy. He’s mid conversation when he spots them walking over. He hands his cup to someone as he lunges for Harry, all limbs and volume when he practically tackles him to the ground.

“I fucking love you!” he exclaims holding Harry’s face in his hands.

Harry is laughing as he tries to escape Niall’s death grip. “You love everyone when you’re drinking.”

Niall brings them even closer together. “No. _You_ ,” he thumbs at Harry’s nose like he’s a puppy, “ _You_ I love more than all these other people.” He somehow pulls Harry’s face even closer.  Louis’ heart skips several beats thinking he was about to shove his tongue down Harry’s throat…turns out he was just going for cheek.

“Oh my God,” Harry is cackling prying himself out of Niall’s hands. “What time did you even start drinking?”

“Popped champagne the minute we hit number one, Styles!” As soon as the words leave his mouth Niall’s eyes grow wide. “Shit.” He covers his mouth giggling like an idiot.

Harry rolls his eyes. “Be louder, Niall. Really, I don’t think your mum heard you in Mullingar.”

He smiles pulling Niall in to whisper something. Louis assumes he’s issuing proper congratulations from the way they embrace each other when he’s done. Niall pulls away looking a bit glassy eyed and Louis gets a hug of his own.

Niall’s few moments of sentiment lasts exactly that long before he’s throwing his arms around a tall lanky body walking past them, “MATTY!” he yells. Louis laughs watching him turn up another cup and drain whatever was in it as he hangs onto the man.

A few guests turn to look their way at the sudden outburst. Louis pays them no mind when he feels Harry’s fingers slip into his hand. “Drinks?” he asks already pulling them toward the kitchen.

The selection of alcohol is overwhelming, and frankly Louis doesn’t know where to start. The island in the center of the kitchen catches his eye, every last bit of it covered in chilled bottles. Harry makes a show of popping the cork of a new bottle, pouring two glasses and handing one off to Louis.

It’s expensive and sweeter than any champagne Louis has ever tasted, but it’s definitely strong as it fizzles down his throat. Harry drinks half of his in one go, his eyes mischievous as he watches Louis sip his. “Not much of a drinker?” he grins.

“Not fond of the hangover.” Louis moves the glass away when Harry tries to tip more champagne into his mouth. He raises an eyebrow  when Harry downs the rest of his then pours another generous amount into the glass. “You’re gonna be sorry in the morningggg.” Louis sings teasingly.

Harry’s voice mimics the tuneless song. “Not when my lovely boyfriend rubs my head and takes care of meeee.”

He begins to make a joke about Niall being his boyfriend, but then Harry’s dimples punctuate his smile and suddenly Louis can’t even properly tease him because he’s so  fucking happy and always, _always_ so beautiful. Louis rolls his eyes, already able to taste the sweet champagne on Harry’s lips when he leans in. “Yeah, I will.”

Eventually Louis gets used to the various pairs of eyes that trail them as Harry walks through the guests, stopping to chat with virtually everyone he’s ever met. No one asks directly, but they all give curious glances to the unknown at Harry’s side, too interested to look away but too polite to interrogate him. Louis is happy to avoid the awkwardness of explaining how Harry went away to rehab single and then returned home to London in what could only be viewed as a serious relationship.

Every so often some new famous person walks in and the party’s attention gets shifted to the door. Louis is grateful when Nick Grimshaw enters just as loud and drunk as people who have been at Niall’s for hours causing everyone to giggle and fondly shake their heads. Oddly enough the raging jealousy he had initially felt over Nick is non-existent as he saunters over to hug them both.

Louis realizes his glass is finally empty and excuses himself to the kitchen leaving Harry there with him. They had lost Zayn almost the moment they arrived, but now Louis finds him sitting on the countertop texting. He smiles when he and Louis lock eyes.

He picks up more than one empty bottle of champagne before he finds a full one. He pours himself his second glass, topping Zayn’s off as well.

“Having a good time?” Zayn asks after a quick sip.

“I am. It’s weird seeing so many people I recognize but have never actually _met_. I was glad to see Nick Grimshaw a second ago…. at least we’ve exchanged a few words before.” Louis grins.

“You left Harry alone with Nick?” Zayn asks like he doesn’t quite believe it. Louis is suddenly unsure if letting them catch up was an unwise thing to do.

“Well yeah. I mean…should- should I not have left them alone?”

“No, no,” Zayn rushes to say when Louis’ expression turns worried in record speed. “They’re fine together, it’s just,” Zayn regards him with a respect Louis wasn’t expecting. “I’ve never seen anyone trust him like that before. So completely.”

Louis can’t fathom why someone would have a hard time trusting him. “I don’t know why. Harry is so kind and sweet. I don’t think he’s capable of truly hurting someone that way.”

Zayn shrugs, “People believe what the media tells them. And as far as the world knows he’s a drug addict who sleeps around with anything that moves. He’s the complete opposite, but people in relationships with him don’t always believe it.”

Louis hates the way the world sees Harry. He hates the way he himself used to look at Harry like he was some rich, useless industry brat. It turns his stomach to even think about it.

“He’s amazing. Anyone who can’t see that shouldn’t even get to form an opinion about him.”

The words are barely out of his mouth when noise breaks out in the main room. Niall has lunged himself at literally every person that has walked through his door, but the way he’s shouting right now suggests more than the average guest has just arrived.

_“How the fuck are you here?!”_

Zayn and Louis share a curious look at the pure disbelief in Niall’s voice. They hear Harry’s cheerful shouting joining in on the excitement and that’s when he and Zayn both head towards the commotion.

He isn’t sure why, but as soon as he spots the head of bright red hair and the tangle of boys climbing up from the floor his blood runs cold. Watching Harry hang off of Ed Sheeran’s frame like a long lost soulmate returned home sends a chill spiraling down his arms.

He follows Zayn’s lead walking towards them as they dust themselves off. Ed throws his arms around Zayn’s shoulders as soon as he’s within reach.

“I thought you were in America.” Zayn smiles. His expression turns alarmed when he steps back to see Ed more clearly.

“Oh I was, but then I heard this legend had a new mysterious number one so I had to come congratulate him in person!” Niall cackles when Ed slaps a wet kiss to his forehead. “I convinced my tour manager to let me fly back for a day or two.”

Louis isn’t even as close as Zayn and he can see the way Ed’s eyes are glazed over and far, far away. To everyone else he probably just looks tired or jetlagged, but everyone else doesn’t know what to look for like Louis does. They don’t notice the thinness of his lips or the way he keeps licking at them even though his tongue is completely dry. He looks pale and even with the redness taking over their natural color, Louis can see how dilated his eyes are even in the dim lighting of the room.

Louis steps closer to Harry, drawing Ed’s attention to the new person suddenly standing in their little bubble. Harry links their hands together as soon as Louis is close to him.

“Who’s this?” Ed scrunches his eyebrows together at the way Harry’s fingers lace around his.

Louis reaches out to shake Ed’s hand, “I’m Louis.” His skin is cold and dry just like he knew it would be.

“This is my boyfriend.” Harry beams standing next to him. Louis doesn’t know if Harry is too drunk to see it, or if he’s just ignoring it to be polite, but it’s obvious that Ed is fucked up. He grins at Ed like absolutely nothing is wrong and so does Niall. Zayn seems to be the only one who realizes something isn’t right.

“Oh yeah,” Ed laughs to himself. “You’re the one he picked up from his holiday away.”

How dare he stand here making light of the fact that his stupid choices were the reason Harry ended up in rehab to begin with? It takes every bit of self-control Louis possesses not to respond with something as equally rude and thoughtless.

“It was nice to meet you.” Louis nods through a tight smile. He gives Harry’s hand one more squeeze then takes a seat on the sofa across the room. He isn’t surprised when Zayn takes a seat right beside him.

They both watch on as Harry and Niall take turns whispering things into Ed’s ear. Louis can pinpoint the exact moment Ed finds out the single was written by Harry by the shocked expression he wears as he pulls Harry down into another tight hug.

Zayn finally breaks the shared silence after a while. “He’s not always like that. I’m sorry he was rude to you.”

Louis laughs humorlessly. Louis is sure Ed can feel their eyes on him as they stare. “I’m sure he’s wonderful when he’s not shooting heroin into his bloodstream. Most people are.” Ed fills Niall’s cup with something and dares Harry to drink it. Louis rolls his eyes when Harry tips it back without a single thought. “He looks awful.”

“Yeah he does.” Zayn nods slowly like he hates to admit it.

They watch on in silence as the three of them launch into another whispered conversation. After a while, Louis sneaks a look at Zayn and catches the disappointed expression on his face.

“Zayn. Can I ask you a personal question?” he asks softly. Zayn breaks his gaze from his friends to look Louis in the eye. “How long have you been clean?”

He doesn’t answer right away. Louis thinks he might’ve overstepped the boundaries when Zayn clears his throat. “Almost six months.”

He watches as Harry shows Ed and Niall something on his phone, his smile blinding.

“What made you do it?” Louis asks. It’s a question he usually asks his patients during their very first session, one many people don’t really have an answer to. Zayn turns to really look at him.

“Each time I’ve ever tried to get clean I did it because of someone or something. The first time was for my career.  The second time was for my family. This time I- I did it for me.”

“Is it any easier doing it for yourself?”

Zayn grins watching Ed turn down what’s left in the cup Niall shoved into his hands. “I want to shoot up every single day,” Louis pulls his eyes away from the group across the room when hears the longing in Zayn’s voice. “I want to so badly, but I won’t. It’s not worth it anymore. I’m tired of people having to apologize for me, I got tired of always letting everyone down including myself. I know what it feels like to be where Ed is, and I don’t want that anymore.” Zayn turns his attention back to them. “I wish he would figure that out too.”

Louis has never been given such an honest answer to that question before. He feels proud sitting next to Zayn. “I’m impressed you could do that all on your own.” Louis tells him. “Most people couldn’t. Most people don’t even know why they start in the first place.”

They both stare in silence again until Zayn speaks up. He must see the way Louis eyes trail Harry’s face. “You don’t have to worry about him, Louis. People like Harry and Niall will never be like me or Ed. Weed and a bit of alcohol…it’s enough for them because it’s fun; it’s nothing. They can feel good and still be themselves. They’re still here.” Zayn sighs like he wishes he could be that type of person too. “People try other ways to lose themselves when they have something to escape. Harry loves life… he likes living in the moment. Drugs can erase every single piece of you if you want them to. Harry loves living too much for that. You can’t be yourself if you’re lost.”

Louis doesn’t know if he should, but he squeezes Zayn’s hand anyway. “I don’t think you’re lost. Wanting to fall back into using is probably never going to go away, but I don’t think you’re lost.”

“Yeah.” Zayn smiles at him. “I’m working on it.”

* 

It’s much later when Harry is curled around him that Harry even mentions Ed. “I think his tour manager made him fly home.” Louis tightens his grip on Harry’s hand. He didn’t think Harry had even noticed how terrible he looked. “There’s no way he could perform like that…his eyes tonight,” Harry takes in a deep breath. “I’m worried about him.”

Louis doesn’t know what to say to put Harry’s mind at ease. “You could always talk to him, but he has to _want_ to be clean, love. You can’t decide that for him, nor can you take responsibility for the things he does.”

Harry buries his face further into Louis’ neck. “Yeah. I know.” He kisses Louis behind his ear. “I just miss my friend.”


	12. Chapter 12

Just as predicted, Harry’s groan dragged them out of unconsciousness early that morning as the sunlight assaulted his eyes through the window. Louis didn’t tease him even though the way Harry whined completely called for it, instead his fingers massaged through his scalp until the pain killers kicked in and the two bottles of water were successful in rehydrating the idiot lying next to him. After about an hour of regretting every last drop of alcohol he swallowed, Harry is visibly more alive and awake.

Harry curls into his side like a kitten when he’s feeling much better. “I’m not sure what I’ll do when I have to take care of myself again.” The words are supposed to be a light joke, but each appreciative kiss he sinks into Louis’ skin leaves a bittersweet sting.

Louis has been trying to keep it pushed down in the back of his mind, and neither of them has actually brought it up, but the fact still remains that Louis won’t be able to stay there forever. He doesn’t like to think about it too much, so he gives Harry the biggest smile he can when he suggests they get cleaned up in preparation for their guests. His days in London may be wearing thin, but he’s dead set on enjoying every last bit of the ones he has left.

He fully expects to continue to cater to Harry’s hangover but then Harry‘s fingers are massaging into his scalp as soon as he steps under the spray of the shower. Harry lathers him up, his strong fingers mixed with the gentle slide and scent of the body wash making Louis want to drift off again. “Mmmm….” Louis grins, his eyelids heavy like he could go for a nap. “What’s all this for?” Harry’s lips are just as soft as the water falling against his skin. Harry doesn’t answer him, but Louis suspects all the extra attention has a little something to do with gratitude and appreciation.

They have a little over an hour before everyone is supposed to show up once they’re dressed and finally out the door to buy supplies. As far as Louis knows, no one is paying them much attention in the store, so he slips his hand into Harry’s as they stroll down the aisles with their cart. Even that small gesture makes him smile.

As soon as they’re back Louis helps him get breakfast started as they listen to Harry’s song being played on as many stations as they can find. It’s been days since the initial release of the single and Harry’s eyes are still bright as ever each time he hears it. He’s happily singing along with a bowl of pancake batter in his hands when he gets a text from Niall that drains the all of the joy right out of his face.

Louis notices when he stops everything he’s doing to answer back, his eyebrows pulled together as he leans against the countertop.  Louis makes his way over to him.

“They’re still coming aren’t they?”

Harry pockets his phone and resumes stirring. “Yeah. Niall says he’s almost here…” Louis misses the smile Harry was just wearing. “Ed’s with him. Niall says he’s really out of it.”

He places a hand in the small of Harry’s back when he speaks, “When is he going back to America?” Only after it’s out of his mouth does Louis realize his question was probably really rude. Even so, he doesn’t regret asking it.

“I don’t know.” Harry gives him a slight upturn of his lips to show he’s okay. It’s not convincing in the slightest. The troubled sigh that leaves him makes Louis want to drive Ed to the fucking airport himself.

The front door opens and closes a few minutes later and Niall is walking into the kitchen, his expression very uncomfortable as Ed trails behind him. He and Harry share a quick hug then he moves over to wrap Louis up as well. Louis can see Niall trying to maintain composure but he seems really anxious even once he’s said hello, and who can blame him when Ed is leaned against the doorframe looking as absent as he does.

Harry and Niall both stare when Ed doesn’t say anything or move to come any further into the kitchen. He throws Harry a slight wave but that’s it as he leans there with his eyes not really focused on anything. The room feels thick all of a sudden with everyone’s attention on the door and the shell of a person standing in it. Louis is sure Harry and Niall don’t know what to say so he attempts to return some kind of normality to their morning.

“Isn’t it you who likes blueberries, Niall, or is it Zayn? Harry told me but I can’t remember. ” Louis turns to Niall grabbing the pancake mix and dropping a dollop into the hot pan. It’s like the sizzle and his words snap them both out of a trance.

Niall turns to him with a look that says he heard none of that, so Louis squeezes his wrist with a soft smile. “Would you like blueberries, Niall?” Niall nods, looking a lot less tense than he was a few seconds ago. Harry gives him an appreciative kiss on the cheek.

Things start moving again when the scent of cooking pancake batter fills the air. Harry throws a few more worried glances in Ed’s direction, but mostly returns to his cooking. Niall is lost for a few seconds then decides to help out with the food rather than deal with Ed by himself.

Zayn arrives by the time everything is almost ready, his body instantly freezing when he wraps his arms around Ed’s shoulders and realizes Ed’s arms are dead weight. He throws an alarmed look at the three people across the room but doesn’t say a word as he quietly takes a seat at the table and starts up a conversation about the studio.

Louis wonders how often they all silently agree to just not say anything when it gets this bad. They work around the elephant in the room so effortlessly that Louis guesses it must be a regular occurrence.

Niall gets Ed to come sit down and eat with them when Harry places the food on the table. Louis feels like he’s eight years old again as the people around him have silent conversations across their food with locked eyes. He doesn’t try to join in because this isn’t his battle and no one has asked for his help nor his opinion on the matter, so he keeps the verbal conversation at the table light and easy to help mask the fact that Ed isn’t even eating.

The weirdness gets easier to ignore once everyone starts talking about the single and Niall’s impending album release, but then Ed gets up in the middle of the conversation giving Niall and Harry hugs and lazy grins as he drifts off in the direction of Harry’s room. They’ve been there an hour and Louis still hasn’t heard him say a word. The kitchen is silent while he leaves. Harry and Zayn turn to Niall as soon as Ed has cleared the threshold.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Zayn asks dropping his fork and leaning in.

Niall shakes his head like he isn’t even sure. “I don’t know. I mean, you all saw him when he got there last night…he was high, but wasn’t like _this_. People starting leaving around two and he wasn’t quite so wired anymore so I thought if I made him sleep in my room he’d be alright.”

“He didn’t wake up like that…do you think he left and…” Harry doesn’t finish his question, but everyone at the table knows exactly what he’s implying.

“I was out as soon as I was in bed, so he could’ve been doing anything between then and an hour ago. I don’t even know if he’s been to sleep or not,” Niall places his head in his hands. “He could be shooting up right now in your bathroom for all we know. His phone rang all night until the battery died. I think his tour manager is trying to find him but he won’t call back.” Louis feels a pang of guilt thinking about his own boss trying to locate him a few days ago when he was seen out with Harry.

Harry pulls out his phone, scrolling through whatever he can find while Zayn and Niall do the same. “Well, people know he’s in London.” Harry says. “There’s photos of him at Niall’s…he’s supposed to be playing New York for three days starting tomorrow night. The others have been postponed and the one tomorrow has been cancelled.”

Louis takes out his own phone. Ed’s photo is plastered all over several articles linking his recent odd behaviors and disappearance to an increase in drug use. There are photos and videos from his early days when he was just starting out under Des’ label up to a show he did last week where many fans were disappointed in his performance.

“Should we call people for him?” Niall asks carefully. “His fans are really upset and I know your dad is going to flip if he's a no-show and cancels any more dates…”

No one speaks while they all silently decide if they should try to intervene. “I’ll call.” Harry sighs, placing his phone down and pinching the bridge of his nose like his headache just returned at full force. He turns to Louis after a few beats of silence, “Lou, I’m sorry to ask but, he’s been gone a long time. Would you-”

Louis drops a kiss to the top of his head, already up and moving before he finishes the question. “I’ll check on him. Don’t worry, love.”

He’s asleep on Harry’s side of the bed when Louis finds him, his cheeks sallow and pale in the light. With the way Ed was dozing at the kitchen table Louis is surprised he stayed awake as long as he did. Louis pulls off his shoes, turning him on his side just in case he gets sick.

The worry etched into Harry’s face is tattooed in his mind as he pulls the blankets up to tuck him in so he won’t roll over onto his back or stomach. Louis tries to keep in mind that it’s the addiction he hates and not Ed himself, but even as he’s lying there sleeping it off Louis can’t help but wish he would disappear…

Niall and Zayn head out a bit later with Niall promising to pick Ed up as soon as he’s awake. Harry’s slumped down on the sofa answering text after text to Ed’s manager and his mother. His sigh is long and tired when he finally has had enough and stops replying. He pulls Louis to lie on top of him.

“Maybe he’ll get help this time.” Harry whispers. 

Louis runs a soothing hand down his arm and through his curls. “Yeah, he might.” Louis knows it’s unlikely, but the small white lie is worth the small glimmer of hope in Harry’s eyes.

*

They spend the whole day on Harry’s sofa, both of them taking turns checking in on him. Louis got a very sobering call from Liam making sure he’s still set to come home the day after tomorrow. A heavy brick gets lodged in his chest as he confirms his departure and arrival times. Harry is so busy trying to sort out Ed’s life that he doesn’t notice Louis slightly panicking at realization of leaving.

“You alright?” he asks when Louis puts his phone away. Louis tells him he’s fine and then watches as he slips into his bedroom to check on his friend again. He called Niall about an hour ago when Ed started moving around in his sleep. He should be awake soon.

Harry comes to sit back down beside him like he never even left the room and tries to resume the conversation. “Um…what did uh, Liam say?”

Louis reminds himself to be patient when he answers. “He said he’ll be there to pick me up.” Harry nods still only paying half attention to him when they hear loud movements coming from the bedroom.

Harry shoots him an anxious look when Ed staggers into the room drenched in sweat with anger already filling his eyes. Harry told him that Ed is usually upset when he’s coming off of a high; Louis just wishes he didn’t have to witness it in person.

Harry crosses the room reaching out and Ed slaps his hands away even though the pain of rejection is clearly written all over Harry’s face. Harry keeps his voice soft and even. “Ed, you should sit for a while…have something to eat. You haven’t had anything all day.” Louis can already tell Harry’s approach won’t work by the stubbornness set in Ed’s jaw as he digs around in his pockets.

“Where’s my phone?”

“Niall charged it for you. He’s on his way here.” Harry reaches out to try to get him to sit again and Ed pulls away.

Harry huffs out, all the patience in his voice vanished. “Ed, you need to drink some water and sit down. Do you even realize how fucked up you were? Do you remember breakfast _at all_? I’m willing to bet money you don’t.”

Ed scowls at him. “Fuck you, Harry.”

Ed is pulling on his shoes as he makes it to the door, and now that his back is to Louis he can see how soaked through his shirt is. Even the back of his head is drenched, and just like Louis figured, Harry is right behind him, still getting nowhere.

“You’re not leaving unless it’s with Niall. He’ll be here any minute. I think you can stand to be in my presence for another five minutes.” Harry steps in front of the door.

“I’m not going anywhere with Niall. I’ll call somebody else to come get me.” Ed tells him trying to move past him to grab the door handle.

“No one else is coming to get you. I had to call my dad, your manager, and your family. People are fucking looking for you, Ed. I’m not going to let you call your fucking dealer again and go missing for another twenty-four hours.”

It gets worse once Harry’s words are out in the open and Ed starts naming off all the ways Harry can go fuck himself. He’s yelling about Harry always trying to take care of everybody else when his life is just as fucked up as his. A few of his words even sting against Louis’ ears, but thankfully Niall shows up with Zayn before Ed says anything too horrible.

It’s obvious that Ed isn’t thrilled to see either of them, but he’d rather be with them than Harry at the moment. “Thank God. Get me the fuck out of here.”

He throws Harry a disgusted look. He starts mumbling about needing to book a flight when he’s at the door, but he stops dead when Zayn shoves his phone into his hand. His expression turns into something unrecognizable when he starts scrolling through the long list of missed calls and texts.

“All of your New York shows have been cancelled. You don’t need to book a flight…Des wants to see you.” Zayn meets his eyes, and finally Ed looks a lot less angry. Now he just looks scared.

“If I get on a plane now I’ll make it in time... I can resale the tickets.” He reasons looking to Harry of all people for support.

Harry shakes his head, but he answers him even after all the horrible things Ed just screamed at him. “They’re not going to let you do that, mate.” Louis can see his fingers twitching like he wants to reach out and hug him. “Just go see my dad, yeah? Please? He wants to talk to you, and maybe- maybe this time you’ll like what he has to say.”

Ed scoffs and shoves the phone into his pocket. The anger is back in his voice. “I already know what he’s going to say. He’s going to say the same fucking thing he’s been saying for years. I’m not going to see him.”

Niall places a hand on his shoulder and Louis is shocked when Ed doesn’t immediately slap it away. “Rehab can’t be as bad as you think.” He gestures to Harry but Ed refuses to look at him. “You know Haz spent time there… he says it’s a good place to start over.”

Now Ed does twist out of Niall’s touch. He glares over at Harry while he speaks. “Well no one asked Harry to do a goddamned thing, now did they? I’m not going anywhere except back to my tour.”

Zayn steps in front of the door when Ed moves to walk out of it. “If you won’t go with us then we’ll call Des to come pick you up.” Zayn says softly. “Rehab is your choice, but we’re not letting you just walk out of here.”

Ed is definitely cornered, but he’s not giving in. There still lots of fight left in him and Louis can see it bubbling up as he panics. Louis interjects before it can spill over and cause more damage.  “Would you mind having a quick chat with me?”

Everyone’s head whips around to the new voice. It feels odd to have four pairs of eyes locked on him at once. Harry and Niall look equally surprised to see Louis offering to help at all, but Zayn just gives him a small smile. Ed is watching him like a snake about to strike.

“I don’t even know you.” He spits out.

Louis can’t say he’s surprised at Ed’s rudeness. “Yeah, well I don’t _like_ you, but I still would like to help if I can.” He offers him an indifferent shrug, trying to feel him out. He obviously doesn’t respond well to coddling so Louis tries this instead. He can see Ed thinking it over. He’s not sweating anymore, so his head must be absolutely pounding and he keeps clenching his fists like he’s in pain. Ed will only stay this way for another hour tops and then the other much worse symptoms will start to kick in.

“Fine.” He answers shortly, surprising everyone in the room when he follows Louis to Harry’s bedroom.

Louis has been doing this for years. He knows how to get a patient to open up, but that’s just the thing, Ed isn’t a patient. Ed isn’t even a friend, for that matter, he’s a friend of his boyfriend and Louis has no right to throw himself into his life this way.

He sits on the bed, making sure Ed is calmly seated beside him. “I’m Louis.” He reaches out to shake Ed’s hand but he’s the only one who moves. He drops his hand back down to his side when Ed only looks at him.

“I know who you are.” He snaps.

Louis is completely unfazed by his outburst. Mood swings are a constant of people who use, and also one of the reasons people need to be clean and detoxed before starting therapy in the first place. Louis takes a deep breath, abandoning his original plan altogether. “What does Des usually say when you fuck up?” he asks instead.

Ed raises an eyebrow at his frankness. “He threatens to drop me, says he’s going to force me to rehab, all the regular shit.”

Louis gives him a quick nod. “And you don’t care…” Louis summarizes from his tone. Ed squints his eyes together like he’s trying to clear his vision. His head must feel terrible.

“Yes I _care_.” He says impatiently, “He says that stuff but he doesn’t mean it. He can’t drop me. I’m one of his bestselling artists and I’m an adult, he can’t force me to do a damn thing.” Ed wraps a sneaky hand around his own stomach, holding his breath like it’ll make the pain subside. It won’t.

“All of that’s true, but what if you were no longer one of his bestselling artists…what if you fuck up too many times and your fans get sick of being lied to. The music industry is fickle. Your fans can easily turn to another. I hate to say it, but you aren’t their only option.”

Ed narrows his eyes at him. “They wouldn’t.”

“Some already have.” Louis tells him. “You pissed off a lot of people by disappearing and having to cancel your shows. This isn’t even the first time you’ve been a no-show... Why would fans keep supporting someone who can’t even keep his tour commitments? Would you support someone like that?”

The room is silent because for once Ed doesn’t have a snappy comeback. Louis takes this chink in his armor as a win and tries again. “No one can force you to go to rehab, but you should want to go for yourself, to make yourself better. People who love you get hurt every time you do shit like this, and you’re famous so even people you haven’t even met are affected as well.  There’s a room full of people on the other side of this door and all they want is to know you’re going to be alright.”

“I’m fine.” Ed insists. “They should mind their own business.”

“You’re trying to make them mad at you so they’ll let you leave because you’re going through withdrawals and you need a fix. You want to get high again, and you can’t do that if Zayn and Niall take you to see Des so you’re trying to buy yourself time.” They have a stare off for a few minutes where Ed looks like he’s going to argue but doesn’t. “I know all the signs.” Louis shrugs. “Niall and Harry may not realize how much pain you’re in, but I do, and so does Zayn…”

“Zayn’s a fucking hypocrite. He was just as bad if not worse.” He says, still trying to hide the fact that he’s clenching at his side.

“No. He realized he’d had enough on his own. He got tired of feeling like shit all the time. Aren’t you tired of doing _this_?” Louis points at him and the way his fists is held tight against his thigh. “When’s the last time you remember going through a whole day completely sober? Last week? This week? A performance? A ten minute interview?”

Ed looks like he’s trying to remember, but then Louis realizes that he has no idea. “I bet there was time you couldn’t remember the last time you got high and now you’re sitting here and you can’t even remember the last time you weren’t.”

It takes another few minutes of Ed finding new excuses and Louis immediately shutting them down before he stops fighting so much. Ed sighs after a while like he just might be listening, meeting Louis’ eyes with a new respect. “Is this how you talk to everyone?” he asks.

Louis places a hand onto his shoulder. “Just the people who are stubborn as fuck.”

When Ed is much more reasonable and agrees to at least go talk to Des everyone looks relieved. Zayn and Niall immediately leave with him just in case he changes his mind, quietly thanking Louis as they head out the door.

When they’re gone, Louis flops back onto Harry’s bed finally able to relax rather than try to reason with a man going through withdrawals. Harry crawls up to straddle him, his palms resting on Louis’ chest, and he can’t quite read the emotion in Harry’s eyes, but Louis sure can feel it.

“How on Earth did you do that?” he asks with a disbelieving shake of his head. “I’ve seen him like that a million times and he’s only ever calmed down once he’s high again.” He traces his fingers across Louis’ lips. “Are you amazing at everything?” Louis really doesn’t know what to say so he lets Harry kiss him and create a warmth that spreads through his chest.

Nearly an hour passes before Harry’s phone vibrates and he’s sitting up. “It’s Zayn,” he says with eyes already starting to fill up. He gives Louis the phone so he can read the message too.

_‘Your dad called a clinic here in London. Ed’s going to check himself in. We’re taking him over now. Tell Louis we owe himXx’_

Harry is swiping at the few tears that fall over when Louis turns back to him. “I never- I mean, I’m so- I can’t believe he agreed to go. I don’t know what you said to him, but thank you.”

Louis kisses his jaw. He wraps him in a hug and pulls him down to the mattress. “He did it, I just laid out facts so he would _want_ it.” Louis feels odd taking credit for Ed, but he’s so happy to see Harry looking less stressed that he doesn’t dwell on it.

His lips are soft against him when Harry brings them together. “Every time I think I can’t love you anymore than I already do, you surprise me and do something else amazing.”

The words make his pulse pick up just like the first time Harry said he loved him. “I know the feeling.” Louis whispers.

*

By morning the press release about Ed entering a rehab program and his tour being postponed is all anyone is talking about. Every news article praising the singer for getting help is like a shot of pure delight injected right into Harry’s smile. The only thing that dims it is the fact that by this time tomorrow, Louis will be on his way home.

“Do you know what would you like to do today?” Harry asks curled around him and playing with the ends of his hair. It tickles his scalp each time Harry tugs on a few strands. It feels wonderful.

“Doesn’t have to be anything special…we can just hangout.” Louis’ lazy lips find him, sighing when Harry breaks them apart.

“I was thinking we’d visit my Mum and sister so you can meet them before you go…”

Louis gives him an even look. “We’ve done that already.” Harry rolls his eyes at him.

“They met you as my therapist in rehab, they haven’t met you as my boyfriend visiting me in London.”

“Oh silly me, I didn’t know there was a difference.” Louis deadpans and then yelps when Harry pinches him in the side.  "So you want me to just barge in on them?”

Harry grins, pinching Louis’ thigh this time. “I told them we were visiting three days ago, genius.” Louis is actually impressed considering how busy they’ve been the last few days. He doesn’t know when the boy had time to schedule a lunch date with his family.

“Oh.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, but the smirk Harry wears is all too knowing.

*

Louis walks right up to the Range Rover ready to hop in, but Harry doesn’t follow him. Instead he walks Louis over to the Jaguar, placing the key in his hand as Louis’ breath catches.

“You’re sure?” Louis asks, his grin barely contained as his fingers run over the shiny red exterior. “This car might be worth more than your house.” He says already sliding into the driver’s side and adjusting the seat.

“Okay, no it isn’t…” Harry rolls his eyes, “And of course I’m sure.” He takes his seat on the passenger’s side adjusting his seat back so his legs will fit. “Just don’t kill us.” He laughs when the car roars to life. Louis peals out of the neighborhood without a second thought.

They arrive at Harry’s mother’s house in half the time it should’ve taken, with Anne and Gemma already at the door to greet them.

Gemma embraces him tight like a friend she hasn’t seen in a while and Anne hugs him just as close as she hugged her own son when he walked through the door. Such a warm welcome makes the last little bit of Louis’ apprehension melt away into nothing.

“You dug up the Jaguar?” Gemma teases her brother. “What’s it been like two years since that thing has moved?”

“It’s a special occasion. Louis had never driven one.” Harry argues. “And I drove it a few months back to Zayn’s album release.” He says matter-of-factly.

Gemma meets Louis’ eyes with a grin. “He’s trying desperately to impress you, I hope you know.” Harry’s cheeks are only a tiny bit pink when Louis grins at him.

The afternoon is light and effortless with Anne and Gemma each taking turns trying to embarrass Harry more than the other, but it’s obvious from his face that Harry loves the teasing and all the attention. Everything is easy until Anne asks about Ed.

“I’m so happy he’s getting help, but what in world made him finally do it?” she asks her son.

Louis can feel Harry’s proud gaze before he turns his head to see it. “He wasn’t going to go, but then Louis talked with him for ten minutes and somehow got him to change his mind.” Harry is still beaming at him even though Louis face is tomato red. “He’s so good at what he does.”

She gives Louis the same warm look she did when Harry told her how great he was the first time they ever met. “Is that true?” she asks.

Louis really doesn’t feel like a hero here. His own selfish motives were part of the reason why he wanted Ed gone to begin with. He still doesn’t even _like_ Ed if he’s honest. “It didn’t happen quite like that, but I did talk with him.”

“I’m so glad you did and I’m glad you helped Harry too. He’s so much better since you… no matter how you found each other.” Anne squeezes his hand with warm eyes that match Harry’s.

She’s thanking him for something Louis didn’t even really do. He should’ve left it at just helping her son and doing his job, but of course he had to go fall in love with him. “I’m lucky to have him.” Louis squeezes her hand right back.

*

“So, my mother loves you already. She’s probably figuring out how to adopt you as we speak.”

Louis’ back is against the wall of the Harry’s kitchen. They were supposed to be cleaning up, but things got a lot more interesting when Harry backed them into this corner with a firm grip on Louis’ hips and his mouth right against his ear.  “I think adopting me might be a problem.”

“Why, because you’re an adult?” Harry noses along Louis’ neck stopping right against his jaw. 

“No, because of the incest.” Louis says biting down on his lip.

Harry barks a laugh into his mouth. “You’re disgusting.”

Louis sighs. “You’re not kissing me.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” Harry pulls back to better see him. He drags his thumb along Louis’ jaw line. “I can’t believe it.”

Harry effectively ends their game of back and forth, making the space between them a lot heavier. They still haven’t really talked about it. Louis would prefer to keep it that way. “You do know the whole point of living in denial is _not_ saying what it is you’re in denial of, right?” Louis tries to kiss him again, but Harry isn’t moving to meet him.

“Aren’t you nervous?” he asks.

Louis sighs resting the back of his head against the wall in defeat. “Nervous about what, Harry? What is there to be nervous about?” Harry gives him a look that makes Louis roll his eyes. “I can worry about Ingrid tomorrow. I only have tonight left with you…”

He tries to pull Harry into him, but of course he won’t allow it. “Promise me you’ll call as soon as you see her…. even if it’s bad news.”

Harry’s still so concerned about the whole subject even after all this time. Louis doesn’t know how else to make him believe that everything will be fine, even if it’s not. “Harry, I don’t regret any part of us.” He holds Harry’s face to make sure he’s listening. “Worst case scenario is I can’t work there anymore, and that’s really not all that awful when you look at the big picture. I love you no matter what happens, alright?”

He holds Harry’s gaze until he sees the inaudible “Alright,” leave his lips. Louis isn’t sure if they’re done with cleaning up dinner, but he definitely doesn’t care as he pulls Harry in long and slow.

Finally Louis gets his way, gets to feel Harry against him, already up on his toes to adjust their mouths as he pulls him even closer. He’s got them pressed so tight together that he’s sure Harry can hardly breathe let alone fret about things he has no control over.

When he feels Harry moving to get even closer to him Louis starts walking them towards his room, one hand gripped on Harry’s waist while the other turns off the kitchen light.

There’s such a difference in the way Harry’s breaths leave him in stutters as he’s guided back on the bed by Louis’ sure hands. Louis has always been the one who needed cues, but now his practiced fingers trail over Harry like he’s been doing it for years, so much more confident in the way he touches and feels.

Harry’s long legs are wrapped and pinned right behind his back, holding on as Louis continues to memorize every brush of Harry’s lips. He doesn’t push things any further even as Harry tries to roll his hips up against him.

An impatient sound leaves the boy when Louis pulls back in order to see him properly. His curls are splayed put and perfect this way, and even the way his stupid smirk carves a dimple into his cheek holds some fascination for him. Louis could spend all night trying to memorize him. 

“They make cameras just for this very thing.” Harry chuckles when he catches Louis deliberately staring down at him. Even the fact that Harry won’t indulge his sentimental efforts makes Louis want to kiss him.

He recaptures Harry’s mouth to stop himself from making a joke about his face breaking the camera or something just as silly. He knows Harry would laugh, but somehow it doesn’t seem fair to joke that way when tomorrow night Louis won’t even be here.

“You’re much better than any photo.” He breathes right against Harry’s lips. He can still feel Harry giggling at his words when they kiss, but at least it’s from the truth and not some stupid joke.

Harry sighs in relief when Louis stops being so sentimental with him and finally starts to touch and open him up. This time he doesn’t need any guidance as Harry clenches around his fingers and he reaches for a condom to rip open. All the nerves and hesitance Louis had the first time he ever touched Harry seem worlds away when he lodges  himself deep inside, the pressure and heat forcing shaky breaths out of his mouth and into Harry’s skin.

Harry adjusts to him a lot quicker now than before, but Louis waits motionless until the temptation to move is almost overwhelming. Sweet relief washes over him when Harry grips onto his shoulders, hanging on as Louis finally starts to thrust in. He keeps his movements long and even as Harry’s lips stay connected with his own.

Louis gets lost in the steady rhythm they’ve created, taking his time as he chases the rising sensation growing inside of him. He keeps going until he’s sure a few quick thrusts could have him coming, but he doesn’t pursue it, not yet.

Harry has been pretty quiet, concentrating on moving his body in time with him and making sure it feels good for Louis, but Louis misses the way he grips into his shoulder blades when he’s hitting the right spot, he wants to hear the sounds Harry makes when he’s chasing his orgasm too, so he pauses and scoots them closer to the head of bed to get a better angle inside of him. It takes a few experimental seconds to get it right, but then Louis feels it, that shudder beneath him that tells him everything that Harry can’t when his mouth falls open.

He makes sure to stay right where he is, resuming the rhythm they had, but now Harry is having difficulty keeping up with his jaw hanging slack. The little sounds Louis craved to hear again are now softly falling around them so he starts chasing again.

The slow drag of heat around him feels amazing as he lets the feel of Harry push him to keep going. He could come right now, and Harry looks just as close with the way he keeps shuddering and clenching around him. Louis reaches down, lightly running his fingertips over Harry’s tip, coating his fingers in the moisture already leaking out, slick and wet.

He isn’t sure if he can outlast Harry as he uses every bit of self-restraint he has to keep moving, so he leans down to connect them, giving Harry that last little push he needs, his mouth hot and urgent just like the heat slowly pulling Louis to the edge.

Harry comes with his face buried in Louis’ neck, both of them pulling in ragged breaths as Louis follows right after him, his world a little more out of focus than usual.

Harry doesn’t even give him time to float back down to Earth before his hands are bringing Louis closer, this kiss so gentle. “Stay here with me.” Louis’ smile is instantaneous. It reminds him of times Harry would beg him to spend the night in his room at Oakfield. He didn’t quite believe Harry wanted him back then.

“I wish I could, love.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You could if you wanted to,” he grins. “Admit it, you don’t really miss Liam.”

Louis does miss him, actually. “If I miss any more work Liam is going to bury me after he hunts me down to murder me. I would take you back with me, Harry, really I would, but you‘re a big important celebrity whose career is about to explode in about a week…London needs you here.” He grins.

Harry scoffs at him. “I never get anything I want.”

Louis scoffs right back at him. “I’m quite certain you get literally _everything_ you want.” Louis rolls his eyes. “It’s why you’re so impossible,” he tells him. Harry is still pretending to pout so Louis tells him the one thing he knows will fix it. “It’s why I love you so much.”

Just as predicted Harry’s entire face lights up. “I love you too, even if you are abandoning me...” He smirks, his dimples working to further manipulate him.

Louis rolls off of him ignoring his huge imploring green eyes so as not to be somehow swayed into staying. “You’re the worst kind of person.” He means every word, and still somehow they end of up laughing.

*

He had expected morning to bring on another tidal wave of pleading, but today all he’s met with is a case of surreal déjà vu.

The last time they had to do this, Louis was almost sure he’d never see Harry again in his life. He had pretty much said his goodbyes the last night they spent together, but It’s different this time as Harry watches him pack like some figment of his imagination that could disappear in the blink of an eye. Harry has been watching him flit back and forth through the house as he gathers his things, an unconvincing upturn of his lips doing nothing to make Louis feel less weird about going home.

“Well…” Louis looks around doing one last check of his bags. “I think that’s it.”

Harry nods grabbing his keys and heading for the door. He hesitates when he walks past Louis like he’s going to reach out, but then he keeps walking like maybe he thought better of it. “We should get going, then…don’t want to be late.”

The new distance Louis feels between them seems wrong and completely forced. Louis follows him to the door to grab his things but he grabs Harry instead, bringing his lips right down to his own. Harry’s face is unreadable when he pulls away like he can't judge Louis' mood.

“I know it’s difficult, but could you please stop being quite so strange?” Louis kisses him again when Harry still looks uncomfortable.

“I’m not…I just- I don’t know. I don’t like it when you’re not around.”

The smile he gives Louis isn’t even half of what it could be.

The radio is soft background noise on the drive to the station, but even as low as it’s playing Louis can still pick up Harry’s song happily pulsing through the speakers. His grin dies on his lips when the chorus kicks in and Harry swiftly turns it off. He offers no explanation. He just gives Louis a tight grin “Maybe later.”

The atmosphere is still weirdly tense when they arrive. There are only a couple of paparazzi waiting to snap pictures of Harry holding his hand as they walk. Thankfully they don’t get followed inside.

The pressure of Harry’s hand in his is calming as he checks in. It doesn’t take nearly as long as he thought it would, and before he knows it his train is being called to board and Harry still looks just as devastated as when they woke up.

“Lou…” he starts in that same miserable tone that Louis refuses to listen to. He doesn’t even let him finish whatever depressing thing Harry was going to say.

“I'm coming back for the album release... why are you being so strange about this?”

“I know. It’s not just that…" Harry looks away like he doesn’t want to answer. "It’s- it’s today in general. You leaving to go home also means you returning to Oakfield…”

 “Harry. _Please_ tell me we aren’t doing this again.” Louis’ neck is fully exposed as he hangs his head back.

He gives him an apologetic look. “I can’t help it, Lou.”

Second call for his train gets announced somewhere overhead. Louis reaches out and drags Harry towards him until they’re nearly nose to nose. He can tell Harry wasn’t expecting the quick kiss Louis leaves on his lips.

“I will call you as soon as I talk with her. I won’t even breathe properly until I let you know whether or not I’m unemployed.” He grins. Harry sighs like that one little promise took all the weight off his shoulders.

“They’re going to leave without you.” Harry says when the last call gets announced. He gets to feel Harry’s lips one last time before he’s being carted off towards his train. Harry locks eyes with him when Louis waves goodbye. “As soon as you talk to her!” he shouts.

“Promise!” he waves back as he’s boarding. He puts his things away, and every caged fear he has escapes him in a great sigh when he sinks into his seat.

Potentially losing his job is a lot scarier than Louis wants to admit, and now that Harry isn’t here he’s feeling the pressure. He takes out his phone opening his messages from Ingrid. Each text Louis reads demanding that he call sends a pang of guilt and anxiety shooting through his chest. He hasn’t talked to Ingrid since the day he left nearly two weeks ago.

‘ _Just boarded.’_

Liam answers him back immediately. _‘Okay. I’ll be there when you arrive.’_

Louis questions whether or not he should even ask, but he does it anyway. _‘How’s Ingrid?’_

_‘I don’t think she’s mad anymore, Lou.’_

Louis closes his eyes sending up a silent prayer when he replies. ‘ _I hope you're right.’_


	13. Chapter 13

The closer his train pulled closer to its destination the more Louis found himself wishing for some kind of small catastrophe, but of course he arrives without delay with Liam already waiting for him just as promised. His feet drag as he approaches the car.

“Dead men walk faster than that.”

Liam grins waiting for Louis to come back with something witty. He doesn’t have it in him at the moment. “Hey, Li. Missed you.” He says sliding down into the seat after stuffing his bags in the back. Louis doesn’t even have to look to know Liam’s eyebrows are furrowed. “I’m fine.” He lies.

“Fine?” Liam’s eyes widen. “You look like you might hyperventilate.” Liam puts the car in drive making a left out of the station. Louis rushes forward so quickly the seat belt locks in place around his torso.

“Where are we going?”

“Uh, work, where else?” he glances over like Louis has truly lost it; maybe he has.

He starts shaking his head when Liam makes another turn towards Oakfield. “Take me to my house first...I uh, I need my car. I need to drop off my stuff.”

“Lou, you’re supposed to see her right when you get back. She knows I left to pick you up…”

He wishes for once Liam would just do what the hell says and quit driving in every direction except the one towards Louis’ house. “I _am_ going to see her, I just want to go home for a bit before I do. I need a minute, I guess.”

“You had two hours on the train ride here.” Liam mumbles under his breath, but he does make a U-turn.

Louis breathes a bit easier as soon as he’s out of the car. He hurries to gather his things, leaning through the window when Liam sighs like he knew better than to think this would be easy. “I’ll be there soon, okay?” Liam doesn’t look convinced as Louis watches him drive away.

His legs still feel weighted down when he trudges inside. He has another case of déjà vu walking back into his house after being gone for more than a week. There are wrinkled uniforms all over his bedroom, the kitchen counter is still housing every mug he owns, and the windowsills still have that light film of dust Louis can never seem to remember to wipe off. Everything is exactly the same, everything that is, except him.

Standing in the middle of his own home doesn’t quite have the calming effect he had hoped for. His phone is heavy in his back pocket, wishing he could call the one person that could make him feel better, but Harry’s nerves are just as shot about this as his are; Louis was just better at pretending than he let on.

He’s contemplating doing a load of laundry in the middle of the day for absolutely no reason whatsoever when his phone vibrates. _‘It’s going to be worse if you don’t show up.’_

Louis can practically see the disapproving look on Liam’s face as he reads it. He hangs his head, pocketing the phone without even replying. Harry knows what time his train got in. He’s probably sitting on his sofa right now just waiting for Louis’ call. He feels guilty again when he thinks of Ingrid waiting for him in her office all this time after he didn’t show up with Liam like he was supposed to. People are _waiting_ for him and he’s thinking about washing his clothes to buy himself more time…

 _‘I’m leaving now.’_ Louis types back when he realizes he can’t hide inside his house forever.

He takes the long way to work. He had been doing a great job of inwardly freaking out, but then an unexpected smile forces its way onto his lips after he changes the radio station and catches the beginning chords of _Height of the Fall_. He turns up the volume to hear Harry’s words pour into the car, taking it all as a good sign.

The building looks just the same as it did the last time Louis was here. He parks, only allowing himself a couple of minutes of fiddling with his keys before forcing himself to climb the stairs. Curious eyes stare in his direction making his skin feel warm as he makes his feet move toward the welcome desk. He kindly nods to all the nosey people watching him, wishing they’d all just stop.

He had hoped to run into someone else first, but he jumps right into the fire pit when he approaches the desk and finds Ingrid there. She looks up from her laptop at the soft clearing of his throat.

“Louis.” She seems surprised to see him standing there. Louis is just glad she isn’t screaming at him.

“Hi there…I’m uh- I’m back,” He shrugs awkwardly. Ingrid closes her laptop with a sharp snap, now giving Louis her full attention. Her expression makes his pulse kick up a few beats. They have a lengthy stare off where neither of them says a word more. Ingrid just stares at him like some friend who has betrayed her. He feels so scrutinized that he has to eventually look away.

Louis feels relief wash over him when she finally sighs with a soft grin on her lips. “What’s crazy is that I can’t even stay mad at you.” Louis lets out the breath he was holding. His whole body seems to relax now that he’s breathing again. “My office?” she tilts her head towards the door, already heading towards it.

He’s only been in here a handful of times, however each visit was a lot less serious than his current one. The room is small and Louis never really minded, but that was before he found himself romantically involved with a patient whose entire life gets observed by millions of people through the lens of a camera. Now he wishes the room would expand around them just so they don’t have to be so near each other when Ingrid fires him.

He sits down in the chair she points to. He has no clue what to say, so he waits for Ingrid to make the first move. The uncomfortable look on her face says she doesn’t really know how to begin either.

“How was your time away?” she clears her throat, gathering a few pieces of paper in front of her. She fidgets with them while she waits for Louis’ reply.

“It was good…”

She nods stiffly, shuffling the pages around in her hands yet again. “And did you have a good visit with your uh, friend?” She stops, letting the papers finally rest on the desk when she meets Louis’ gaze after the word ‘friend’ came out all wrong. “Did you  have a good visit with Harry?” Her eyes fall on the ‘ _H_ ’ engraved on the ring around his finger. She gives Louis a sad smile when he tries to hide his hands in his lap.

Louis forces himself to look at her. “Ingrid, I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry, I-”

Her deep sigh cuts him off. “I wish we didn’t have to do this.” She wearily rubs the palms of her hand over her face until she rests her forehead there. When she looks back up at him her expression is tired. “Louis, how did this even happen? How did you let it get this far? How did I not see it and you two were right under my nose every day? All the weirdness and the sneaking around…”

Each word is like a sharp knife to his gut. “I- I didn’t mean to, Ingrid, really. I had _no_ intention of any of this happening. I mean, I had a girlfriend I ended up hurting and my best friend told me straight to my face that Harry and I could never work,” He takes a shaky sigh. He wishes he could tell Ingrid all of this as a friend. “I- I knew what I was doing and I knew it could cost me my job, but I just…” Somewhere between the rush to explain his actions and his unfinished words Ingrid’s expression softens again.

“You just love him.” She finishes for him.

“Yeah, I do,” He smiles thinking of Harry, but it’s short-lived once he remembers the reason he’s sitting in this very room. “But that’s not really an excuse.”

Ingrid’s small grin is just as sad as his when she answers him. “It’s not.”

In the time it takes the room to get quiet again Louis’ thoughts seem to become muted. He’s a bit light headed now as realizes what’s about to happen, almost hollow like he isn’t even in the room anymore and he’s watching someone else about to lose their job.  He wishes he had all that confidence from earlier when he had told Harry everything would be fine, because it’s not fine, not really.

He’s breathing hard, his chest feeling compacted and small as he stands. “Where are you going?” Ingrid asks. “What’s wrong?” Her eyes grow more concerned when she notices how quick Louis’ breaths are coming.

“I’m- I’m gonna leave… I don’t want to waste anymore of your time. Ingrid, I am _so_ sorry.” He feels like his apology is completely useless, but he wants her to know that he _is_ sorry. He didn’t mean to use Liam, or break her trust, or fall for his famous patient, and yet somehow he managed to do all three.

Ingrid stands with him and  Louis’ face shocked when she reaches for his hand. “Louis, I haven’t finished talking with you yet. We didn’t even talk about our options and now you’re going to walk out and leave just like that?”

Louis scrunches his eyebrows at their linked hands. He repeats the only word his ears deemed worthy of hearing. _“Options?”_

She frowns at him, letting their hands drop. “Yes?”

She’s staring at him like he might grow an extra head or something. It takes him a moment to process what Ingrid is actually trying to say. “Options as in I don’t have to lose my job?”

“Louis, you’re one of the best therapists I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. The situation isn’t ideal of course, but this is the only violation so far in your career… You’ll definitely have consequences,” she warns, “But you _do_ have options.”

His mouth is slack as he tries to piece together her words. “But, I’m in a relationship…like, with a patient. With someone I was _treating_.” He points out.

“Yeah,” she sighs, reclaiming her seat now that Louis isn’t trying to bolt out of the room. “We’re going to focus on the ‘ _was’_ part of all that. No one here other than Liam knows you two were together before he left. It looks and sounds a lot better if you started seeing Harry after he was your patient rather than during. It’s a small white lie, but it makes a huge difference in the eyes of a licensure committee.”

Louis drops back down into his chair with his head reeling. “You’re saying I get to keep my license?”  He clarifies for his own benefit. She nods at him. “And I can come into work tomorrow morning like nothing happened?”

Ingrid looks a bit more uncomfortable after his second question.

“That’s actually the part of this that I wish we didn’t have to do…this is the part where we have to talk about your options.”

*

His fingers are already working to call Harry when he walks through his front door. He’s impressed when he picks up right after the first ring. Louis can hear the tentativeness in his voice.

“Lou?”

“Hi, Love.” He answers brightly.

Harry exhales on the other end like he’s about to give a eulogy at a funeral. He sounds miserable. “I was getting so worried. What took so long?  W-What happened?”

Louis shakes his head even though Harry can’t see him. “Okay, before I tell you anything I need you to take a deep breath.”

Harry’s voice is almost shrill. “Oh my God, why? Did something bad happen?”

“No, nothing _bad_ happened,” he laughs. “I need you to take a deep breath because I know you’re freaking out over there and there’s no need.”

It’s silent for a few moments before Harry answers with a simple, “Oh.”

“Yeah. So are you calming down, Styles?” Louis teases him. “Are you quite finished?”

“Shut up.” He can hear the smile in his words though he waits patiently for Louis to begin.

“Alright, first thing is I can keep my license.” Harry’s relief leaves him in a soft sigh. “I had to state that we started seeing each other after you were discharged from the facility. Starting a romantic relationship with you is still in violation of a few things so I’ll have to work through a probationary period for two years.”

“What does that mean?” Harry asks nervously.

“It basically means if I fuck up anymore within the next two years then I _will_ have my license taken, no questions asked.”

“And…you’re okay with that?” he asks.

Louis laughs. “Well it’s better than no license at all, so I’ll take it.”

A few more beats of silence pass while Harry processes. “Okay. If you’re happy with that then so am I… Is that all? What about the rest of it?”

“As in my job at Oakfield?” Louis considers the different ways he could say it. He chooses the most straight forward. “Because I was treating you there, I can’t work at the Oakfield branch anymore. My other patients all know our history and the fact that I showed interest in my former patient makes treating my current ones who knew you kind of complicated… It’s just better if I leave and transfer to another facility.”

“What?! Ingrid’s forcing you to transfer?”

“Well, she strongly suggested it and I agree with her. Harry, every pair of eyes stared at me the moment I walked through the door and I have to be on work probation for two years…starting over in a new place doesn’t sound half bad.”

“But- But where will you go? Will you be even further away?”

He can hear Harry’s voice raising a couple of octaves as he panics all over again. Louis waits until his little anxious rant is over before he continues with the good part. “Harry…there’s a branch in London.” Finally there’s silence on the other end of the phone so Louis keeps talking. “There’s a facility in London that’s short-staffed by a couple of therapists. Ingrid called and they’d be willing to take me on even with the probationary status. I can keep my position, but I’ll just have to move. Harry, if I take the job then-”

“You’ll be here with me.” He finishes, his voice a soft whisper.

A smile breaks out onto Louis’ face listening to the awe in Harry’s voice. “What do you think? There are other facilities throughout the country so it’s not like I _have_ to choose London.” He laughs when Harry reacts the exact way Louis expected.

“Of course you have to fucking choose London! Louis, what other option is there?!” he laughs into the phone. “Oh my- When can you transfer? I have to call people. My Mum is going to flip! I need to- wait, you- you are choosing London, aren’t you?” he asks sounding a little unsure.

Louis rolls his eyes, wishing Harry were here to pinch him for his sass. “Well I’d be a right prick if I didn’t.”

“Well you’re a prick already, but that’s beside the point when you’re about to be a new resident of London!” He’s pretty sure Harry just flopped back onto his bed from the thud he hears. “I thought this call was going to be terrible and it’s like the best call I’ve ever gotten.”

“Even better than Niall’s when your song made number one?”

There’s a long pause. “Okay, so maybe this call is tied with that one.”

Louis smirks, his lips upturned and longing to feel Harry’s pressed against them. “And you say I’m the prick.”

\----

Once the reality of having to move and transfer job locations began to sink in, Louis found himself overwhelmed with all the small details he never factored into the equation. When Ingrid had mentioned London all Louis saw was Harry. He didn’t think about the fact that he’d have to pack up his things, officially withdraw from Oakfield, convince his mother that she _will_ in fact see him again, find somewhere new to live, as well as make it to Niall’s album release party to support Harry. All of those little things have to be done so he can be rested and ready to start his new job on Monday.

Liam took the news of him having to transfer a lot better than he had anticipated. He said he was happy as long as Louis was sure this is what he wants. Louis couldn’t be more certain of anything in the world, that’s why he invited Liam along with him on his next trip. No one tells Louis when he’s making stupid decisions quite like his best friend, so he practically begged Liam to ride with him.

“These flats are almost double your previous rent.” Liam scrolls through the listings Harry sent them, his eyebrows furrowed as he reads. “I don’t understand why you just can’t stay with him, it makes the most sense.”

Louis has been having this same conversation with both Liam and Harry for days now. “We’ve been together less than six months, Li. I should not be moving in with him. I brought you to be the logical one in this situation.”

Liam scoffs at him, “I _am_ being logical. Logically you cannot afford to live in half of these flats and the ones you can afford are across the city from your job. It would only take you twenty minutes to get there from Harry’s.”

He knows it makes sense when you lay out all the facts the way Liam has done a million times. Harry had just assumed he would be moving in with him as soon as Louis told him about transferring. The two of them obviously don’t share Louis’ concerns on the matter.

“I still think it’s too soon.” Liam shakes his head as he continues to scroll but says nothing else.

They arrive at the first flat and as beautiful as it is, Louis can’t afford to live there more than a few months. It’s the same for the next three they view, each one lovely, and just a bit out of Louis’ price range. They do find one that he could actually make rent each month and still have money to spare, but it’s tiny and so out the way that Louis would have to be up before sunrise just to maneuver through the city to get to work on time.

He slumps down in his car, defeated and still technically homeless. Liam hasn’t said much, but he can sense all the things he wants to say just by the look on his face.

“Don’t say it.” Louis pleads.

“Oh, I won’t have to. Harry will say it when he finds out you still have nowhere to live.” Louis lets his head rest against his steering wheel. This move was supposed to be relatively easy. “Louis, I won’t even pretend to understand your reasoning about getting your own place, but not one single person expected you to move to London and not live with Harry.”

“I was in my last relationship for more than a year and the topic of moving in together never even came up. It’s a bit much don’t you think?”

“Well to be fair you didn’t even really want to be with Bridgett in the first place, so I’m not surprised you two never talked about it.” He says with a raise of an eyebrow. “You and Harry are completely separate from your other relationships.”

He knows that Liam makes a lot of sense, but still he can’t shake that small doubtful voice in his head. He lets himself imagine it for a few moments. Harry’s home and bed becoming his own, them dueling for the sink every morning as they get dressed, late afternoons on the sofa, Louis grumbling as he picks up hat after hat from the floor of Harry’s closet as he tidies up… Even in his head, it seems wonderful.

He glances at Liam, loathing the fact that he may actually be right. “Living with him might not be so horrible…” he begrudgingly admits, “Probably.”

Thankfully Liam isn’t the type to gloat.

They’re greeted with huge hugs and an even larger smile as soon as Harry opens the front door. “So, how’d it go?”

Louis looks to his friend for assistance in telling Harry that he has to start a new job in four days and essentially has no place to live. Liam slinks away from his gaze, grabbing his overnight bag as he avoids eye contact altogether. “I think I’ll just put my things away…give you two time to talk.” He says  accidentally meeting Louis’ eyes when he rushes to leave; somehow that only makes him walk faster.

Harry doesn’t notice the way Liam sped out of the room. He pulls Louis in by the waist now that he’s gone, and for a moment Louis almost lets himself get swept away by the gentle brush of his lips; almost.

He pulls away reluctantly. Harry waits patiently while Louis finds his words. This conversation had gone so smoothly when he practiced it in his head, but he’s not so sure how it’ll come off in real life. “I uh- I didn’t exactly find a place today...”

He tells Harry about each one and how most were asking too much for rent and the others were too far away. Harry cuts him off mid-sentence when he starts going over how none of the flats seemed like the right choice.

“Lou, I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with this when you could always-” Harry opens his mouth to interject, probably with the same thing he’s been saying all along, but he must think better of it because he stays quiet.

At this point Louis wishes Harry _would_ just ask him again because he’s far too stubborn to ask himself. “What were you going to say?” Louis pushes.

The words are right on the tip of Harry’s tongue. Louis can practically hear them already but he just shrugs it off. “It’s nothing.” Harry assures him with a quick kiss to his jaw.

“Wait,” Louis reaches out when Harry moves to leave. “You were going ask me something. Say it.”

Harry gives him a distrustful look. “You’ve turned me down every other time I’ve brought it up.”

“Well, maybe I’ve changed my mind. I _am_ allowed to do that from time to time.”

He still looks skeptical. Harry stares at him for a second in confusion. “Louis, are we even talking about the same thing right now?”

Louis makes an impatient groan. “Yes! I’m pretty sure we are. We could stop talking in weird code if you would just ask me the bloody question!” It took constant and relentless pestering from Liam and a full day of fruitless searching to make the idea of living with Harry seem like something he could actually have, and now that he has latched onto the idea Harry has suddenly become mute and won’t mention it.

Harry is still eyeing him suspiciously. “Louis I swear to God if I ask and you say no-”

Louis lets his head hang back to expose his neck. “If it takes this long just to get you to ask me to move in with you what the hell are we going to do when we have to shop for groceries?”

Harry goes to answer but then frowns. “Hey! _I_ was supposed to bring it up.”

“Well you took so long Hell probably froze over and thawed…” Louis rolls his eyes at him.

He gets a swift pinch to his right side, but it’s quickly forgotten when Harry pulls him in, his lazy lips convincing and warm. “Come live with me.” He demands with a mischievous grin.

The words aren’t as scary this time when Louis hears them, but still, he has to check… “Y- You really don’t think it’s too soon?” he asks one more time just to be sure.

“The only issue here is that you’re thinking too much. Stop being Therapist Louis trying to control everything and just say yes and kiss me.”

He smiles into Harry’s lips once he’s convinced himself that he’s not making a huge mistake. If even Liam thinks moving in with him is a good idea then maybe Louis really is making too much of a big deal about it.

“Alright, fine. Even though I’m one hundred percent certain one of us will end up killing the other,” he smirks, already loving the images of them playing in his head, “I’ll live with you. I’d be honored.”

Harry guides him up to his lips again, his gentle touches causing Louis to melt into him. His chest is full and airy when Harry pulls back shaking his head. “How are we ever going to make real decisions? Like, how the hell will we decide who cleans the bathroom? Flip a coin?”

“Okay, we are not letting coins make life decisions for us.” He snorts. Louis laughs at the fact that he has absolutely no idea how he and Harry will function together, but he finds himself eager to find out.

\----

With his living situation finally settled he has the proper amount of time left to dedicate to watching Harry freak out every time he so much as thinks about the album release. Pretty much every hour on the hour Harry shoots him a look that is equal parts nervous and ecstatic as he counts down.

“Five hours.” Harry yells at him and Liam in passing where they’re watching a movie on the sofa. He had thought something chill like a movie would entice Harry to sit and relax for more than five minutes, but he’s still flitting around unable to focus.

Liam gives him a bored look. “Is he really going to do that all day?”

“Unfortunately,” Louis bites down on his grin, “But he’s so cute when he’s like this.” It’s easy to pretend that Harry is being the most annoying person in the world right now, because in actuality he is, but really Louis couldn’t be more proud to watch him pace holes in the floor because he feels just as anxious.

Liam rolls his eyes at Louis’ fond smile when Harry paces back in front of the door, his phone glued to his ear as he talks to Niall for what has to be the millionth time today. “Aww, cut him some slack, Li…he’s just really excited.”

Eventually Harry hangs up (either that or his phone battery finally gave out) and he flops down onto the sofa with his cheek turned into Louis leg. Louis’ fingers immediately begin carding through his hair.

“So how’s the boyfriend?” Louis smirks over him.

“Being annoying as usual.” Harry pokes him in the stomach with his own grin. “Niall’s fine. You know, big promotion day, far too much energy, but he’s good. Loads better than he was this morning.”

Louis smirks. “I’m sure a spliff or five probably had something to do with that.” Liam’s head whips around when Louis and Harry both break out into laughter.

“Oh yeah. I’m sure he’s had his bowl handy all day just to keep himself sane.”

Liam’s frown is deep and serious. “You’re not supposed to use drugs to regulate or control feelings and emotions.” It’s like he’s reading straight from an Oakfield patient manual.

“Li, I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to use drugs _at all_ , but I’ve seen Niall tackle grown men because he liked their shoes. His first _album_ is coming out in a few hours. Let him smoke… a little weed in his system could save countless lives today.” Harry is cackling into his side and Liam still disapprovingly staring like he can’t believe Louis is being so flippant about blatant drug use. Liam looks like he’s about to go off on another moral high road speech so Louis changes the subject.

“I am starving! Is anyone else starving?”

Harry pushes himself up with bright eyes. “Yeah I could go for some food. I was too nervous this morning to eat anything.”

Liam is still staring but now it’s more out of annoyance at Louis dodging his marijuana talk than anything else. “Sure.” He answers shortly.  Louis smiles wide like he has no clue why Liam’s gaze is burning into the side of his face.

“Great!” Louis stands already in search of his shoes. “We’ll get something to eat, shop around a bit for tonight, and then by the time we get back it’ll be radio time!”

Harry’s smile is sunshine as he jumps up. “I’ll call Zayn!” he shouts running in the direction of his room. He leaves Louis there alone with his best friend still not looking very impressed.

Liam lowers his voice as he steps closer. “You haven’t been smoking with them have you?” He looks so concerned that Louis can’t tell which answer Liam would truly prefer to hear.

He scrunches his eyebrows at him. “I’m a substance abuse therapist Li, of course not. And plus I hate the smell, you know that.”

Harry and Zayn’s conversation floats to them in pieces from wherever he is in the house. Liam steps closer as if Harry might hear. “But Harry still smokes,” It’s supposed to be a question, but it doesn’t come off as one.

Louis shrugs it off. “Yeah...every now and then.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” he asks incredulously.

It only takes a moment for Louis to answer. “Harry had a life before he met me. He likes it and it’s virtually harmless…That part of him and his friends has nothing to do with me.”

Liam’s eyebrows rise like finally Louis has said something mildly impressive. “First you’re kissing male patients in locked rooms and now you’re mature enough to let your boyfriend do what makes him happy.”

 “I know,” Louis playfully shoves him. “It’s like I’m becoming an actual adult or something.”

“Or something.” Liam chuckles.

Harry comes skipping in wearing that same wonderful smile Louis has been staring at all day and a new emerald scarf tied up in his hair almost the color of his eyes. “Zayn’s going to meet us wherever we decide to go.”

Louis’ eyes rake over him, noticing that he also changed shirts, slipped on a couple of necklaces, and one of his older pair of boots that are more worn in. “I see someone was playing dress up this whole time.” He jokes.

He grins bright. “There might be paparazzi out. I want to look back on this day and remember liking my outfit.” Harry reasons as he leads the way out to his vehicle.

Louis fondly rolls his eyes following him and Liam out the door. He is going to be sharing a house with a man who changes clothes for the sole benefit of his future self. It’s insane, and yet somehow Louis is completely endeared.

“You look great, love.” Louis is so glad that he complemented him rather than teasing him like he had originally planned when Harry’s dimples make another appearance.

He sneaks a quick kiss to Louis’ jaw as Liam walks past them. “Thanks, Lou.”

*

Niall calls to check in after each of his interviews, his voice booming from the speaker so loud it’s almost like he’s there eating with them. The whole point of getting Harry out of the house was to distract him from watching the clock, but he’s still just as observant of the time seeming to drag by.

They stop by all of his favorite shops and even a couple of Zayn’s, and even though shopping is all business to him, Harry still glances at the time every half hour or so. So far he’s bought Louis half the clothes they’ve seen like swiping his card might make the hours tick by faster; it doesn’t of course, but now Louis owns a lot more pairs of skinny jeans and beanies so he can’t really complain.

They wander around the city until there’s just one hour looming in front of Niall’s last interview. Harry’s bright light seems a bit dim when he turns to him. “We should uh, probably head back…” All of the excitement has fizzled down into nothing but nerves. Louis can hear it in his voice.

Louis links their hands together. “Sure. Let’s go home, yeah?”  The way he says it implies that he means _their_ home; his and Harry’s together. His soft tone earns a pair of eye rolls from Liam and Zayn but Harry’s expression calms so much that Louis is glad his words came out the way they did.

The constant phone calls from Niall quickly transformed into a steady stream of texts when it got even closer to his last interview of the day. It’s eerily quiet as they all sit around the kitchen table listening as Nick Grimshaw plays all the top songs. He’s at number three when he introduces Niall to the listeners.

It’s fifteen minutes until the album drop, fifteen minutes away from the world knowing the boy across from him is brilliant beyond measure, and yet when Louis sneaks a glance at him all he sees is his fingers anxiously tugging at the necklaces dangling from his neck.

He reaches out, his palm soft and grounding to gain Harry’s attention. The touch is enough to break him away from whatever he’s worrying about. “Four minutes.” Louis mouths.

He meets Louis’ eyes with a shaky breath but a rejuvenated smile. “I love you.” He mouths back. Harry gives his hand a quick squeeze when Nick’s voice comes back after the number two song ends.

“We’re back again with the one and only Niall Horan for the moment absolutely everyone has been waiting for.”

Harry refreshes the ITunes page for Niall’s album on his laptop. Only the two singles are still available, with Harry’s song still listed without an author.

“I’ve been waiting too!” Niall tells him. Louis is pretty sure he’s bouncing in his chair even though he can’t see him. “I can’t wait for the fans to hear the whole thing. I’m so proud of it.”

“I’ll tell you what I can’t wait for; this big bloody reveal you’ve managed to keep secret this whole time.” Niall laughs into his mic so Nick keeps going. “I thought your first single would never die and then you go and give us ‘ _Height of the Fall’_ , teasing the whole nation by refusing to tell us anything about it or even who wrote it!”

Niall is still laughing, the two of them still building the suspense with banter. “Well what can I say, Nick, I like to tease.” He jokes. Harry looks like he’s about to faint.

“Well I think everyone has been sufficiently tormented trying to figure it out, so why don’t you do the honors of announcing the release of your debut album and end the mystery.”

Harry still isn’t breathing, and neither is anyone else when Niall starts talking. “Hello everybody! It’s officially five o’clock and that means my album _Icon_ is finally here. It’s available right now so go have a listen!!”

Harry’s shaky hand reaches out to refresh the page a few times until Niall’s whole track listing is visible, cheers and applause explode from the kitchen as Harry’s face breaks into overflowing joy as he reads his own name. The only thing that stops Louis from immediately wrapping him up is Nick Grimshaw’s voice breaking through all the noise in the kitchen.

“NIALL!” he shouts far too loudly for someone with a microphone attached to his head. “I’ve just went on ITunes. Everyone needs to stop what they’re doing!”

Niall giggles, “Why’s that, Nick?”

“The same reason the phones and Twitter are currently blowing up! Harry Styles wrote _Height of the Fall!?_ He was here in the studio the day you released it! _”_

“He did! We’ve wanted to say it for weeks!” Niall sounds so thrilled to finally be able to say it on air. Louis pulls out his phone checking to see everyone’s reaction himself and Harry is already the number two trend.

“We are calling him right now!” Nick yells and everyone’s gaze immediately falls to Harry’s phone laying face up in the center of the table. It starts vibrating with his name flashing across the screen. Zayn swipes to answer when Harry still looks too shocked to do anything.

Harry waits several beats too long before he speaks. “Um, Hello?”

“ _Um, Hello?”_ Nick mocks in a deep voice making Niall laugh on air. Harry’s cheeks pinken a bit and Louis tries not to feel too strongly about Nick still having some kind of effect on him. “So young Harold…how’s it going?”

“I’m fine. Just hanging out.” Harry replies.  Niall laughs again when Nick scoffs into the mic.

“So for those of us who aren’t Harry Styles, ‘just hanging out’ apparently translates into singlehandedly writing one of the best-selling singles of the year! Harry, have you seen the mayhem you’ve caused online?”

He bites down on his smile but it still bursts through the seams. “Yeah, I’ve glanced at a few articles.” Louis places a hand over his own proud grin. “So do you like the song, Grimmy?” he asks innocently.

“I’ve been so obsessed with it my dad told to stop making excuses to play it on my show! How could you, Styles? You sat here in this very studio and said nothing at all. You could’ve at least let _me_ in on your secret talents.”

“Don’t feel too bad.” Niall chimes in, “Only me, him, and like five other people even knew.”

“You both knew Harry could write like that and kept it all to yourselves. I can’t decide if that’s impressive or just plain selfish.” He jokes.

Louis shoves his phone under Harry’s nose pointing to the top four trends, each of them now pertaining to him, the song, or the just the album in general. Harry’s phone is still laying face up and Louis has lost count of how many texts and missed calls he’s gotten just in the few minutes the album has been live and he’s been talking to Nick.

He interrupts Nick’s ranting when he sees his father calling him. Louis raises his eyebrows, slightly surprised by Des’ speed to contact his son. “Uh, Nick I actually have to go.” He laughs.

“Oh of course, big Super Star Songwriter Styles has to go.” Nick laments. “You’ve probably got better things to do than talk about your number one single like creating mass hysteria, writing more number one songs, plotting with your equally talented mates to take over the world...”

“My dad’s trying to ring me!” Harry laughs at him.

“Calling to demand you immediately begin writing another hit, I suppose?”

“Uh, probably calling to find out how I managed to sneak my song onto Niall’s album without him knowing.” Harry bites down on another grin, and of course it does nothing to stop it.

Nick gasps. “Your own father didn’t know it was you? No offense, but I cannot believe you and Horan here pulled this off so well. I mean, I’m a little bit speechless…”

“Didn’t realize you ever stopped talking.” Harry mutters into the phone.

There’s a slight pause in conversation where Niall and everyone in the kitchen cackles loudly. “Alright, I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear that and let you off the radio, but really, congratulations to you and Niall. You’re both truly amazing.”

He meets Louis’ eyes and another glowing smile lights up his face when he thanks Nick.

“Love you mate! See you tonight!” Niall rushes to say before they disconnect

Harry fondly shakes his head. “Bye, Niall. I’ll call you in a bit.”

He hangs up in the middle of Nick’s new tangent about how romantic and he and Niall are with each other. Louis just raises his eyebrows in a silent, ‘ _I told you so’_.

*

It takes about two hours for Harry to receive all the praise and congratulations from everyone who calls him. He’s smiling so big and for so long that he holds his cheeks at one point like his muscles hurt.

Zayn hangs around with them until it starts getting dark, announcing that he needs to go get changed for tonight. It’s like Harry’s ears perk up at the mention of the release party, realizing they should probably get ready as well.

Louis grabs the suit Harry’s stylist dropped off for him a couple days ago. He’s wearing Tom Ford, a lot nicer than the suits he owns in his own closet. He tries it on, running his fingers down the crisp collar of his shirt. He smiles when he feels Harry’s fingers on top of his.

“You look amazing.” His breath makes the hairs on the back of Louis’ neck stand up. “Let’s send Liam with Zayn and ditch the party.” He mumbles.  Louis lets himself lean back into him. Harry lets his hands idly slide down the flat pane of his chest down to his stomach.

“Keep that up and we might have to.” Louis smirks. Harry turns him around to so they’re face to face. They’re sudden proximity is overwhelming as Louis really looks at him. “I am so proud of you.”

This time when Harry flushes it’s from Louis’ words and not someone else’s. He loves the feeling stirring around in his chest when Harry leans in to capture his lips.

A soft knock on the door temporarily breaks them out of the haze, but Harry keeps him close. Even his cologne is intoxicating this close. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you,” he whispers.

Louis’ heart swells hearing the sincerity in his voice. “I’ve already told you, you’re amazing all by yourself, love. You don’t need anybody for that.”

“So you’ve said a million times.” Harry grins.

Louis lets his words ghost against him, “And I’ll keep saying it until you finally believe it.” Louis thinks they really might have to forgo the party with the way Harry’s tongue is sliding against his, but a second knock on the bedroom door pulls them apart again with Harry giving him one more longing glance over as he heads for the door.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a tie.” Louis says as Liam steps through the door. “Looks good on you, Li.”

Harry nods his agreement when he’s back in front of the mirror, running his fingers through his curls again so they fall against his shoulders just the way he likes when Liam turns to him a bit uncomfortably. Liam clears his throat to get Harry’s attention.

“Um, Zayn’s back… He said to tell you, and I quote, ‘each hat is as strange as the next so just pick one already’.” Harry rolls his eyes in the mirror but does eventually step away from it.

They find Zayn slinked back into the sofa looking incredibly bored playing with his phone. “That suit is nice on you.” He mutters, glancing up at Louis when he and Liam enter the room. He takes a quick glimpse of Harry when he walks in and his eyebrows raise a fraction. “No hat? No scarf?” he asks looking Harry up and down in his own fitted suit, his jacket pulled tight over his shoulders and his shirt only unbuttoned a little to show a small window of skin. Even Louis can tell Zayn looks a little thrown by Harry’s choice of classic ensemble.

Harry shrugs looking very smug. “Nope. No hat. Just me tonight.”

They stare at each other for a moment or two, then Zayn’s lips turn up into a very unexpected smile. “You look really nice, Haz.”

“Likewise, mate.”  Harry drawls, grabbing his keys giving Zayn a small smile. Zayn looks good as well, but his hair isn’t sculpted tonight, like maybe he didn’t try as hard as the last time they all went out. Louis guesses even best mates can take time off from fashion dueling for a night of celebrating.

The nightclub erupts into a round of cheers and applause when Harry makes his big entrance. As expected Niall staggers away from whomever he’s leaning against to throw himself at his friend the moment he spots him. The room breaks out into laughter and more cheers watching them hanging all over each other. People wait until Niall straightens up and stops yelling like he’s at a house party before they come up to personally congratulate them.

Louis hangs back with Liam while Harry is occupied talking and sharing ideas with other songwriters and producers from his father’s label.  Liam’s eyes are wide and astonished as his eyes scan the famous crowd. Louis can relate because he has been around these people twice now, and he’s still star struck when he sees someone he recognizes.

Louis nudges him with his elbow when he catches him trying to take a sneaky photo of Rita Ora. Liam shoots him a hard glare when all he gets is a photo of the club’s ceiling. “You alright over there?” Louis asks.

“Sophia is never going to believe I saw all these people. She hardly believes Harry ended up at Oakfield to begin with.” He grins.

Liam always speaks so fondly of her, like she’s always right there with him. Louis used to feel so guilty when Liam’s eyes would light up just talking about her. He had no idea why he didn’t feel the same way about his own girlfriend… that is until he met Harry.

“You should bring her next time.”

“Well _if_ I’m invited along again I’ll ask Harry if I can maybe bring her with me.”

Louis gives him a flat look. “When would you _not_ be invited?”

He thinks about it for a few seconds with creased eyebrows. Liam’s voice sounds unsure when he goes to disagree. “But Harry might-”

“But Harry nothing.” Louis doesn’t even let him finish. “You’re welcome anywhere and anytime. Harry wants to get to know you better and Sophia is a part of that. Besides I’m sure we’ll all be here again once the album hits number one, and again when it’s nominated for something, and again when it’s nominated for something completely different.”

Liam’s eyebrows shoot up. “You seem pretty confident about the album’s success.”

“The only thing I’m certain of is Niall’s love of throwing parties.” He laughs.

Eventually Harry escapes from the people all vying to chat with the hot, fresh talent in the room. His fingers slip into Louis’, leading the way to the back door of the club.

He braces himself against the brick wall, pulling Louis to lean against him with a soft exhale. His eyes are alive and bright even away from the colored lights inside. “Needed some fresh air?” He asks readjusting his jacket on his shoulders.

Harry’s thumb traces the outline of his jaw, his eyes closing at the soft touch. “Missed you.”  Louis laughs it off like he isn’t affected. If only Harry could feel his pulse he’d know just how much of a lie it is.

“I can’t imagine why.” he teases, “Your boyfriend was right there beside you the whole time.”

“You are so annoying.” The words get pressed against his skin so Louis knows there’s no truth in them.

“How do you feel?” he asks incredulously, pulling away. Louis can’t imagine what Harry must be thinking with everything that happened today.

Harry playfully rolls his eyes. “You don’t start work till Monday. No therapy allowed.”

Louis rolls his eyes right back at him. Asking Harry how he feels is no different from any other day he asks, but of course he has to be difficult. “This is why we fought so much when we first met. You can never just give a straight answer.” Louis pokes him in the chest for emphasis.

“People like my song and want to hear more because they like my lyrics and not just because of my name, my friends and family are proud of me,” he pokes Louis in his chest as retaliation. “I somehow got my idiotic boyfriend to agree to live with me when he starts his new job so now I get to see him every day… how do you think I feel Lou?”

Again Louis is astounded by the sincerity in his words. His eyes flash down to Harry’s lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him. He smirks up at him instead. “That’s still not a straight answer.” He expects the pinch to his side, but not Harry’s lips, light and soft enough to make his breath catch. His eyes are still shut when he feels Harry slowly pull away.

“Did that answer your question?” Louis can feel the vibration of his words on his skin. He doesn’t tease him anymore, simply nodding with a small upturn of his lips.

“It might have.”

*

After his stay in rehab Harry was offered countless opportunities and interviews to get his story out to his fans, all of which he immediately declined, however now that people wanted to interview him because of his talents he was suddenly much more open to the idea.

He’s been jiggling his knees up and down the whole time they’ve been waiting. “Are you nervous?” Louis asks politely when Harry checks the time on his phone again.

“Sorry,” he bites down on a sheepish grin. “Just excited, I guess.” Louis’ fingers find themselves slipping into Harry’s hand. He’s sure he’ll never tire of seeing so much excited energy radiating off of him.

They both look up when Nick and the interviewer walk into the room. Nick pulls both him and Harry into quick hugs then turns to introduce the man at his side. “This is David. I would trust him to interview me about absolutely anything.” Nick reassures them both. “He really just cares about the music and not all the other shit you usually get asked.”

David reaches out to shake Louis’ hand and then turns to shake Harry’s. “I promise not to ask about your perfect fantasy date or your favorite color.” He jokes, and already Louis likes him.

Nick announces that he has to go, so Louis turns to follow him out and leave them alone to get started, but Harry’s hand reaches out and stops him before he gets too far. “Stay with me?” Louis looks to David in question but he just shrugs his indifference.

“Uh, okay... I’ll just sit over there so I’m not in the way.” He says walking to the seat on the other side of the room. He grins at the light squeeze Harry gives his hand before he lets him go.

Harry and David take the two seats across from each other in the middle of the room. He sees Harry take a deep breath before they begin.

“Answer the best that you can, and if I ask something you don’t like tell me to fuck off.”

Louis is glad he’s able to see Harry from where he’s sitting when his dimples pop out as he laughs. “I trust you.” Harry tells him.

“Great. Alright.” David claps his hands together reading from his notes. “Your friend Niall Horan’s debut album, _Icon_ was just released yesterday, and I’m sure you’re very proud of him, right?”

“Yeah, I am. We all are.”

“But you’re probably a little more invested in his musical debut than his other friends considering you’re now a part of it. There was so much buzz about the release of his second single titled ‘ _Height of the Fall’_ , mainly because it shot straight to number one, but also due to the fact that no one knew anything about it. As it turns out _you_ actually wrote it. How long have you been writing?”

“I’ve been around musicians all my life, so I’ve been working at it for a few years.”

“So you’ve been writing music for a long time... I guess what people want to know is why you’ve chosen to share it now?”

Harry clears his throat a couple of times like he isn't sure how much he wants to say. “I messed up pretty badly a few months ago and got into some trouble.” Harry’s eyes dart over David’s shoulder to where Louis is sitting. Louis’ pulse picks up even though he’s sitting completely still. “I met someone who inspired me to go after my dreams instead of always doubting myself. Without that person I wouldn’t have had the courage to do any of this.”

“I assume the person you’re talking about is also the person who is now forever immortalized on Niall Horan’s album?”

“Yeah he is.” Harry bites down on his smile, but he still flushes a light pink. David turns to look at Louis offering him a knowing smile.

“Well, if this were a different kind of interview I’d ask you to elaborate, but seeing as how our readers mainly want to know about the music, we’ll move on.” He laughs. “Have you seen any of the reactions on Twitter at all?”

“Only a few.” Harry shrugs. “Mostly my friends and family…my fans have been really kind.”

“Chris Martin tweeted yesterday that your song is _‘One of those rare tunes that reminds you how great it is to fall._ ’ Did you see that one?” David asks.

Harry’s jaw is hanging wide open. “He did not say that.”

“I swear.” David laughs, showing him the print out of the tweet.

Harry covers his fangirl smile with his hand but it’s still completely obvious that he’s internally freaking out. “Oh my God. I _love_ Coldplay.” Louis can’t believe he manages to say it in a controlled voice.

“Maybe you two can get together one day for a writing session. I’m sure Chris would love the opportunity.”

“Yeah, I’d love to do that sometime.” Harry quickly agrees. Louis prays Chris reads this interview when it's printed.

“Maybe you’ve seen this one from Matt Healy?  _‘@Harry_Styles a man of great fashion as well as lyrics.’_

Harry laughs. “No I hadn’t seen that one either. That was sweet of him.”

“Maybe you can guess who said this, _‘My best mate @Harry_Styles is better than yours’.”_

Harry rolls his eyes laughing, yet again. Even Louis shakes his head realizing which idiot said it. “That sounds like Niall.”

“It was.” He confirms. “It seems he’s almost as proud of you as he is of his entire album.”

“Yeah. All of my friends and family have been really supportive of me.”

“Speaking of your family, your father must be happy to be able to add a new expert song writer to his label.”

“That’s actually a sensitive subject right now. I’ve been contacted by a lot of different labels and I haven’t decided which one I’d like to write for yet.”

"Oh." Louis can hear the surprise in David’s voice. "I think everyone just assumed you’d write for your father...”

“Yeah, so did my dad, but he understood when I told him I wanted to have this on my own. He’s still really supportive even if I decide to go to another label.”

“I think people will really respect that. It’s not every day that someone as famous as you chooses to pursue something without the help of his family name.”

“Thanks, David.” He meets Louis’ eyes again, this time giving him a warm smile. “That means a lot.”

\-----

He and Liam have to head back almost as soon as Harry’s interview is over so Liam can get home and Louis can finish packing up his stuff. This time when Louis has to leave he and Harry aren’t nearly as ridiculous seeing as he’ll be right back the next day to stay for good.

They’ve been tongue deep in each other for less than a minute when Liam pipes up from the passenger’s seat. “It’s a two hour trip not a pilgrimage across the Atlantic.” He grumbles.

Harry barks a laugh into Louis’ mouth, finally pulling away with a gentle hand cradling his face like he can’t stand to let him drive off. “Call me when you get there.” He makes Louis promise.

“I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.” Louis grins.

Harry waves goodbye to them and thanks Liam for coming, and before they know it they’re making their way towards the highway.

It starts off great just like any other road trip he and Liam have ever taken together, but it gradually turns sour the closer they get to his house. They pass the street that leads to Oakfield and Louis’ stomach does a sick lurch when reality starts sinking in. Somehow the air has gotten increasingly thick in the car as they both silently agree to say nothing. Louis cracks the window to help him breathe easier but it does no good.

The car rolls to a stop outside of Liam’s house, and for a moment Louis thinks they’re actually going to part ways without acknowledging the fact that Louis won’t be coming back.

“Li.” He manages to choke out, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s thankful when Liam gives him a watery smile.

“There’s absolutely no way we can do this without one of us crying, so let’s just say Sofia and I will be down to see you really soon and I’ll try not to think about surviving at work without my best mate until you’re long gone.” Liam wraps him up in a tight hug.

He nods into Liam’s shoulder, hanging on a lot tighter than he’d ever be willing to admit. “Do you even really _like_ Sofia?” Louis whines. “I mean, I know you _love_ her and all, but like, can’t you just, I don’t know, leave her here?”

Liam laughs, sneakily wiping at his eyes. “No Louis I cannot just ditch Sofia to go live in Harry’s guest room.”

“Damn. I know.” Louis sighs, dramatically dropping his head back against the seat. He smirks wiping at his own eyes. “I’ll still miss you, though.”

“And somehow I’ll miss you.”

Louis gives him a side eyed glance. “Alright, get out. Now you’re just being rude.”

Liam gives him one more quick hug before he leaves. “Love you. Stay out of trouble.” He tells him.

Louis scoffs. “I’m never in trouble.”

“Says the man starting a new job in a day.” Liam mutters, grabbing his bag and rushing to his door. Louis shouts that he hates him, but they both know it isn’t true.

Saying goodbye to Liam was definitely the hardest part of the day. Louis’ last night in his house isn’t as bitter-sweet as he thought it’d be, knowing that from now on he’ll get to wake up to Harry every morning. He doesn’t even tear up as he does his final lap through all the rooms to make sure everything is out.

He shoots Harry a text after dropping off his house keys to his landlord. _‘On the way home! Xx’_

He has to bite down on his own smile when he gets Harry’s reply. _‘#Besttextever! Xx’_ He rolls his eyes because Harry is a fucking idiot, and yet still, Louis is enchanted.

He pulls up to Harry’s drive later that afternoon, his car packed to the brim, and Harry’s bare feet running toward him as quickly as they can.

“Welcome home!” he shouts, opening Louis’ door before he even takes the keys out of the ignition. “It’s like I haven’t seen you in ages.” He smiles, leaning into him.

Louis melts into him as soon as they’re connected. “Almost seems like it’s been a whole twelve hours or something crazy like that.” He smirks.

“Be nice or you’ll have to unload your car by yourself.”

Louis loaded the damn car by himself to begin with, but he doesn’t point that out. “Who says I’m unloading it at all?” Louis grins. “That’s what I have my lovely new roommate for.”

Harry pinches him in the side. “Be more annoying.”

It takes most of Sunday to get they’re things to all harmoniously fit inside the house. Every piece of clothing Louis owns in hanging in his closet, and it’s still just a fraction compared to the room sized closet Harry requires. He shakes his head looking at Harry’s long row of black skinny jeans, all in varying degrees of the fading process. Louis is sure Harry only wears two of them, but says nothing.

He catches himself smiling in the mirror when he drops his toothbrush in the holder bedside Harry’s like some small confirmation that yes, they are truly doing this, and no, he isn’t dreaming.

Later that night Harry finds him in their room laying out his new uniform for the new facility.

“I think I prefer the blue.” Harry says from the doorway as he walks over. "It matched your eyes."

Louis runs his fingers over the green fabric of the top. “Yeah, me too.” He rarely wears green at all and now he’s going to be practically living in it.

“Nervous?” Harry asks, his strong hands finding their way to Louis’ waist. The question makes him smile seeing as how he is usually the one to ask Harry that.

“A little…” he admits. “No one there is going to know why I had to transfer so it’ll be a good fresh start. I’m not worried.”

Harry sighs like this whole situation is still bothering him. “Louis, I’m sorry you had to leave your job.”

“I’m not.” Louis doesn’t know how they would’ve worked this out had he gotten to stay at Oakfield. “I’m glad I get to be here with you.” He knows the words will put a smile on Harry’s face, right where it should always be. “Tomorrow’s going to be great.” He assures him.

Harry nods his agreement. “You’ll love it.”

\---

The next morning goes as smoothly as it can with Louis’ stomach tied up in knots. He doesn’t want Harry to know how truly nerve-wracking this is, so he smiles through it until he’s in his car and able to drop the act.

It’s only a twenty minute drive before he’s pulling up next to the Greenlane welcome sign. The inside of the facility looks much the same as Oakfield except it’s a lot larger and everyone bustling around is wearing the same deep shade of emerald.

There’s a man sitting behind the welcome area who waves him over, seeing his lost expression.

“I’m Louis Tomlinson. I’m starting today…I’m not really sure where I’m supposed to be, but I guess you could tell that.” He offers the man a kind smile and breathes a sigh of relief when it’s returned.

“I’m Johnathan.” he stands to shake his hand. “Believe it or not you’re actually in the right place. I’m the director here. I’ve been expecting you. We’re glad to have you here.”

Jonathan walks him around so he can get acclimated to the new building, stopping to introduce him to all the staff members they pass along the way. At Oakfield there were never more than ten people working at once during the week, but Louis has met at least twenty staff members within the last few minutes.

He gets to meet the patients he’ll be working with, and although the huge plush session room makes him a little nostalgic for the simpler one he’s used to at Oakfield, he reassures himself  that he’ll grow to love this one too.

He walks around with his boss all morning. He finally gets a break when Jonathan has to go conduct a one-on-one therapy session.

Louis has only taken a couple of steps towards the front of the building when he feels a soft tap on his shoulder. Louis is reluctant to see what Johnathan wants from him so soon after just giving him a break so he turns slowly. His eyes grow wide when he sees Ed Sheeran staring back at him.

“How the hell did you end up working here?” Ed asks like he can’t believe his eyes. “Actually, I’m pretty sure how you ended up here, but I just didn’t know!” He can’t quite tell if Ed’s smile is genuine, but he can see the huge difference this short period of sobriety has made in Ed’s appearance in general. He looks so much healthier and Louis has only been looking at him for a few minutes. The difference in the clarity his eyes is unbelievable.

Louis smiles back at him, but the worry is starting to set in the longer he stands there. The whole point of Louis transferring here was for a fresh start where no one knew why he had to leave Oakfield. Having Ed here pretty much defeats the whole purpose.

“It’s really good to see you, Ed. You look really good.” He tells him. There’s a weird pause where neither of them knows what else to say. Louis hates to do it, but something has to be said sooner rather than later. “Ed…about the reason I ended up here-”

“Mate, it’s cool. I know not to say anything.”

Louis’ chest loosens considerably hearing that. “Really? You won’t say anything?”

“Of course not. Besides, without you I wouldn’t have even considered signing myself in here. I owe you and Harry so much... I would never say anything, Louis.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

Ed nods extending his open hand toward him. “Friends?”

He grasps it tightly, so relived to feel his skin warm and supple like it should be instead of the cool clammy mess he had felt before.  “Yeah of course.” Louis smiles, still amazed at how small the world is.

“Well I uh, I have to go see my therapist for a bit, but I guess I’ll see you around? Tell that idiot of a boyfriend of yours that just because he’s a big important songwriter now that doesn’t mean he can’t come visit me.”

“Yeah, for sure.” Louis grins. “He’s been really busy with all that stuff, but I’ll tell him. He’d love to see you like this, Ed.”

Ed thanks him as he turns to leave and Louis’ hand immediately reaches down to where his phone had been sitting forgotten in his pocket. _‘You will never believe who I just talked to.’_

‘ _Hmmmm… I give up._ _Who?_ ’

If Louis weren’t still so shocked he’d make Harry guess. _‘Ed is here.’_

Harry’s response is immediate. _‘Ed is THERE?! What?!’_

_‘I know! I almost shit myself when I saw him.’_

Again Harry answers him back right away. _‘That’ s so crazy!’_

_‘I know! Haz, he looks so good.’_

This time his response is a bit slower. ‘ _How good? You do know it’s against policy to be in a patient’s room unless you’re doing an inspection, right?’_

Louis has to bite down on his smirk. ‘ _Oh he looks VERY good…like good enough to break up with my boyfriend and break professional probation, good.’_ Louis laughs to himself and sends another message just for the hell of it. ‘ _I do have a thing for famous songwriters after all ;)’_

Harry sends him several flat faced emojis. ‘ _Are you quite finished? Aren’t you supposed to be working, Mr. Therapist?’_

Now that he mentions it, Louis should probably be getting back to work shadowing his new boss. _‘Fiiiineee. I’ll see you soon Xx’_ he types back.

The smell of pizza hits him full in the face the moment he walks through the front door. Louis finds his way to the kitchen, finding Harry there placing a few slices on the nice plates his mother gave him. Louis flops down in front of a large glass of red wine; he’s never been more grateful of anything in his entire life.

“You ordered pizza.”

Harry places a quick kiss to his lips. “I was going to cook something nice to celebrate your first day, but I figured you’d appreciate pizza more.” Harry pulls back to see Louis’ tired smile. “Clearly, my instincts were right.” he grins.

Harry goes to take his seat across from him but Louis holds him there, his lips hovering right above him. “Wait, I missed you.” He grins pulling Harry back down to where he was. He tastes just as sweet as Louis knew he would.

Harry looks a bit dazed when Louis lets him go. “I should get you pizza and wine every night.”

“How was your day?” he asks taking a huge bite and eating half the slice in one go.

Louis sips his wine and nibbles at a few pieces of pepperoni. “It went well. It went by really fast! I met all my new patients I’ll be taking on. I have twelve.”

“Not including, Ed?” Harry smirks.

Louis smirks over is glass. “Nope. Sadly, he isn’t mine.”

It gets really quiet, Louis notices, and Harry’s eyebrows crease. Louis can tell by his expression alone that something is bothering him. “And you’re sure you had an okay day? You- you did like it, right?” he asks sounding unsure.

“I had a great day, love.” Louis smiles at him. “It was definitely different, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

Harry lets out the breath he was holding. “Okay…good. I just- I just really want you to be happy here.”

He has barely eaten any of his pizza yet, and there’s still half a glass of wine left for him to finish, but Louis still walks over to Harry, seating himself right on his lap. He doesn’t care about any of it. He holds Harry’s face in his hands so his words won’t be misconstrued. He only speaks when he’s sure Harry is really listening to him.

“The only thing I need to be happy here is you, Harry. This city, this house, and my job are new, and it’s okay because I’ll get used to it eventually, but all I truly care about is right here.” He says looking straight into his eyes.

A few months ago Louis was like a completely different person floating through his life, resolved to always feeling like something was missing, like something was wrong. He needed Harry, even on those days when he had convinced himself that he didn’t. It’s laughable that there was once a time he had vowed to never be alone in the same room with the boy in front of him, and now he can’t imagine waking up next to anyone else. Louis could spend all night trying to convince Harry, but even like this Harry has no idea just how much he is loved.

Louis can tell his words hit home by the extra glossiness he sees reflecting off of Harry’s eyes. He’d call them tears, but he knows Harry hates to admit when he’s crying so he pretends not to notice.

“Do you say things like that to all your patients, Mr. Tomlinson?” Harry raises an eyebrow with both of his dimples punctuating his teary smile.

He lets his words fall right onto Harry’s lips, wearing a blinding smile of his own. “Only the really annoying ones.”

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say a huge thank you for all the kind words and feedback that helped me to write this. Every kudo and comment was like a life saver when I needed encouragement! :) Thank you so much for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

It took some time, but Louis did eventually get used to all the new things in his life. In fact, things got so comfortable and he adjusted so well that crazy whirlwind days like today now leave him in a constant state of rushed anxiety. His heartbeat is a little faster than normal as he straightens out his tie in the mirror, his phone vibrating yet again in his pocket. He would actually look at it if he weren’t already running late, but the thirty seconds it would take to respond would be better served running out the door.

After triple checking to make sure he has everything and looks presentable he’s making his way outside, his pace so quick he nearly runs into the car in his haste to open the door. The driver whom Louis under usual circumstances absolutely refuses to utilize greets him as he climbs inside looking more than a little crazed. The man smiles when Louis starts overly apologizing for making him wait.

“It only took you eleven minutes,” he chuckles back at Louis in the rearview. “I'm impressed. I almost fell asleep waiting for Mr. Styles.” Louis wonders how long Harry probably had him wait while he played dress up in their mirror. He takes longer than eleven minutes when he’s just going to buy milk.

It’s been a mad dash since he set foot off of the facility grounds nearly twenty minutes ago. Only now in the backseat as he’s being weaved in and out of traffic does Louis have time to actually text Harry. ‘ _Be there soon_.’

Harry’s response comes after a few minutes. _‘Liar :)You said that an hour ago.’_ Louis is very well aware of the fact that he is running slightly behind schedule. He would prefer Harry not point that out.

 _‘Keep that up and I’m going to kill you before you even make it to the stage.’_ Louis threatens _,_ and it must work because he doesn’t get anything back the rest of the ride to the venue. Louis victoriously shoves the phone back into his pocket and watches his surroundings blur past him through the window.

The hired driver turns out to be an amazing idea when they get fifteen minutes out from the arena and traffic is so heavy that Louis is sure he’d have a panic attack trying to navigate through it if he were the one behind the steering wheel.

He had calmed down a bit during the drive, but his left leg is bouncing again when the car finally rolls to a stop. He offers a million thanks to the man up front as he hops out and through the guest entrance as quickly as he can without running. There are people moving all over the large room like several large colonies of confused ants. Louis feels just like one of them as he heads in the direction of the corridor he sees less people fighting to get to.

He can tell he’s in the right place when he gets to a table with two women wearing headsets and a couple of security guards blocking people from going any further. The older, much scarier of the two women raises an eyebrow at him in his suit and styled hair when several seconds tick by and he has said nothing. “May we help you?” she asks.

Louis’ eyes fall on the neat stack of printed cardstock sitting beside her, his brain sparking and remembering his own plus one ticket. He digs out his wallet trying to remember exactly where he placed it. He feels the woman’s eyes on him the whole time he searches. “I uh, I do have a ticket, I just don’t remember where...” He smiles, hoping to charm her enough in case he really can’t find the damn thing.

“What’s your name?” The woman scrunches her eyebrows at him when he starts looking between all of the flaps of his wallet and a crinkled up wad of receipts falls out onto the table. He feels his phone impatiently vibrating against his thigh, and again Louis begins plotting the many different methods he could use to smother his boyfriend in his sleep.

“Louis Tomlinson. Here for Harry Styles, right?” the younger woman beside her answers for him.  

Louis stops his frantic search, letting out a sigh of relief when he meets her eyes. It doesn’t happen all that often, but sometimes people actually do recognize him, and on days like today when he can hardly think straight Louis couldn’t be more thankful.

“Yes!” he says so loud in the narrow hall that even Louis slightly jumps at the echo. He takes a deep breath and tries again, this time like an adult. “I mean, yes. That’s me. I’m Louis.”

“You’re already cleared.” She smiles at him.

The other woman scrolls down the list of names in front of her, nodding when she sees his name there and offers him a smile too. She gestures for him to walk on and he thanks them both as he’s sliding his mess of a wallet back into his pocket.

He walks in through a side entrance, his eyes scanning all the occupied tables near the front of the arena near the stage. He looks while he walks along the perimeter, his ears perking up the moment he hears Harry’s laugh. Like he can feel Louis there, Harry spots him and eagerly waves him over.

Apparently he’s taking too long, because Harry stands to pull him the rest of the few steps he has left. He doesn’t even get to chastise him for being impatient because Harry’s hand immediately finds the nape of his neck, his mouth warm and excited when he kisses Louis in the sea of people watching them. Louis falls into him without even thinking about it, his pulse beating faster than ever knowing they’re on display for the various pairs of eyes looking their way.

“Took you long enough,” Harry teases as he pulls Louis’ chair out for him and guides him to sit. The gentlemanly manners paired with the dark fitted fabric tight around his thighs and the way his hair is pulled back is enough to send Louis’ heart into a pitter-pattering rhythm and he only just got there. It only gets worse when Harry takes his seat beside him, his lips finding Louis’ again before he can say a word.

He can feel how much Harry needed him here in the softness of it, how much more relaxed he is just from Louis entering the room and being there. There’s a sweet bitterness clinging to Harry’s lips from the wine. Louis is really tempted to chase it but a mumbled comment from Niall makes him rethink completely plunging his tongue into Harry’s mouth in front of everyone.

“Nice to see you too, Tommo. I think there’s a corner at the back of his esophagus you missed.”

Louis breaks them apart when Ed starts laughing and Zayn practically chokes on his drink.

“Your boyfriend’s jealous again.” Louis grins. Harry laughs, and Louis is so glad to see him looking a lot less nervous than he was this morning.

Niall rolls his eyes tossing back the rest of Ed’s drink after downing his own. “I’m just trying to save you from winding up with your face plastered on the audience cam with your teeth down each other’s throats.” Niall shrugs his indifference as he reaches for Zayn’s glass but is unsuccessful.

Now that Louis thinks about it, being caught and displayed on a screen half the size of the room is not really high on his list of things to do tonight. He’s sure Harry feels the same way when he gives Louis a quick kiss on the cheek before promptly sitting back in his seat like a good guest. Louis kind of misses the warmth from him, but it’s quickly remedied when Harry links their fingers together between them.

“So,” Louis addresses the table after a while, “Is everyone ready? Practiced your speeches, went to sound checks, made sure you won’t trip off stage and all that?” Louis takes a few sips of Harry’s wine watching Niall, Ed, and Zayn break out into proud grins. Each of them having a job to do tonight.

“I can’t fucking wait to take home my awards!” Niall announces to everyone within hearing distance, trying and failing again to finish Zayn’s drink when his hand gets slapped away for a second time. Ed starts going through all the issues he had to fix with one of his microphones during his sound check, so Louis sneaks a peak at the boy beside him to see how he’s holding up.

The other boys are almost always excited and sure of themselves. Louis should’ve guessed they would be, especially Niall, however he should’ve also guessed that Harry would be slightly less confident in his own ability to succeed.  Louis can see it in the way his eyes cut away as soon as the lights dim around them and the audience starts cheering for the start of the show.

Louis leans in to tell Harry how proud he is of him and how win or lose he’s still the most talented person he has ever known, but Harry turns to him with a small grin before he can say anything at all like he just knows Louis is about to start spewing compliments at him.

“I know.” He whispers below the all the noise, and Louis’ skin tingles in the spot where Harry brings his hand up to his lips. Louis knows that he knows, of course he does, but he still likes to tell Harry every chance that he gets.

Twenty minutes into the show and Niall gets ushered away from the table to get ready for his performance. James Corden gives Niall and the song an amazing introduction, declaring Harry as one the most talented breakthrough songwriters of the year before Niall even sings a note to the crowd. The unexpected praise makes Harry dip his head down, but the audience cam still picks up on the modesty of his smile and the pinkness of his cheeks.

The acts and winners of other awards get on and off stage so quickly that Louis feels like he’s been siting there for only a short time, but really all the acts have gone on and only a few awards are left to give out by the time Zayn and Ed have performed and found their way back to the table.

There’s already one award standing tall right beside Niall’s wine glass for breakthrough act. Another award rests beside Zayn for male solo artist, Zayn’s eyes soft and proud each time he looks at it. Ed is sure to win his category later on in the night, so Louis takes a look at the empty space in front of Harry praying that it gets filled before the night is over…

Another performer leaves the stage and Harry starts fidgeting around with the necklaces dipped so low into his shirt that Louis can’t even see them.

The moment comes when the lights brighten up again and it’s time to announce the nominees for best single. Niall looks like an excited puppy practically bouncing in his seat at the mention of his category while Harry avoids looking at anybody in the room. A light squeeze from Louis when ‘ _Height of the Fall’_ starts playing from the speakers  overhead is supposed to be encouraging but the expression on Harry’s face is all nerves when he meets his eyes.

It’s the kind of moment where no one is breathing, the air heavy and thick with suspense and hope. Louis doesn’t think he should say anything to Harry while they wait. There’s nothing more he could think to tell Harry to convince him of his abilities and talent, so Louis grips his hand more firmly until his song is being blared out again over the speakers and the crowd is erupting into cheers. Niall is yanking Harry out of his seat by his arm just after Louis lands a quick kiss to his lips, Harry’s face blank and unbelieving as Niall pushes him to make his legs work.

He can hear Niall’s laugh as he runs up the stairs, literally forcing Harry to move at his pace. Louis tries hard not to jump up and cheer so loud that he makes a scene when Niall grabs his and Harry’s shared award, holding it up for everyone to see.

“Hello again!” The audience laughs with him when Niall’s voice is entirely too loud when he gets so close to the microphone that his mouth can be seen touching it on the big screens. Louis shudders at the number of germs that must be on that thing. “This is my second win of the night. I can’t believe I got to come up here once, but twice is just unthinkable! I can’t thank my fans and the people I worked with enough, but the person I need to thank the most just got dragged up the stairs with me.” Harry ducks his head to hide his blush as everyone’s attention gets turned to him. “This isn’t even my award, really.” Niall admits more seriously than anything else he’s said all night. “The brilliance of this single came singlehandedly from my best mate Harry, so I think he should be the one to accept it. This award belongs to him.”

He places the small statue in Harry’s hands and steps back away from the podium as Harry steps closer, his shy smile amplified on the large projection screens on either side of the stage when the audience applauds. He looks at the award in his hand and bites down on the smile threatening to take over his whole face. The crowd’s cheers die down when Harry looks out at them and clears his throat.

“If someone had asked me what I hoped to be doing half a year ago, I couldn’t have even dreamed this was a possibility,” he begins.

Not a sound can be heard in the room, and Harry’s words are filled with so much sincerity that Louis feels his chest tighten. It still kills him to know that Harry’s thoughts about himself used to be so inadequate and so, so wrong. Harry is the best person he’s ever known, thankfully Harry has started to believe it now as well.

“I once said in an interview that ‘ _Height of the Fall’_ was by far the easiest song I’ve ever written, and it’s true. I wrote a song about falling for the person you love, because I sat down and wrote with one man in mind. He made me a better person and then he made me a better writer, and I continue to fall for him every day.”

Louis can feel the people seated at the tables around them slowly turn to stare in his direction. Harry hasn’t even said his name, but still, people know exactly who he means. Even Zayn and Ed shift their eyes over to grin at him when Louis looks like he isn’t even breathing. Louis keeps his eyes on Harry making sure he doesn’t miss a thing.

“I write from the heart, so I think it’s safe to say you can expect to hear a lot more from me in the years to come because I plan to keep that person in mine for the rest of my life.”

The little breath Louis had left in his lungs gets forced out when real Harry and projector screen Harry both turn to meet his eyes across all the people watching them. He feels like he’s floating even though his feet are firmly planted to the ground and he can feel the thick air keeping him rooted to his seat.

Harry gives him a grin, the kind he gives Louis when they’re alone together and no one else is around, and before Louis knows it a tear is running down his cheek without his permission.

“Thank you.” Harry turns back to the crowd with a nod before Niall starts hanging off of him like always, almost skipping backstage. The audience giggles again as Harry is pulled like a dog on leash, everyone that is except Louis.

Zayn’s eyes are soft and knowing when he turns to him. “You gonna be alright?” Louis sneakily wipes at his eyes even though he knows everyone in the world just saw him tearing up.

“Oh yeah,” Louis rushes to say. It comes off overconfident and unconvincing. “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because your boyfriend just dedicated his song, award, and life to you out of nowhere on national television…” Ed smirks over his glass. “I would’ve cried too, mate. No one is judging.” He assures Louis.

Louis scoffs because he doesn’t need reassurances. He didn’t even _cry_ , not really.  “Okay, both of you shut it I did not-” he starts a little louder than necessary, but a warm familiar voice in his ear makes him stop. Harry’s award is now staring at him from where it was just gingerly placed on the table, like a newborn baby.

“Have you met the newest addition to our household?” he flops down into his chair, his eyes the happiest Louis has ever seen them. “I haven’t quite decided what to call him yet…” He starts blabbering about naming that dumb statue but all Louis sees is the man who just promised to love him for the rest of his life smiling at him. Louis doesn’t think about the hundreds of pairs of eyes watching their every move when he reaches out and brings their lips together. Harry hums into him, his hand coming up to lightly hold onto Louis’ hair the way he loves, and the only thing that makes them vaguely aware of his surroundings are the couple of wolf-whistles and cheers he hears coming from everywhere around them. 

He’s sure his face is magnified, pixilated, and displayed right next to Harry’s on the large screens for everyone to gawk at, but he doesn’t pay attention to any of it after they slowly separate. Harry’s still leaning in so close that he can feel his breaths hitting his skin. Harry smirks at him when Louis can’t seem to look away from him.

“I am so proud of you.” Louis tells him so softly that not even their friends at the table can hear. Harry’s smile grows at his words.

“I know you are.”

“And you could’ve done all of this all on your own, you know that right? You know how amazing you are?”

He rolls his eyes even though he’s obviously anything but annoyed. “ _Yes_ Lou, I know…” Harry flips the conversation around on him. “Do _you_ know that I wouldn’t want to do this on my own?  Even if I could do it by myself, I wouldn’t want any of this without you here with me.”

If Louis isn’t careful the tears in his eyes might actually fall. He combats the tightness in his throat the best way he knows how… “Better not let Niall hear you talking like that.” he jokes. 

Louis thinks that’s the end of it, but then Harry makes his heart swell again. “I want everyone to hear me talking like that. Everyone should know how much I love you.”

It’s sweet, really it is, but Louis is going to murder him if he causes him to sob at this event. He places both hands over Harry’s mouth. “No more. Stop.” He laughs.

“Yes, please,” Niall mutters from his seat. “You’re making a scene. People are staring at our table.”

“They’re probably just looking at your awards,” Harry tells him easily. “No one else has more than one, and also our whole table has won already.”

Louis nods his head in agreement, knowing that people are staring because his boyfriend is destined for great things and everyone knows it. Harry could achieve so much, and just like the people around them, Louis can’t wait to see what he does next. Harry is capable of anything…

“Yeah,” Louis adds taking Harry’s hand in his again, “People know that the best of the best is sitting at this table. They’d be insane not to notice.”

All the boys smile and duck their heads at Louis’ compliment as they each glance over their own award, but he’s glad he doesn’t need to clarify exactly who he means when Harry cuts his eyes over to him with a small knowing grin.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“They’re on audience cam! You’re missing it!”

Hearing Liam’s frantic warning should kick his butt into gear, but oddly enough Louis is still grabbing beers and his fresh bottle of whiskey with just as much enthusiasm as before. Absolutely none at all.

“It just went by them! It looked like Harry was texting or something on his phone….oh my God they showed Rhianna, Lou, where are you?!”

Louis fondly rolls his eyes as he gathers up everything and heads back to the sofa. Ultimately he’s glad he invited Liam to come wallow in his self-pity, because livestreaming the Grammy’s in a puddle of your own tears just isn’t as appealing as it may sound. At least Liam’s drunk and having a good time, even if Louis does still look gutted when he drops down beside him. 

His phone vibrates on the table…turns out Liam was right about Harry texting in his seat. _‘I’m getting kind of anxious, Lou._ ’ and then, _‘This isn’t the same without you…Are you and Li having a good time?’_

He pours himself a very generous amount of whiskey before he replies. He feels Liam sneakily watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he says nothing like a good mate should. _‘Don’t be worried. It’s going to sound great, I promise.’_ Louis would like to reassure him that he’s fine not being there with him tonight too, but they both know it would be a lie. ‘ _Li is loving it. He’s also more than a few beers in, so that’s probably why he’s loving it quite so much.’_

 _‘And what about you? Are you a few beers in too :)’_  Harry asks.

Louis finished off the bottle of whiskey he and Harry had been working on for a few months, and now he’s cracked open another and started on it as well. He’s more drunk than he meant to be, but no matter how much he drinks he still feels like shit. He’s still not with Harry. ‘ _I’m drinking something a little stronger.’_ he says back.

Harry’s reply doesn’t come immediately but when it does, Louis can practically hear his concern as he reads it. ‘ _Is Liam able to watch out for you? Are you going to be okay?’_

Louis rolls his eyes with another long swallow. Of course he’ll be okay. He is a fantastic drunk when he needs to be. He could probably finish this bottle along with the other and still live to tell the tale if he really put his mind to it. He won’t of course, but he _could_ … probably.

Louis feels bad for making Harry worry about him though so he sends something back that’s a little less morose. After all, it’s not Harry’s fault that taking random bouts of time away from work is something he is no longer permitted. When he agreed to work probation for two years, he didn’t realize it would mean putting a freeze on all the holiday time he had saved up. He didn’t know it would mean fewer opportunities to travel around with Harry when he needs him there.

 _‘I’m just being lame, love. I promise I’m great and Liam won’t let me drink us out of house and home while you’re gone ;)_ ’ The screen isn’t showing the audience anymore now that a new award is being presented… it must be getting close, Louis thinks. _‘Shouldn’t you be paying attention or entertaining Ed?’_   he asks.

‘ _I am paying attention…’_ Harry defends. _‘Pharrell was just up on stage talking to the audience about …something_ …’

Louis gives his phone the same flat expression he would’ve given Harry if he were here in person. ‘ _Okay, so that ‘something’ was definitely an acceptance speech for Record of the Year.’_ He sends a string of laughing emojis along with his message. Louis actually smiles when Harry sends a string of frowning ones right back to him.

The show goes to commercial again so the camera goes back to panning the crowd. It doesn’t go by them this time, focusing instead on Katy Perry and other fan favorites.

His phone vibrates against his palm. ‘ _She’s already backstage. Five minutes._ ’ Harry warns him after a few minutes pass by without either of them saying anything. The camera is back on the audience again. He sees Harry fidgeting around next to Ed and the image makes Louis’ heart tug with something very much like guilt. He should be there with him, he thinks again.

He relays Harry’s message to Liam who still looks star-struck with his eyes glued to the screen. Even as preoccupied as he is with watching Taylor Swift talk amongst her friends, his eyebrows crease at the faintness of Louis’ voice. “Are you sure you want to watch it? I mean, we don’t have to…it’s not like Harry would know that we skipped it or anything.” Louis’ frown is deep and upset. Skip the song??

“Of course we’re watching it. His song is being performed on the fucking _Grammy’s_ Li, this is huge for him...”

“Yeah, but the song makes you feel bad and you’re already miserable because you can’t be there…I’m just saying it wouldn’t be weird if you didn’t want to hear it just for tonight.”

Maybe Liam is making sense, but Louis could never not listen to that song; it’s not like stopping the stream would help anyway, he knows it by heart.

Harry was so excited when he got asked to write for Ariana Grande. He wasn’t given very many guidelines, just some sort of ballad with strong lyrics that would showcase her voice. Everyone had expected Harry to write another song about falling in love with Louis or something else sappy along those lines, but what he wrote instead was everything he felt during one of the biggest fights he and Louis have ever had.

It was over something stupid. Louis can’t even really remember what initially started it, but the pressure of everything they never said became so overbearing that when the inevitable fallout happened Louis ended up storming out of their house, swearing he’d never come back even when Harry begged for him to stay. He sped off into the city to get lost and as far away from Harry as he could. He wanted to disappear, so he turned off his phone for the first time since leaving his ex-girlfriend, and the action made his stomach lurch with how sickening it felt to purposefully block Harry out.  

Louis was gone a grand total of one hour before the guilt forced him back home crying as he apologized over and over to a boyfriend who now looked at him like a stranger. Louis was just upset and needed some space to think, but Harry hadn’t known that because Louis was stupid and screamed horrible things at him when he tried to stop him from leaving. Louis snatched himself out of his grip and watched as Harry broke down in the doorway, and that’s exactly where Louis found him when he finally came trudging back home, tears flowing down his cheeks as he asked to be forgiven.

He swore on his life that he’d never do anything to make either Harry or himself feel like that again. Of course the song isn’t _entirely_ based on that night _,_ but _‘Just a Little Bit of Your Heart’_ is still like the twisting of a knife anytime he hears it because Louis is the reason Harry even remotely felt that way at all. Ariana picked that song out of a pool of countless others because the lyrics strike you, no matter what. Liam is right; the song makes him feel like shit, but it’s something that Harry wrote and even though he has to fight back tears nearly every time it plays, Louis loves it just as much as everyone else.

The lights shining from the screen dim as the camera focuses back on the stage. Harry’s text interrupts Ariana’s introduction to the crowd.  _‘Omg are you seeing this?’_ Louis is sure he’s freaking out in the audience. _‘Lou. It’s happening!!’_

He wishes the camera would switch to him for just one second, just a second so Louis can physically see that Harry is fine. His thoughts must be visible on his face because Liam squeezes his shoulder just as the piano starts drifting in. “Ed’s with him.” he smiles. “He’s in the best hands besides yours.”

Ed performs at award shows all the fucking time and has even been nominated for a Grammy on more than one occasion in his career. He knows Ed is the perfect stand in, but the fact still remains that Louis should be there too. Louis is supposed to be sitting there with Harry _too_.

His attention gets hijacked when applause begins as Ariana takes the stage looking beautiful in a dark dress with her hair pulled back and away from her face. Her look is a simple and beautiful match to the song she’s about to sing.

Everything goes quiet when she starts, and even though the melody is slow and haunting, the words are what Louis can never seem to escape no matter how often he hears them.

‘ _How does it sound from the stream?’_ Harry asks him.

By the time the chorus is being sung Louis has chills running up and down his arms. Liam is watching the screen, but not quite as intently as Louis; not quite as affected. Louis has heard this song a dozen times but it still stings to know that he and his actions were essentially the root of it.  

Louis quickly checks Twitter to see how fans are reacting, and just like everyone predicted, they love it. Louis immediately replies back to him when the chorus starts so he doesn’t have to pay attention to it. ‘ _It sounds incredible, Haz! She’s dong an amazing job. Everyone loves it.’_

 _‘They do!? Good! I was too nervous to check…_ ’ Louis shakes his head at Harry even though he isn’t there. He’s always second guessing himself even when everyone around him tells him he’s spectacular at what he does.

‘ _You’re an amazing writer and Ariana is an amazing singer. What could possibly go wrong there, genius?’_ he teases. Louis’ glad they’re talking and having light banter over the slow melody playing. The more distracted he is the less he has to feel the emotion from the words pouring from the speakers of his laptop.

There’s a lull in the conversation where Harry doesn’t tease him back and Louis get sucked right back into the song again, right back to the night he left. He tries to block it out when she gets to the part about Harry not having the words to admit how he feels. That verse always cause his throat to feel just a little bit tighter than usual, and tonight is no exception especially with how much he drank. Like he can sense Louis is falling apart, Harry texts him regardless of the fact that his whining boyfriend’s feelings should be the last thing on his mind during a huge moment like this…

‘ _Hey_. _What are you thinking?_ ’

‘ _Nothing._ ’ Louis tries to wipe at his eyes without Liam noticing. He doesn’t want Harry to miss this just to comfort him when he is absolutely fine, just drunk and kind of weepy.

 _‘Liar.’_ Harry sends back. And then, ‘ _Tell me. I promise I won’t get upset…I want to know._ ’

Louis leaves him hanging so he can listen to his own song being performed in front of him. Ariana’s back to the chorus when Louis finally answers him back. He feels better about telling Harry the truth now that the performance is nearly over _._

 _‘Every time I hear this song I just want to apologize to you all over again.’_ It sucks to admit, but he still feels guilty for walking out on his boyfriend all those months ago even though Harry has done nothing at all to make him feel that way.

‘ _Lou. You have to stop trying to apologize for something that doesn’t even matter. We both did and said stupid things that night. I don’t want you to feel like this just because I happened to write about it…’_

He knows everything that Harry is saying is true, but still he feels the need to make amends. He still can’t believe he actually walked out on Harry even though he’s apologized for it a hundred times. He has no clue what the hell he was thinking that night. ‘ _I know, but still. I’m sorry.’_ Louis tells him.

 _‘I tell you to stop apologizing so you apologize to me for apologizing.’_ Louis reads it with the same eye roll that he’s sure Harry is giving him right at this very moment. ‘ _Be more annoying_.’ He tells Louis.

 _‘Harry your song is being performed at the Grammy’s! Shouldn’t you be paying attention or sobbing uncontrollably or something?’_ Louis tries.

Harry sends him another message just as the last verse of the chorus is ringing out. Cheers and applause fill the silence when the song ends. _‘I can sob backstage later. I can only make sure you’re alright, right now._ ’  

He takes a deep cleansing breath when Ariana is off stage. He knew hearing it was going to hurt, it always does, but luckily Harry diverted his attention so much tonight that he hadn’t really noticed. Maybe that was Harry’s plan all along, he grins to himself.

Louis takes one more peek at Twitter just to make sure the reaction to the performance is mostly positive before he congratulates Harry on what is sure to be another success. He sends his love and congratulations to Ariana too. Louis grins down at his phone for the first time all night just picturing how wide Harry’s smile will be when he gets to sit down and see the reactions for himself. _‘I miss you.’_ Louis sends him when the camera pans back out to the audience again. He’ll be home in a few days, Louis knows, but he also wishes Harry cold fly home to be with him now.

_‘I know. I miss you too. I can’t wait to see you.’_

It’s at that moment when Louis glances up at his screen that the panning camera slows as it approaches them, creating the perfect frame for Harry’s face as he’s caught whispering something to Ed. Someone nearby must get his attention, because all of sudden his eyes focus on the screen in front of him and his dimples pop out to accentuate his bright smile. In that quick moment it’s almost like Harry is right there in the room with him. 

He thinks that quick smile is all Harry is going to give the people at home, but then Louis’ heart is melting as he watches him mouth a clear ‘I love you’ before the camera is moving again and focusing on someone else. Louis has been with the man over a year now, and seeing him on television looking as good as he does still sends sparks tingling down his spine, especially when he does cute things like that.

“Was that meant for you?” Liam asks gesturing to the laptop screen. Louis actually blushes when he nods and answers.

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” He grins to himself because Louis _knows_ that was for him. There’s no question about it.

Liam shrugs taking another long swallow of his beer. “I don’t know. Could’ve been for his Mum…or even Niall.” He smirks.

His phone vibrates again with a message from Harry. It’s nothing but a winking smiley, but Louis knows exactly what it means.

He ignores the eye roll he gets from his friend. He glances back at the screen just to see if he can catch Harry again, but the room’s attention is back on the stage.

 _‘You're such a dork.'_ Louis tells him first, and then he sends what he really wanted to say to begin with. Not being there for him feels more empty than Louis could've ever imagined, but he isn’t concerned about the fact that Harry isn’t able to see him. Within a couple of days, Louis will be able to tell him in person. ' _I_   _Love you too.'_

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been thinking about writing this little epilogue for a few days so I just went for it! :)
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


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